#chapter 71

God dammit. This has to be a good, nuanced mother wound doesn't it? We kinda could guess this. She never seemed like an out-and-out neglectful parent. The opposite actually. This is very realistic. Shima's mom did not start off with wicked intentions. She wanted to foster her son's talents and support him. But we see a flashback of when his issues came to a head and mom confronts the boy Shima snuck off with. Who...drops the bomb while Shima pre-emptively guards himself from the inevitable meltdown that...never comes.

This is the reaction of Shima's mother when she realizes she's the one with a bad reputation that sank her son's acting career. To her credit she actually has the realitization pretty quick and I can't say the issue is inaccurate when it's a lot like my own rocky relationship with my mother. Somewhere along the way a mother's love became resentment that if she's giving up so much you owe it to her to live for both of you. It's so much sadder that she realizes this quickly, earnestly apologizes to Sousuke, and I'm guessing "going to the hospital" means she's in therapy which is still very stigmatized in Japan.

It's too late. She practically begs Shima for something she can do to mend the wound but he just doesn't care enough to. And it eats her up enough that she even stops herself from wishing Sousuke does his best in the play. This is actually where things broke down with my own mom. She didn't really hate the idea of me being trans in and of itself, I do think she was legitimately more fearful about how it would limit my potential. And by extension her legacy. I think she realized this was unfair. Where the final rift tore open was actually after this point. She couldn't handle me having the same cool, detached attitude towards her.

I get it though. What? Is he going to fake warmth? Why? What is even the point when his mom is legitimately one of the people who know him well enough to know he's acting. Shima has every right to wonder if she only cared about the idea her abuse was so visible it stymied her little child star. Any other relationship would you even care to hear a word from someone who did that to you? Fuck the schmaltzy bullshit about a mother's love, how loving was it to start wailing on Sousuke?