#chaptersix

You don’t give yourself space to hesitate. That’s the fix. It had been a week. Long enough that the noise didn’t feel louder—it felt sharper. More defined. Every sound distinct, not layered together. Monitors. Voices. Footsteps. The constant hum of the overhead lights presses just behind your eyes. Long enough for your body to adjust before your mind did.

You move before you think.

That’s the point.

“Room three’s backing up,” Lena says, already halfway across the floor.

“I’ve got it.” You don’t look at her. You’re already moving.

Vitals. Assessment. Orders. The rhythm settles faster tonight. Cleaner. No pauses.

No second voice interrupts the space between decision and action. You notice that.  Rowan is there. Not in your way. Not hovering. Just… present. Close enough that you don’t have to look for him. “Vitals?” you ask.

“Stable enough,” he answers.

You nod. Move forward. It works. That’s the point. There’s no friction. No correction. No subtle pressure in the room waiting for you to prove something. Just movement. It should feel like relief. It doesn’t. You catch yourself looking toward the doorway—before you can stop it.

No one is there. You turn back to the patient. Room eight. Weakness. Elderly. Vitals drifting, but not crashing. You run it through your head. Pattern. Presentation. What doesn’t fit.

“Could be dehydration,” Rowan says beside you.

You glance at the monitor again. Heart rate doesn’t quite match. Skin tone’s off. Not enough to call. Enough to stay with. “Maybe,” you say. “Let’s not anchor there.”

“Fair.” He adjusts with you. Matches your pace. It works. Too easily.

You finish the exam and step into the hallway. You don’t realize until then that you were waiting.

For something that used to meet you there.

And didn’t.

The shift moves on. It always does.

“Trauma incoming.” The air changes. Not louder. Tighter. You’re already moving. The stretcher hits the bay hard. Male. Late twenties. Blood where it shouldn’t be. Face—barely intact. Jaw unstable. Airway compromised.

“Pressure?” Rowan calls, snapping gloves on.

“Dropping.” You call back.  You step in. Hands are already moving. Already reading.

“Bag him.” Rowan seals. Imperfect. Anatomy worse. “No chest rise.”

You watch anyway. Nothing.

“Suction.” Crus steps in. The sound is immediate—wet, aggressive, too loud against everything else.

“Try oral,” Ellis says. 

Rowan reaches. Stops. There’s no view. No landmarks. Just blood. Swelling. Damage.

“Pull out,” you say. Immediate. He does.

“Nasal’s out,” Ellis adds. “Midface is gone.”

You nod once. Already there. The monitor dips again. Lower. Slower. You feel it. That point. Where there are no more options from above.

“We’re doing a cric.”

No pause. No hesitation. The words land. Clean.

A beat— not from you.

From the room.

“Confirm?” Ellis says.

“Yes,” Rowan responds.  Sharp. Certain. That’s enough. The room moves. Rowan first. “Cric tray.”

Already open. Already laid out. Across the bed— Abbot shifts. Forward, then stops.

You don’t look at him. You don’t need to.

“Prep the neck.” You step in. Fingers press into the anatomy. Find the landmarks. Stay midline. Find the membrane.

“Pressure’s still dropping.” Crus calls out. 

“I know.” You take the scalpel. Everything narrows. Hands. Angle. Depth. You cut. Vertical. Controlled. Blood opens under your fingers. Hot. Immediate.

“Suction.” Crus is already there.

You spread. Search. There. “Hook.”

Rowan places it in your hand before you finish the word. 

You puncture. Open. Advance. For a second—nothing. No chest rise. No sound.

And then—air.

“Chest rise.” Rowan’s voice.

The monitor climbs. Slow. Then steady. The room exhales. No one says anything. You secure the tube. Hands steady. Breathing not. You step back. It worked.

Across the bed—Abbot removes his gloves. He looks at you. Just long enough.

“You committed to it,” he says. Not praise. Not correction. Recognition.

You nod once. That’s it. He turns away.

The room resets. Wipe down. Reset trays. Move on.

Like nothing just happened.

You step into the hallway. The air hits differently. Cooler. Thinner. You breathe. Once. Twice. No shaking. That should feel like control. It doesn’t. Rowan steps beside you.

“You still breathing?” he asks.

“Barely.” You huff out an almost laugh. 

“That’s a good sign.”

A beat.

“You want to get that coffee sometime?”

You glance at him. “You said you’d ask me again.”

“I follow through.” He says. It’s easy. Simple.

You nod. “Yeah. Okay.”

He smiles—just enough. “Good.”

It should feel like something settled. It doesn’t.

Back at the station, the noise returns in pieces.

Crus leans over. “You’re weird tonight.”

“That’s not helpful.” You say, not looking up from your charting.

“I’m not trying to be helpful.”

A beat.

“You’re just—” he gestures vaguely. “Different.”

That lands. “What does that mean?” You ask, looking up from what you were writing.

He shrugs. “Quieter. Sharper.” A beat. “Less you than usual.”

Your fingers still. Just for a second. You hate how quickly you understand what he means. “I’m working.” 

“Yeah,” he says. “Doesn’t feel the same.”

Ellis doesn’t look up. “He’s not wrong.”

Shen, without looking up: “People notice when patterns change.”

You don’t answer. Because you don’t trust what you’d say if you did.

Across the room—Abbot is exactly where he should be. And still— not where you expect him.

You turn back to the screen. Everything works. Everything lands. Nothing breaks.

 And somehow—that feels worse. It worked. So why doesn’t it feel like anything has settled?

“Can you start an IV and give him a liter of Normal Saline. Re-check his BP after that and if it hasn’t come up page me, please.” Emily handed off the chart to a nurse who left to gather supplies.

Harry’s lips tugged into a smile at the sight of Emily. She was dressed in her navy blue scrubs with her blonde hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. Emily walked up to the captain and released a deep sigh. It was then that Harry noticed her tired blue eyes and pale looking skin, indicating she must not have gotten a lot of sleep the night before.

“Hey…” Emily looked down to the floor and put her hands in her scrub pockets.

“Think you can take a break for something to eat?” Harry already knew the answer to his question based on how Emily was avoiding his eye contact.

“Harry…” Emily breathed out his name. “I only have a little time and I need to go see if I can switch rooms. I can’t stay there again tonight, it’s too unbearable for me.” The blonde peaked up at Harry with a guilty expression knowing that she was bailing on plans with him. “I hardly got any sleep last night.” Emily tried to further explain her reasoning.

“You do not need to explain to me.” Harry’s eyes softened their gaze seeing how stressed Emily was over the whole situation. “Why don’t I see if I can bring you back some food?”

“Really? I don’t want to keep you up…” Emily had heard that the Apaches had been out flying most of the night.

“It’s no problem at all.” Harry was happy to help her in any way.

Emily engulfed the prince into a quick embrace. “You are honestly the best person in my world right now!” She thanked him for the kind offer by squeezing him tightly.

“All it takes is food to make you happy?” Harry teased the blonde doctor as Emily reached over the counter and grabbed another chart.

“Uh… yeah!” Emily started to giggle. “I am a doctor, Harry. I scrounge for food when I get the chance to eat it!”

Hannah informed Doctor Clarke of the patient’s chart she was reviewing and Emily ordered exactly what Hannah had requested before handing the orders back to her. “I am going to step out for a few minutes. Page me if you need anything at all, alright?”

“For sure Emily. I hope you get things sorted.” Hannah offered a sincere smile.

“Thank you, Hannah!” Emily returned a smile before turning her head to peak up at Harry. “I can walk halfway to the cookhouse with you.”

“Lead the way doctor.”

“Hmmm I can see where you are coming from Doctor Clarke.” Emily’s blue eyes were pleading with the person in charge of accommodations at Camp Bastion. She had told the whole story, leaving out Harry’s details and explained how it was affecting her work life as well in hopes that they would re-assign her.

“We have had issues with Clarissa Jacobs in the past before your arrival on camp. Let me bring up what places I have available for you.” The woman searched through her computer as Emily fidgeted nervously in her chair across from her.

“Looks like I have a few spots you can choose from…” The woman smiled reassuringly. “I could give you a single dorm which would probably work best for your position here. It is however a different building, closer to the male dorms and the hospital.” The woman reviewed the spot further. “I will get maintenance to check it out this morning and you should be all cleared to move your things this afternoon, Doctor Clarke.”

“I will take it! Thank you so so much!” Emily did not need to think twice about that option. A single room all to herself, closer to the hospital and in a completely different building than Clarissa, how could she say no to that? For the first time this morning, Emily was able to sigh a breath of relief knowing that she did not have to spend another night in the same room as Clarissa.

Emily had returned to the hospital with a smile plastered all over her place. Hannah informed the doctor that Harry had brought her a plate of food and left it in the staff break room in the fridge. Checking that she had no pressing matters first, she headed to the fridge and grabbed a plate of assorted breakfast items left with a little sticky note from Harry.

Hopefully you can scrounge on this throughout the day. Should be enough to last you for your shift. Catch you later Doc. ~Harry

Emily heated up the heaping plate of food that Harry had brought her and took it outside to get a little sunshine. She sat down on a wooden make shift bench and watched the little kids that belonged to the families that were hired to work on the base, play a game of football with a deflated ball, but were none the less they were all smiles and happily giggling away.  

While halfway through her bite of sausage, a guy walked up to her carrying a load of bags looking quite lost while displaying a look of uncertainty. “Ma’am, is this the hospital here?”

Emily stood up and blocked the sun out of her eyes to get a better glimpse of whom she was talking to. Glancing down at his name, she recognized that it was the new, young, fresh faced doctor who had come to join them at Camp Bastion. “It is!” Emily swallowed her food. “You must be Dr. Fields. We have been expecting you!”

The look of relief washed over the young man’s face. “Yes, I was suppose to arrive this morning, but my plane departed late and I don’t know where I am going.”

Emily shook Dr. Fields hand and introduced herself. “I completely understand that. No worries at all, I am Dr. Emily Clarke with the UN just filling in the gaps here.” She waved him in to follow her inside. “Welcome to Camp Bastion, is this your first tour Dr. Fields?”

“You can call me Nathan or Nate.” He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “Yes, yes it is. That easy to tell huh?”

“Yeah, we all had that excited but fearful look on our faces.” Emily laughed it off, not making a big deal of it. Meeting Dr. Fields instantly brought to mind the first day she had arrived in South Sudan.

The first day she had met Paul.

“Don’t worry, I have been there before…” Emily reassured the new doctor as he followed her inside the hospital.

Flashback to four years ago…

Emily climbed off the bus and hauled her big bag over her shoulder as she scanned the refugee camp. “You can do this.” She took in a deep breath and mustered all the courage she could find within herself.

It was her second job with Doctors Without Borders (DWB) that landed her in the refugee camp in South Sudan, a war torn province filled with people fleeing the conflict of civil war as they sat on the borders of the Uganda and Sudan. Her first stint with DWB in the Philippines was nothing relatable at all like this, she thought to herself while walking through the camp and seeing starving children with their mothers, noting that there were hardly any men in the camp older then middle teens.

After coming home from her first mission in the Philippines, Emily applied for an assignment where she could be challenged as she was always striving to better herself and her medical experience. When she saw a listing for South Sudan, she quickly applied for it the posting that had sat vacant for months. Emily accepted the job officially the next day and told her family that she would be leaving the next week to South Sudan, but the concept of their daughter embarking on a job in a war torn country did not sit well with her parents and well… a major fight ensued.

The morning before Emily left her father showed up to drive her to the airport. During the long drive there, they had a heart to heart and before she boarded that plane Emily knew she had her father’s support no matter what. He did not want to stop hugging her when they said their goodbyes, but all she could remember is seeing her father with tears in his eyes begging her to stay alert and to be safe so she could come home.

The heat of the sun sweltered through her light fabric buttoned down shirt as she searched for the man she was supposed to meet. Squinting through the suns rays, Emily found a make shift tent with the DWB logo on it. Sighing a breath of relief, she had finally made it after her long journey.

Feeling the weight of her bags lighten she glanced behind her to see a middle aged man with blonde hair and brown eyes smiling from ear to ear. “You must be the new doctor. Emily Clarke?”

“Uh yes.” Emily nodded with a smile. “Yes, I am.”

“Paul Hastings, lead doctor here at Camp MISS.” Paul shook her hand firmly and welcomed Emily officially to South Sudan. “Here let me help you with these bags!” He hoisted one over his shoulder and motioned for her to follow him.

“Thank you, Dr. Hastings.” Emily took a few quick steps to catch up to the man.

“You sure don’t pack very light. Planning on staying here a while?” Paul started to giggle while he tossed a piece of gum in his mouth and offered one to Emily to which she politely refused.

“Well, isn’t the posting for six months?” Emily questioned.

Paul stopped in his tracks and turned around to face the young blonde doctor. “It certainly is… but you would be the first one not to leave early.” Doctor Hastings looked her up and down analyzing Emily carefully. “I say one week, tops.”

Emily scoffed; it was not the first time she had been underestimated before by doctors in her field simply because of her young age. Emily looked Paul directly in the eye with determination showing proudly in her own. “I cannot wait to prove you wrong.”

“Alright, Doctor Clarke. Let’s see what you got!” Paul accepted the challenge. “Come on, let’s go… before I get too old now.”

Emily stepped forward, but stopped once her body aligned with Paul. She took her sweet time looking him up and down like he had done. “Too late, you are already old.” Emily’s sass was on clear display as she walked away without another word, leaving Paul shaking his head.

“Ya, she’s gonna be just fine here.” Paul laughed and followed Emily into the tent.

Flash forward to six months later…

“Do you remember the first day you arrived here Em?” Paul sat down in a chair and sighed a breath of relief having finished their last clinic day of their mission in South Sudan.

“Yeah, I sure did.” Emily laughed at the memory of it all. “You did not think I would even last one day.”

“Yeah…” Paul nodded his head and smiled fondly at Emily. “Look at where you are now, Doctor Clarke.”

Emily took a long look around the clinic as memories flooded her mind of the past six months here. “As sad as it has been, I think it has made me into a better doctor. You made me into a better doctor, Paul.”

Paul swiveled around in his chair and silently agreed with Emily. “Nah, poppet that was all you. You really are one of a kind, Doctor Emily Clarke.” He paused briefly and leaned in as the aura of the room turned into a serious one. “Which is why I want you to apply to the United Nations with me.”

Her ocean blue eyes widened at the thought of working for the UN. It had always been a dream of hers, but she did not even think she was anywhere near ready for that. “I – I don’t think I am ready for that Paul…” Emily admitted with a slow shake of her head.

Doctor Hastings leaned in with a grin. “You didn’t think you were ready for South Sudan and look where you are now… you are a brilliant doctor and I know for a fact that the United Nations would be lucky to have you.”

“Paul…” Emily swayed her head back and forth. “I doubt that they will even give me a second look.”

“Don’t Paul me!” He stood up in his chair with an amused expression. “Because I already recommended you for the job alongside me that I took that last week.” Paul stepped away from the conversation before Emily could get in another word.

“Paul… wait, what?” Emily stood up and ran after her mentor.

“We are going to Burma in a few months, Emily! Enjoy the time off!” Paul hollered back at her.

End Flashback

“Hannah, I am going to leave a few minutes earlier so I can pack my things up before a certain someone beats me home…” Emily leaned in and whispered careful of who was in earshot.

“You got a different place?” Hannah had figured this was the case ever since Emily had returned from this morning. Emily had confided in Hannah about what was going on with Clarissa and how awful she had become the night of her birthday.

“Yeah, a single one in building H. I am just wanting to avoid any more drama.” Emily took in a deep breath. “It’s not me.”

“Well, I am literally down the hall from you if you ever need anything.” Hannah kindly offered. The nurse was getting to know Emily better and better each day. She held the upmost respect for the doctor; she was reasonable and kind with her patients, but did not put up with any crap.

“Thank you, Hannah.” Emily’s sincere blue eyes silently thanked her. Without wasting another moment, Emily gathered her things and briskly walked out the door having noticed that Clarissa was still at work in her office.

Glancing around the small room, Emily sighed a breath of relief. She finally had her own space and it felt more like home than her other place with Clarissa ever had.

Emily reached into her bag and pulled out a framed picture that she found at the bottom of her bag. When she first had arrived on base, Emily unpacked only the necessities not wanting to see all the people she had let down on full display in her room. Especially the guilt she held within for Ella’s missed graduation she had promised to attend.

Easing herself down on the edge of the bed she held the frame gently in her hands looking down at the picture of herself in the red 1968 Mercedes Paul had spent all of his free time working on. The funny thing was… Paul knew absolutely nothing about cars.

Flashback

Emily followed a narrowing road up a curvy hill lined with over arching beautiful green trees until she came across an old rusty metal gate. Stepping out of the car she remembered the instructions that Paul had given her to his home in Berkshire when he promised to have her out to see his property as Paul described it one night in Burma. She untwined the metal chain and pushed open the gate wide enough for her car to travel through.

Feeling her tires scrape against an uneven gravel ground, Emily’s eyes became glued to the road, but when she saw the large old brick country home she could not keep her eyes off of it.  “Wow, Paul.” Emily muttered to herself.

Coming up closer to the home she saw Paul outside in his garage bending over into the hood of a car.  Honking her horn she frightened the older man seeing him jump in the air and drop a tool on the concrete floor.

Emily parked her vehicle and got out with a wide grin having recovered from her short bout of laughter knowing that Paul would have been swearing at her for scaring him. “Hey, Paul!” She slammed her car door shut.

The blonde haired man turned around, leaned up against the car and crossed his arms. “Emily Clarke. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well, I had to come and check up on you after you apparently forgot to go to the mandatory UN six week follow up post deployment.” Emily approached further and walked into the warmth of the garage. “They called me and asked me where you were… hence why I am here.”

Paul turned his back towards Emily. “I don’t need any follow up.” He shortly replied and brushed it off like no big deal.

Emily stood there in silence and observed Paul tinkering around in the old red car. “Where did you find this old thing?” She tapped the top of the car as Paul’s head snapped up.

“Hey! Hey!” Paul narrowed his eyes at the blonde. “Be gentle with her!”

“Finally got your attention! Now, I am going to make you a deal.” Emily smirked, as Paul stood up taller. “You are going to hand me a tool and we are going to work on this car while you tell me why the hell you are risking your job over a simple follow up appointment.” Emily was not backing down from him in the least as she stood her ground.

“Emily…” Paul swayed his head back and forth.

“No! Do not Emily me!” Her voice rose with anger. “I was there too, Paul. I saw it too! But, I know there was nothing we could have done and I can smell the alcohol on your breath so you need to tell me what the hell is going on, Paul?”

A deafening silence floated between them as they stared the other down with intense gazes. Emily’s jaw stiffened with a slow shake of her head as Paul remained quiet. “Look, you can talk to me. I don’t care what you do with the UN or if you throw your career down the fucking toilet. But, this isn’t the Paul I know to not respond to my calls and reek of alcohol. I am here as a friend because I am worried about the doctor who has been my mentor for years and I can tell something changed in you that day.”

Emily let the words sink in as Paul quietly stewed in silence. Tapping his foot lightly on the concrete floor he shook his head knowing he could not let Emily down. “Fine.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “You are right. I have not been dealing with what happened well and I am sorry I have been ignoring you.”

“You aren’t the only one though Paul.” Emily sighed before sticking out her hand. “Hand me a wrench thing or whatever it is…”

Paul bent down and pulled a tool out of his tool box placing it gently in her hand. “It’s called a monkey wrench, blondie.” He started to giggle. “The name suits you.”

“Ahhh!” Emily playfully pushed Paul for his comment. “I will let that one slide today, but you call me a damn monkey any other day and there will be hell to pay!” She giggled along side her mentor. “Now what are we supposed to be doing?”

He glanced up at the blonde doctor and simply shrugged his shoulders. “How should I know?”

“What?” Emily was taken back. “Wait, you are trying to fix this car up, but you know nothing about cars?”

Paul nodded while sticking his tongue out. “Yup! Exactly, poppet.” Paul groaned as he tried turning his tool to tighten a piece. “The guy at the auction said it was a one of a kind 1968 Mercedes Benz that needed a little work…” All of a sudden a loud crack sounded while fluid started to leak everywhere.

“Uh! I don’t think that was supposed to happen?!” Emily stated the obvious. “What are we supposed to do?”

The pair stood up dumbfounded while the car continued to leak. “Ok, let’s triage this issue. Go inside and grab my kit, should have some gauze in it We can pressure wound pack it until it stops.” Paul nodded with a smile, becoming proud he found a resolution to their issue.

“Gauze?! Really?” Emily scoffed a laugh. “I think you are getting senile! Maybe you did just forget about your follow up entirely?!” She bellowed a deep laugh making Paul’s eyes glare at her tightly.

“You know what? I am going to go inside and call them to re-book just to prove you wrong, blondie.” Paul shook his finger at Emily as he stomped off inside.

“MAKE SURE YOU CALL A MECHANIC TOOK WHILE YOU ARE AT IT!” She could hear him cursing from inside at her. But, her plan had worked even though she had to drive an hour plus to find his place. Emily had been worried about Paul when he had ignored her call a week after they had returned. She continued to try to contact him with no avail. But, when the UN called her and asked if Paul had other means of contact, Emily had learned he had missed a mandatory follow up appointment for post deployment and was at risk for losing his contract with the UN if he did not show; Emily had to go to greater lengths.

Paul was after all the only one who witnessed the tragedy that Emily could confide in that day resulting in the death of a young child in the last week of their contract in Burma.  A senseless death resulting from a war where the only victims were the innocents.

End Flashback

“Why did you give me that half broken down car, Paul? And that stupid, rude goat Billy?” Emily chuckled at the memory as she placed the picture on her bedside table. Looking around the room, she smiled at the pictures that lined the walls reminding her of home back in England.

Four and a half more months were all she needed to endure as she promised herself that this time she would take a break from it all to catch up with family and friends. But, that smile stayed stagnant upon her lips knowing that while she was here, Emily would be able to get to know Harry further as she was reminded of her birthday wish last night.

Emily glanced down at her phone and decided that she would go wait for Harry outside his building to go eat dinner with him and the guys. Grabbing a jacket, she quickly put it on and made her way out of the dorm.

She was leaning up against the outside wall waiting for them to leave knowing the squad liked to get there in the first rush if possible to get the freshest food and a table. Each time the door flew open; her heart skipped a beat in hopes that Harry would be the one walking through that door. The time dragged on as Emily waited for the prince, but he did not show up.

The door flew open and Harry walked through with his head hanging low and walked right by Emily without a word displaying a distracted look on his face.

“Harry?” Emily pushed her body off of the cool metal that lined the building and waited for Harry to turn back around.

His head perked up and turned to look back at who called his name. The frown lines on his forehead smoothened over while his tightly clenched jaw relaxed into a softening expression at the sight of Emily.

“Oh, hi Em.” Harry shook his head and took a step back towards the blonde doctor with a concerned look growing on her face. “Sorry, I did not see you there. Bit distracted.” He breathed out a sigh of relief and forced a smile for her benefit.

“What’s got you so distracted, Harry?” Emily’s blue eyes lingered their gaze as they searched for the source herself.

“It’s fine, Emily.” Harry’s lips pulled into a soft smile at her concern for him. “How’s your new room?” He tried to change the subject off of him.

Her eyes narrowed at the prince and with an angled head she crossed her arms knowing what Harry was attempting to do. “Harry.” Emily shook her head at him. “Don’t play it off. What’s going on?”

Harry released an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t get anything by you, can I?” A light laugh escaped his lips followed by a heavy sigh.

He motioned with his head for Emily to follow him as they started to walk off together. “Si promised me not to tell anyone Em…” Harry pursed his lips together as his jaw clenched together. “But, I don’t know how to help him.” His head turned to lock in her blue eyes.

Emily could see the obvious concern and distress circling in his deep blue eyes that she was immediately drawn to reach out for his hand and grasp it. Harry glanced down feeling a gentle hand squeezing his own, his fingers intertwined with Emily’s accepting the touch and reciprocating the gesture for a brief second as he regretfully looked into her blue eyes and dropped her hand.

No words were required to be spoken between them as they knew they could not continue to hold hands despite the urges within them too. But, the small gesture and risk that Emily took for that moment did make Harry feel grateful for her.

“You can tell me, Harry.” Emily sweetly encouraged the pilot.

“Simon’s wife wants a divorce.” Harry spat out through angry teeth. “She sent him a letter saying he was taking his son to Birmingham where her parents are and that when he comes home, she won’t be there.” The prince was clearly angry about how it went down. “She sent her wedding ring with the letter, Em.”

Emily’s heart sank in her chest for Simon. Her hand clutched her chest knowing the pain he must have been feeling. “What? Why?” She tried to comprehend it all.

Harry shook his head. “I don’t know. He’s my bunkmate and my boss.” The prince breathed in deeply. “He cannot be distracted Emily. Distracted pilots… are dead pilots.” Harry relayed the saying that was often taught in his training classes. “He’s an absolute mess and I have no idea how to help him.” The frustration was evident in his voice.

“Hey.” Emily stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face him. “Stop thinking like that.” Her blue eyes bore into him. “You are the closest thing Simon has here. Everyone can see that. He told you because he trusts you and needs your help.” Emily breathed out, “so let’s find a way to help him…”

Harry looked down to the ground and nodded in agreement. “First, want to come get some pizza with me? I am rather starving and don’t feel like being gawked at in the cook house today.” The prince raised his head with pleading blue eyes gently staring into Emily’s.

“Only, if I can buy.” Emily watched as Harry was about to protest. “Uh uh.”

“Ok fine.” Harry followed the smiling blonde doctor towards the pizza restaurant on the opposite side of the base.

“Pineapple is not meant to be on pizza.” Harry informed the blonde doctor as she took a giant bite of her ham and pineapple pizza.

“Neither are mushrooms and your pizza is covered in them!” Emily poked fun back at the prince, enjoying the smile that graced his lips. “Now that we have debated that, what are we going to do about Simon?”

Harry finished a piece of pizza and nodded his head. “Well, you are a woman so why do you think she’s leaving him?” His tone of voice did not sit well with Emily.

“Really?” Emily slapped her piece down on her plate and sat back crossing her arms. She glanced away from Harry with an annoyed expression.

The prince released a groan seeing the expression grow. “That is not what I meant…” He coaxed her blue eyes back on his.

“Ever think that this job is not exactly the greatest for relationships?” Emily leaned in and whispered while gently tapping on the table with her fingers. The way Emily spoke made it feel that she was speaking from past experience.

“Of course it’s demanding and puts its strain on any relationship.” Harry agreed, but curiosity got the better of him. “Something makes me get the sense that you are speaking from experience?” The prince gently tip toed for an answer, but immediately saw Emily put up the walls around her, closing him off from the truth.

“Nah.” She curtly replied. “Was making a general statement is all.” Emily further added to hide the obvious truth she accidentally let slip. Right now simply was not the time to bring up her ex with Harry, but that did not stop her mind from going there.

Flashback

“If you get on that plane Emily, this is over.” Emily’s long time boyfriend and most recently, fiancé, gave her an ultimatum.

“Aaron, you can’t be serious?” Emily undid her seat belt in the passenger seat and looked to the people outside through the window managing their luggage as they entered the airport. She was to be leaving that morning on yet another United Nations mission, but this time to Syria.

Aaron, her fiancé, was all on board with it until a few weeks ago when he learned that Emily was headed right dead in the middle of the Islamic/Russian fueled Syrian civil war as the rebels along with foreign allies fought to regain control over Assad’s dictatorial regime in an attempt to end the needless deaths and provide care to the thousands of civilians caught in the cross fire. Their fight went on for days and days, until Aaron decided to leave and go MIA.

A few days before Emily left she had come home after a night out with friends to find Aaron sitting in their living room. After a long conversation, she had learned he left to a childhood friend’s house a few hours away to cool off and rethink his options. He begged Emily not to go, but still remained supportive of her decision until the morning she was to leave for Syria.

“Oh, I am dead serious, Emily Rose Clarke.” Aaron pushed down on the lock button to lock her door and keep her inside. “You get out of this vehicle and I can guarantee you, you will never see me again.” Aaron threatened the blonde doctor who was looking straight ahead out of the front windshield, breathing hard with anger in the passenger seat.

“You know this is what I want…” Emily quietly replied being tired of him always wanting her to do less of her work while he was allowed to spend late nights at his job to advance his own career, never giving Emily’s a second thought. He would often cancel a scheduled date night if it meant for him to be a part of a major surgery. Emily was stood up numerous times as he ignorance completely forgot to even inform her of the fact he was staying.

“How many more Emily?” Aaron speaking her name caused Emily to turn her attention towards him. “How many more of these are you willing to go on before something happens to you? They are getting more and more dangerous. First Burma, then the Congo and now bloody Syria? Do you not know what is going on there?” He tried to reason with her.

“That is exactly why I am going, Aaron. We have talked this dead about why I am.” Emily sighed heavily. “I have supported you, moved with you to another city away from my friends and family so you can pursue your dream of becoming a top neurosurgeon, but quite frankly I am tired of you doing everything in your power to kill my own dream!” Her voice rose with each passing word. “You cannot keep doing this to me and giving me these ultimatums each time I am to leave like I am choosing my career over you when you know that is the opposite of what I do…”

“When I got down on one knee that night in Paris, I meant what I said.” Aaron’s voice became quiet. “I meant that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but that meant you staying in Manchester and working at the hospital and eventually becoming my wife. But, I cannot keep watching you leave and be all by myself for months on end.” Her fiancée complained. This was all about him being alone?

“So, this is about you being lonely?” There was no doubt in her mind that Emily loved Aaron, but in the last recent weeks after the proposal there were little red flags that kept popping up everywhere. The one thing that they could never agree on was Emily’s work with the UN and all the time she spent away. Emily was at first elated at the thought of being married to Aaron, but a little voice inside of her head could not be silenced as it continued to build a little thought in her mind that Aaron was using the engagement to keep Emily’s career beneath his own.

Numerous times he commented on how successful she was for her age, but as he continued to chip away at it, he became resentful towards her for own success being the leading source for many of their fights. In an attempt to get past that issue, Emily moved with him to Manchester to support him in pursing a top leading medical fellowship under a brilliant neurosurgeon.

All the doubts she had felt over the course of their relationship were circling in her mind as she glanced down at her diamond engagement ring sitting on her finger feeling utterly stupid for even accepting such a trapping gift. Emily needed one answer from Aaron to make her decision. She had learned through rumors that their fight had caused Aaron to seek the comfort of his ‘childhood friend’ also known as his high school girlfriend, Gemma.

“Did you go see Gemma when we had our fight?” Emily’s blue eyes bore into him as she seeked the truth he attempted to conceal.

Aaron’s hesitation to Emily’s question gave her the answer she needed. “Instead of working it out with me, you went to Gemma to fuck her, didn’t you?” That was the nail to the coffin of their relationship.

“No, not at all.” He denied it with stumbling words as Emily scoffed. “How do you know about her?” Aaron questioned in return trying to put it back on Emily.

“I am not an idiot, Aaron. It’s not the only time you have gone there because you are ‘lonely’ when I am gone. Am I right?” Emily saw the betrayal circling in his brown eyes. A part of her questioned it after her return from Burma that Aaron had been seeing someone else behind her back. He never did handle Emily being away very well, but that still did not give him any reason to do what he did. Her doubts of his cheating changed within a few days of her return, but still lingered in her mind.

“Alright fine! I did go see Gemma a few times while you were in Burma and the Congo, but nothing ever happened between us!” Aaron flat out refused to commit to the truth. “I am done having you fly half way across with the UN and put your life on the line. I am worried sick about you all the time!”

“You must not have been that worried when you had your dick inside Gemma, now did you?” Emily’s blue eyes were shooting daggers as the expression of guilt formed on Aaron’s face. She had been right all this time and yet she refused to listen to that little voice inside her head. Closing her eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears she failed as they cascaded down her cheeks.

“I proposed to you because I love you Emily Clarke and I want you here with me in Manchester. Gemma is not you…” Aaron could hear the sobs coming from the blonde doctor.

“You should have thought of that before you cheated on me, before you asked me to follow you here, before you proposed to me only to keep me beneath you because the thought of me being more successful than you, kills you inside.” Her blue eyes turned to lock in Aaron’s guilty gaze. “When you got down on one knee, you were only thinking of your ego and not the fact that you were doing this for the wrong reasons.”

“I am done. I should have known you really didn’t care about me being your wife. You only cared about yourself, this whole time.” Emily tore off the ring and tossed it in his lap. “You won’t ever see me again, Aaron. This is goodbye.” She wiped away her tears off her dampened cheeks and grabbed her bags before slamming the door shut. Turning around without another glance she took off inside hearing Aaron calling after her.

Emily pulled her bags from behind, searching for Paul as he had already boarded the plane ahead of her. He stood up with a smile and waved to her, climbing out of his seat to help her with her bags.

“Hello, poppet.” Paul was grinning from ear to ear. “Let me help you with those.” He hoisted them above his head into the carry on bin and allowed Emily to take her favourite spot by the window. She loved to glance out the window and say her goodbyes to home and take in the first views of their new home for the next months.

“Thank you, Paul.” Her somber tone alerted Dr. Hastings that something was not quite right with her.

He sat down beside the blonde doctor and noticed the absent ring on her finger. His eyes peaked up to see Emily staring up at him silently as a cascade of tears she tempted to keep at bay flooded down her cheek. Paul immediately wrapped his arm around her and comforted Emily as she quietly sobbed without a spoken word between them.

“I’m sorry.” She gathered herself together and took a few deep breaths. “Aaron gave me another ultimatum.” Emily closed her eyes and rested her head back on the seat before glancing beside her to see Paul nodding. “He cheated on me numerous times with his high school girlfriend while we were in Burma and the Congo.”

“So you ended it?” Paul sincerely asked as he watched Emily nod.

“Well, I never liked the guy to begin with” Paul leaned in and smiled before muttering, “pompous arrogant ass” causing Emily to bark a laugh. “He could have at least gotten you a bigger diamond for being such a twat in my opinion!” Emily knew that Paul was trying his best to make her laugh and forget about it all, which she was grateful for.

“I know, Paul.” Emily glanced out the window as the plane took off towards their destination.

“You never know, maybe you will find the person you are meant to be with over there!” Paul squeezed her knee reassuringly and offering her some hope. “I know I found my Claire when I least expected it. It could happen to you too, you know. He’s out there somewhere, you just haven’t found him yet.”

End Flashback

Emily was staring into Harry’s sparkling eyes as a faint smile appeared on her lips remembering what Paul spoke about on the plane. The little voice inside of her head came to the forefront, he may be right in front of you.

“What?” Harry took another bite of his pizza as the prince noticed Emily’s intense stare focused on his blue eyes.

She shook her head and came out of her thoughts. “Nothing.” Emily stifled a giggle and took a sip of her drink. “I think I know how to help Simon.”