Cassowary Man 2
Doctor: And there is one thing you, never ever put in a trap.
???: A cassowary?
Doctor: M- . . Wait, what?
???: Cassowaries are great at escaping traps.
Doctor: Sorry, we haven't met. I'm the Doctor, this is a gun, and I'm doing superb speech number 345, this time with added 'flare'.
???: I see what you did there.
Doctor: It was good, wasn't it? Anyway, who are you?
???: Only the amazing Cassowary-Man, bringer of obvious facts and awareness-raising campaigns for certain Australian wildlife.
Doctor: I presume this Australian wildlife is the Cassowary?
Cassowary-Man: Of course. They need your help, even more than the people in this ship about to be devoured by stone statues from a child's hell, grilled in jump-scares and dipped in some brown-trouser-scary sauce.
Doctor: I'm not so sure. They went extinct in 2015, you know, since President Smith decided it was a good idea to legalize the expansion of Guinness Factories into the northern rainforests.
Cassowary-Man: My home . . . my people. Doctor, I thought . . .Â
Doctor: Yes, sorry, my mistake, but just remember: History can be rewritten.
Cassowary-Man: You have a sentient police box that is the size of the entire universe, I just have a cape and a far-too tight spandex outfit. How am I supposed to save my beautiful birds?
Doctor: Through the power of something extraordinary.Â
Cassowary-Man: An ancient Egyptian tablet, holding the secrets to vortex manipulation?
Doctor: something made by man, in the twentieth century. Something amazing.
Cassowary-Man: Nano robotics!
Doctor: No, something greater.
River: Sweety, what's keeping you?
Doctor: Just talking to my spandex-clad friend over here, darling. Don't worry.
River: I always worry about you.
Cassowary-Man: Â *snigger*
Doctor: What is it?
Cassowary-Man: Just how you two get on. You're like a married couple.
River: We're about as close as a pair of peas being mushed inside the heart of the Tardis
Doctor: If you count them atom for atom though, they're actually very far apart. It's mostly empty space.
River: Yes, sweety, but you wouldn't care about that. I guess you'll just have to see who I am.Â
Doctor: Yes, yes. Spoilers.
Cassowary-Man: Oh, you two. You're like two slices of toast and cheese inside an electric griller on a nice sunday afternoon. They meld together by the heat between them . . . anyway, I'll be going.
Doctor: An electric griller?Â
Cassowary-Man: Take my card. Oh, and by the way, how am I going to save the Cassowaries?
Doctor: Tumblr, of course!
#SAVETHECASSOWARY
Start the trend; they need saving.
