#ccandycchiu

@ccandycchiu

    “I know a girl who’s tough, but sweet. She’s so fine, she can’t be beat...She’s got everything that I desire—she sets the summer sun on fire. I WANT CANDY!” Nibs automatically sang as if inspired by some game of word-song association nobody had asked for, and not caring about his volume. He was too drunk for public decency. When he managed to settle down, he said, “Sorry, what was the question? Candy, Candy, Candy...uh, she’s sweet and cute, like...a squirrel with a cotton candy tail. But she’s—she’s had her heart broken, too, y'know, so that really sucks. It’s like we’re in the same shitty boat. Life’s a beach, huh? Candy on the beach, there’s nothing better...”

     “You’re not allowed to be sad right now. There’s a ball coming up and we’re going to find pretty dresses and have fun.” Grenda had no intentions of letting their best friend be discouraged by the drama she was going through into skipping an event where they could make memories to last a lifetime. Her heartbreak was valid and worthy of respect, of course, but it would still be there to deal with after the party. The party was only gonna be here one night. At least, that was how Grenda thought. “We’re only gonna be young and hot for so long,” she reminded Candy.

“당신은 너무나 예쁩니다 !” Candy claimed as she banged her hands against the table. “Why Dewey? You can have any guy you want, and you choose to be with him! Why? Every since the two of you had gotten together, you brought nothing but pain and suffering for him! Randy may have been the one to throw the first punch at him, but none of that would’ve happened if he weren’t with you! And look what happened? It took Dewey weeks— weeks before he could fully recover over his injuries and more so, one of your obnoxious friends had the audacity to live stream the whole thing, causing him to be viewed and treated by others in a way he didn’t want to— with pitty! But want to know what’s even worst than that? Despite being the one who got injured, all he still cares about is you! In how you’re feeling and wanting to do nothing more than spend time with you as boyfriend and girlfriend, and I hate it! Not just because I wish it was with me who was with him….. but because you shouldn’t be the one who’s deserving of his attention and affection! After all, if your relationship began with pain and suffering, than who’s to say it won’t end as such, but worse? And I know when that happens, it would still be due to you and not him! Because that is all you have done even long before you gotten together with him…..” Her voice cracked with a sarcastic and bitter laugh. “And I desperately wished he would realize that before it happens. But Dewey’s much too attached to you to even care, and I wished he wasn’t. And even if I were to tell him he’s making a mistake being with you, all it would do is cause a rift between us…. Not like there isn’t one already, but it would be worst if he heard me say all this. But what do you care? You don’t. In the end, you’re still the one in the happy relationship with him and you’re the one Dewey would choose if he has to, so lucky you! Should give you triple the gold stars for that!”

( translation: 당신은 너무나 예쁩니다 = you are so pretty! ) 

     When Tinsley had come out for a drink tonight, this was the last outcome she had expected. Everything had been going fine at first as she met another young woman at the bar and struck up what should have been a pleasant conversation with the stranger, but that had changed rapidly as she noticed what state the other was in—distraught over some boy. It was only after encouraging her to open up about what was troubling her that she realized the truth of the situation, and their mutual connection. The fact was that Candy girl had feelings for Dewey, and was pissed off about the existence of his girlfriend...who she obviously didn’t realize was sitting right in front of her. What do you wish you could say to her right now? She had probed. Tinsley should have excused herself and left the bar right then, but it was practically impossible to control the compulsion to push for more. She’d just learned that her boyfriend had a close female friend who was secretly in love with him—how could she ignore that and walk away without a second word?

    Her face remained drawn as Candy spoke directly to her, addressing her as if she were the subject of her rant, yet ironically unaware that she actually was. Tinsley almost felt herself floating out of her body as she allowed the girl to vent; it was a strange moment of dissociation to have somebody she didn’t even know existed before now direct an entire impassioned spiel against her. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. It was only when the speech was finished that she snapped back to, and was suddenly all too aware of her physical body thanks to the way her heart was pounding in her chest. For the past several months, she’d been meditating on the fact that despite experiencing the world only through her own eyes, other people had different perspectives, which were no less valid than her own. It sounded elementary, but Tinsley had been raised in a household where she was spoiled rotten, never told no and never given a reason to believe the world didn’t revolve around her. Everything had to be her way, because whatever she wanted couldn’t be wrong. Randy had challenged that idea at the end-of-summer rave. He’d opened her eyes to the fact that she had been hurting people with that attitude for years, not even limited to those she disliked but also affecting her loved ones. And she didn’t want to do that anymore. For her friends, for her boyfriend, for herself, Tinsley wanted to be a better person.

     Dewey had been her biggest inspiration, her fiercest emotional support throughout this time—just as she’d kept him company, cheered him up and encouraged him through his recovery. In a way, all the drama and pain they’d been through had brought them closer and bonded them in a way that they never could have expected when they’d first met up for a blind date. At the time, they just wanted a distraction from their former heartache—his breakup with Fawn and hers with Randy—but they’d ended up finding so much more. And something so much deeper. They’d been riding so high together lately, that Tinsley had never considered their relationship could be interpreted as a negative thing. Yet she she was, being told that the pain Dewey had gone through was her fault, that their relationship would end in as much or more pain which would again be her fault, that she didn’t deserve him and and he was making a mistake being with her.

      “How dare you? You don’t even know me!” Talking back was a mistake; Tinsley didn’t need hindsight to realize that every second longer she spent here rather than walking away was a bad idea (even worse that she’d just given away her identity without any consideration.) But she was feeling attacked, and while she’d made so much progress lately in overcoming her instincts of retaliation towards feeling threatened...well, it was hard to overcome a lifetime’s habit within a few months of practice. Oops. “First of all, how is it my responsibility that Randy lost his shit and attacked Dewey? Or that Leena decided to pull out her phone? I wasn’t even there until they were being pulled apart, so there’s nothing I could have done to stop it. Don’t you think I would rather he’d not gotten hurt at all? I know how long it took him to heal, because I was by his side the whole fucking time—I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there at any point? In fact, if you actually cared about him like you claim, you would want him to be happy. You’re probably too blind with jealousy to see it, but he’s happy with me. So you’re just gonna have to get over it, because I’m not going anywhere.”