Explaining Cats
There are so many things about Cats that are basically impossible to explain with a straight face. Like, just identifying characters can be like:
Thatâs Mistoffelees. He has a song, so I donât really need to explain him, but you should know that if someone mentions a character called Quaxo, they probably mean him. Maybe. There are Mistos that arenât Quaxo and Quaxos that arenât Misto, but most of the are both.Â
Thatâs Asparagus. No, not Gus. Yeah, Gus is short for Asparagus, but this Asparagus probably isnât that Asparagus. To avoid confusion, some people call him Peter.
The :D cat is probably called George. He might be named Admetus, but that mightâve just been an error on the old website. A lot of people think heâs a dog.
Carbuckety and Pouncival are the same, except when theyâre not. Bill Bailey and Tumblebrutus are the same, except when theyâre not. Jemima and Sillabub are the same, except when theyâre not. Admetus and Plato are the same, except when theyâre not or one of them is actually George.Â
Pouncival is also George sometimes. George was Jonathan this one time, and I think he was Bill Bailey at least once. This character design is named Admetus, Bill Bailey, Jonathan, Pouncival, and/or George.
And almost none of these characters will ever be directly referred to by their names!
Also, these are the kittens. No, theyâre not children, at least not usually, but they are baby. There is a difference between being a child and being baby. Misto is baby but heâs not even a kitten. Well, heâs adultish. Kittens are sort of adults too, but theyâre like baby adults. Misto is a baby adult but not a kitten. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are also not kittens, probably, but theyâre kind of baby sometimes.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are assumed to be twins, but no one really knows and they might actually be fucking.
The girl kittens are Jemima/Sillabub, Victoria, Electra, and Etcetera. No really, thatâs her name.
Outside of naming characters, thereâs always:
The Jellicles are Jellicles because thatâs what they call themselves. Jellicle means Jellicle which means Jellicle.
Yes, everyone is really horny, and yes, itâs supposed to be that way.Â
âBuried nine wivesâ is an old-fashioned way of saying âoutlivedâ, because the song lyrics are poems written in the 30s. The word âgayâ is used to mean âcheeryâ instead of âgayâ at some point. Also, racism.
So, a bunch of people are onstage, pretending to be cats. But, those cats are pretending to be pirates, and those cat pirates are singing a ballad about a parrot in a bar for long enough for it to basically be itâs own number. Also, racism.
And, the answer to everything:
We donât know exactly why this is happening but hereâs like 12 different headcanons and 2 contradictory answers from two different actors in two different productions 30 years apart.











