#char: study.

it's an overestimation of char's abilities tbh to be like "oh he always wanted to do that" and i think so much of CCA shines because it's such an annoying cry for help. the way he goes to the window to think, "amuro, i'm doing something extremely wicked" for no real discernable reason in the middle of buying off the federation... and the entire first 30 minutes of CCA is literally everyone that worked with char during zeta interacting with each other and hashing out a repeat of the conversation: "hey, there's no fucking way char's going to actually do this, right?" "hey, this seems so out of character, right?" i mean cmon. the whole thing feels like a last ditch-effort and also a suicide attempt (that char doesn't even actually know is a suicide attempt because she doesn't know herself either)

even amuro who has had his mind literally melded with char, who has seen char's inner mind, who knows all of its workings and why he thinks the things he does, is like "hey. there's no way you're going to do this right?" which also i love because the entire dynamic of char and amuro is built off of the newtype ideals of them supposedly being able to 100% get each other inside and out, but the systems of war and enemy ideology prevents that from ever amounting to anything actually meaningful especially after lalah dies. in the last moments of CCA amuro is still completely fucking baffled by char & ultimately that's how humanity is able to reject and repel the axis drop. you can crawl inside of someone's skin and understand them entirely but it still isn't enough to save them, it still isn't enough to take that back with you and into your own body in a meaningful way when the world pits you against each other, when your values prevent that communication. you still have to kill the person you get the most in the world. you still go back to who you are and look at them and say "i don't understand you"

and that's exemplified more in CCA because all of CCA is built on char playing a role she doesn't even want. in zeta before she makes the huge broadcast speech to turn the tides in the favor of the AEUG she remarks to amuro how politicizing on such a huge scale makes her feel like she's going to play the part of a clown. bright keeps him off of the battlefield after that big speech is given because all of a sudden char has turned into a figurehead for the AEUG overnight and him dying on the battlefield will kill their momentum. char is always like "hey, send me out there in the hyaku shiki to help kamille," and they never do.

cut to CCA where char's all ready to go for speech #39840324 with his hair slicked back out of his face and wearing his uniform saying "i feel like a clown." char believe he is right but he also doesn't want to do it. it's just a matter of him picking 'being right' over 'wanting' anything because simply char hasn't been allowed to get anything he 'wants' and so he doesn't know how to do it anymore. the only person who can provide him that comfort is literally amuro because of their newtype connection.

against all odds char feels slightly indebted to amuro for being the only person who's been able to decimate all of his masks so who else is even going to be allowed to kill him? no one else will be killing char for "Being Char" dying at the hands of anyone else it would simply be killing "the guy who is trying to blow up earth." only amuro is allowed that privilege because char can't let down his guard around anyone else; he doesn't know how to & that's the whole crux of reccoa's arc in zeta

hi :) ty for the follow btw!! i'm glad my posts are of interest to not-rp blogs dlkjkfkjdsfds

i've been thinking about this a lot with my zeta rewatch i've been doing w my partner actually. kamille certainly expresses a lot of char-idealisms ("why can't people understand that they're polluting the earth by fighting over it all the time?" or whatever that quote is / "i understand now how binding earth's gravity is" etc)

even amuro himself warns kamille to not get too tethered to earth's gravity lest she end up the same way amuro does, in which case i interpret this to mean how amuro is not only placed under house arrest but also he's more or less frozen in place by the fear of space and lalah's spirit. i like this too because it also shows how much amuro actually does idealize and respect char despite the valley that is their hierarchy of values

the comparisons are all over the place. char is the kind of person who is always trying to atone for fucking up via the next generation; it's kind of funny... in CCA char explains to amuro that he resents quess because she sees char like a parental figure, but a lot of char's dynamic with kamille in zeta is him projecting kamille-is-my-surrogate-son onto their dynamic. kamille looks up to quattro immensely but she pretty much never goes out of her way to put higher familial-esque expectations on quattro after losing his parents...it's basically always quattro who is like "yesss i love being a surrogate parent to these teens." he even says this about katz lol

the turning point i think, where kamille kind of fractures off from those original hopes being put upon him of him becoming a "budding char" (in terms of embodying char's ideals while also having the ability to actually implement those changes bc char sees himself as a failure of a newtype), begins to occur with char's coldness towards reccoa even though they're basically supposed to be dating.

i think it's at that point that kamille, who has done a lot of personal growth over the show and who (unlike amuro!) values his relationship with his childhood friend and staying somewhat close to her in some capacity, begins to understand that the lieutenant quattro she's been looking up to so much is actually insanely emotionally stunted & unable to do any emotional interpersonal work. it becomes more and more obvious how much of char is held up by ideals without much more weight than the presentation of the mask.

i think the ultimate dissolution of kamille of becoming another char occurs in forever four (hehe) which we haven't gotten to yet in our rewatch. when he tells char "you're no longer lieutenant quattro to me, you're char aznable" he effectively is saying that char hasn't been able to escape any of the failings she had been trying to escape with becoming quattro and that, she too, is tethered to the past--tethered to that inability to change and evolve. which of course removing the notion of a tether is exactly what char's hoping for and supposedly advocating for.

of course kamille's relationship with char after forever four isn't entirely dissolved; they stay on pretty OK terms and the fact that kamille continues to fight with the AEUG post char's speech indicates that she obviously holds those same ideals, or similar enough to continue to be around char and accidentally revert to calling her "quattro" all the time despite saying that he wasn't going to call char that anymore lol

but i think that moment in forever four is effectively the narrative calling out the viewer and also char himself for putting too much of himself into kamille

so the whole crux of the thing is char is jealous of amuro for being basically the perceived pinnacle of all these things char wants / believes he stands for / etc. amuro is pretty introverted and not inclined to talk about his feelings but he's not a guy who wears masks so it's easier for the newtype things he's experiencing to come to the forefront once he starts awakening to them. so to char amuro more or less already embodies a sort of heightened newtype awareness that char feels like he should be entitled to as the son of the assassinated zeon, then amuro has a newtype soulmate level bond with lalah that lets the two of them connect in a way char fundamentally can never understand/is not allowed to participate in... then of course char and amuro have their own crazy mind meld which is basically the only way char gets to experience anything even half as transcendental as the thing plenty of other series newtypes get.

amuro is like at once this rival and this higher ideal char wishes he could embody himself but can't bc of his own complexes and inability to let his guard down and be genuine. it's kind of no wonder char takes it so personally when he finds out amuro refuses to pilot or go back to space, because he wants to do all these things amuro can do with ease--and the only way he can do it is through amuro because he refuses to do any meaningful work on self-improvement. because, well, war. and also he usually gives the excuse "nah it's too late for me but not too late for the kids :)" (then zeta happens)