#ch.24

Okay, so, I fell in love with Wei Wuxian the first time I laid my eyes on him, by reading about him recalling bits of his past, living in the streets, being saved by FengMian, utterly loved by YanLi, playing around with Jiang Cheng ALL WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE, CAN WE PLEASE SPEND SOME WORDS ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL ANGEL'S?

He is too pure for this world, too pure.

And when he sees WangJi walk towards him with that intense, angry expression I was, like, "omg here comes worried, exasperated boyfriend wondering WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DID YOU TRY AND ESCAPE FROM ME BECAUSE THAT WON'T WORK" and WWX TAKES. A. STEP. BACK. and I'm "LWJ is finally done, he is going to stop pretending and eat him alive you just wait, babe" and then just-

WWX stumbles. And LWJ catches him, bends down and finds out about his cursed leg and WWX STUTTERS. He is a freaking stuttering mess! I go totally "CUTE!!!" and laugh and squirm happily because they are too much. Even this makes me so giddy I can't contain myself.

WHEN IS THIS SHIP GOING TO SAIL

(still have to finish ch.25, on it 😎)

EDIT: HE SAID IT. LWJ SAID, "Wei Ying" and my heart exploded!

EDIT 2: LWJ TOOK HIM BRIDAL STYLE OMG OMG OMG ARE THOSE TEARS ON MY CHEEKS I AM COLLAPSING

EDIT 3:

Wei WuXian asked, “Lan Zhan, you’ve known that it was me ever since we were at Dafan Mountain, right?”

Lan WangJi, “Yes.”

IS SOMEONE TRYING TO KILL ME BECAUSE I HAVE MIXED UP EMOTIONS AND I'M ONLY NOW DISCOVERING THAT ONE CAN CRY AND LAUGH AND WHINE AND GIGGLES AND SCREAM AND WEPT AT THE SAME EXACT TIME

Yes, Ness really could die and if it’s simple for him to prevent it, why wouldn’t he?

I want him to understand the things wrong with this sentence/his thought process :) he will get there eventually

“And this soothes your anxiety momentarily until it comes back and you do something else about it?” He shifts as he nods, drawing his legs up.

He is soooooooo uncomfortable with the way she seems to know exactly what's been going on in his mind. I think he also just anticipates that she's about to drop something on him (such as a New Term)

“Oh. That sounds…bad,” he says. Terrible, actually. Already his chest is tighter again. He wants to bargain with her. That if he tries harder with the coping methods he already has, maybe he doesn’t have to do the ERP. But maybe he deserves to feel uncomfortable and upset.

YAYYYYY, i've been looking forward to this part for so long :) like. OBVIOUSLY, this is not the point of ERP. like. it /is/ uncomfortable but it's not meant as a "punishment." but soleil, who hasn't really been chastised by the others so we haven't seen it come up yet, takes chastisements/corrections Super Personally. like i have done something wrong = i am bad = i deserve to feel bad, i need to pay/repay in some sort of painful or uncomfortable way.

and i think there's an element of "If i feel bad or uncomfortable it is /Because/ i did something wrong and i deserve it." so when he's told he's going to have to deal with this uncomfortable thing, it's that there must be a reason and if he'd been better the first time (a well-worn reason in his mind) he wouldn't have to go through this now.

There is no thought in his mind that if something is bad or uncomfortable it might be that way for a neutral reason (v fitting example, that he is sick because people get sick - no he's sick because he wasn't vigilant enough and therefore he deserves to feel all the physical and mental uncomfortability of being sick)

OR that penny isn't intending this as a punishment/as a correction. it will be very fun for them to talk this out later but soleil thinks the power dynamic is different than what it actually is. Penny is aiming to be encouraging and IS genuinely Asking when she asks what he thinks and is ofc Genuinely meaning it when she says she thinks it could be helpful. what soleil hears is "i have decided we are going to do this next. you have no choice but to agree."

If soleil had protested more they would have gone through why and she could've explained more about ERP and IF they got to "this feels like a punishment" that would've been a whole other conversation. she would Not force him to go through with it (tho she would be genuine in encouraging him) and i'm excited for her to say that to him :) fun convo

Cyrill brings food when he and Athena come back and it smells wonderful. He takes a bite and is hungry for the first time in days.

I didn't want to pick what he was eating bc i just wanted this chapter OUT but also i don't think it really matters :D the point isn't What he's eating so much as the fact that he's /hungry/ bc he's feeling better mentally and therefore physically and actually has an appetite.

Also gentle reminder of some food/eating habits that are ready to come back all too quickly

He misses the glance Athena exchanges with Cyrill over his head and the helpless shrug he gives back.

I tend/try not to do the "here's a thing that happened in this POV that the chara didn't actually see/notice" bc I feel like it's a habit that I could get into and slip more into like, third person omniscient or smth but there was no point in me switching POVs for just a sentence so close to the end of the chapter