free | bucky barnes
gif credits: @stevenrogered
requested: no
brief summary: seeing ayo reminds bucky of being freed from the winter soldier
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
word count: 2,311
warnings: fem!reader, sad bucky, flashbacks, fluff, angst, light cursing, light nsfw themes, making fun of walker just a tiny bit, first bucky fic woot woot
Bucky laid on his back with his metal arm stretched above his head, his other arm holding you close to his chest. The room was quiet, you and Bucky staying in one room while Sam and Zemo had their own. Zemo’s place in Riga (why he had a place in Riga you guys didn’t know) was nice. If they hadn’t been there under the circumstances they were, Bucky would’ve loved to walk the streets of the city with you, hand in hand as you explored together.
Things have been hard for him since Steve went back to Peggy and everything with Walker and Karli and the flag smashers and his fucking shrink wasn’t helping. But you were there to support him the entire way. You held him and listened to him when he told you of his newest nightmare. You took care of him in ways he felt he could never deserve given his history. You loved him so deeply it was impossible for him to not feel the same.
You captured him with your sweet smiles and witty comebacks. You comforted him when he needed it but didn’t put up with any of his bullshit. You checked him if he was out of line and he appreciated that (also wouldn’t hurt to say it turned him on when you attitude checked him). You were everything he could ever want in a girl and he loved you just as much, if not, more.
He thought back on the last few days; Zemo, Madripoor, having to act like the Winter Soldier, Sharon, the whole thing with the shipyard, seeing Ayo in Riga. He paused and circled back to Ayo. He went through their conversation, his mind lingering on one sentence.
“With time, will, and the resources, the Winter Soldier programming was removed from you like a rotten fur.”
He thought about his days in Wakanda. He’d been a little hesitant about trying to remove the program when he was first told about it but only because he was worried about hurting anyone during the process. You reminded him that if he went to Wakanda and removed the program, he would never have to worry about hurting anyone because of the Winter Soldier again. That, and your love and support, was enough to convince him to do it. And he was so glad that he did.
It was tough at first, especially because he was alone but he wanted to be. He felt this was something he needed to do on his own. While you wouldn’t hesitate to go with him to support him, you were so proud he was taking this step for himself. You sent him off with a breathtaking kiss and a promise to keep in touch. He kept your words (and your kiss) close as Shuri and everyone in Wakanda worked tirelessly to remove the program from him.
He remembered when Ayo tried the words on him and they failed. That intense fear that flowed through him as his eyes watered, just waiting for them to click and send him into a blind, murderous rage. But they didn't. Ayo said all ten words and he was still him. He was still Bucky Barnes. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he faintly heard Ayo tell him he’s free. A sob of relief escaped him, a weight being lifted and he felt like he could finally breathe.
He was free.
The Winter Soldier wouldn’t hurt him or anyone else anymore. He couldn’t have been more relieved. His past would always haunt him; that would never change. He would always feel the guilt of his days with HYDRA and there was nothing he could do about it. But at least he knew going forward that he could finally live in peace and he was so happy he could share that with you. At least he hoped he could.
He thought about the ring he kept hidden in his jacket pocket.
That thought brought his attention from the ceiling to you, Bucky glancing down at you laying in his arms. You were asleep, your head resting on his chest and little snores escaping you every now and then. You slung an arm around his waist and intertwined your legs with his, effectively keeping him close to you. Not that he wanted to pull away anyway. He tightened his grip around you and buried his nose in your hair, your lavender vanilla shampoo filling his chest.
He sniffled as he thought about when he told you he was coming home. The way you lit up and your eyes watered knowing he’d be with you after being apart for so long. You listened with the proudest smile as he told you about his final test. You could see how much better he felt; his words were breathy and his eyes were brighter, speaking with a soft smile when he told you the words didn’t work.
You were so happy for him. He finally had the peace he deserved and your love only deepened for him. He could see it in your eyes when you told him you loved him and were so proud of the person he’d become.
God he loved you.
He let a few tears fall as he kissed your head, shuffling closer to you despite already being as close as you could be. The movements caused you to stir, your eyes blinking up at him blearily as you were roused from your sleep. You blinked sluggishly as you tried to get your bearings, your eyes widening a bit when they focused on Bucky crying above you.
“Bucky what’s wrong?” you asked quietly, becoming more and more awake as you made sure he was okay. He let out another sniffle and shook his head, not answering you for a moment as he leaned down to place another kiss atop yours.
“I’m alright, doll.”
“Are you okay? Did you have another nightmare?” Bucky couldn’t help but smile. You always looked out for him and he adored that about you. Not only was he lucky enough to feel that support, but everyone you cared about felt it too and he truly admired how deeply you loved him and everyone else in your life.
He was so lucky.
“I was just thinking about how much I love you.” his words made your heart flutter. You’d been together for four and a half years yet he still made you blush like it was your first date.
“I love you too, Bucky. What brought this on?” you smiled up at him, tracing circles over his hip as you shifted closer. He moved down the bed a bit so your head was resting in his neck, your breaths mingling as he spoke.
“I was thinking about Ayo when I talked to her earlier today. She was upset we broke Zemo out of jail and reminded me of how they removed the Winter Soldier program for me,” he paused for a moment. “I understood why they’re angry but when she reminded me about the program, for a second I was back in Wakanda, sitting in front of the fire as she said the words to me.”
“I was so afraid it was going to work. I thought I was going to lose control and I was going to be him again but I didn’t. She said them and I didn’t turn. It was the greatest feeling knowing I would never be him again. I wouldn’t be HYDRA’s asset anymore. I'd just be me. I only wish I could’ve shared that moment with you.” Bucky pressed his forehead against yours, shifting to lay on his side so he could wrap his other arm around you and press you to him. You were touched he wanted you there with him but you shook your head.
“You said Wakanda was something you needed to do on your own and you were right. As much as I would’ve loved to be right by your side supporting you, the Winter Soldier was something only you could face and you wouldn’t get the closure you needed if I was there. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Bucky.
“It hurts me knowing how much you’ve been through, how much pain you were in while you were all alone but all that made you stronger and I admire you for that. Taking that first step led you to become the man you are today and I couldn’t be prouder. You are amazing, Bucky Barnes.”
Your words left him in awe, not even bothering to respond as he cupped the back of your head and pulled you into a deep kiss. That was his response. You immediately kissed back, gripping the front of his shirt with both hands and pulling him closer. He tangled his fingers in your hair as he kissed you passionately, determined to show you how much he loved you. He loved you so much and he couldn’t believe he got to call you his. The weight of your words with the way you looked at him so genuinely made his chest ache.
He used to think he wasn’t worthy of love. He never thought he would get to meet someone he could love who would love him in return because how could anyone love him? He was a monster. He was a killing machine, who could ever love someone like that? He thought he was doomed to be alone forever. And then he met you. The first time you met he was still the Winter Soldier and you fought alongside Steve to stop HYDRA.
You helped Steve escape to help Bucky, risking everything for him because you believed in him. You never faulted him for the things that he did. You knew he was under HYDRA’s control. You knew he never would’ve done the things he did if he had a choice. You made an effort to talk to him, to get to know him and let him know that you were someone he could count on. Steve was the only person to be so open and trusting so it meant everything to him that you cared about him. He hadn’t felt that kind of affection in years and his heart raced every time you gave him a taste.
His metal arm pulled you impossibly close to him, swallowing your whimper as he gently bit your lip with possession. You were his just like he was yours. He put everything into this kiss, hoping you could feel how much he loved you. Your hands moved from his shirt to the back of his neck, your nails lightly scratching him as he bit your lip again. He hitched your leg over his waist and gave a slight roll of his hips, the both of you emitting groans as he held you tighter. He ground into you a couple more times before pulling away to breathe, giving you some long, hard pecks before he did.
You both panted as you caught your breath, looking at each other with deep love and growing lust. Bucky nudged his nose with yours as he looked down and spoke before he could stop himself.
“Will you marry me?”
Your eyes widened as you processed what he said. Did he just?
“Will you marry me, doll?”
You had to take a moment to catch your breath once again.
“Are you serious, Bucky?” you asked quietly, heart swelling when he nodded.
“Absolutely. I love you so much and I can’t imagine my life without you. You saw me for who I am and not the person HYDRA made me be. You believed in me and stuck by me. I was alone for so long and I thought I would never live a normal life. I would never get to have the life I deserved because I was robbed of it but you changed my mind.
“You showed me what it was like to have people in your corner and I couldn’t appreciate you more for it. You said that you’re proud of who I’ve become but I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for you. You’re my everything and the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man alive by marrying me, doll?”
You were full on sobbing by the time he was finished, garbled cries leaving you as you nodded your head and said
“Yes. I’ll marry you, Bucky.”
You’d never seen Bucky smile so wide before, happiness radiating from him as he pulled you into another kiss. Neither of you could stop smiling as your lips locked, little laughs leaving both of you as you lived in the moment. Bucky felt like he was on cloud nine. The love of his life just agreed to marry him. He held you tightly as you exchanged whispered ‘I love you’s’ to each other, basking in the love you both shared. He couldn’t believe you were going to be his wife. The thought made him smile as he rested his cheek on top of your head.
He knew that tomorrow would bring more problems than they already had to start with. He knew that when they woke up, they’d have to go back to work so they could stop Karli and the flag smashers and get the shield back from the stale piece of white bread they were trying to call Captain America. He knew life would have to continue on so he closed his eyes and let himself savor this moment.
This moment that would forever be shared between you and him and no one else. He let himself feel your love for him and fell asleep in your arms, dreaming of the future he couldn’t wait to share with you.
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