#cha vinta

Another entry for USTETIKA, Tula category. This is not a winning piece. Pagbigyan na! Hindi pa marunong magsulat. :)

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Dalawang mukha ng pagkikita

Naririnig ko ang hagikgik ng mga naglalarong musmos,

kasabay ng paghambalos ng maingay na lata

sa tsinelas at sementadong lupa.

Nung una'y nangingilala ako dahil sa silaw

na labis na nakatirik at

ipinaabot ng hari mula sa ulap.

Hindi ko matiyak ang babaeng nakasuot ng bughaw

na daster na ilang dipa lamang ang pagitan sa akin.

Ginagapos ng isang lasong puti ang mahabang buhok niya,

may dalang isang mukha ng kanyang nakaraan.

Subalit ang paghalina ng kanyang ngiti

ang nagbadya sa pag-alala ng naipon na kwento

sa sulok ng aking ulo.

Arimya ang kanyang ngalan.

Sa tagal na pamamangka sa ilog,

Bakas ng dinsol

Malapit ko nang masilayan ang pamimitak ng araw,

at sinisimulan ko na ang pagpapaagos

ng mga salita mula sa gripo na

dadaloy sa puting blankong papel na ito.

May ilang kataga na 'kong nabitawan,

tulad nito lamang,

subalit hanggang ngayon,

naghihimutok ang aking utak

at patuloy pa ring tumatakbo

sa paghahagilap ng talinhaga.

Nasasabik na akong masulyapan ang katapusang nais,

ngunit ang malawak na kalupaan ng imahinasyon

ang siyang pumupukol ng malaking hamon sa akin

na isalansang mabuti ang mga bagay na ito

at sa huli, mailathala.

Family picture last christmas.

It's December 22! Yay! It has been a year since I officially became single. 365 days? Whew, that was quick! :)

Alright, so before I sleep, I'd like to share my thoughts. You may stop reading. This is just non-sense. Hahaha!

A year ago, If I remember it right, I was chatting with a friend through YM. I was seeking for advices. During that time, I was really having a hard time deciding. I was so confused and didn't know what to do.

A year ago, I was calling my ex. He was not answering my calls at first. But after a few missed calls, he answered. He said he was tired and didn't want to talk to me. I remember, I was crying. I can't remember exactly why, but one thing that's clear, I was crying so hard over the phone. I even uttered bad words. So he got mad. I forgot how we ended the day.

The following day, which was the 22nd of December, I remember attending the wedding of my cousin which was near his place. We were exchanging text messages during that time but I knew that were "cold SMS." I could already feel the tension, confusion, betrayal, and a lot more of different emotions. I knew there was something bad that'll happen. Afternoon came, he was in our house. There was dead air. We sat down and I started crying as he speaks. It was not a bucket of sincere words, I know. But I just let my emotions came out. Whew waiiiiiiiiit, that was heavy! :)) So Im not gonna have it detailed. Hahaha!

I'm just thinking that I survived the 365 days of being single. I struggled, but still, I survived. Those 365 days were a mixed of happiness and misery, yet I enjoyed my journey! Really. I've learned a looooooooooooooot. I gained more friends. I got to love myself more. I had the chance to go to the places I've never been. I bravely did what I couldn't do. I was able to face my fears. I got the freedom I didn't have for three years. I had the opportunity to be the real me - no limitations, no pretentions. I realized I am deeply and sincerely loved by the people surrounding me.

A year ago, I was in pain. But year ago was a blessing. It made me stronger. It made a better "me."