#channiebbang

"chenle, please," she whispered, the first few tears dropping. her voice dripped with despair. desperate for the boy she loved to deny everything.

"sunshine, listen to me," he gripped her upper arms. taeyeong and jaehyun taking a step forward in alarm before stopping. chenle's eyes stung slowly.

he had this heavy weight on his chest, this anger directed at himself for being so stupid. this was all his fault, it was all his fault.

"chenle," she sobbed, not caring about the eyes trained on her, she just needed him to tell her. tell her it was all a misunderstanding. it was all incorrect. he cared about her.

just then her eyes shifted around her seeming to just come into realization that everyone was staring at them. as she watched their pitiful looks her blood ran cold at the harsh truth.

she pushed his arms away from her, stumbling back. chenle looked as realization dawned upon her and her brows furrowed. a pout took over her features as betrayal swam in her eyes.

"they all knew," it wasn't a question, "they all know," she repeated. a choked sound came out of her lips as she pushed the back of her hand to them.

"what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, her voice filled with anger and hurt. anger she had let herself fall for it, hurt he had done this to her.

"sunshine, baby, i-i never wanted it to get this far," chenle tried to explain, his voice quivering. y/n scoffed, tears freely falling.

"they all knew. this whole time they all knew," she felt empty, completely empty. she felt like a joke, like she was the laughing stock. so she lazily chuckled. and chenle didn't know what was more frightening; her betrayed expression or the chillingly cold chuckle.

"i probably looked like a fucking clown to everyone all these months, huh?" she looked at the floor as her fists squeezed hard, nails digging in her palm, "why would you do this to me?" a choked sob left her lips as her chest shook.

"i feel so embarassed, chenle," she hiccuped, "do you know how it feels? they all knew this whole time. and while i thought i was surrounded by friends and love, it was actually all a lie, all of it," she angrily wiped at her cheeks as she looked up at him. chenle shook his head as he took a step towards her.

"please don't," she whispered, and he stopped. her eyes shifted all around her.

their eyes looked away as soon as they crossed hers, a guilty look in everyone's faces.

the pain she could feel in her chest was so heavy, so big she didn't know how anyone could feel so much of it. she felt so sad, so empty and she never had felt this empty before.

everyone, everyone she thought was her friend was not. everyone she had built a memory with turned out to be fake, all of it was fake. everyone was acting, none of them actually wanted to be friends with her or cared about her.

"y/n please, I'm so sorry, please," chenle's voice trembled as he tried again to talk to her.

"i want to know only one thing," she turned back to him and he nodded right away. ready to confess his love for the girl he fucked over. ready to tell her he had fallen for her charms, for her laugh, for the way she would throw her hair back when she laughed, for the way she cared so much about him and his friends, for the way she ran her fingers through his hair when he laid on her lap. he was ready to say it all.

"none of what i found out was a lie, was it?" that. that was the only thing he didn't want to answer, that was the only thing he wasn't ready to admit. because as much as he wanted to lie and say that no, everything she found out was wrong, he couldn't. that would be another lie.

Their first date was cute and just right. He picked her up from her house and they went to a little caffee shop that just opened, had some dessert and went on a walk along Han river. They talked and talked, sure a couple of awkward silences happened here and there but both of them tried to always make conversation and learn about each other as much as possible.

Y/n was grateful when, after dropping her home, Jinyoung was considered enough not to lean in to kiss her lips or cheeks. She wanted to take things slow.

Sure, she liked Jinyoung but she wasn't comfortable enough with him yet to start skinship right away. I mean, the two barely talked before the day he asked her out, having exchanged words with each other only when asking for notes or when they had projects.

They had been dating for quiet some time when Y/n noticed something. Something that would catch her eye every time they would meet afterwards.

Jinyoung never showed physical affection.

See at first she thought he just was taking his sweet time, so she waited, after all, she needed her own time too. She wasn't in a hurry, anyway.

As time went on and she started hanging out with him and his friends more, she suddenly noticed how, although Jinyoung was always as sweet as honey when he talked to her and looked at her, he never made an attempt in anyway. She thought he didn't want her to be uncomfortable with unwanted touches, after all, he was always attentive with his surroundings.

They had been dating for a little over a year when she noticed.

It was days after the new year had started, they all had been invited to Jaebeom's birthday gathering. Jinyoung picked her up from her house that evening, and drove to the older's house, soft music playing in the background of his car.

His eyes shifted to his girlfriend in the passenger's seat for less than a second. She was scrolling through her Instagram, her hair fallen over her face, the black coat around her shoulders covering her knee length, evening dress. Jinyoung smiled.

"Hey," he called the girl, turning the steering wheel, his eyes back on the road. He waited for her to lock her phone and hum at him.

"You're beautiful, as usual," he muttered, concentrating on the road, unaware of the effect his words had on his girl. Y/n's cheeks were dusted a deep pink. Jinyoung always used to compliment her when she was doing the most random things. He said he didn't do it on purpose, she didn't believe him.

"Thank you," she said after clearing her throat. Her eyes shifted to his neatly styled hair and formal but casual outfit.

"You're very pretty, too," she complimented. Jinyoung looked at her for a second, a playful grin on his lips.

"Pretty?" He asked chuckling deeply, Y/n nodded laughing quietly.

"Yes, I think so. Very pretty," she confirmed, Jinyoung nodded his head murmuring a "okay, fair enough". He parked the car in Jaebeom's garage, before getting out and rounding the car, opening the door for Y/n. She flashed him a thankful smile and he nodded, leading her inside his friend's house.

Jaebeom's place looked just like always, cozy and familiar. Y/n walked in and took off her heels, slipping on a pair of slippers and hanging her coat in the small closet just by the entrance. Having done so many times before.

They heard footsteps before they saw Bambam peek over the corner that led into the living room. He smiled at the couple.

"Guys y/n noona is here! Oh and Jinyoung-hyung," he called out before he came out of the corner and opened his arms engulfing the laughing girl in a big hug. Jinyoung scoffed loudly, before loudly slapping Bambam's arm and walking in the living room, greeting his other friends and the birthday boy.

Y/n made her way in arm in arm with Bambam, the two engrossed in a conversation about Bambam's new video he sent her right after filming and editing it.

She went around the room saying hello to the other boys before giving a side hug to Jaebeom and wishing a happy birthday.

Jaebeom insisted they had dinner right away because he was starving and the food was really good, when Yugyeom whined that it was still too early, Jaebeom snapped back that it was his birthday and so whatever he said would be the end of discussion.

They had just finished dinner and each grabbed a small glass of chocolate mousse before moving back in the living room. Y/n and Youngjae being the last ones to leave the dining area.

She walked to Jinyoung's side seeing as the seat beside him, was empty, the other side occupied by Mark. She mocked Youngjae when he teased her and in response the guy pushed her lightly, laughing out loud. Y/n lost her balance right when she was lowering herself to the seat, resulting in having her arm pushed slightly against Jinyoung's. She didn't think too much of it and just laughed at Youngjae when she saw his worried expression.

She did however take into notice how Jinyoung turned to her with an irritated expression, pausing his conversation with Mark, only to widen his eyes when he realized it was Y/n. She smiled at him, apologizing and going to pull back, when Jinyoung quickly shifted away from her, as if he got burnt. She took his awkward smile into notice and she had to admit, it did hurt just a little bit. She smiled like she didn't notice and turned back to Youngjae, reassuring him that she was okay.

That was the first time she noticed his reluctance when she was too close. She didn't know why he felt that way and she didn't know how to bring it up to him. So she didn't. She thought it would be okay.

She noticed after that whenever they met and hung out, she noticed how every time she would unintentionally brush her elbow against his arm he would shift away, or pull his arm back. She would notice how when they had to walk in a place too crowded he would awkwardly tuck his hands inside his pockets and make sure he was at least a couple of feet apart from her.

One day she had been hanging out with him at his apartment when she got a notification that her mid term results were up. While she waited for Jinyoung to finish cooking she decided to check her marks. She had been super worried about not doing well and if you asked Jinyoung he would say she totally didn't whine his ear off.

She squealed when she saw that she didn't do well but way too well, she got up from the couch and ran to the kitchen, excited to tell Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung! Jinyoung!"she called as soon as she reached the kitchen, the boy hummed while turning towards her, she shoved her phone in his face grinning like a mad woman. The boy smiled seeing her this excited and checked what she was showing, a wide grin made its wat to his face and he looked over at her.

Y/n on the other hand tossed her phone on the counter and squealing jumped on Jinyoung, wrapping her arms around his neck. With eyes wide and a shocked expression, his hands automatically rested on her sides. The girl pulled back, grabbing his shoulders and started jumping.

"I freaking did it! I was so worried and for nothing! I'm sorry, for talking your ear of! Ahhh I'm so happy," she rambled on, not noticing the panicked expression on Jinyoung's face. She went to wrap her arms around him again when he scrambled back hitting his hip against the counter.

Y/n stopped abruptly. Her smile slowly leaving her lips when she finally saw the look in her boyfriend's face and she realized what she had done. An embarrassed expression replaced her previous proud smile. A blush tinting her cheeks. The air was awkward to say the least. Y/n looked at Jinyoung again, their eyes meeting. She gave him a tight lipped smile before grabbing her phone and walking out of the kitchen and to the living room. Jinyoung opened his mouth to say something, anything, to stop the girl but nothing came out. He just stood in the kitchen, and regretted it as soon as he heard the front door opening and closing.

-

"You're so stupid, hyung," Bambam scoffed, leaning on the kitchen counter, looking at the older pacing in front of him.

Said older stopped his walking and turned sharply towards the younger.

"I called you to help me out not to point out the obvious, you dipshit," he retorted watching the younger mock him.

"At least you know," he murmured before screaming as he barely dodged a slipper aimed at his face.

"Don't forget you asked me to come here, I can leave right now, without giving you any advice," the twig pointed a finger at the older. Jinyoung shook his head quickly and raised his hands apologizing.

"Won't happen again, just help me," the older pleaded. Bambam chuckled. This is so fun. He thought.

"Wait, why would you even dodge her every time she tries to touch you?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows. He watched as Jinyoung slightly coughed. He scratched the back of his neck.

"She said something about her ex-boyfriend making her uncomfortable with touching her all the time," the older cleared out, a displeased expression on his face. Bambam nodded, before tilting his head to the side and thinking.

"So...she didn't like being touched by her ex-boyfriend? Like at all? Not even to hold hands?" He inquired genuinely interested. Jinyoung shook his head.

"No, more like inappropriate touches. He was always inappropriately touching her, and if he was not he would make sure it would turn inappropriate. She got really uncomfortable with that after a while," the older explained, Bambam nodded listening carefully.

"Well, have you touched her that way? Did she say that before or after you touched her anyway?" He asked taking an apple from the fruit basket, washing it and taking a bite from it. When he didn't get any answer he turned back to look at his hyung only to see him blushing madly.

"What's up with your face?" The younger gaped at him, never having seen him like this. He was scared.

"What's up with yours, shitface?" And he was back. Bambam let out an obvious breath, relieved.

"We-I-I never touched her in anyway, she told me I think after I asked her about her past relationships on our third date," the older blushed again. Bambam started coughing badly at the words he was hearing. Jinyoung frowned looking displeased at the younger. Bambam gestured for him to give him something to drink while coughing.

"You're so annoying," the older muttered passing him a glass of water that the younger gulped down quickly.

"Well, sorry for choking at your stupidity," Bambam sassed back. Jinyoungs eye shifted to the knives placed blade down in the wooden container. Bambam noticed.

"I'm only joking, no need to go behind bars," he quickly added. Jinyoung smiled tightly before switching back to a serious face.

"But like, with no touching, do you mean not even like holding hands? No hugs? No....kisses?" Bambam whispered the last part, hoping, wishing, he was wrong and his hyung wasn't as much of a loser. But all his wishes came crashing down when the older cleared his throat shrugging and avoiding eye contact.

And obviously, because its Bambam, he could not miss the opportunity of being a bit dramatic. So he deeply gasped and pretended that his knees gave out. Jinyoung quickly chucked an apple at the younger, hitting him in the shoulder.

"Stop judging me!" He exclaimed at the laughing boy in front of him.

"I need to know something else," Bambam chuckled taking a bite of the apple again, making sure he chewed slowly. Jinyoung nodded resting his head in his hands, totally feeling down that his little brother was laughing at him.

"If you never touched her, and she just shared that bit of information because you asked her. Why the hell have you been avoiding her advances? I would understand it if you just avoided touching her inappropriately but, hyung, you avoid any touches. Like its been more than a year you two have been dating and not even a kiss? Why is she dating you?" Bambam went on a rant, his last statement seeming more like a reflection than an actual question. That didn't stop Jinyoung from feeling offended.

"I-I-" the older opened and closed his mouth.

"Well, isn't that what's right?" He wondered out loud. Bambam scoffed.

"Why is she dating you?" This time he asked to the elder.

"She just shared what made her uncomfortable with her ex, not you, the least you should've done was make sure you weren't being inappropriate or making her uncomfortable. It's only normal for you to be attracted to her, hyung, she's your girlfriend after all. But at this point you've been depriving one of the essentials to a good relationship. I honestly don't know why she's still in it," Bambam spoke honestly, all traces of sarcasm gone. Jinyoung opened his mouth and closed it like a fish, not knowing what to say.

"What do I do?" Jinyoung whined and banged his head on the counter. Bambam looked at him with a disgusted expression.

"For starters, don't whine ever again, it's unsettling. And second, go get your girl before she actually realizes she shouldn't date you, and stop overthinking. Just make sure you don't make her feel uncomfortable. That's all you can do," Bambam spoke solemnly. Jinyoung nodded with a newfound confidence and smiled at his friend. "Thanks, Bam. Who knew you can actually give advice? The more you know, right?" Jinyoung grinned at Bambam's offended face, before dashing out of the kitchen and quickly grabbing his keys and jacket, he slipped his shoes on.

"You can stay as long as you want!" He screamed before slamming the door on his way out.

-

Jinyoung was in front of Y/n's house, panting heavily as he noticed her room's lights were on. He had ran all the way to her place after coming to the conclusion that taking his car was just going to be a hassle and a danger to his clouded mind.

He fished out his phone out of his pants pocket and quickly tapped to Y/n's contact before pressing the phone to his ear, hearing his phone ring.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," he chanted softly before sucking in a breath when she picked up. The line was silent for a while.

"Jinyoung?" He exhaled deeply when Y/n's voice came through the speakers. Her voice strained, he cursed himself mentally thinking that she cried because of him.

"Hello?" She spoke again. Jinyoung cleared his throat.

"C-can you come out for a bit? I need to talk to you," Jinyoung asked hopefully. Y/n was silent for a bit.

"What are you doing outside?" She asked, he heard fumbling in the background before he heard a door open and close.

"I needed to talk to you," he muttered looking towards the house.

"I'm walking out now," and before he could say anything she had already hung up. Jinyoung shoved the phone in his pants when he saw the door opening and Y/n walk out.

She was wearing her pastel yellow cotton trousers and sweater set. He smiled fondly at the girl as she walked down the stairs of the house, her dark, wavy hair bouncing around her.

She quietly opened the main metal door and gestured for Jinyoung to enter, which he gladly did.

She closed the gate and turned making her way to the steps again, sitting on the step below the first one, Jinyoung followed her sitting on the top one not saying anything. She finally turned to him and his eyes softened when she offered a smile, though her eyes were puffy and nose was pink.

"I'm sorry, so so much," he blurted out. Y/n pulled her knees closer to her and rested her chin on them. A soft smile on her lips.

"It's okay, Jinyoung," she whispered, but he heard the small quiver her voice held.

"I-I thought you would be uncomfortable if I touched you, just like you were with your ex," Jinyoung fumbled with his fingers, now understanding why Bambam thought he was so stupid. He sounded like it. He felt Y/n's eyes on him but he did not dare look at her.

"Jinyoung," she called for his attention, the boy's head snapped towards his girlfriend.

"I don't think I would ever be uncomfortable with you, you're always so attentive and considerate," she said sincerely. Jinyoung smiled and scooted closer to her.

"Good, I never want to feel how I did today and most of all. I never want you to feel how you did today. I'm sorry I wasn't as considerate as you think I am. I'm sorry it took me this long to understand how stupid I was being," he honestly said, Y/n shook her head, smiling adoringly.

"Better late than never, right?" She muttered, Jinyoung looked at her face, feeling so much love for the girl in front of him. He nodded smiling.

"Right." He agreed. They stayed like that for a moment.

"Now let me hug you, I think I need it after my desperation, today," Jinyoung sighed lifting himself up and sitting on the step behind her. He wrapped his arms across her collarbones from behind and rested his cheek against her head. Y/n smiled lovingly and leaned back against his chest.

"What did you do?" She asked letting him sway her from side to side.

"Something terrible...I took advice from Bambam," he muttered kissing his girlfriend's hair and closing his eyes. She gasped jokingly before laughing.

"Jinyoung," she called for his attention. He hummed soflty.

"I love you," she muttered closing her eyes and leaning her head to his. Jinyoung smiled against her hair, he turned away his face from hers and pushed the back of his head towards the crook of her neck.