i remembered recently why i have such a hard time asking for help. growing up, almost every time i asked for help or needed defending i was either dismissed, belitted, abandoned, or made to fix it on my own somehow. thinking back, that is so sad see kid-me get overwhelmed physically and hurting myself moving items alone or getting stuck, lost or left behind because no one heard or cared to stay back and help me.
now as an adult, i get irritated with how capable i am cause at this point… i don’t really need help anymore and i'm not comfortable with people helping me. it sometimes puts a strain on my relationships because for those who want to show me they care through acts of service or gift giving, i don't let them.
i've since learned that it's important to give loved ones the floor to show you that they love you and to not stiffle your blessings.
in addtion, the cherry on top is that i get annoyed with some people they way others were annoyed with me when i couldn't do things that they saw as "objectively" basic and easy to do.
i already do my best to be patient and willing to help others, but i think i do so more now knowing this about myself. i want to break the cycle and not hurt anyone in this fashion.
