#cddc

I try to remember all of the good moments. Those innocent feelings. The admiration I had. I try to think of the times I felt butterflies in my stomach. I try to associate you with happy feelings. The truth is it gets harder and harder every day. You weren't that nice to me. But you were exactly what I needed. You helped me grow so much. I learned a lot from you. Most of what I learned is how I can let myself go and put someone so much above myself and not question it. I learned I am capable of giving my all. I am capable of putting my needs/wants last. You were not what I thought. I gave you my everything. I let myself sink while I tried to hold you up. I was suffocating. And I still am. You hardly tried. I know there were some bright moments but there was so much darkness that you can hardly recall them. I don't hate you but you hurt me. You always said what I wanted without stopping to ask me what I actually wanted but I still couldn't speak up. I thought this is what was supposed to happen. I honestly feel like such a child after all of this. I didn't know but it was so bluntly there perhaps I was just blinded by something. I want to remember you in a positive light but it's hard but that doesn't mean I despise you. I wish you the very best.