to do anything ; caleb x m.reader
cw: caleb is really stupid here, like genuinely really dumb and his reasoning for his actions don't make any sense, verbal harassment, caleb raises his voice a lot, very mean insults, manipulative behavior, guilt tripping, he's really confusing, he uses his evol on you, a lot of shouting - description of characters being scared/flinching due to the shouting, terribly written and open-ended ending, sorry guys i just really wanted to get this out to u all !!!
pairing: caleb x male reader, subtle (not so subtle) zayne x male reader
summary: growing up alongside lily, caleb, and zayne, you were always closest with caleb. that is, until you leave for university, come back, and everything has changed between you two in an almost irreversible way. the worst part is that you don't even know why.
wc: 21.5....this was that one request that i said would be done in two weeks (it took me more like a month and a week...im sorry)
notes: proofread, but please if there are mistakes have mercy on me, this was an absolute beast to read through and took me multiple sessions to read through it asdjhadjkahsda
you moved through the kitchen with ease, everything around you working in harmony and organization. the timing of each dish you were preparing was natural at this point, a practiced execution of the meal you were making. your soft humming was the only sound in the kitchen, besides the sound of meat sizzling.
just as you were reaching into the tupperware cabinet, you felt arms wrap around your waist in a hug. recognizing the tight, but gentle hold, you patted her forearms at your stomach and smiled, “good morning, lily, you’re up early,” she only squeals in excitement behind, squeezing you tighter.
“how could i sleep when i could smell breakfast from the other side of the house? it’s my favorite!” she used her entire body’s weight to rock you two back and forth where you stood, but it was more so lightly swaying due to the size and weight difference.
“i know,” you mused, moving so that your arm was thrown over her shoulder as you brought her to your side, rather than behind, “you’ve been working hard lately, i wanted to give you some special princess treatment,”
she smiles and coos at your words, pinching your cheek, “you’re the best oppa ever! this is so thoughtful,”
you smile softly at her praise, petting her hair down, “i’ll bring you the food, just wait at the table, m’kay?” she nods in understanding. on her way to her seat, she snaps a picture of the stove, which had the delicious food in all of its glory. undoubtedly she was going to post it on her story later to brag about how spoiled she was with you, most probably tagging you as well.
it didn’t take for the breakfast to finish cooking and, as promised, lily was served a platter of food thoughtfully arranged, “caleb didn’t come down yet?”
she shakes her head, grabbing her phone and taking more photos for her own safekeeping, “nope! i think he was up late, might want to be sleeping in,”
you glance at the clock, frowning, “alright, i’ll wake him up in ten minutes. he’s also been working so hard,” the frown only deepens, “what do you say me and you cook him up his favorite dinner sometime this week?” she brightens at the idea, grabbing her utensils with an excited look on her face.
“just promise to make me extras when you do!” she takes a spoonful of the food and audibly moans at the delicious taste. she rocks back and forth in her seat in an adorable way of showing how the tasty the food was affecting her. you smile, glad that it was to her liking before going to clean up the kitchen.
just as you turned your back, caleb came down the stairs which gave him a clear view of the dining area.
“what’s this?” he asked, voice rough with sleep.
“oh, good morning caleb! oppa made me my favorite,” she immediately says, showing off her plate, which caleb grimaces at.
“he made it?”
“well, duh, that’s why there’s such a mess in the kitchen,” she jokes, obviously exaggerating. but caleb didn't crack a smile.
“i could've made you some, pips,” he murmurs, ruffling her hair, “next time wake me up, i’ll make it for you instead of him,”
she pouts at his comment, not liking his tone, “heyyy, [name] made it really good though! try it!”
“no thanks,” his response is brief and he walks over to the fridge.
“caleb, have some,” you invite, grabbing a plate for him and going to prepare his food. but you stop when you hear a quick “don’t bother,” from him. he didn't even greet you a ‘good morning’ and was already giving you a snappy attitude.
you sighed, assuming it was the high stress of school and lack of sleep, so you didn't say anything. instead, you smiled and nodded (even though his back was turned to you), “well, do you want to get lunch together in between your classes? i can treat.”
you didn't want his only source of energy to be from the protein shake he was drinking now.
“pips, are you free for lunch today?” caleb asks after briefly looking at you, then focussing on her.
“i am, which is perfect! we can all-”
“i’ll wait for you outside of your class then,” caleb smiles as he walks out of the kitchen, not sparing you a glance or another word.
lily sensing his odd behavior frowns and reasons, “it might just be because of school, sorry he’s being so rude…will you join us for lunch still?”
“i don't think i can, actually. i might head in early at work,” you smile weakly, “it's fine though! take my card and it’ll still be my treat,” you go to get your wallet, but she’s stopping you with a glare.
“hey, you don't have to just give up your wallet for us. caleb or i can pay,” her tone is stern, not wanting to just rob you of your money, especially when you weren't coming. but you gently loosened her grip on you.
“no, it's okay, i want to still treat you,” and ignoring her weak protests, you hand her your card. “please? it’ll make me feel better knowing i was able to help him got some good food in his system,”
she sighs, taking your card reluctantly and standing up to hug you, “you should come,”
“it’s fine, really. i’m a little short on my usual hours next week, so going in earlier will help balance that out! trust me, that was my original plan anyway,” she doesn't seem to believe you but she doesn't press you further for answers.
“get to work safe, i’m gonna get ready now,” her tone and expression looking as if she is warning you, instead of simply telling you, which you weakly smile in response to.
“you too, see you later!”
when her back turns to you, the smile on your face slowly dims. thinking of the entire interaction with caleb you groan and run your hand through your hair. dealing with caleb lately has been frustrating and it’s been hard to ignore each interaction.
you were thinking of asking him about what was wrong, what this long lasting hostility was about, but decided against it. whatever this was would just hopefully pass. and as much as you cared about caleb, there were bills to be paid and a lot of other things to worry about. those things you worry about related to taking care of them as well, so you had to prioritize it.
you’re spinnin' me around
my feet are off the ground
i don't know where I stand
“[name] i’m glad you’re here,” zayne’s smooth voice is the first thing to greet you after you punch in. he seems to notice the tired smile on your face, a slight shift in his expression only noticeable because of how close you two were standing to each other. you’d say it was in between his trademark stoic expression and small frown, “have you been getting good sleep? you look tired,”
you attempt a smile, but it must obviously not reach your face, “i’m alright, just,” you shrug your shoulders, trying to avoid actually answering and he grants you that, nodding as if he understands.
“well, stick with me tonight and i’ll try being mindful of not putting so much stress on you,” his offer is tempting, but you don’t want to be a burden to him, especially in the work environment.
“i’ll be fine, zayne, thank you for worrying about me, but work is work,”
he smiles softly, “i can’t allow my favorite scribe to get overwhelmed or else everything might end up crumbling down into chaos,” you can’t tell if its a dry humor joke, but it does get a smile out of you. “let’s get to work, [name],”
“yes, doctor zayne,” you call out to him, mimicking a salute that earns a chuckle of amusement from the usually stoic man.
being friends with lily and caleb since childhood also meant that you were somewhat acquainted with zayne. he was more so closer to lily, but he was always kind and polite to you. you learned his stoic, but also shy, attitude was simply his personality and, although a bit off putting at the start, due to how different his behavior was in comparison to lily and caleb’s, you found it to be somewhat comforting.
you could always count on zayne to be honest with you as well as a good-objective advice giver. you’re sure if you told him about your troubles with caleb, he’d actually offer some good advice. realizing that you were thinking of the handsome man with purple eyes, you physically shook your head. this caught zayne’s attention and he tilted his head in question, “is something bothering you?”
“no, no, it’s nothing, sorry.” you apologize, but he just shakes his head.
“you don’t have to apologize, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” he says it as if its obvious. his nonchalant demeanor is unintentionally easing your worries, making your face heat up — for reasons unknown to you. “just make sure to focus up when we get out there,”
“of course,” you say in confidence, pushing the worries you had about caleb to the back of your mind.
“i know i can rely on you, so rely on me too, okay?”
his surprisingly heartfelt words make you admire him for a second longer before nodding, “i will,”
for the rest of that gruelling shift (13 hours), you two are working in harmony with each other. sometimes he’d be pulled away in urgent cases, but for the most part the two of you were working in tandem with each other. it was all seamless. and although you were tired by the end of it all, zayne offering you a cold drink from the vending machine made you feel reenergized.
“thank you, doc,” you smile, opening the water bottle and taking in hefty sips.
“did you have any food today?” he asks, standing in front of you. his tall figure casts a shadow over you, comically making him look like a light lined savior in your exhaustion. he may as well have been anyway.
“yeah, i was able to get a quick bite from the cafeteria,”
“was it nutritious? you seemed to have been sluggish the entire shift, when did you get that food?”
“hm, maybe halfway in?”
“that was hours ago. come on, let’s go get something to eat,” he says simply, already turning to walk away and expecting you to follow. but you shoot up onto your feet to stop him.
“it’s alright zayne, i’ve got to head back home anyway. prepare food for lily and caleb,” his expression hardens and he crosses his arms over his chest.
“and when do you plan on taking care of yourself in between that?” he sighs when he sees you go silent, “lily had messaged me earlier today, before we clocked in, said that she was worried about you. and that has made me worry for you as well. take care of yourself, [name]. put yourself first more often,”
you think about his words and offer, but still shake your head, “i will, but i still should head on home,”
zayne hums at your response, “very well. take care, [name]. see you next shift and get home safe,”
“see you, zayne!”
and you’re trudging along back home. you would have liked to be greeted with a warm welcome, the idea itself making a smile grow on your tired face, but instead it’s just silence for a beat. but then you hear it; footsteps rushing down the stairs and to the front door.
to your shock it’s caleb. and he’s actually coming towards you. not glancing at you for one second before scoffing and going off to the kitchen (it’s already happened a handful of times, you almost expect it at this point). no, he’s coming over to you— more like stomping to you, though. why does he look angry?
before you can ask him that exact question, his palm is splayed against your chest, knocking you back a couple of steps at the force, “don’t insult me like that again,”
you’re quiet only because you’ve been shocked into stupor. then, finally you collect your thoughts enough to utter a meek, “what?”
“this bullshit,” he sneers, shoving his hand against your chest again. thankfully, your footing is better and you barely budge this time. but when he moves his hand off of you, you barely react in time to catch the card that was in between you and him, “giving lily your card when we were the ones going out? i can take care of her just fine, y’know?”
“i know you can, but-”
“but you just always find a way to squirm your way back in,” his voice sounds annoyed and his expression is even clearer how he’s feeling. he’s angry, obviously, because he’s looking at you with narrowed eyes and his jaw is clenched tight. “don’t do something like this again, alright?”
“caleb, i just wanted to-” your attempts at fighting back are silenced by his voice booming over yours.
“and i just want you to stop. whatever you think you’re doing to help her, i am fully capable. why don’t you worry about yourself from now on? you look like you’ve been ran through,” he scoffs, a mocking smile on his face.
heartlessly that’s when he steps away and goes back upstairs to his room. it almost makes you want to laugh out of disbelief. you come home from a 13 hour shift, gone the entire day and afternoon working to provide for him and lily. and the first thing greeting you was caleb and his hostility that has become more familiar than his usual warm personality.
where did things go wrong? is all you can ask yourself, looking at the place that no longer feels a semblance of being a home. you had practically raised both him and lily, provided almost entirely for them as much as you could without running yourself dry. and caleb can’t even muster a simple thank you?
it hurts even more knowing how close you two used to be. back when you’d come home from school, he’d be the first to greet you at the door — faster than lily and definitely faster than josephine. back then, he’d cling onto you like a koala bear, practically hanging off of your figure like he was trying to climb you. he wouldn’t shy away from skin to skin contact.
now, he doesn’t even look at you if not to scorn you. you don’t know when this switch happened exactly, but you assume it had to do with you going away for so long for university. that’s what you liked to tell yourself at least. it’d ease your pain knowing that it wasn’t something you’d done directly to caleb, but something of your environment that split you two apart.
every interaction now stung when before it felt nothing but euphoric. to have him be so close to you, to simply trust you.
it hurts to know he doesn’t even want your care and love in the form of money, the most shallow exihibition of love, in your opinion. it’s already expected he won’t accept outwardly kind gestures, won’t accept the homemade lunch boxes you used to give him, won’t listen to you when you tell him to take care of himself more, get more rest.
but not even accepting your money? the money you make solely to provide for him? the money, which in reality, is the cheapest thing you could offer him to show how much you love him? that’s not even worth anything to him? it stung as much as an actual slap to the face.
you silently prepared dinner for lily and him, knowing that only lily would eat it, and left a note for her on the dinner table. you checked her location to make sure she was on her way home safe and shut your phone off when you confirmed it.
that night you spent an unreasonable amount of time in the shower, holding a hand over your mouth to muffle the sound of you crying. it was as if the moment the water came pouring down on your bare skin, the reality of caleb’s actions came crashing down on you.
why did everything have to change? was it your fault? for expecting things to stay the same from childhood. of course, he’d change, you expected that. but to this extent…
it wasn’t until lily was banging on the door, her whining audible through the wood that made you snap out of your breakdown. attempting to blow your stuffy nose and push your hair down as much as possible to cover your eyes, you tried to suit the image of nonchalance. someone unbothered. but when you roughly went past her, she caught your wrist.
she always knew when something was wrong.
“were you crying?” she asks bluntly, eyebrows furrowed together in worry.
“no,” you sigh, avoiding her gaze and gently closing your hand around hers, pulling her hold off of you, “it’s nothing,”
“it’s not nothing if you’re crying,” she insists, grabbing your bare, still wet shoulder and forcing you to turn to her, “what happened? did someone make you cry? tell me,” beyond her control, her voice began shaking as well. she was always such a strong empath. if it was any other circumstance, you’d tease her for having such an easily swayed heart. but all you could manage was a sad smile.
“it’s alright, i’m okay, lily. just a rough day at work,” it was a lame excuse and her face only scrunched up more at the blatant lie, “it’s hard working long shifts,”
“then take time off. tell me honestly, why are you crying?” her tone is pushy, more aggressive than it usually is. it’s only out of her genuine concern for you. but you didn’t have it in you to deal with this right now.
“lily, i need to go to bed, please,” your voice and demeanor screams tired, but this is more than a regular physical fatigue. no, you look as if you’ve been tormented by something, for a long, long time. and her emotions quickly turn to anger as it all points to one thing- person that it could be.
”i’m gonna go beat his ass, that insolent piece of shit,” she curses, uncharacteristically so and she’s about to stomp off, but you grab her before she can reach his door. she’s about to berate you, scold you for allowing this to go on so long without telling him off, but she stills when she feels your damp hair against the side of her neck.
you, still standing in just your towel, hair wet with droplets of water, and nose now running again, were trying to stifle your cries into her neck, “please, don’t,” it’s a soft whimper and she’s never heard this level of vulnerability from you. “i can’t make him hate me even more,”
“he doesn’t hate you, he’s just being-”
a dry laugh from your throat that physically hurts you, makes you feel like you’re suffocating. as if the pipe that feeds you air and makes sure you can breathe wants to kill you, tightening and making it impossibly hard to talk, “lying to me isn’t going to make this any better,”
she grips the skin and muscle of your back tightly with her fingertips, borderline scratching you, “he doesn’t hate you, i know he doesn’t. he’s just…he’s just going through a phase or something, i don’t know! but he doesn’t hate you!”
you sniffle, squeezing her tightly, “just don’t…hate me like he does, please. i can’t lose both of you,”
her bottom lip trembles, eyes turning glassy as she nods against your shoulder, “i could never, you know i love you, right?”
“i love you too,” you say and for the first time in hours, you genuinely smile. even if its miniscule, even if she can’t see it, you smile.
and the momentary peace is disrupted. because caleb’s door slams open, his room being only a couple of doors down from the bathroom. the hallway is short, so it’s not surprise that he heard the noise a couple feet away from his door. it’s very obvious he doesn’t like the sight in front of him.
“what the fuck are you doing to her?!” he snarls, doesn’t shout, no because that’s not how he is. how well did you know him anymore, though? when caleb gets angry, he gets ferocious in other ways. using his build to intimidate others, glaring daggers that cut through you, spitting venomous words that not only sting but poison your mind. “you’re half naked, well practically naked, and you’re hugging her? you don’t think that’s disgusting?”
“caleb! stop!” lily shouts, dropping her arms around you and protectively standing in front of you. her eyes are still glassy with tears, but instead of being full of sorrow, they’re just angry.
“you’re crying?” he asks her, not you, noticeably softer than when he was talking to you. but that moment of kindness disipates in seconds because he’s glaring at you again, “you tell me what you did to her, or i swear to god- why is she crying?”
“caleb! shut up! shut up!” she shouts, her hands reaching in front of her to prevent him from coming any closer to you, “it’s because of y-”
“lily, stop,” your voice is stronger now. a front you have to put on to not give in, not show caleb just how much you care and love him that his words drive you to nothing but tears and sobs, “it’s enough.”
“no, no, you can’t just do that! you can’t just not tell him!”
“tell me what? what do you need to tell me?” caleb asks, but he’s not asking for a genuine answer. it’s mocking. you can hear it, as well as the smirk on his face, “need to tell me how you’re grabbing at lily, fucking naked, straight out of the shower? you’re wearing nothing but a towel too, it’s so fucking disgusting and vile,”
lily’s breathing is heavier than your own as she listens to him. you’ve gone still. it feels like world is off tilt right now. like none of this is real. caleb was seriously accusing you of being a perverted freak, copping a feel on lily? how lowly did he think of you?
“can’t defend yourself, huh? cause i’m right, is that seriously what you were doing to her?!” his voice raises and his fist slams into the wall next to him, stomping forward. the sound reverberates through the house and lily yelps, hands instinctively covering her ears.
seeing a reaction from her, shoulders ragged with her breathing and the sound of what seems like wheezing makes you snap out of it. caleb doesn’t even notice how him slamming the wall had affected her, too blinded in his misplaced rage in you to see how he was terribly, terribly scaring lily.
“caleb, stop it,”
“no, you’re the one that needs to stop! okay, i’ve been holding it in to spare your feelings, but this, this is taking it a step too far,”
“please, just stop.” lily’s words go unheard from caleb, but they make you frown and feel anger bubble in your stomach.
“always acting like you’re the man of this family, playing this role up when in reality — we don’t fucking need you! you put in those extra hours at the hospital then whine and complain about being tired! there’s no need for you to even be working, grandma’s will left us being able to pay off this house until we all move out! so why don’t you start using your money to save up for a place on your own, okay? because i can barely take your hovering, stupidly clingy and nagging behavior every single day!” he goes to step forward, to do whatever to you, but lily pushes herself in between you two.
now she’s fully sobbing and you’ve gone completely numb.
“you want me gone?”
“fucking out, get out of our lives,” he says it so casually, as if he’s been thinking about this long and hard.
“caleb! shut up already! you don’t mean that!” lily shouts, pushing her hands against his chest, barely making him budge.
“pips, i do, though,” he laughs as if its funny, “you think he can provide for us? that he’s capable? he complains everytime he comes home from work, he can’t even decide on a steady career for himself — lily, we only need each other. i’m not sparing the feelings of a guy i hate,”
silence hangs in the air and you nod in understanding, teeth grinding against each other. it takes you a couple of seconds to process everything, but when you do come back to reality, you’re stepping forward before you can even control yourself.
caleb doesn’t flinch as you stop right in front of him, standing eye to eye.
“don’t ever yell like that in front of lily again or you’re gonna be laid out on hard pavement, caleb,” lily flinches at the mention of her name, pushing the hair out of her face as she looked at you in bewilderment. “do you understand me?”
seeing as it was lily that was the topic of discussion now, he no longer cared for you. his attention shifted to lily in a split second and he was just about to go comfort her, but lily moved faster. she evaded his touch, glaring at him like he was the devil himself. her eyes flitted over to you, but you were watching caleb like a hawk.
her heart ached even harder to see wet streaks going down your face. when she turned back to caleb, her anger flared up so hard she shoved him so hard he had slammed into the wall behind him.
“don’t,” was the only thing she said to him, walking past him and grabbing your wrist to go into your room. she slammed the door shut before he could chase after you two, locking it and pressing her forehead against the door.
wordlessly, you grabbed your clothing and changed while her back was turned to you, using your towel to dry your hair as you sat on the edge of your bed. she was already waiting beneath the covers for you, watching you with sad eyes.
“are you going to really leave us?” her voice was shaky and she sniffled, hand gripping the comforter in frustration, “i won’t blame you if you do, but,”
“i’m not leaving, lily,” you assure her, running a hand through your hair and deciding it dry enough, “not yet, at least,” you laid down next to her, smiling as she immediately drew herself to you. she slotted against your side, head resting on your chest as you hugged her close.
she breathed a sigh of relief, “good, he shouldn’t get that satisfaction — if you left he would’ve thought he got to you or something,” you felt her jaw tighten against your skin, “that stupid idiot, why would he say those things? he’s not thinking straight. [name], please understand this,” she looked up at you, bleary eyes making you frown, “i don’t hate you, i never will. i need you in my life. even if you decide to leave this house sometime in the future, don’t leave me. please,” she put her head down, cheek resting on your chest, “i’ll support you whenever you do decide to go, but don’t shut me out,”
“i won’t, trust me, lily. i’ll still be around,” you speak in whispers, as if the two of you are scared of caleb barging in at any moment.
in the next couple rooms over, caleb was laying in his bed and staring up at his ceiling. he was impossibly still and every breath he took was ragged.
honestly, he does hate you. he hates the way you linger, longer than any other presence or person that he’s known he hates the way you are constantly fretting over him and lily, as if he’s not capable of taking care of himself and lily. you’re overall a clingy mess that he could name a million things that he doesn’t like about you.
but most of all, where this all started, caleb hated the way you left so easily. then came back as if nothing happened.
you were always seen as a reliable figure in the house. grandma could count on you to cook dinner, to take care of utility things as she got older, and she had high expectations for you and standards that she expected you to meet. and not only did you meet them, you exceeded them.
teachers at school praise your intelligience, peers relied on you a lot for academic guidance.
caleb was quick to notice these things when he was young. and he was so eager to be just like that, if not better. he wanted to be someone you could rely on, show you how he learns and admires you so much he picks up your tendencies. honestly, he likes being lazy, not doing more than is required of him. but then he noticed how much weight rested on your shoulders.
so he wanted to be the one to alleviate that, so you could rely on him. and if you relied on him, you’d think highly of him. and that is what he wants more than anything in life. he wants your praise, attention, special treatment — he wants all of it.
he thought it would be like this. you two the main providers and reliable men in the house while you both cared for each other and lily. it was going to be the three of you, forever.
but then you got whisked away. a scholarship that was too perfect to pass up on. of course, you’d be graced with amazing offers left and right due to your intelligence. it wasn’t a surprise. but he never thought that as you were weighing all your options, the farthest away university had caught your eye. surely, you don’t mean it? leaving him and lily alone? it’s always been the three of you, what are you going to do without them? what are they supposed to do without you?
you left like it meant nothing. as if you weren’t abandoning your everything. at least that’s what it felt like. you didn’t even look back twice, waving from the platform then running onto the train with a quick glance spared in time before the doors shut. and he ran after that train, until he couldn’t anymore, breathing heavily and his hands on his knees as he looked at the concrete below him.
“he’ll come back, caleb,” lily comforted him, sad seeing how distraught he was. caleb was always used to being strong in front of her and soft in front of you. now, he felt as if he couldn’t be completely vulnerable anymore. he had to be strong for lily.
so he hardened up. got more rigid and rough around the edges, only showing genuine care towards lily. and he fell into that hole so deeply he didn’t know how to claw himself out. didn’t even know how to come back to being who he truly was when you pulled him into your arms when you finally came back to visit.
you’d think he’d eventually get over your absence, but the truth is he never did. he was angry at you, so, so angry. so angry he didn’t know how else to communicate it without verablly berating you. trying to hurt you just as much as you did him when you left.
he hopes his words sting you. he hopes they keep you up at night. and he hopes they hurt more than anything.
because that’s how he had felt every single minute, second, you were gone. he didn’t understand how you could so easily leave him. he didn’t understand and he didn’t want to anymore, he was over trying to comprehend it. he just wanted to make you feel his pain tenfold. make it so you’re always reminded of what happened to him when you left him.
you want to leave again? just know that when you come back, he’ll be waiting to break you down to such vulnerability that you won’t have anywhere else to go but back to him. and you’d always come back like he hoped.
he didn’t know why. what type of sick person stays with someone that hurts them?
he doesn’t know that the reason is the exact same reason as a person hurting someone out of fear that they leave again.
obviously, if you had told this to caleb now he’ll say you’re lying, you’ve got him wrong, and that he doesn’t care if you leave or stay.
but if you ask caleb, the caleb that was left running after your train on the platform, he’d answer truthfully and admit; every harmful thing caleb has said to you has just been a voice of his own insecurities. the fear you’d realize you’re better off without him or lily, fear you’d leave and never come back, fear you’d find someone better.
and just as much as he fears that, he’s scared of being hurt again. he doesn’t want to stay up for hours on end anymore just because he’s thinking about you, wondering if you’ve had dinner, if you’re taking care of yourself. it leaves him walking around like a brainless zombie. he doesn’t want to endure that slow, stabbing pain in his heart every morning he wakes up and you’re not even in the same city as him.
he wishes he could just forgive and move on from this, but every time he tries, he’s reminded of how helpless you made him feel. he hates that feeling.
so he kept hurting you, hoping you’d simply understand why he had to even though it made no sense. hoped you’d see why he had to, to make you feel how he felt. and he hoped you’d never leave.
he rationalizes this is what you get for leaving, for abandoning him.
of course, you haven’t got any idea about any of this. so, obviously, from your perspective, it looks simply like caleb’s had a switch flipped and there’s no way to reverse it. the damage has already been done and the relationship has truly been shattered this time. and you’ll still go home — if you could even call it that — but, nothing will ever go back to the way it was.
“lily told me what happened,” zayne sits across from you, a rare meeting you two are having outside of work, “she has expressed concerns of you staying there, so stay with me,”
you blink at him in confusion, “sorry?”
he clears his throat, “my apologies, i suppose my voice was not clear. i am offering you, wait no…” he pauses, fingers resting beneath his chin in thought, “I am opening my doors to you, for you to stay with me until you find another place to reside.”
“i’m sorry, zayne, but what?”
“surely i was speaking clearer this time,” he’s speaking more so to himself, “i am asking you live with me and become my roommate. i think it would do you some well to be far from caleb. although she spared me the details, it wasn’t hard to infer how he spoke to you the other night. it’s unacceptable and frankly dangerous for you to be near someone so volatile, openly so at that. so the only solution i could reach was offering you my place to stay, until you get on your feet,”
“zayne, i can’t possibly accept. also! i told lily i wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, i can’t just up and out her life, it doesn’t work like that,”
“lily and caleb are grown adults, you know? they can and will survive without you there,” you let his words simmer in your mind, thinking back to caleb calling you clingy and useless to them. he senses he may have said something that set you off, continuing on, “not to say they don’t need you — lily does, believe me, she does. however, all the main household duties you fulfill are jobs that they can easily learn.”
“did she really set you up to this?” you can’t help but questioned reason behind zayne’s sudden hospitality.
“well, she mentioned it to me in passing, i took it upon myself to daw up a solution. it makes sense, no?” he asks the question as if its simple to decide to move out of your home.
“i can’t just up and leave, zayne. also, that’s asking way too much of you. also, also, you really don’t need to worry about thi-“
“the way lily had described it would leave anyone worried and concerned. for being as cautious and perceptive as you are for other people, you don’t seem to let people do the same for you,” zayne’s curt voice cuts you off and you sigh in frustration. “we are friends, aren’t we? won’t you let me help you? i’m obviously telling you now that it is okay with me,”
you glare at the doctor with your arms crossed over your chest. for some reason, zayne was being quite adament with you. you make a mental note to ask lily what exactly it was that she told zayne because it sounds like he’s speaking as if he was in the room when caleb said those things to you. he sounds personally offended and hurt. even his facial expression makes it seem as if he knows more than he lets on. a grimace on his face whenever he mentions caleb’s name or the incident in general.
so after much thought, and heavy eye contact with each other as if you’re trying to read each other’s minds, you finally say, “i will stay with you for a week or two, just for some space. i won’t even bring my clothes to keep, i’ll go to my home in the day and just sleep at yours,”
“a glorified sleepover, then. fine by me,” a small smile graces his handsome face and you think this is the first time he’s smiled since you two have sat down. maybe his worries were finally eased when you accepted his offer. he seemed more laid back, shoulders slumping as much as they could when you have perfect posture like he does, as well as leaning more into the back of his seat.
“with that out of the way, shall we order? my treat, to celebrate your new freedom,”
“zayne! don’t call it that!” you laugh, finding the way he said it to be funnier than he intended.
“i see it as such,” he shrugs, calling over a waitress as he prepares to order, “you want the [favorite food], right?” he quickly clarifies as she steps closer and closer.
you tilt your head in surprise, “uhm, yeah, that sounds perfect. how’d you know that?”
“i studied the menu beforehand and ensured they had your favorite. i remembered.”
and he’s placing the order before you can even properly process what he had just said. all you know was that it was nice to be remembered. it was a pleasant feeling, warmth blooming on your face and chest as you watched zayne easily order for the two of you.
maybe it’d be nice to have a somewhat “new” start with him.
caleb notices the difference immediately. well, it’s not exactly hard to spot it when it’s in the form of lily glaring at him anytime they are near each other, as well as possibly spitting out venomous words to him.
“you piece of shit,”
“you’re a heartless monster, caleb,”
“don’t come near me,”
things along those lines were delivered to him anytime he was near her. he had apologized repeatedly to her, but each time he tried, she would just scoff and walk away. as if he was wasting his breath. and, honestly, he was. because lily didn’t want an apology from him directed to her, she only wanted him to do that for you. and also to leave her alone. whenever he comes up to her, all she can see is your teary face from that night and how he was the cause of it.
and her anger spikes up all over again. it’s a never ending cycle.
but one day, lily says something that truly leaves caleb with a hallow feeling in his chest.
“when will you realize you’re the one going to get hurt from this? you absolute idiot,” a string of curses followed that declaration, but caleb was too busy thinking about what she was implying to care too much for her profanity.
as far as he was concerned, you were just avoiding him at home and that was as far as your response to him was. you weren’t lingering anymore, yes, but he preferred it that way.
obviously.
it didn’t bother or hurt him that he’d be leaving for his own plans just as you were coming back home from work. it didn’t bother him when he notices your house keys are always gone, never returned to their original spot for hours on end, which means you’re not home. but if you’re not home and you’ve brought your home keys with you, then where were you? he knew your shifts were never longer than 24 hours, so where you spending those other eleven hours you were off the clock — since you’d obviously not be home.
not that caleb cared. because he didn’t. he was just curious, to say the least.
this is exactly what he told you to do anyway. what he said and convinced himself he meant in that heated moment.
meanwhile, as caleb was slowly turning his brain inside out trying to think of what you were getting up to nowadays, you were finally able to somewhat relax and detattch yourself from the situation.
living with zayne was awkward at first. he was a very light sleeper, you found out quite quickly. you went to get a glass of water one night when you couldn’t sleep and he was already standing in the door frame of the kitchen, messy hair standing upright in every which way.
“i didn’t mean to wake you, i’m sorry,” you apologize sincerely, shutting the cabinet door as quietly as you could.
“don’t be sorry, i was rather restless in bed. who knows, maybe being up for a bit could tire my brain out,” he pulls back the seat at the dinner table, rubbing at his eyes underneath his glasses, “are you not able to sleep?”
“it’s just weird,” you say sheepishly, taking the seat in front of him and feeling suddenly bashful at his very watchful gaze. “not sleeping at home,”
“i can only imagine,” he comforts, albeit in his usual monotone and collected voice. it does well to soothe you though, knowing that you are simply being heard was a relief in of itself. it felt like you were rarely ever even heard nowadays, “i hope sleeps finds you easier, though. late night walks to the kitchen at,” he checks the clock on the wall, “4 a.m. will hardly do you any good in the long run,”
you nod in understanding, sipping your water and just tapping the glass. then, you hear a yawn come from him. it’s an odd sight. seeing the usually composed, very precise doctor zayne yawn like a tired cat in front of you, covering his mouth with his hand as he does so. without realizing, a smile has come onto your face at the sight.
“am i so funny to you?” he deadpans, squinting his eyes at your expression.
“no, not at all, zayne, you just,” you laugh a bit before speaking your mind, “you looked so innocent, it reminded me of when we were little,”
he hums, quirking his brow, “you like reminiscing?”
you shrugged, “it’s nice to think about. before you were a slave to the medical field and were working over 20 hours a day sometimes,” he seems to think that’s an entertaining comment, the slightest upturn of his lips being a reaction to your words.
“i remember you clearly,” he says, an unreadable look on his face.
“huh?” your face must have been funny because he actually chuckled at your reaction, “that was so out of nowhere,”
“not really, you were talking about me and now i’m talking about you,” he explains smoothly, “i remember you very clearly from our childhood, that’s all i was saying.”
“like what?” you ask in curiousity, “hm, i never thought you paid me much mind. you were always thinking about bigger and better things,”
he remains silent, fingers tapping the table before settling to be still and laying his palm flat on the surface. he pushes up, standing above you and nodding his head back to the direction of the door frame, “let’s go to bed,”
“hey! you can’t just not answer the question,”
“i’m feeling rather forgetful all of a sudden, we should go to bed to regain our recollection of what we’re talking about after a good sleep,” his excuse is so lame you think it must be a joke, his unique sense of humor. that being said, it doesn’t do anything to ease your wondering, but it’s obvious he’s not going to answer you properly. right now at least.
“fine, i’m getting this answer out of you later,” you huff as you stand in front of your room’s closed door. he leans closer, reaching behind your torso and twisting the doorknob open for you. he’s so close you can smell the lingering scent of his shampoo and body wash.
“sweet dreams, [name],” he whispers quietly, smiling as he pushes the door open behind you and leaving you standing in a stunned silence.
since when was zayne so suave? you had no idea. but you were not going to stay up all night wondering what the answer to that was.
as time went on, you and zayne got closer. it was natural, of course since you are living together. but now you’re spending more time with him, rather than just rotting in your room in your despair. he often is able to lure you out with a game of kitty cards and from there, conversation just flows naturally now.
after pressing him for more answers one day, it seemed that as children zayne was very fond of you. he thought you to be more mature than lily, and caleb — who would oftentimes be the one to entertain lily and her childlike, rambunctious wonders. he liked that. you two were in the same boat when it came to tending to caleb and lily since they were younger.
and he only ever spoke positively of you when he talked about those times. there’s an odd look on his face whenever he did, too. as if he could remember all those things as clear as day, when to you, it’s all kind of blurry.
a lot of conversations looked like:
“you really don’t remember scraping your knee on the pavement so hard, you needed to be comforted for 20 minutes?”
“are you sure that was me, zayne? that sounds too much like lily,”
“monkey see, monkey do,”
“hey!!”
him telling you a story from childhood, you not remembering a single bit of it, then him poking fun at you and your younger self. you wish you knew what was so special about these moments that made him remember them so vividly, but you just chalked it up to his exceptional memory that you assumed he had. medical professional and all, he must have photographic memory…
“are you ready for work?” he asks, already waiting by the door for you. you’re grabbing your work bag and nod in response. he holds the door open for you, locking it behind you as well. then he’s clicking the car key to unlock the doors and driving the both of you to akso hospital. talks in the car are mainly you yapping about whatever is on your mind and zayne attentively listening.
that’s how he likes it, though. hearing you talk so animatedly and carefree before a long, tiring shift gives him an extra boost of energy. generally, too, he just much prefers listening to you go on tangent after tangent versus having to be the conversation starter.
like right now, as you talk with your hands, leaning on your seat in a way so that you’re more so facing him than the road. your seat belt is on, of course, but he still can’t help the nagging feeling in his mind.
“[name], sit properly, please,”
you adjust quickly, not letting his interruption stop your story time. he smiles at the simpleness of this new routine he has with you. he’s quite happy it’s all worked out to be like this, instead of possibly awkward.
it’s unfortunate what the circumstances which you got closer in were, but zayne doesn’t dwell on it further. thinking more of the future rather than the past, he just wishes it stays like this for as long as you need. selfishly, he finds you company to be the best he’s had around him in a long while.
the part where you told zayne that this arrangement would only last a week or two turned out to be an unintentional lie. to his relief and happiness, you had decided to semi-permanently move in. you didn’t haul all of your belongings from your house into his, but you did start leaving your clothes in the guest room drawer and bringing toiletries with you to keep in his bathroom. this was just the temporary solution until you found a unit that was close enough to the hospital and cheap enough for you to pay the rent there, as well as the bills that you were still responsible for at the house with lily and caleb.
lily was sad to hear your decision, but she supported you. it wasn’t like it was goodbye forever, anyway. you weren’t that far, too. if she really wanted and needed you, she would be on zayne’s front doorstep in thirty minutes by taking public transport.
the three of you were sat in a cafe, a shared favorite amongst you three, when you told her.
“so does caleb have any idea about it yet?” she asked after a beat of silence. the mention of his name made you nearly choke on your water. “sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you like that,” she watches with a bashful expression as zayne rubs up and down your back to comfort you from your coughing fit. “not that it’s really his business! i just got curious,”
“hm, have you two spoken one on one since that night?” zayne asks, eyes carefully scanning you once you stop coughing to ensure you’re okay.
“uhm, no, i haven’t told him, and no we haven’t talked,”
“you should probably tell him,” zayne murmurs, cutting into his food and wrinkling his nose when he sees a slice of carrots on his plate.
wordlessly, you move your fork over to his plate and take the vegetable, eating it as you answer, “i should tell him, but do i really have to?” your tone is almost a whine, but you’re just joking and teasing. lily giggles at it whilst zayne finds it anything but funny.
“should i accompany you when you tell him?” he asks in all seriousness.
you think about it for a moment, eating another slice of a carrot before shaking your head, “it’ll be fine, i imagine it’ll be quick,”
your heart still hurts thinking about everything he said to you that night, but you try to shake off those thoughts and feelings every time they creep up on you. you hate thinking about how much of what he said he meant, hate remembering the genuine pain in your chest that you felt in the moment. the embarrassment of it all.
zayne and lily notice your bout of silence, lily reaching across the table to hold your hand, “if you need me or zayne there tell us, okay? it’s not weak to ask for support,”
you smile weakly at her, squeezing her hand before letting go, “it’s okay, i’m a grown adult,”
“grown adult or not, facing the person who humiliated you is rather daunting of a task. perhaps, you should give him a taste of his own medicine,” zayne reasons, you assume to comfort you, when in reality you just sweatdrop at his blunt words. living and working with him though does make you somewhat used to it. as for lily, her jaw drops at zayne’s suggestion.
“zayne!” she cries out incredulously.
“what?” there’s a dumbfounded look on his face, so innocent and confused, which makes you break out into laughter.
your laugh being contangious to the both of them leaves them slowly easing into their own giggles. lily tries stiffling hers, but eventually she’s holding her stomach to ease the soreness. zayne’s lips quirk up in an open smile as he watches you laugh.
“for that one, i think zayne should treat us,”
“i hardly see how that correlates,” he shoots back instantly, a feeling of pride swell in his chest as you immediately laugh at his response. he likes being the one to make you laugh, he realizes. even if his dry humor doesn’t always land properly, he’s happy that you laugh quite often with him.
lily wipes the corner of her eyes, nodding in agreement with you, “i think that’s the perfect idea, oppa,”
“thank you for paying up, zaynie,” you tease, throwing your arm around his shoulder and pulling him in close. it’s awkward, seeing as his posture is still perfect while he sits and you are only the tiniest bit shorter than him. he is being forced to physically slouch to accommodate the height difference, all with a stoic look on his face in comparison to your very cheerful one.
it makes lily break out into laughter again at the sight.
needless to say, the lunch was a success and you all walked out of the restaurant feeling lighter.
“i’ll take you home,” you tell lily, following after her as she walks to the bus station.
she shakes her head, “no, i can’t let you do that! go home with zayne, [name],” she chides, sounding like a mom scolding their child. unfortunately for her, her tone is nothing but cute to you. so you ruffle her hair, look over your shoulder to wave bye to zayne, then hold her hand as you drag her towards the bus stop.
“hey! i said i’ll be alright,”
“i know you will, but i also needed to stop home to grab a set of scrubs anyway,” she rolls her eyes at your excuse, not sure if she should believe you or not. the two of you wait in silence for a couple of minutes before she finally speaks up.
“so, how do you feel after spending some time away from caleb?” her words are careful and slow, “any better? worse? do you hate him?”
you crack a smile at her rapid fire question, offering her a knowing look, “i think we both know me and hating caleb don’t really go in the same sentence,”
there’s a sad look in her eyes that you can very easily read, “don’t look at me like that,” you scold her, “c’mon, i’m gonna be fine.”
“how? how can you not just want to see him miserable after everything he said to you?”
you shrug your shoulders, “i don’t know, i just don’t. all i really feel towards him is,” a lot to say in such simple terms, honestly. you still harbor strong, strong, strong feelings of love and attachment to caleb, but your pride and self-respect are far too strong to make you grovel at his feet and wait for an explanation, or apology, “so much, but nothing at the same time.”
she nods in understanding, leaning on your arm as she looked ahead.
“i’m sorry, [name],” she says sincerely, “i don’t know what happened…but i feel like i’m responsible,”
immediately, you hold her shoulders and shake your head, “don’t say that, this is not your fault in any way and you do not owe me an apology,” your voice is stern, a familiar one you use only in moments of seriousness, “lily, none of this is your fault,”
“i wish i could change it, though. i wish caleb didn’t change so much,” her voice is shaky, “it’s wrong to say because caleb is caleb and maybe this is how he always was, always was meant to be, but still…i can’t help miss how things used to be. we all used to be so close and now, i hate how he’s turned out,”
you sigh, rubbing your thumb up and down her bicep as you squeeze her tight, “you don’t mean that, lily. you could never hate him, like how i could never hate him,”
she shakes her head, “your love is stronger than mine, [name]. because the only thing i feel towards him is hate, all those things he said to you, i don’t think i’d ever be able to forgive him. he tore us all apart,” her words sound like they’re coming from gritted teeth, “you are stronger and better than me, i can’t be as forgiving as you.”
you bite your lip, thinking of your next words carefully, “i really hope you never love someone as much as this, lily. because it hurts.” she sniffles at your confession, pressing further into your side, “it hurts so much. but i can’t find the will in me to hate him,” a weak and dry chuckle escapes your lips, “it’s so stupid because i’d hate anyone else that do something like this to me, to anybody i knew, i’d hate them. someone that embarassed me as much as he did, but i just can’t. not with caleb,”
“i know,” she comforts, squeezing your hand tight, “but at least this means a new chapter in your life, moving out and stuff. i know you won’t forget about me, so i’m not worried,” she manages to lighten the mood with a weak smile, “truthfully, in my opinion, he doesn’t deserve a bit of an explanation from you,”
you smile at her defensive words, finding it so endearing that she’s so protective of you and your pride.
“but you’re too kind to leave him in the dark,” she sighs.
you can only hum in response, forcing a smile once you see the bus arrive at your stop to pick you two up.
you wished that it could have been planned better. could have been orchestrated in a way where you knew everything you wanted to say, had the proper amount of confidence to say it, and then be done with it. like ripping the bandaid off.
but, of course, that doesn’t happen. instead, one of the days of the week you come back home to grab your other belongings, caleb is there and lily is not. it’s a more so “if not now, then when?” mixed in with the feeling that this opportunity shouldn’t be ignored.
so as he’s sitting in the living room, watching tv and ignoring you, you clear your throat for him to look at you.
“i’m moving out,” the words are blunt, but also misspoken, so you quickly follow up with, “well, i’m looking for a place and then i’m moving out. i’ll still be the one responsible for the bills and stuff, but…yeah, i just wanted to let you know,”
caleb’s expression is hard to read. you can’t even begin to theorize what he could be thinking because you feel like you don’t really know him anymore. he’s shut you out so well that you no longer could predict what he could say.
but you didn’t expect silence. you expected a scoff, a “who cares?” or any other snide remark. but instead you got silence.
you can’t help the crushing feeling of disappointment fill you, the feeling that he really, truly doesn’t care enough about you to even say anything. so you fill the silence, promising this was the last of it and you’d be out the door, “i’ll be out of your way now, just as you wanted, but i’ll still be here for you if you or lily need anything. just call or text me whenever, okay?”
more silence, but at least now he’s looking at you. his purple eyes are zeroed in on you and his eyebrow is furrowed and pinched together, lips in a thin line. if you had describe it objectively, you’d say he looks conflicted. but realistically, this was probably just him getting ready to amp up whatever insult he was going to direct to you.
so you turn away from his gaze and walk towards the door. except, you really can’t move your muscles after the first couple of steps. it’s as if the air around you is holding you hostage. you panic for a moment, struggling where you’re stuck before remembering the one thing that can cause this. caleb’s evol was stopping you from moving any closer to the door.
“you’re leaving? is that what you’re telling me?” his voice is now centimeters behind you and you barely have the strength to turn and look at him.
“caleb, stop your evol! this isn’t comfort-“
“you said you’re leaving?” he persists and you wince at the feeling of his hard grip around your wrist. he turns you to face him, still holding you still with his gravity, and forces you to back up in the wall behind you.
now you can see his face clearly. he’s angry, it seems. his eyes are dark, teeth gritted against each other and his shoulders are square and broad, as if he’s sizing you up to intimidate you.
“caleb, turn off your evol, now,” you muster up the strength in your voice to say that, but that was enough to get you breathless.
“why? so you can just walk out that door?” he laughs, a dry, humorless laugh. it’s almost like he’s mocking you.
if only you could really see inside of his head right now. you’d be more terrified than him simply mocking you. you’d be scared to see how fast his mind was racing, the crazy conclusions he was jumping to, the unethical solutions he was thinking of to keep you here. to make you stay.
“well, i need to go back to- caleb, just turn it off,” you’re getting restless now and annoyed. he’s throwing such a temper tantrum just to taunt you and you won’t take it anymore. you want nothing more than to leave.
while caleb will do everything in his power to make you stay.
“go back to where? this is your home.” his words throw you off, the stern tone he takes with you making you blink rapidly in confusion, “this is your home, this house is where you belong and where you will stay. where are you possibly going back to? some dingy, disgusting motel?”
why does he suddenly care? you tilt your head to the side, looking at him with an offended expression, “caleb, you don’t get to care now where i go. all that’s your business is that i need to go and i don’t want to be here anymore,”
“you’re not leaving! stop saying you’re going to leave!” he shouts and it throws you so off guard you flinch backwards, “you’re not leaving! okay?! i won’t let you leave, you’re not going anywhere. you belong here, you stay here, you don’t get to leave!”
he’s shouting now, voice booming and it feels like its rattling the walls around you.
“what is wrong with you?!” you shout back, trying to fight against his evol. just to push him away from you or something, anything to create distance between you two.
“what is wrong with me?!” he laughs as he repeats it, glaring at you, “no, no, no, what’s wrong with you?! why does you always want to leave, always want to fucking leave me?! what is wrong with you?”
“caleb, what the fuck are you talking about?! you literally told me two weeks ago you didn’t want me in your life anymore!”
“you’re not supposed to leave,” his voice is quiet now, as if he’s talking to himself as he shakes his head repeatedly ‘no’, “you’re supposed to come back home and stay here, you’re not supposed to leave. don’t leave…you’re not allowed,”
“i’m not allowed? what am i, you’re little brother or something? a little lost boy you have to watch over?”
for some reason that ticks him off even more because now he’s yelling again, “don’t say that! don’t! you’re not any of those things to me!”
“oh, you’re right, i’m nothing more than the dirt under your shoe, you’re right,” you sarcastically exclaim, trying your best to move beneath the pressure of his evol, “caleb, let me go home,”
“this is your home! where else is your home?!” something flickers in his eyes and a crazed look comes across his face, “who is it? what is it? tell me right now or i swear to fucking god,”
he’s now pressed against you, chest to chest as he begs for answers, repeating the same questions over and over. you avoid his face being close to yours by turning to the side and snarling, “why is that any of your business?”
“so there is someone? what is it? who is it? who is it?” he’s repeats once more, grabbing your cheek and forcing you to look at him, “tell me. who is it this time? who’s taking you from me again?”
this is the most erratic he’s been the entire night, and that’s saying something, “what? this time- caleb, what the fuck are you talking about? i’m not telling you anything,”
“i deserve to know,”
“uh, no, actually, you don’t!”
“i deserve to know who’s taking you from me again. who i need to go and fucking kill.”
“what are you talking about?!” you scream, genuinely being at a loss of words at what he had just said, “are you going insane or something?! what are you talking about, caleb?”
his face looks devoid of emotion, but he keeps talking with the same amount of passion and feeling, “you’re leaving me, again, to go back to someone else. you’re leaving me for someone else. tell me who it is and i’ll go kill them,” he repeats it as if he’s just reading off simple, boring current events.
“caleb, what has gotten into you? why, why are you…like this,” your questions is ragged and asked with such levels of venom it makes caleb visibly flinch.
then, he’s laughing, an empty laugh.
“why am i like this?” he pauses, tilting his head back and breathing in a deep breath, “you’re the one who did this to me. you’re the one who made me like this, you don’t get to ask why i am like this.” you blink in confusion, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
“this is all your fault. if you hadn’t left, if you didn’t leave me here, all alone, none of this would be happening. you wouldn’t have to ask why am i like this — if you just stayed!” his voice is shaky now, “you left me first and i’ve been like this ever since. do you know what that does to a person? to see the one person you love and care about leave without even looking back? you didn’t even care you were leaving me to die. you didn’t even,” he pauses, breathing going ragged and now you’re genuinely concerned for his well being, “you didn’t even look back at me. you didn’t care, you were the one who left and you didn’t even care.”
now you’re speechless. what the hell was caleb talking about?
“you don’t even know what i’m talking about — that’s how little you care about me,” he accuses, pushing against you and forcing you to look into his eyes, which have now become teary, “you’re the reason i’m like this, [name]. you’re the reason why i won’t let you leave again. you don’t get to leave, don’t be so fucking selfish,”
“what the hell is wrong with you caleb!? you call me the meanest things, you say the most vile shit you could say to someone who cares about you — and now you’re calling me selfish on top of it, for what? for choosing to no longer be near you, just like you asked?! you asked for me to get out of this house, so i’m leaving! what does it matter to you-”
caleb falters and it looks as if he’s remembering everything he said to you. as if there’s flashes of memories going on in his mind.
“[name], please don’t leave,” as if a switch flipped in his head, his voice goes soft, “don’t leave me, please, please don’t leave. i’ll explain everything to you if you promise me to not leave,”
“i don’t want an explanation from you anymore, caleb,” you sneer, thinking his request insane and disrespectful, “you didn’t let me into your life for so long and now you’re begging me to stay, promising me an explanation? as if a singular explanation could justify how you’ve been treating me,”
“i’m not saying it will justify it, i just have to tell you, to make you see from my perspect-”
“caleb, i really don’t want to have this conversation with you. from what you’ve told me, you want nothing else to do with me anymore — i’m giving you that out, right now. i don’t want to hear it,” you’re surprised with your own steady voice, but you’re proud of yourself for speaking so steadily, so sternly. his evol finally loosens off of you and this makes you immediately push him away.
“don’t go, i’m begging you, [name], don’t go. don’t go,” his voice is shaky and his grip on your wrist is so tight it almost hurts. just as you were about to reach for the door, he had grabbed your hand. and after securing your wrist in his hold, he dropped to his knees and tugged hard, as if he was trying to weigh you down to the floor with him. “don’t go, i’ll tell you everything, please,”
“caleb, i’m not-”
“you left, for university. and you didn’t even think twice before leaving me here, you left me here alone. and i hated you for it. you left without any regret or remorse, you acted as if you didn’t even care when in reality you were scarring me. i hated you for that, hated that you so easily chose something else over me, when i would never do that to you,” his words were rushed, knowing that it was now or never, “we were inseparable and you didn’t even care that you would be so far from me, that’s why i’m so bitter and i can’t let you leave now. do you understand now? i can’t let you walk out that door,”
you blink, processing his words. he waits for a reaction, any reaction from you. waits for you to realize what memories he’s talking about, waits for you to tell him your side of the story. then finally, you take in a deep breath and say, “are you fucking kidding me, caleb?”
he flinches at your harsh tone, tightening his hold on you as he realizes you might actually leave now.
“you berated me, you humiliated me, you harassed me — for years! — just because i went to another university?! a university that i went to for the betterment of this entire house?! that school was one of the only schools that gave us scholarship money, it helped keep you guys afloat here and you’re telling me; you’re mad at me for choosing that place?!” you’re screaming now, a frantic look in your eyes. this was the entire reason caleb hated you for years, or supposedly hated you? “you chose to bully me and belittle me for years because you thought i didn’t care?! i had to choose that school, caleb, or else we would’ve been without a home, without a place to sleep.
“josephine’s money was running low — i had to take that university’s scholarship offer or else we all would’ve been fucked!”
“then why didn’t you tell me that?” he practically cries, tears glistening in his eyes as his lip trembles.
“you were just a kid, none of that was your business! if i had told you, you would have tried scraping together some money, god knows how, and i didn’t want to push that responsibility onto you!” you shout back, feeling so incredibly frustrated you couldn’t contain it in the mature way you usually would.
“josephine was running out of money?” he echoes, catching that detail, “you told me that her will was paying off our bills and would be able to for a long time?”
“yes, of course i’d lie about that to you! you were too young to know the truth! why do you think i started working at the hospital instead of getting my master’s degree?! we need money, you asshole, and i had to pick up extra shifts to not worry about you, how i was getting food onto our table, and how to keep this house as our own!” you try tugging your hand away, but caleb is holding onto it like it’s a lifeline, “every single decision i’ve made was for you and lily. i love you two too much and all i’ve gotten from you caleb was spite and hatred. you cannot expect me to care at all about the reasoning behind your behavior — all i know is that you treated me like shit for years, for no reason,”
“you never told me,” he brokenly whispered, nuzzling into your palm. he mimicked a dog begging for forgiveness, “you never told me, i would’ve helped and i would’ve understood,”
“would you have? because last i remembered, you said me picking up extra shifts and complaining about being tired made me weak and useless!”
“i would’ve helped!”
“it’s not about you not helping or not knowing, caleb! it’s about you being a dickhead for no reason!” your breathing is shaky and you work up the courage to say, “do you have any idea how it feels to hear the one person you love say how much they despise you?”
that makes caleb’s grip falter. his head snaps up to look at you, still on his knees in front of you, “what?”
“i loved you, caleb. so much. but i don’t think i love you enough to begin to even understand your whole reasoning behind this behavior. you hurt me in the worst ways possible, calling me clingy and useless. can you even imagine what that feels like, caleb?” you take a deep breath, “it’s as if lily told you she hated you and wished you stop trying to be in her life, if that’ll help you understand,”
caleb’s head tilts to the side, “how is this about lily? what do you mean you loved me? what do you mean by that, [name]?”
you scoff at his question, rubbing your free wrists to ease the tender flesh, “i don’t need to explain to yo-”
“i love you, too,” he confesses quickly, rushing his words to ensure you hear him and his confession.
you’re shocked, genuinely feeling as if your heart dropped to your stomach. he’s still nuzzling his face into your palm that he’s holding in an iron grip, looking up at you expectingly. he didn’t mean that, you tell yourself. it’s another sick way of his to hurt you.
“caleb, let me go,” you say, willing yourself to speak despite wanting to just vomit out your guts. this was so painful, more painful that you expected it to be. why was caleb so deadset on hurting you so much?
“no, no, i won’t let you-“
“caleb, please.”
“i won’t-“
“caleb, let me go.”
he hears the difference in your tone. there’s not even an ounce of emotion, no anger, no sadness, no begging. just monotone with a stoic look on your face.
“[name], i love-“
“caleb, stop it, i’m tired. please, just let me go,” you plead with him, voice and resolve weak as you can’t will yourself to speak any louder than this hushed tone.
“no, listen, i love you too that’s why i can’t let you go. i’ve loved you since we were children and that’s why you leaving hurt me so much, but now i understand, hyung. i understand and i’m not mad and i’ll stop being such an asshole and i’ll be better, please. just don’t leave again, please? this is your home, isn’t it? stay, please,” caleb’s words are rushed, fighting the urge to hug your legs to his chest to truly prevent you from running away. but, he thinks that his confession of his true emotions are enough. or, he hopes they are.
of course, it isn’t enough. his words just leave you looking even more devoid of emotions and tired than you were before this conversation started.
“caleb, please let me go,”
“no. hyung, please say something…i just, i can’t lose you again, please.”
“what do you want me to say? what? that i love you too?” your voice is still missing that anger that you wanted to convey, but you had no energy to. but the look in your eyes alone show the passion you have in setting caleb straight, “i’d be fucking lying, caleb. i don’t think i could love you the same way i did before. this is completely,” you shake your hand, finally being able to set yourself free and rushing backwards from him, “untrue, you don’t mean a single word right now. you’re just lying to get me to stay, a last ditch resort.”
“that’s not true! what can i do to make you see i mean it? tell me, [name], i will show you. i’m not lying, i mean it,” his voice cracks and he clears his throat as he holds you tight, “don’t leave me please, i’ll prove it to you, i’ll show you,”
“you’re going to show me? caleb, just let me go,” you sigh, shaking your hand out of his and finally feeling some relief to see that he actually let go, “you need to set yourself right before you can prove anything to me, caleb. i honestly am not interested in you doing any of that either, so i’m not promising you anything. i still care for you and i love-” you cut yourself off mid sentence, knocking your forehead with your closed fist to physically prevent yourself from slippning up. with a deep breath, you continue on, “i’ll take care of everything still, but it’d probably be best if we just left it at that,”
“left what?” his eyes look as if they’re shaking in worry and fear.
“just sort yourself out first, caleb.” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose and moving to walk out, not turning back once to look at him.
a million thoughts were running through caleb’s mind. you were actually walking away from him and it sounded as if you had no intent in ever coming back. it’s just like before…but then he wondered, what if he made you stay this time? didn’t let you just up and leave like he did before when you were children?
he was stronger than you, his evol alone gave him an advantage. he could bring you into the house again, force that door shut and locked and make it so you’d have no escape. keep you here until you worked through all your differences.
but then he remembers that look on your face earlier, the sheer, utter disappointment on your face when you learned the truth. caleb hates disappointing you, but he hates seeing you walk away from him perhaps even more.
he couldn’t even form a proper coherent thought though because he noticed you were gone before he could have acted on any of his impulsive desires. he leaned forward, falling slowly onto the ground until his forehead was touching the wooden flooring.
he didn’t know how long he stayed there, but he does recall lily rushing to his side and forcing him up. he didn’t hear anything she was saying, but he could tell she was speaking to him.
“what happened? why were you on the floor?” she asks him, roughly dropping him onto the couch. as much as she wished she didn’t care about his wellbeing since she was so mad a him, it wasn’t in her nature to just leave him on the floor like that.
”did you know?”
“know what?”
“know that he’s leaving, did you know?” the words are hoarse and caleb is now hyper aware of how dry his throat feels.
a look of realization flashes on her face and now it all makes sense now. why he was so stationary on the floor earlier, weighing his body down as she tried moving him from his spot.
“yeah, i knew,” she didn’t bother saying anything more than that, watching him carefully.
“and you didn’t tell me?”
“caleb, respectfully, fuck you,” she said, going to walk away, rolling her eyes at his glare that was now fully directed at her.
“you didn’t tell me, lily. why didn’t you tell me?”
“why is it your business?”
“it’s my business!” he shouts so loud that it makes her jerk backwards in shock. that snaps her out of her stupor, throwing the pillow on the cushions at his face with no remorse and stomping off to her room. “why the fuck didn’t you tell me, lily?! why?!”
“caleb, shut up!” she shouts, going to her room and locking the door behind her. “as if you would’ve cared,”
“i care! i care more than you ever could!” he accuses her, banging his fist on the door to get her to open it, “where is he going? where is he staying now? is it some hotel? just give me a name and i’ll go and fix this all! it’ll be like before, when we were kids! don’t you want me to fix this?”
lily runs a hand over her face and goes to unlock her phone, opening her messenger app. she sends a quick text to zayne, not wanting to stress you out with this right now, and explains to him the situation. she warns him to be more careful now, worried that somehow caleb may put two and two together. just to be cautious of his surroundings and to not tell caleb too much about your current whereabouts.
“i know you know lily, just tell me, c’mon,” his voice is softer now, but she doesn’t give in. she just changes out of her outside clothes, goes to her bed and lays down, waiting for caleb to go away as she scrolls on her phone. she tries to not pay attention to his presence outside her door, but every now and then she hears the doorknob jiggle and she has to fight the urge to shout at him.
zayne looked at his phone screen with furrowed eyebrows, dropping it onto his desk after re-reading the texts a couple of times. he looks over at the schedule for his shift, noting down the fact that they were surprisingly overstaffed for the night. there was another surgeon that was working his area, along with their own team and the patients that were under his care were not high tonight.
he pocketed his phone, fixed his glasses and grabbed all of his belongings. he walked out of his office and made a beeline to yvonne.
“there is an emergency i must attend to, please tell the team i apologize for this, but i really must go,” yvonne didn’t even bother masking her shock. in all of her time working at the hospital, this was the first time zayne was early dismissing himself. of course, it was for an emergency, but that didn’t make it any less odd to see zayne walking away seven hours before his actual shift ended.
there would usually be repercussions done onto whoever was performing such reckless actions, but this was dr. zayne they were talking about. he was too good at his job and attendance for anyone to really say anything.
the doctor walked through the streets, a grocery bag hanging from his nimble fingers and swaying with each step he took. in the bag were a different assortment of items that had little to nothing in common with each other. it was your care package, zayne assuming you needed some support and food from them.
he arrived at his apartment and noticed how quiet it was. he sighed, discarding his jacket and shoes before going to his room to change into more comfortable clothes. he was already very clean and tidy, but living with you after a while, he noticed a certain quirk that you had.
you never set yourself to lay down in bed with your “outside” clothes on. even to just sit on the mattress was unheard of for you.
zayne picked up on this habit himself rather quickly because he agreed with the intention behind it and also because he knew he wouldn’t be allowed to rest with you unless he did change. so he changed first, into his more casual, pajama-esque clothes and knocked on your door.
“[name]? can i come in?”
he heard a sniffle behind the door and he bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. you didn’t deserve to cry, no less due to whatever it is that caleb and you discussed.
“i don’t think i’d be good company right now, zayne,” you honestly tell him, voice somewhat shaky from the behind the door.
“nonsense,” he immediately says in return, “allow me to drop off these things i bought for you, then,”
you sigh, rubbing your sensitive, dried with tears eyes and walk towards the door. twisting the knob slowly, you see zayne standing there with a sad look on his face and a bag full of goodies for you.
“for you,” he holds the bag up to show you and steps into your room. he gently places them onto your table and frowns when he sees you not even have the energy to look into the bag, “do you want to talk about it? i can’t assure you i’d be the best fit for you to tell your feelings to since i don’t think i can offer much wisdom, but i am here for you.”
you look up at him with sad eyes, presenting a deflated and dejected figure that makes you seem smaller than you really are. he hates the sight of you like this, teary eyed, the tip of your nose red, your sleeves damp with tears. he hates to see you so heartbroken.
“no, i think i’ll be fine,” you decided after a moment of silence, “i think i can manage for the rest of the day. i’ll be fine by tomorrow morning,”
“why? do you have important plans tomorrow morning?” he asks, which you shake your head to, “then why do you insist you will be fine by tomorrow? there is no rush for you to force yourself to feel better. we can talk whenever you feel up for it,” zayne’s voice, opposite of yours, was stern and sounded confident.
his kind words make your bottom lip tremble, the utter sincerity already making your eyes tear up once again. he notices it and immediately begins fretting over your reaction, “i’m sorry, i did not mean to make you cry!”
“no, it’s not because of you zayne- well, it is, but they’re not bad tears,” you quickly explain, feeling bad to see him so worried about his wording.
he sighs, in what you assume is relief, as he speaks softly, “tell me about what is bothering you whenever you are ready, [name],” he speaks with authority, as if commanding you to at least listen to his words, “i don’t like seeing you sad,”
the words come tumbling out of his mouth before he can think of reeling them back in, leaving both of you shocked at his sudden confession. he masks it better than you can, though, who looked up at him with your red eyes blown wide.
”that’s really kind of you, zayne,”
“it’s just the truth,” he settles on your bed, looking off to the side as he thinks about how he can make you feel better. if you didn’t want to let out your problems for him to listen to, he supposes distracting you and taking your mind off of the situation at hand could do you some good as well. “when we were kids, i didn’t like seeing you sad either,”
“you seem to remember so much from our childhood while i can’t remember anything,” your pout makes the corners of his lips upturn just the slightest.
“doctor’s memory,” he jokes, tapping the side of his temple with his pointer finger and smiling when he sees it gets you to grin ever so slightly. “when we were children, i found that whenever you got sad, there was almost always the same thing being the root of your sadness. either caleb or lily,”
your eyes watch him carefully as he reminisces on the details of it all, “they were — are — your entire world and i don’t blame you for being so emotionally invested in them,” he speaks carefully, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. but he wants to be honest with you, “the way caleb had a sway on your emotions then and now is hardly any different, but you can change that, [name]. back then, i never said anything because you were happy and it would only be moments of sadness. now, i can no longer bite my tongue. there must be something done to stop your tears from being wasted-” he cuts himself off, finding himself going on a tangent longer than he intended.
it’s silent for a moment and he almost wishes he could just up and walk out of the room right then and there to save himself from his embarrassment. until you chuckle softly and lean back into the pillows behind you.
“you remember a lottt more than i thought,” was the first thing you said, doing little to ease his anxiousness, “but, you’re right, i suppose. i care so much, maybe too much — as caleb said before, it’s coming back to bite me in the ass,”
“caring too much is not the issue,” zayne’s head shakes in disagreement, “it is the fact caleb has abused that care for many years, he expects kindness and special treatment from you despite doing nothing to return those same gestures to you. that is what makes this situation wrong,”
zayne defends you as passionately as if he were defending himself. his eyebrows are furrowed together, as if he is genuinely confused or very frustrated at the situation, hands palming at his knees as he tries to calm his evol from spiking, and his leg jittery the slightest bit as it bounces up and down from the floor.
“you are not the one at fault in this, [name]. i don’t know much about what you two exchanged or said, but i do know that much. there is nothing you could have done that would be considered wrong,” he comforts, looking at you so intensely it almost makes you break eye contact.
“thanks, zayne,” is all you can muster, genuinely speechless at the articulate way zayne defends you while also, shockingly, critiquing caleb rather brutally.
a part of you deep down already knew these things all along, but to hear someone else verbalize them had made you feel levels of validation you didn’t know were possible. the insecurities that caleb had planted in your mind regarding your “clingy” nature and “overbearing” attitude were still present, but to hear zayne speak so casually of that behavior and seemingly validate it definitely made you feel better.
“i’m glad i could be of any help,” he smiles softly at you before standing up, “please, indulge yourself in everything i had bought — it’s all for you,”
you look over at the bag on your table, nodding ever so slightly. “thank you again, i really appreciate it,”
”of course, don’t mention it.”
as the days gradually went by, you and zayne talked about everything that you and caleb had said to each other. to your surprise, instead of remaining as neutral as you expected him to , he was rather biased in your favor and even made several snide comments about caleb and his childish attitude. his expressions were a bit entertaining too, scowls and sneers whenever you mention caleb’s behavior. it was a little refreshing to see him so expressive.
the usual stoic and level-headed zayne was replaced with the best reactive listener, lending you all the support you had needed in youurtimes of vulnerability.
“just to clarify, he does not know you are living with me, right?” zayne asked you one day, in his office while you two were on your lunch break. assuming he was talking about caleb, you nodded your head in confirmation.
“i think it’d be best if he didn’t know,” you murmur, voice trailing off as you tried to imagine caleb finding out. he never really played well with zayne, ever since they were children. the doctor used to view him neutrally, but now he definitely shares his fair amount of distaste towards him. caleb very obviously never liked him.
“just wanted to make sure because yvonne just notified me that a, and i quote, very angry looking, muscular, tall, and handsome man is demanding i speak with him in the lobby, end quote. was just wondering how i should approach the situation is all,” he grabs one of his napkins to wipe his face, then stands up, making you immediately follow.
“if he’s out there, you do not have to talk to him,” you say in a stern voice, “zayne, this is the only chance we get at some peace and quiet in here, don’t you think we should spend the time winding down?”
“we have approximately twenty minutes left of our meal, i plan to make this a quick five. now, i’d ask you to stay here, but it’s unfair if you obey my orders whilst i disregard your own. just please, let me handle it. i’d rather he not focus on you and say something else absurd,” zayne requests, making you roll your eyes and open the door.
you weren’t just going to stand there and be silent if caleb tried to pull some disrespectful behavior, but you’ll try holding your tongue until that moment occurs. zayne rushes to walk in front of you, adjusting his white coat as he does so. he sees caleb before you, tall frame covering the man from your sight.
“where’s [name]?” caleb asks, seemingly not seeing as you followed behind zayne’s much taller figure.
“caleb, this is highly inappropriate,”
“zayne, just answer the question,” caleb groans, stepping forward as if he were trying to walk past zayne. but as he got closer he finally caught sight of your figure, a wide smile stretching across his face as he tried to get to you, “[name]!” he called to you cheerfully.
he was about to reach for you, but zayne had lifted his arms up and blocked him from doing so, “i thought i told you this was inappropriate,”
caleb’s violet eyes narrowed and he glared at zayne with no shame, “this is a really personal matter, dr. zayne,” he spits out the title like venom, “so i suggest you move out of my way and let me talk to him,”
“we have nothing to talk about,” at the sound of your voice, caleb looks like he almost physically goes weak in the knees. he turns to you like a puppy hearing their owner’s voice after a long time and if he had a tail, it’d be going a couple hundred miles an hour right now.
“[name], don’t say that. there’s so much we need to talk about. please?”
“as if i’d allow you to interrupt our work right now,” zayne emphasizes the word ‘work,’ reminding caleb just exactly where he is.
“i couldn’t give a shit if you were working, i need to talk to him. what is your problem, zayne? since when did you even care when i talk to [name]?”
“since it is now interrupting our work schedule,” zayne’s eyes narrow as well, “i care if it involves him regardless,”
caleb’s genuine smile was replaced with a sarcastic, mocking look on his face, “oh you care? well, if you care for your own well-being, then you’d get out of my way,” he goes to shoulder shove zayne out of the way, but the doctor reacts so fast it surprises you.
his hand, which was slightly icy now, lands on caleb’s shoulder and holds him still, “caleb, you have to leave. this is not the place you wish to act out in, our security will be called on you if you take a step further,”
“your security doesn’t scare me,” caleb attempts shaking off zayne’s grip, but it only makes the doctor tighten his hold.
“then i will personally deal with you,”
“oh, you definitely don’t scare me,” caleb turns to zayne, voice lowering so it was only audible to the doctor, “get your hand off of me before i make you a patient. i need to talk to [name] and i’m in no mood to deal with you right now,”
“and [name] so eagerly wishes to speak to you?” zayne’s snide remark is delivered with such harshness you almost flinch for caleb, “he does not want to speak to you,”
“you know what he wants?” caleb’s voice is dangerous now and the room begins to feel heavier, “remind me where were you in our childhood all the other times he needed somebody? were you there?”
”i would have been if i was not shut out,” zayne’s voice raises ever so slightly and that comment makes you tilt your head in confusion.
caleb’s teeth grit in frustration, “know your place,”
“my place is with [name]. you should know yours because i assure it is not with him and it is not here,”
that goads a physical reaction from caleb, who slams his forearm into zayne’s chest and forcefully pushes him into the wall, “what did you just say?”
yvonne is scrambling to call for security, her voice rushed and she gives them your guys’ current location and how they have to hurry. you rush to pry caleb off of zayne, but the doctor raises his hand and shakes his head to prevent you from interfering.
“you are nothing to him, you’re simply his boss. i’m the only person that deserves to say my place is with him. zayne, watch your tongue,” caleb’s words are almost hard to understand with how tight his jaw is clenched. “don’t make me-
“make you what? pin me to a wall and use your evol? you’ve already done that caleb, what more could you possibly want from this entire debacle?”
caleb’s dry laugh echoes in the tense environment, “oh, you don’t want to know what i wish i could do to you. for standing in my way, for not knowing your feeble significance, for stopping me from just talking to [name],” as caleb lists these things out, you feel yourself growing restless in being quiet and inactive.
so you move forward and place both hands on caleb’s shoulders and pull with all your strength to get him off of zayne. it works, pulling him back far enough that you can plant yourself in between him and zayne.
“caleb, security is going to come to escort you out soon and i suggest you collect yourself before they do. unless you wish for more severe measures to be done onto you,” your tone is curt and emotionless, caleb’s widely blown eyes watching you carefully as if he’s trying to memorize your face, mannerisms, and even your vocabulary.
as he watches you turn to zayne and quickly ask if he is alright, he feels his anger be almost pushed past a breaking point. since when did you two care at all for each other? he tries to chalk it up to your gracefully natural caring personality, but something about the way you so softly address zayne that makes him feel unsettled. your kind expression directed at zayne while you could spare him nothing but a stoic glare.
since when was this the way you were going to treat him? he thought a couple of days could have been enough for you to be open to talking to him. is there something he’s missing? why in the world did you suddenly care about zayne and if he was “okay”? what about him? because he’s not okay at all, not since you left him a couple of days ago. he hasn’t known peace since then. so why weren’t you checking up on him?
he feels his hatred for zayne grow every millisecond he watches you fret over him. that should be him who you were so carefully tending to, not zayne.
he can’t even say anything else that could be held liable against him because the uniforms of security guards cut into his vision. their words are muffled to his ears as he watches you guide zayne away, your hand grabbing the doctor’s icy ones with a concerned look on your face. caleb swears he sees red for a split second at your close contact.
something here wasn’t right.
as he was kicked out of the hospital, with little resistance from his end, he feels himself grow more and more focused on your guys’ closeness. you defended zayne, checked in on him, even went out of your way to touch him — while all he got was a glare and words that almost sounded robotic. this wasn’t right. caleb couldn’t accept this. he couldn’t sleep if this is the only thing racing through his mind.
so he put his good snooping stalking skills to use.
the cameras on the perimeter of the hospital were easy for him to gain access to. he’s done worse, anyway. he watches all the employee exits, clicking the one that he sees you and zayne walk out of and he nearly breaks something in his anger when he sees zayne open his car door for you, meanwhile you’re entering his car with a laidback, tired smile.
since when did zayne ever give you rides to and from work? how did that make sense? that never happened even when you were still living in this home of yours. not once did zayne ever step up to drop you off. this was completely unnatural.
caleb shivers at the sight of you climbing into zayne’s car. his mind was racing. was zayne even a safe driver? that car he was driving, caleb didn’t trust it. what was the level of safety that that car even had? it didn’t look safe. and even if it was. caleb did not trust zayne with your safety at all.
you were only safe with him.
it didn’t take caleb much more effort to follow the drive that you two were on. this was needed, anyway. he’d finally be able to find out where you were staying, he could drop by in the morning and fix this with you, a one-on-one conversation.
imagine the look on caleb’s face when he watched you and zayne both leave his car, walk up to an apartment complex’s entrance, take the elevator all the way up to where the private estates were, and then disappear behind the sleek door.
his face was stoic, emotionless as he breathed raggedly, uneven as he tried to control his anger. this was unacceptable. he wasn’t dumb or naive enough to come up with a childish excuse as to why this was happening, why you were brought to zayne’s home. he knew exactly why.
the room began shaking, books and notepads from caleb’s shelves and desks were levitating, sporadically falling and being tossed every which way. a ruckus was being made, loud enough it drew lily out of her room. she was yelling profanities at him for causing such a disturbance in the middle of the night, but then she saw it. the computer screen that had the cctv footage of that familiar hallway. she gulped and looked nervous, something caleb noticed immediately.
“you knew,” he growls, fists clenching at his sides and making the things in his room go even more haywire and move unpredictably through the air. he hasn’t lost control of his evol like this since he was a teenager. coincidentally, you were the cause of that episode as well.
lily immediately shook her head no, suspiciously too fast seeing as caleb didn’t say anything besides the single question.
“you didn’t tell me,” he continues on voice rough as he force the door to shut behind her and effectively trapping her in his room where his own emotional tornado was ripping through all of his belongings. “you knew that he was spending time with [name], living with him,” caleb cuts his own imaginative theories off to prevent himself from actually turning blood hungry, and attempts to move past that detail, “you knew and didn’t tell me? lily, be honest, do you even care for me fixing things with him? do you really just want me to not try fixing this?”
“you had your chance,” she shakily defends herself, but he’s not taking that as an answer so easily.
“i’m making another one,” he says curtly, “you are okay with him living with zayne, of all people?”
“zayne is better suited to take care of him more than you ever could!”
“no one is better for him that me! why does no one understand that?! you think he’s better, you think you’re better?!” caleb’s voice raises with no warning, making lily screw her eyes shut, “lily, you are lucky i think of you as my sister or else you’d be dead to me by now. dead.”
she can’t even bring herself to hide her relief when she feels the door slightly crack open behind her, swinging it open and immediately running away to her own. she is tempted to call you, notify you of how scary caleb’s behavior has turned. but just as she was about to ring you up, she thought about how much you already had on your plate.
she couldn’t afford to add more onto it, especially when you were already so stressed out about caleb to begin with. if she told you everything that happened just now, she’d be forcing you to deal with him when everything was still so fresh. that wasn’t something lily wanted to make you do.
so she’ll stay silent about it for now. but honestly, she doesn’t know how long she could possibly tolerate this aggressive behavior from caleb. the caleb that was once so sweet to her, and you, was seemingly long gone.
the only remedy was you.
caleb knows he shouldn’t be here. knows that it would only make you more angry and annoyed with him if you knew he was here. but he couldn’t help it. ever since he had found out you were now living with zayne, he had grown obsessive in constantly knowing what was going on between you two. he, unfortunately, could not gain access to the inside of zayne’s apartment. but he still was able to see the cameras at the entrance and exit of the apartment building. which is when he would time his departure from his house and go out to follow wherever you two were going, eyes trained on his phone screen as he walked to match your guys’ pace.
he felt sick every time he saw the two of you hang out so casually, so intimately. he learned that you and zayne enjoyed frequently cafes together, so long as there was a dessert menu for zayne.
that big man baby, caleb thought to himself.
you’d always order a drink to keep you energized while zayne got some sugary sweet treat. caleb hands balled into fists as he saw you two share your orders together, you taking bites from zayne’s spoon and zayne sipping directly from your cup. it actually made him feel sick to his stomach.
he watched zayne offer you your napkin, the tiniest smile on his face as he watched you carefully clean your messes up. that was supposed to be him, caleb was the only one meant to be this close to you. he wishes you could have just heard him out and understood his explanation, then you wouldn’t be so far out of reach from him and he wouldn’t be creepily watching you a couple of shops down as you now spent all your free time with zayne.
caleb hated zayne for taking that spot next to you which was meant to only be reserved for him.
after a couple of days of watching and seething where he sat, caleb decided to take the risk in texting you to ask you to talk. he was worried you would block him the instant he sent it, but was easily reminded of your level headed behavior and how that would be very unlike you when he saw that you texted him back hours later.
you agreed. lily offhandedly mentioned to you an episode caleb had that was rather intense and assuming the worst, which is what happened, you assumed that he had seriously scared her in that influx of emotions. that was enough for you to swallow down your current personal feelings and approach this conversation in respect of lily and her peace of mind. caleb’s behavior is inexcusable, especially so when it involves scaring lily.
“caleb, i only came back because we seriously need to talk about you and your behavior,” your voice is stern, that familiar tone you used to use on him when you two were younger. it was the first thing you said to him the moment he walked into the room. not even a simple greeting, he realizes with a devoid look in his eyes.
“do you want any water? anything to eat? i can make your-”
“just please, sit down,”
“you don’t want to talk in your bedroom? somewhere more comfortable?”
“you’re lucky i didn’t choose the restaurant down the street instead of the kitchen, so how about being a little more compliant?”
he didn’t respond to that, gulping and taking the seat at the dinner table that was across from where you were sitting. you followed soon after him, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning into the back of your chair.
”you need to quit taking your frustrations out on things around you. do you understand that you’re scaring lily? and if anything happens to her, anything that you do so much as give her a bad dream at night, i’ll take her away from this place — from you, and make it so you’d never be able to hurt her again,”
“i don’t mean to hurt her, or scare her,” caleb quickly cuts in, trying to make you understand — once again, “i just…get so frustrated sometimes. you’re not here anymore — even though you easily could just come back! — and i don’t know where else to put those feelings,”
you scoff, “right because before you’d just take it all out on me,” your eyebrows furrow and caleb feels hope bloom in his chest as he thinks he sees concern on your face, “caleb, why are you so frustrated? what is making you so angsty all the time? it’s been weeks since we last talked-”
“time doesn’t change anything, it only makes things worse,” he weakly chuckles, almost not believing that you really didn’t understand what your absence does to him. has he not already made it obvious how detrimental you not being here has been on his mental health? “i can’t do anything knowing that you hate me,”
your breath hitches and your demeanor shifts ever so slightly, “caleb, i don’t hate you. i never said that,”
he blinks at you, wide eyed and the smallest quirk on the ends of his mouth, “really?”
your outer expression hardens at his words, catching his tone immediately, “don’t. i thought we already established i was quite far from hating you. but we aren’t here to talk about that-”
“why can’t we?”
”i don’t want to,”
“well, i need to. i need to talk about it with you, [name].” caleb’s breathing is shaky as he hesitantly reaches across the table to hold your hand in his, fingers shaking as he does so, “i don’t understand, you have to make me understand. if you love me, i need to know why you don’t want to be with here, with me? we could be so happy,”
“because it’s not that easy, caleb,” you pull your hands away and caleb almost vocalizes something akin to a whine at the loss of contact, “i can’t just erase my memory of everything you’ve said to me these past couple of years. i love you, i’ve loved you for so long, which is why things can’t just go back to normal as you want them to.”
“if you love me, does seeing me hurt like this not hurt you?”
“don’t you dare try guilting me!”
“i’m not trying to! i’m trying to understand, help me understand,” his mouth gapes open and closed as he thinks about how to word his thoughts, “can’t you at least come home? i can’t stand being physically far from you. we don’t even need to talk or see each other whenever you’re too busy, i just can’t sleep well at night knowing you’re not in the next room over,”
“caleb,” you pinch the bridge of your nose in exasperation, “we can’t just pretend that everything is fine and ignore it, which means i can’t just move back into my room. i think i still need space from you. we’re not even here to talk about us, we’re here to talk about you and how your behavior needs to stop,”
“i won’t stop until you come back,” his words are finite, the resolve in his eyes almost scaring you, “i’ll do anything to have you come back to me,”
”scaring and borderline threatening lily will do anything but make me come back,” you remind him, words icy as you hope they sting him where it’ll hurt.
“then how can i make you come back, let you know that i’ll change and be better? how can i prove that to you if you’re not even in the same building as me?” caleb’s love is best translated through physical touch and acts of service, both of which require you to be here in order for him to execute them.
you’re silent and it seems as if you’re genuinely thinking about an answer, which alone makes caleb excited to think he has a chance at winning you back into his arms.
“i’m not moving back in, not for a while at least. i’ve realized that i was limiting myself,” you say with finality, “caleb, i don’t want to be near you right now. i need you to understand that because i feel like, i tell you how i feel and everything is going in one ear and out the other,”
“please, don’t say that. i listen, i do! and i want to try making things better, but you won’t let me. why won’t you let me? why won’t you just come ho-”
“because things are going quite well for me right now! and i know that it’s selfish, but my entire life i’ve been nothing but selfless for you,” your words are unwavering and caleb physically deflates at your words and tone. you sound so excited, so excited talking about how well you’re doing without him. “zayne takes really good care of me, caleb. he’s really attentive and treats me well,”
caleb’s jaw sets into a tight clench, which you are unable to ignore, “and you can’t even be mad at him and how i prefer him right now, because he’s just treating me like a normal person would, how a kind person would. you didn’t treat me with a fraction of care in years that he has in weeks. so i hate to tell you this, but i prefer the company i have with zayne over staying there with you,”
you’re not even calling it your home anymore, caleb thinks with teary eyes. he listened to your ramble, trying his best to ignore the boiling anger and annoyance at how you were so passionately talking about zayne. instead, he tried actually listening to what you were saying and the criticism that followed. he was the one at fault, he understands that. but he just hates that you were relying on someone else as a crutch rather than wanting to come back home and work things out with him, living under the same roof again.
“but i am willing to see you more often so we can work this out. it’s hurting lily a lot, i think, to see us fighting and not talking to each other. and i feel like i need to remind you how your behavior in particular has been awful.” you sigh, crossing your arms over your chest with a frown on your face, “i’m busy with work most days, though, but whenever we have free time-”
”i’ll always be free for you, just call or text me,” caleb nods his head rapidly, not going to reject your proposition even though it is far from the solution he was hoping for. his hands are sweaty in his lap as this entire conversation sent him spiraling where he sat.
“will you stop being such a prick to lily now?” you ask, eyes glaring into his soul. but at least you were looking at him. he smiles softly, nodding his head in obedience. “apologize to her as well, a real sincere one.”
“i will, it wasn’t- i wasn’t thinking straight,” he admits, running a hand through his hair as he thinks about his past behavior. he was just so caught up in trying to reach you again, ensure you came home, he was willing to do that by any means. even if it meant hurting the one other person he held dear to his heart…it seems he has a habit of hurting the people he loves.
“okay, so,” your voice trails off for a couple moments before you finally stand up, “well, i’m gonna head out now,”
caleb is following after you, shooting up from his seat and reaching his hand out, “c’mon, no, stay for dinner at least, please. i haven’t cooked for you and lily in so long, please, just let me make us dinner,”
your eyebrows furrow and you back away, “i really would, caleb, but i promised i’d eat dinner with zayne tonight.”
he huffs in annoyance, “then just invite him, i don’t even care. just, can we please have dinner together tonight? he can be here if you really want him to be,” he can’t believe he’s even saying this right now, but he’s desperate. he really wants you to stay.
you think about it for a couple of moments before nodding in agreement, “i’ll go call him,”
“okay, perfect, let me see what we have in the fridge.” he leaves the living room and heads to the kitchen, the most genuine smile on his face in a long time. he already knows what you guys have to cook as well. it’s the ingredients to all your favorites. he’s been making your comfort meals to comfort himself the past couple of days, attempting to fill the void you left him with.
it was always a depressing sight as well. him sitting alone at the dinner table since lily would take her portion up to her room. he’d be alone, eating the food so slowly that it would usually end up going cold before he even realized it.
but now, his nights of going through that were closer to being done with. even if only just a little bit, you were giving him leeway in making this better, in fixing this situation. and then you two could maybe even be closer than you were before. his face blooms with heat as he thinks about what you two could become, beyond that bond you two shared before. something deeper.
he watches you talk calmly with zayne on the phone, a small smile on your face and his eyebrows furrow at the sight. he has to be patient, he repeats in his head like a mantra. if he is patient and works hard in regaining your trust, your love, your care! then one day, he’ll be the one on that receiving end of your sweet phone calls.
he just has to fight back his selfish desires, suffocate them down into the back of his mind. he’s determined to show you he can change, he can be that man that you need him to be, turn back into the man you love.
caleb is willing to do anything.
