#cataradical

Prompt me! | Read on AO3

(A very vague reference to noncon, but not between the main pairing. Still, I figured it worth mentioning.)

Fear tears him from his sleep.

But not his own.

Ben feels the shaking hand fisted in his shirt and looks up to meet Hux’s wide, panicked eyes. He’s breathing heavily, sweat plastering his hair to his forehead as he stares at Ben as though he’s under some spell. Ben grabs Hux’s wrist in a gentle grip as he sits up alongside him.

The former general’s fear had rippled along their bond like an incoming earthquake and when Ben delicately picks though the top layer of his thoughts, he understands why. The images are sharp and clear. He sees himself experiencing an eclectic variety of deaths; some at the hands of Palpatine, some at the hands of Rey, some at the hands of the New Republic.

The two of them have been on Ahch-To for about two months now. For their roles in aiding the Resistance against the First and Final Order, they were shown some measure of leniency at their trials. Leia and Hux’s birth mother had swayed the minds of the Council enough to allow them to keep their lives. However, they were to be exiled to Ahch-To for the remainder of their years—the new caretakers of the old Jedi ruins, in Luke’s stead.

Ben doesn’t mind so much.

Hux sometimes says he wishes they’d just killed him.

Ben wonders how much he means that but is too afraid to probe his thoughts any deeper on the matter.

Right now, though, in this moment, those things are far from Ben’s mind. Hux had wanted Kylo Ren to lose—and he had gotten his wish. He’d just been too prideful to say that the reason he’d wanted it was because he preferred Ben Solo. He wanted the man he had picked up on that lonely planet years ago at Snoke’s behest. He wanted that man who had found him charming and interesting, who had wanted to be closer to him. He wanted the only man he had ever given himself to willingly.

Ben is trying very hard to be that man. Or at least, someone like him.

“Hey,” he says quietly. “It’s okay.”

Hux blinks rapidly, looking at him with fresh eyes, as though he hadn’t truly been seeing him before. He swallows thickly and nods woodenly but says nothing. It’s like this, sometimes. Getting Hux to talk about what he’s feeling can be like pulling teeth.

“Come here,” Ben says, gently tugging him forward.

The redhead comes willingly, putting up no resistance as Ben pulls him to his chest. Ben feels Hux sag against him, his head drooping to rest on his chest. He reaches up and cradles the back of Hux’s head, drawing him closer as he skims his fingers through the other man’s hair. It’s grown longer than Hux typically cares for it to be, he observes idly.

“Hear that?” Ben asks, encouraging Hux to shift his ear towards his chest. “I’m alive. I’m right here.”

Several heartbeats pass before Hux speaks. “I know. I know, I was just…”

Scared to be alone.

Scared to be without you.

Scared.

“It’s fine,” Ben assures him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You couldn’t if you wanted to,” Hux mumbles irritably.

“If you’re back to complaining, you must be feeling better,” Ben notes.

Hux draws away from him slowly but doesn’t meet his gaze. He looks exhausted. Sleepless nights have caught up to him, leaving dark smudges beneath his eyes and a vacant look about his gaze. He isn’t happy here, but they aren’t meant to be. Not after all they’d done. They’ve both acknowledged that much, at the very least. But Ben doesn’t know if Hux has ever actually been happy before. From whatever pieces of his life that he’s shared, he doesn’t think Hux has. Ben doesn’t like to remember the part he’d played in that as Kylo Ren. But that, too, is part of his punishment. Learning to forgive one another has been… challenging.

“When did I become so reliant upon you?” Hux asks miserably.

“Probably about the same time I became reliant upon you,” Ben reasons.

There’s a soft hum from Hux as he stares down at their hands, brushing against Ben’s fingertips with his own.

“Do you think you can go back to sleep?” Ben asks him.

“No. Not tonight, I don’t think,” Hux says honestly.

Ben chews on his lower lip, considering whether he should offer what he’s about to offer. Better to do it, he decides, and let Hux make the decision.

“I could… help you go back to sleep,” Ben says. “Without nightmares.”

Hux frowns at the suggestion. Rare were the moments when he allowed Ben to use the Force on him in any way, no matter the reason. Which is fair, given their history. But Ben wishes he could in moments like these, moments where he could use it to help rather than hurt. As though sensing Ben’s anxieties, Hux looks up, his expression smoothing out into something that lacks his earlier defensiveness.

“No, I… I would prefer not to,” Hux says.

Ben inhales slowly and nods. They’re working on it. It’s just going to take time.

“I’ll make us some tea,” he says, already rising from the bed.

The feeling of a hand tugging at his wrist stops him from leaving the bed entirely. He looks down from where he stands, finding Hux holding onto him for dear life and looking as though he wants to say something. Ben waits.

“…thank you,” Hux says after a few tense moments of silence.

Ben opens his mouth and then shuts it, unable to think of what exactly it is he’d like to say. Instead, he dips down, pleased when Hux tips his head back to meet his kiss. It’s a brief thing, a mere brushing of the lips, but it means more than its mere physical aspect. It’s acceptance and forgiveness and an apology and a million things that Ben couldn’t begin to put a name to.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Ben tells him.

“Then don’t give me reason to,” Hux retorts.

I think I posted it ages ago, but I can’t find it either so here!

I did both because I finished work early today. I like how the ink turned out.

Movie Venom and Eddie (I didn’t see who is a and who is b so they exchanged position). Tom Hardy’s face is tricky to draw. We stan one sweaty man and one goo alien.

Brainstorm and Quark. I haven’t drawn transformers in 3859276 years, so the line is rough, but well, it’s better than I thought.

I love when I open gifts you always have a legendary I’m so jelly

…in sakon nakhon, thailand.  @ sweetcrescent take me here now