#cautionarytales

Ever tried to send a teenager to their room?

So I was at the bar where I burlesque, when some Dane Cook/Seth MacFarlene motherfucker decides that since I offered him a French fry 2 minutes ago, he could reach over and grab my chest. 

I dunno who this guy is. He said hi. I offered him a fry. Suddenly he’s grabbing me, making full eye contact.

I told him if he did that again I’d punch him in the face - probably posturing - but he backed off and apologized profusely. He said he thought it was okay because we were “friends” now. He seemed apologetic so I said fine, just don’t let it happen again. (Spoiler alert: I’m stupid.)

Less than 5 minutes went by. I went to stand in line for the bathroom. He came up and started dancing on me. 

Obviously I felt like a dummy for giving him a pass (never fucking again.) I told him back off, give me space, ain’t no grabby jerk allowed in my space. First, he said, “I never grabbed you.” I was like...uhhh, pretty sure you did. I was there. Then he said, “Well I’m gay...so...?” Dude, your orientation does not give you a free pass to assault people at the bar. And I told him that. Then he had the audacity to tell me the reason he did it was because he thought I was hot.

Please bear in mind that I was wearing a binder, pants, and a long sleeve shirt. No makeup. Nothing. (Not that that matters anyway.) But my point is that there are creeps out there who will be creeps because they can, and they will find any excuse to justify their shitty, inappropriate behavior. 

Do not ever let people make excuses for actions that were wrong. It doesn’t matter if they’re sober/drunk, gay/straight. If they assault you, it’s assault. Period. I know there are some men who wonder why women stray away from them at bars or on the street when it’s dark. Dane MacFarlene is why. You never really understand how powerless you are until someone 6″ taller than you is grabbing you because he can, insisting on why he is allowed to do it. There is no preparing for that shit. It sucks. 

I’m fine, by the way. It’s a good bar with good people. The dancers, bouncer, and bartender had him removed immediately. In fact, the bartender asked if I wanted him thrown out as soon as he touched me (I should have said yes. If this ever happens to you, say yes.) Anyway, he is not welcome there anymore, and I’ve moved on. But now I tell people this as a cautionary tale. There are times to give people second chances, and evidently this isn’t one of them.