#celebratinghayden

“Who are you?” he begged the voice, searching the streets everywhere for the person it belonged to, clawing his way through the headache and stumbling from support to support as onlookers cast concerned glances his way and asked him if he needed help. But he ignored them and continued his search because he desperately needed answers. About who he was and where he was really from. About who the people close to his heart were.

He’d forgotten them, and he longed to remember their faces, their names. This girl was right. Something about Quadratum wasn’t what it seemed. There was something she needed him to notice, to realize—

But she wasn’t here. He slumped against a vending machine with colorful cartoon characters serving hot and cold drinks. The buttons poked into his back, his skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, and his breath came out in panting gasps. His head felt like it was gonna split open, too, and he groaned as the machine cheerfully informed him he needed to insert 100 yen for his selected drink. Sounds were too loud right now. Lights were too bright right now. The ordinary smells of the street assaulted his sensitive, sensitized body. Everything was just too much, all at once.

But at least he was still conscious this time. He fought to stay awake. He even lifted his head again and quickly regretted it.

“You okay?” he heard the girl ask, her voice filled with worry. Something about her concern warmed his heart, because that meant he mattered to someone from his past. That he was somebody.

Still, he couldn’t resist the urge to pout and be snarky. Almost as if he knew deep down she wouldn’t mind, that she would expect his whining and sulking and might even comfort him and try to ease his suffering.

“Oh, I’m fine,” he grumbled as he peeled himself off of the noisy vending machine. “Just peachy. Developing migraines at the ripe old age of sixteen that make me a liability on the battlefield because I keep passing out is definitely what I wanted out of death. Life. Whatever.”

With her, it was like he didn't have to be strong or act like a hero. He didn't even have to be cheerful all the time. He could just be…himself.

“I think the headaches will stop when you get your memories back,” she replied, her voice tinged with sympathy.

“Boy, would that be nice. But every time my brain tries to bring them back, I get a splitting headache. It's the worst kind of chocobo and egg situation.”

“I know, and I promise we’re trying to help. Na…I mean, one of our friends, is working on it. Think of it like reconnecting a whole bunch of chains together, only the chains are memories. But our friend also said there are certain chains you have to reconnect yourself.”

“Then help me do that. Please. Clearly, I knew you before, and you know me. Tell me, what’s your name?”

A light giggle floated to his ears. “You don't even remember my name? Wooooow, thanks a lot, Sora.”

The words were scolding but the tone was affectionate. Familiar. The phrasing was familiar, too, giving him that eerie sense of déjà vu again.

His head spun, and he braced himself against the vending machine again like an old friend. Something pricked at the edges of his consciousness, like a word lingering on the tip of his tongue.

This girl was incredibly important to him. He was sure of it.

“Okay, I guess I can give you a hint,” she said, her tone teasing. Something about her teasing was heartachingly familiar. “Starts with a ‘K!’”

He tilted his head. “A ‘K?’ Don’t you know how many ‘K’ names there are? Can’t you just tell me what it is?”

“Nope! You’ve gotta piece the rest together yourself, and I know you will.”

He groaned. Great, another riddle he’d have to figure out—

But then she spoke again, and her voice was so warm and heartfelt that all his frustration melted away. “Bye for now, Sora. I promise we’ll meet again, someday soon. And until then, know that I’m always with you. I might not be physically there, but the beautiful memories we made together, all the happy moments we shared, the powerful feelings in our hearts—no one can ever take that away from us or from you.”

His eyes welled up with tears, his hand reaching for someone he knew wasn't physically here. “Wait—”

But she was already gone. This street was quiet. Empty. His outstretched hand, tingling with phantom sensations he didn’t understand, aching as if someone had just ripped him away from safety and comfort, fell limply to his side.

But his mind was lining the pieces up, and his heart, oh his heart—it was thundering like a waterfall, roaring through his ears, begging his brain to remember what his heart and body could never forget.

The girl was right. There were some things nothing could take away from him. Not memory loss, not fate, not destiny, and not even death.

Memories flooded his mind. Feelings. Images. Red hair so pretty he couldn’t believe it when he first saw her. Big violet eyes that regarded him with such warmth and fondness. A radiant smile that lit up his entire world. Soft pink lips that had dripped with the juice of a salty-sweet shared paopu fruit. An adorable, infectious laugh that turned his insides to mush whenever he heard it. Arms that embraced him and accepted him just as he was, no matter how badly he’d let her down. Tender hands that always reached out to him, that had crafted so many gifts and letters and treats for him, that had reunited him with Riku, that had brought them home.

There was more, so much more. An entire person could hardly be contained in words or even images, but his racing thoughts certainly tried to capture her essence. But what stuck out to him most of all was her strong heart that never wavered. She shone with pure light, bringing so much love and warmth wherever she went, and yet she was a fighter, too. Stubborn to the end.

Even now, she refused to give up. She refused to let him go. And how very glad he was for that.

His hand reached into his pocket out of habit, out of instinct. When he pulled the lucky charm out, his hand-drawn face winking up at him and his crown emblem restored, the thalassa shells their rightful colors once more, a smile tugged at his lips.

“Starts with a ‘K,’ right, Kairi?”

🌺 🌼 🌸

A/N: Thank you so very much for reading. I was devastated when I heard about Hayden’s passing earlier this week. I never got to meet her, but she had such a positive impact on me growing up and was part of so many of my memories thanks to all her different roles. She felt like a cool big sister, and her warmth and light and humor were contagious. I know so many other people feel the same way, and I’ve appreciated seeing all the tributes celebrating her life.

I wish I could've written something for all her roles I loved to honor her in time for her birthday this year, and maybe someday I will. But I knew I wanted to write something to celebrate her role as Kairi at the very least, because Kairi and Hayden bringing her to life has had such a wonderful impact on my life. Hayden is the reason why I fell in love with Kairi in the first place, and I’ll always treasure my memories of her Kairi.

I wish we could’ve met in this life, if for no other reason than I wanted to tell her how much of an inspiration she was to me. I kept up with how she was doing over the years because I was really rooting for her. She was so strong and lived through so much and was so passionate about protecting animals and the other causes dear to her heart. I’d even recently checked out her memoir from the library to listen to and was about to start it when I got the news of her passing. I’m so very grateful she gave us one final gift to remember her by, and she was very brave for sharing her story and struggles with us in her own words and with her own voice.

My heart goes out to her friends and family, and I hope they're getting the space and support they need to grieve during this time.

And not just her hands. Looking down, she noticed that her legs and feet were too. Her face, her entire body had been completely rid of skin. Yet she could somehow still feel her heart rapidly beating somewhere in her chest. Very strange.

Emerging from the narrow alleyway, she came upon a row of shops selling all kinds of things from clothes to knick knacks to books, and that rapid heartbeat made a sudden stop for a moment when she caught sight of her reflection in a shop window. She looked exactly like a skeleton. The only ‘human’ parts of her body she seemed to have retained were her eyes and hair. Approaching the reflection with caution, she paused at the window and gave her head a prod with a bony finger.

“This is so weird…” She thought aloud as she continued to poke herself. Perhaps this had something to do with this particular world’s order? As she stared at the glass, she noticed figures moving in the background and turned around to face them. A couple of skeletal people were walking around, talking, laughing. They didn’t seem very phased by their odd appearance. This must be how people looked in this world then.

Then… were they all dead? Was this a world that had links to the afterlife? She should do some exploring. She wasn’t sure if this could be the same place that Naminé had been talking about, but it had definitely piqued her interest.

“Mrrp?” A noise sounded from beneath her.

Kairi looked down to see a small yet very colourful cat standing next to her. It brushed up against her leg and began to purr. She crouched down to say hello to the little creature.

“Hey little fella.” She said softly as she gently stroked the cat’s head. The cat was bright orange with green and blue stripes coating its fur. Its stripes appeared to glow as she stroked it, hopefully that indicated that it was happy and enjoying Kairi’s company. Perhaps the animals of this world looked different from the people. They couldn’t be more contrasting.

She giggled. “You’re so cute!”

The cat licked her hand and gave a little chirp, heading for a skeleton woman on the other side of the street. Must be his owner or something.

The woman scooped the cat up and caught Kairi’s eye, giving her a friendly smile and a wave. Kairi waved back out of politeness, still a little bewildered by this bizarre new world. Unsure of where she should start, she headed down the winding street, taking in the sights and sounds of this world that these skeleton people called home.

She noticed that a few of the people walking around were giving her strange looks; some sympathetic, some just plain odd. She self-consciously pulled her hood up over her face, hoping people would just stop staring at her. Or at least she wouldn’t have to see them staring. She couldn’t draw any unwanted attention to herself. Blend in, try and look like you belong in this world.

Easier said than done. This was one of the strangest places she’d ever been to. Strange, yet alluring. Everywhere she went, everything was bursting with colour, bright and cheerful against the world’s dark sky. Buildings were covered in bright lights, illuminating the surrounding streets and shops, with all manners of paintings and decorations dotted about the place. It sure looked lively considering everyone there was dead. Everywhere she turned she saw the same poster that had been plastered onto walls, houses and streetlights. It displayed information about an upcoming event with a picture of a rather cocky looking man holding a guitar. Kairi wasn’t sure why, but something irked her about his face. He looked like one of those annoying celebrity figures that demanded attention wherever they went. Absolutely full of himself. Turning her nose up at the image, she turned heel and headed for a more open street with far more people wandering about, accompanied by those friendly, bright coloured animals. She supposed the more she walked around and tried to suss this world out, the better. She needed to find out whether Sora could be here.

But how?

**

So many unexpected and surprising things lay around every corner of this world. Whether it was one of those colourful animals, the cheery energy of a group of dancers entertaining a crowd, or the weird one-legged man hobbling and shouting down the street after something that resembled a dog.

The what?

“Gaaayaaahhhh!! Hey wait! Come back, that’s my tibia, I need that! Give me my leg back you little!-”

Kairi couldn’t make out what he was saying as he continued yelling and half hurtling-half hopping down the road after his target, but it sounded like a load of expletives. Still, if it was a person in distress, then it was her job as a keyblade wielder to help them. She hurried on after the man, ready to summon her blade to her hand, hoping that the locals would just see it as a fancy sword and nothing else.

“Wait!” She called after the man. “Let me help you!”

The man seemed to have cornered his target in a dead-end street. Kairi panted as she ran to catch up with him. He was fast for someone who was missing a leg. It was then that Kairi noticed that the dog that had stolen the man’s leg bone didn’t look quite like the other animals of this world. It had a foreboding energy about it that didn’t seem right.

“Aha!” Called the man, pointing a bony finger at the dog. “Found you at last! No one steals Héctor’s leg and gets away with it!”

The dog then proceeded to drop the bone at its feet and gave a warning snarl to the man to stay away. That was when she noticed the emblem on it’s back. Sure enough, it was a heartless.

“Yikes! Listen, I’ll give you something nice if you give me my leg back?” The man called Héctor pleaded with the heartless, slowly backing up as the dog-heartless snarled again. “I know a guy who makes the best churros around! Waddya say?”

Kairi swiftly put herself between the man and the heartless, bringing her keyblade down on the mutt’s head. It dissipated in a cloud of swirling black. That easy to take down huh? Must have been all bark and no bite.

She picked up the slobbered covered bone and turned to Héctor, giving a little nervous smile. She was holding someone’s leg bone.

“Um- Here’s your leg?” She said, offering it to Hector. “Are you ok? That thing didn’t hurt you at all did it? I mean, apart from pulling your tibia off…” She immediately regretted her choice of words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Why did she have to be so damn awkward at times?

Héctor gratefully accepted his leg back, luckily not noticing, or paying attention to her apparent awkwardness. Now that she was able to get a closer look at the man, Kairi noticed that seemed a little different from the other people of this world. Though he was still all bone and no flesh, his bones were like the colour of old parchment that had been left for thousands of years, unlike the others who appeared a milkier white. Maybe he was just a really old guy? But then again, he didn’t look like an old man. It was hard to age people here, but he appeared to be somewhere in his late 30’s if she were to guess.

“Ah, thanks for that, Little Lady.” He said, bending over to reattach his leg, his straw hat falling off his messy head of dark hair in the process. He grumbled to himself as he finished with his leg and put his hat back on top of his head. He suddenly snapped his head up to look at Kairi properly. “Hey, how did you get rid of that weird Alebrije anyway? I’ve seen a couple of them wandering about the place, but no one has ever dared to fight them off! Well- except the larger and stronger Alebrijes of course. You’re pretty brave, kid. The name’s Héctor. What’s yours?”

“My name is Kairi. And I’m uh.. kinda new here.” She said honestly. No point in pretending that she knew this world, maybe this Hector guy could help her navigate around this new place.

“Ah.” He simply said, looking sad all of a sudden. “You’re so young too. I hate seeing younger people like you ending up here. Though I’m no spring chicken myself, most of the people here have lived their lives to the full and are ready when they cross over. Would have still been living my best life had I not contracted a nasty case of food poisoning. So, what happened to you? If you don’t mind me asking of course.”

The scar on her back seemed to burn at that question. Though she may have no skin in this world, she felt it there all the same. Just like she could feel her heartbeat start to quicken.

“I- I don’t really like talking about it.” She answered, shifting her gaze away from him, not wanting him to press for an answer.

“Oh! I’m sorry. Kairi was it? Heh. Don’t mind me, just curious that’s all.” Now it was Héctor’s turn to feel awkward. Kairi smiled. He seemed like a nice person, she could tell by just a few minutes of talking with him. Kind of the opposite of that other guy in the poster.

“It’s alright, Héctor. But uh- I was wondering if you could help me out with something? You see, I’m looking for a friend of mine. I think he might be around here somewhere. He’s uh… A bit taller than me, spikey brown hair, loads of energy, kind of handsome…”

Why did she say that?

Héctor gave his chin a scratch. “What’s this handsome fella’s name?” He asked.

Kairi was now feeling lucky that she had no flesh in this world, for her cheeks would have been burning bright pink at that remark.

“Sora.” She answered.

Héctor gave another scratch of his chin as he continued to think.

“Nope. Sorry, name doesn’t ring a bell. But I know who might. There’s a registry office on the way to my house. They’ve got all the names of everyone in The Land of The Dead! They can trace just about anyone if you give them a name. I bet if you ask there, they’ll be able to tell you if your friend is here. In fact, I’ll take you there myself!” Héctor was full of enthusiasm, he looked like he wanted to dash off right there and then.

“That’d be great!” Kairi gave an equally enthusiastic answer. Her luck seemed to have changed. Now she’d have a chance to find Sora without scouring the entire world for him.

“Yes! Yes! I help you, you help me! We can help each other! See I’d feel a lot better going back home if you’d come with me. I’d hate for one of those scary Alebrijes to attack me again. Or worse, a whole pack of them! Please! You gotta help me out here, Little Lady!”

Poor Héctor. The heartless from before wasn’t that powerful but who knows what a group of them were capable of.

“Don’t worry Héctor, if we run into any trouble, I’ll keep you safe! So, which way to your house?”

“Great! Thank you so much, Kairi! It’s uh…” Héctor looked around, trying to get his bearings. “Ah! It’s this way. We haven’t got too far to go, and we can stop off at the registry office on our way.” He gave a motion of his head, indicating her the direction in which they would travel. She’d have to have her wits about her at all times, ready to jump into action if she sensed any threat. Thankfully, she was getting better and better at that lately.

**

Kairi and Héctor made their way through the busy streets, only bumping into a handful of weak heartless lurking in the darkness along the way. She made fast work of them while protecting Héctor from their hungry gaze. Apparently, they had always been in this world but the nicer spirits, the Alebrijes, had kept them under control by hunting them down. It would be useful if every world had kind spirits like that to keep heartless under control.

Again, there were more posters displaying an upcoming event plastered everywhere they went. It must have been very important for it to be literally all over the world. She decided to give the poster a proper read this time, still not very impressed with this ‘Ernesto’ guy. Héctor caught her looking at the poster and gave a sigh of annoyance.

“Ugh. Every year. Every year he puts on that Sunrise Spectacular and every year everyone is all “Oh Ernesto you’re so cool! Mr de la Cruz, can I get an autograph?” He’s not even that good of a songwriter!” he said exasperatedly, throwing his arms into the air.

“He seems kinda full of himself to me…” Kairi confessed.

Apparently, that statement pleased Héctor very much.

“Ah! Thank you! Finally, someone with a bit of sense around here! Come on Kairi, the Office is just up this road.”

Kairi hurried after him as they approached a large stone building, very different looking from the rest of the world. Inside, it resembled a bank office or something similar, with many people sat at computer screens busily typing away and a queue of customers waiting to be seen. So, this was the place that had a database on every single person in this world. That was both cool and a little creepy at the same time. After waiting in the queue for a few minutes, they were called over by a small, peppy looking woman.

“Good evening! What can I help you both with?” She asked with a little hint of that fake customer service voice that everyone had to put on when dealing with the public.

Héctor gave Kairi a nudge with his elbow, best if she told her who she was looking for. She approached the woman at the desk, trying to form the question correctly in her mind first.

“Hi, we’re looking for someone- a friend of mine. I’m not actually sure if he’s here I’m uh… I’ve only just got here myself, but his name is Sora. He’s a little taller than me, brown, spikey hair and about 16 years old. Would you check on your system if you have anything on him please?” She leaned over slightly against the desk as if she wanted to jump inside the computer and search for him herself.

The lady began typing things into her computer and muttering to herself as she brought up the search results.

“Hmm… Sora… No not Zola. Or Sara. Definitely not Yozora…” She continued her search, a look of puzzlement creeping across her face. “No, I’m sorry. I can’t find anybody matching the description I’m afraid. But that must mean he’s still in the Land of the Living! You’ll be able to see him soon in a few weeks when Día de Muertos rolls around!”

She had absolutely no idea what that meant but thanked the receptionist for her help anyway before she and Héctor headed back outside. She hadn’t expected as much but still felt that despair creeping back into her heart once more. What did she expect? This was no easy quest after all.

**

Disheartened, they sat on the lowest step that lead up to the Registry building in silence. Why had her keyblade taken her here in the first place? Was this the only place in the Realm of Light that was accessible to her? She didn’t know. She rested her head on her hand as they sat, thinking where in this vast universe she should look next.

Finally, Héctor spoke up.

“I’m really sorry about your friend. But hey, he’s still alive so that’s a good thing right? And like the lady said, Día de Muertos is only around the corner. You can cross the bridge to get over and see him! I mean, that’s only if your family put your photo up on the family ofrenda of course…” he trailed off. He seemed sad at the mention of his family. He must miss them terribly.

She wasn’t sure what Día de Muertos was, but it must be extremely important to the people of this world. From what she had gathered, they could cross a bridge to visit their families in the Living World for that one night. But only if your family had a picture of you?

Her confusion must have showed in her face. Hector gave a sad smile and explained.

“Right… you’re new here so you probably don’t know how it works. Your family must have an ofrenda, they put pictures up of family members that have passed. Well, to put it simply, if your picture isn’t up there, you can’t cross over to the other world. You’re stuck here. While the remainder of your family slowly forgets about you. Until no one remembers you anymore…”

Kairi’s heart sank. It was as if Héctor’s family didn’t even care about him anymore. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like for no one in the world to remember you. She remembered when only her and Riku were the ones that remembered Sora while he was asleep for a year, and even that had felt awful.

Reminiscing, as if he needed to vent his feelings out to someone, even if that someone was a complete stranger to this world whom he had just met that day, he continued to tell Kairi about his family.

“It’s my fault really. I wanted to pursue my music career and I left my wife and daughter behind. After a while, I realised how much I missed them and how much I loved them, so I decided to go home. I never did reach home though, I died of a bad case of food poisoning shortly after and because I never returned, they didn’t put my picture up. And so, year after year, I watch everyone cross that bridge and I see them return with smiling faces and gifts from their friends and family, and I stay here on this side. Sometimes I wish I could just change the past, wish I’d never left at all. But even so, I’d only want to cross over one time, just once. So I could see my daughter again, my Coco. She’ll be an old woman by now but if I could just tell her how much I love her… How I’ve regretted missing her grow up and live her own life. Maybe she could forgive me. I don’t know… Heh, sorry that was a bit heavy for you right? But I feel better for telling someone all of this. Thanks for listening to me, Kairi.”

She wanted desperately to tell him that it would be alright, that somehow, he’d be able to see his daughter again, but she couldn’t find the right words. Still, she had to say something.

“If you love her, then your hearts are connected. And when hearts are connected, they always find a way back to each other, no matter how hard it may seem. Trust me, I know first-hand.” She offered, hoping that would make him feel even a little better.

Héctor was silent. Then, he got to his feet and offered her a hand up. He still seemed sad, but there was a trace of determination somewhere within him too.

“You’re right. I don’t know how or when, but I will see her again. And you’ll see your Sora again too.” He looked towards the sky. “After all, Love is a powerful thing.”

She gave a small nod and wiped her eye. She could feel tears starting to well up already. Maybe that was why she had ended up here. To remind her to never give up and to always keep a strong heart.

“Hey, hey! Don’t cry! Here- look!” He pulled his hand from his arm and set it on the floor, which then started doing a frenzied tap dance.

She laughed whilst still wiping her eyes. Right, she must not give up. She had to head back and continue her search.

“Thanks, Héctor. Uh, are you going to be ok now? You live around here don’t you?”

Héctor picked up and reattached his hand back into place. “Oh yes, I live just over that way and the evil Alebrijes never come round here. Are you going to be ok though? Do you even know where to go?” He asked with concern.

Kairi considered that for a moment. She needed to find a quiet place to disappear, sooner rather than later too.

“I’ll be fine, I know where my family are. I should get going though. It was nice to meet you!”

Héctor grinned as he started to walk away. “You too! Maybe we should catch up some time, yeah?”

“Oh, um... sure!?” Was all she could answer with. Best to leave right now. She disappeared into an oncoming crowd of people and slipped into a quiet side road to head for home.

**

Kairi arrived just where she had originally set off, in her bedroom. Judging from the view outside, it was very early in the morning. Still dark, but dawn would soon break over the horizon. She gave her hands a quick glance over and turned around to inspect the rest of her body. Back to normal. Relieved, she realised that she hadn’t been gone for too long. Hopefully she would still get enough sleep for the day ahead and not be too exhausted to function properly. At least no one had noticed her absence due to it being so late.

No one except the tiny figure now standing in her slightly ajar doorway.

“Wha- Chirithy!” She hissed. “What are you doing? Go back in to Ven!”

The little dream eater just stood watching her for a moment, cocking their head to the side before asking her the dreaded question.

“Did you sneak out?” They asked quite innocently.

They didn’t seem angry with her. Just merely curious. She supposed she could tell them at least half of the truth, just as long as the others didn’t find out. She’d been caught right in the act. No point in lying to the cat.

“Uh…” She started. “Well- Yeah. But only for a little bit! I just needed some space to think. I’m sorry Chirithy. Please don’t go telling Aqua! I was only- um.” The words escaped her; she was a terrible liar. But at the same time, she couldn’t just say she’d ran off to a far-off world to search for her potentially dead best friend in the middle of the night.

“Ah it’s ok.” They said, waving a paw about nonchalantly. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of times Ven’s ran off somewhere when he shouldn’t have. I just wanted to check you were alright, that’s all. Well, goodnight! Hey, can I borrow your book to read please? I may be a dream eater, but I need help drifting off all the same.”

“Sure thing. Do you want me to carry it for you?” She asked as she dragged it out from under her bed and handed it to Chirithy. Did they even have the strength to lug that thing around?