00. the fool : what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ?
OKAY so i have a lot of thoughts on this subject because i think for a long time kakashi is terrified of new beginnings. he becomes so comfortable with the idea of who he is, who he thinks he's becoming that the thought of straying from that path drives him insane. it makes it difficult for him to move on past his grief, instead allowing himself to be defined by it for so long. throughout the naruto series though, we see kakashi redefining himself. A big theme i like to explore on this blog is Kakashi healing from the mentality of trauma = growth & breaking from the cycle of defining himself by what's happened to him, rather than his values & people.
For a long time Kakashi traps himself in this corner, defining himself exclusively as a shinobi because it's easier to define himself as a tool, a weapon, a dog than as a person capable of the things he is able to do. He fell into a habit of dehumanizing himself by labels, trapping himself within the definition of those labels because it was so much more comfortable than stepping out of his internal box. It leaves him wallowing in the past for much of his life. Which is understandable because grief is such a big feeling. But the thing is, he doesn't know who he is without it. Not for a long time, anyways.
caring for team 7 was his first new beginning, the first time he felt like a fresh person since he was young but from there he has so many more new beginnings & comes to love each of them for the way they shape his perspective of the world. he's still scared of change, but he comes to love it. the thrill of not knowing what's coming next, but knowing that it is going to be beautiful! being there alongside naruto & sakura's growth inspires him, seeing sasuke try to atone for his path shows him that nothing is set in stone. He becomes less rooted in the past & starts to look forward to the future.
By the time the fourth shinobi war ends, Kakashi not only looks to the future but also the present. For the first time, he's excited, he feels secure in loving those around him. It's not only a new beginning for him, but also the world. though there are so many unknowns, it's the first time the world chooses love.
so there's this journey of him being stuck in the past, being forced into a new beginning & coming to love each beginning as a chance for growth that gives me big rabies.
