#ccbcresort

I can’t imagine a day without me stopping to think about something I am grateful for. No, really. Every day I find something to be grateful for. I have a theory about gratitude. If I find enough things in my life to be grateful for, then I am less likely to fear the future or regret the past. I am more likely to stay in the present moment and simply live my life.

Years ago, I thought I had all the answers. I thought I could lead by telling people what to do.  I believed I knew what was right for everybody else.

Well, life can knock you around a bit and tell you differently. I have had a lot of struggles to get where I am. I had to work hard in school and compete against some of the best and brightest. I struggled with racism, homophobia and classism. I had to bring myself back from the brink of only 44 t-cells and PCP pneumonia and rebuild my health. Most recently, I had to accept the position of 1st runner-up in my first leather contest and turn my perspective around when I was later crowned the winner. These are all humbling events that taught me to have faith and believe in myself.

Instead of worrying whether I will make a lot of money someday to retire on, I am grateful for a roof over my head and food in my stomach. While I could complain I don’t have enough time for friends or family, I am grateful for the cherished moments I do spend with each person every day. Besides being fearful of some unknown future catastrophe, I welcome the challenges life brings because they have always made me stronger.

If you find you don’t have enough gratitude in your life, start small and work your way up. Be grateful for witnessing a beautiful sunrise. Find joy in having clean clothes after doing your laundry. Discover the natural beauty in the outdoors and be thankful you can enjoy it whenever you want.  Call a friend or even offer a smile to someone who doesn’t expect it. Then let me know if gratitude is the right attitude.

Jax Kelly, Mr. CCBC Leather 2018 and contestant for Mr. Palm Springs Leather 2018

Big moments in coming out:

I was a vice president at the Rockefeller Center office of a major bank in New York. Because I am an African-American senior management appointed me to a newly formed Diversity Council to advise the Executive Vice President of my division. The Vice Chair of the bank was invited to meet us and hear our concerns. As the only black person on the council, my concerns about race and lack of inclusion were obvious. But I also chose to identify as a gay man who didn’t like to solicit donations from my clients to benefit the Boy Scouts of America who still had a policy of discrimination against LGBT folk. I felt like a lightning bolt would hit me in retribution, but after I was through explaining why the bank should stop fundraising for the Boy Scouts (a policy it didn’t adopt until it was shamed in the tabloids), I realized I was fine and felt even better when I got a hugs from friends who supported what I did.

I was volunteering for an AIDS service organization in Los Angeles when I was asked by a manager if I’d be interested in appearing in a billboard campaign. The campaign would have me dressed in my executive chef uniform and with a caption stating I am HIV positive. I had my own catering company and I thought about the impact to business. There were clients and a lot of friends who didn’t know my status. But I felt hindered by not being able to tell them as if it was something I was ashamed of. But it wasn’t actually a great topic of conversation. I looked fine. In fact, I felt great. Would I start a conversation with, “Did you know I once only had 44 T-cells?” or “I bet you can’t guess I’m positive!” So, in order to get rid of any stigma I was carrying, I said, “Yes, I’ll do it.” The billboard was posted all over L.A. for a few weeks. I used the photo as my Facebook profile picture. I did get some fallout from clients and friends, but it was all over relatively quickly, like that shot you took to prevent flu last winter. I am no longer shy about my HIV status and recently led a lecture at Oberlin College about my experiences with HIV.

Not long ago I was a pledging to become a member of the Palm Springs Leather Order of the Desert. At the beginning of the monthly club meetings all the pledges have to stand in the front and introduce themselves. I was wearing my title vest for the first time at a meeting and after introducing myself I spun around so that everyone could see it. I was so surprised when the group started to applaud. I felt so much joy I hadn’t expected and gratitude for the support from my club. I also felt a sense of responsibility for my title and keeping it above reproach. I’ve written before that I feel my title year and participation in the upcoming Mr. Palm Springs Leather contest (www.palmspringsleatherpride.org) is another coming out for me. I am grateful to present myself and the leather community in a positive, affirming light.

I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Until this year, I was never in a leather contest. But the leather contest was deep inside of me waiting to come out.

It started as a love of leather and leatherfolk. Then I discovered that many of the journeys I took in life from my education to my professional life and the many years of community service work could be useful to my leather club (Palm Springs Leather Order of the Desert, PSLOD.com) and community. Lastly, my public speaking skills found a new voice in explaining the leather community to family members, friends and community leaders who are not involved in the leather community. 

Being in a leather contest has been my “coming out.” Hopefully the last in a long line. I am grateful for the support I’ve received from so many people. I have the confidence and self-respect to wear leather and my title with my head up high and to act as role model for others in the community. I look forward to advancing in my title quest this year. I am keeping an open mind about the process and enjoy learning from others who have been along the same journey. 

I am humbled by other title holders and the history of the leather community. I am so glad to have taken the leap and look forward to future success.