#celestialshifter

2020 is almost done and over with! 

nonverbal starters

[ trail ]   my  muse  watches  as  your  muse  traces  one  of  my  muses  scars,  asking  them  about  it

The faded pale line crossed over her abdomen, not straight, but angled upward as it moved to the bottom left side of her ribcage. In Pho’s current shape, it was only a gentle fingertip tracing the path, but in any other form, her hands could have made quick, clean work of the healed scar. It would have been nothing for her to finish what the other had started.

“And this one?” Tess didn’t hear her at first, too preoccupied with all the different shapes she’d seen those hands take. Pho’s inquiring golden gaze broke the spell, and Tess exhaled heavily before resting her head back to think.

“It was a halberd. The Unseelie soldier was keeping me at bay while his friend was trying to retreat from a one-on-one where I’d gotten the upper hand. He just... charged in, ready to take my head off my shoulders. I managed to get in close, but he kept using the pole to force me back. I stumbled, and he saw an opening, even at a range. He just whipped the blade around and managed to catch me. It wasn’t deep—thank the stars. That blade would have ripped me open, if I’d been half an inch closer. It sliced right into my armor like butter, but it got caught there. I managed to catch the pole and I yanked it right out of his hands and broke it over his temple.”

   “do you remember my little sister? i don’t suppose you could forget her, after the things you undoubtedly heard her say to me well over a year ago. i want to say that you only saw her at her worst, i want to defend her, but the more i try to find reasons to defend her, i can only come up for more reasons to keep my distance. it’s not her fault, really. she wanted a normal life, one that wasn’t full of bastard royals and shadows that could swallow her whole if she wasn’t careful. she never asked for this life, and i don’t blame her for wanting to reject it, even if it means rejecting the person who gave her a chance to be herself and to do whatever she felt like doing, no matter what the world demanded of her. i’m aware i’m making excuses for her at this point, but what else am i supposed to do? she is family... isn’t she?”

   He looks down at his cup of beef ramen, taking a bite off of his fork and swallowing.

   “... you know, every time i look her in the eyes, she scares me. not because of what happened, or what she said to me, but... paci, she─ she reminds me of the mages back home. that scares me. the mages back home... early on, they meant well. they were like me: curious souls who wanted to fight for what was right and good in the world, but they lacked the stamina to be hunters and they lacked the bravery to be knights. all they knew were spells and enchantments... but they still did as much good as they could think of with their abilities and blessings from their assorted deities. at first, they were good. and then... one day, they had suddenly turned wrong. the harmonies of their world, the melodies of their magics, everything changed in them and almost every mage that came into contact with those who were from the main building. most of it is speculation, and by this time back home, it has most certainly been dealt with by the guild leaders i put in charge when i was last there. hopefully they’re still around.”

   His throat tightens a bit as if there were a noose drawing around the skin.  Time to move on.  Another bite, and he continues what he was saying.

   “she reminds me of them. there’s a look in her eyes that reminds me of that very type of mage, and it scares me every time i look at her. i want to believe that she wouldn’t fall into a trap like that, but i also know her. so i know that she might. the chance is low, but the fact that the chance that she could end up like that is even there... i don’t want another timeline to be plagued with that illness again. and if it comes down to her or the timeline... if it comes down to letting the world be infected by that all over again for a family member who, admittedly, betrayed me... well. you already know my answer, don’t you?”

   Fleur chuckles, the sound more tired and sad than robotic.

   “these days it’s getting so hard to think about things like happiness and a future that is worth living for. what future could i possibly have that’s worth all this pain? what could be worth the maddening awareness that i’ll never reach the goal that i’ve always wanted? but... i have hope. that’s what you keep telling me to hold onto. it’s... hard to hold onto, and so easily stolen, but it never... really goes away, does it? just because it’s not with you doesn’t mean it’s completely gone. you just have to find it again. take back what was taken from you. ...it’s still hard though. everything’s been so goddamn hard after... after what happened with shane.”

   “i can’t get the taste of his fear out of my mouth. i can’t tell who’s with me nor who’s against me. it all blurs together lately. i don’t even know if it’s his fear or everyone else’s. i don’t think it matters. if he could end up afraid of me, then everyone else will eventually too. i just... i wish i knew what i did to make someone like him so terrified of me. i know i used to be a hunter, but that’s in the past... i’m not like that anymore. heh─ i don’t think i could keep up anymore, in the state i’m in. they made sure of it.”

   “someday, maybe soon at the rate of things... things will change. for better or for worse, i don’t know. i might not ever know. but all i can hope for is that they will all at least be happier when that day comes. that’s all i ever want. for them to be happy. to be safe. to be and feel truly loved. that’s... all i could dream of for them.”

   Another bite, this time lingering on the brief taste of the ramen before fear floods it again.  Damn.  He sighs, endlessly tired eyes drifting over to a nearly empty mug of coffee before looking back up at the item behind the glass, the item that has been his only stable company for the past few days.

   “things are going to change for us. i know it. and if they won’t change for us, then i’ll make it change.”  Silver breaks the steady violet gaze between blinks to keep himself awake.  Again, he sighs, the stiffness of his shoulders resuming its slouch.  “or so i would say, if i were in a better mindset... if my soul didn’t ache and i had the energy to actually go back to the one place i feel at home in this timeline. but i can’t, i don’t know what i’d do if i tasted that fear on him, too. so i’ll stay here. telling you stories that you’ll never hear during a time where... fittingly, no one acknowledges i exist even though i so badly need someone i can trust. even if i don’t know if i can trust anyone, i need to have someone─... but my own fear keeps me rooted. watching everyone else move on while i remain stuck, always stuck, no matter what.”

clestialshifter: Drinks? Now she’s curious

            While many of her senses are most certainly dulled , the sound of footsteps is still quickly received and her attention is drawn immediately in kind . It does seem to take a moment for her to recognize who she is seeing , but when she does           

           ❛   Lady Dahana      !!  ❜ A declaration is made . Bottle raised up in cheers and greeting , befit of a celebration that is very much not present in this cold , dark , secluded garden of the now mostly-empty governing halls . The words are thick and sound as something of a strain to get out of her chest , but Toothiana could hardly look more relaxed .  ❛   To think I might not have been able to see you off ! To see . . . me off . . . To see you see me off .  ❜          (   Close enough .   )    She leans back in her seat and takes another drink , returning her attention forward to nothing with a sort of blissful , lazy smile . The inner workings of her mind a mystery to say the least , but she does eventually continue at a more standard speaking voice .