#chadkin

I don't know how to feel about my Nigel. I tried to kill him many times and then, when the GKND came into the picture, he tried to kill me many times before he came back to his senses. That put us in a similar position- we were both traitors. We both lost almost all of our favor with the wider KND. We hurt the people around us and burned bridges and just sort of became isolated from everyone we knew.

That's why we ended up dating and marrying, I think. I'm not sure if there was love (it's hard to think about- so many emotions make it confusing to be sure), but there was understanding. A shared bitterness, a sense of loyalty and duty that no longer had a focus, a bit of mutual guilt for how much we damaged each other, even. Neither of us thought we deserved better, and maybe we didn't. Maybe we were perfect for each other, in our own way.

I can't help but wonder how my Nigel saw everything. Is he out there? Does he remember me? Does he want to see me? Do I want to see him? I feel like there's so much I want to say to him, but at the same time, nothing at all. It's weird. Perhaps I should try to remember more, before doing anything. Or maybe I shouldn't do anything, and let it be - Chad Dickson / Numbuh 274