S U R F E A D A S

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There he sat, golden rose-handled redwood cane rested against the bar table, his deep mahogany hair shining in the light as he sipped from a goblet of wine while reading the news of the day, his emerald eye scanning over the words with piqued interest. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of two men entering the establishment, their rough attire and bullish demeanor causing him to gently shift his focus to them. Soon enough, true to their appearance, they were harassing a young woman, catcalling her at first then escalating to threats when their come-ons went unheeded, implying they would have their way with her one way or another.  With calm grace he rose from his seat, laying the newspaper on the table in a neatly folded stack as he grabbed his cane then walked toward them, his eye-patch’s golden skull decal glimmering “I believe the woman has no interest in either of you”, he said gently, though his tone implied a subtle threat, “so please, give into your better nature and leave the lady alone.” “or what?” the larger of the ruffians asked “that, my rambunctious miscreant, is rather obvious I would say”, the gentleman replied, his grip tightening on the end of his cane, “but i would rather not send two misguided blokes to the infirmary today, it would leave too much a mess to clean up.” “you hear that, Joe, this idiot thinks he can take us both on alone!” the larger one laughed “I’ll tell ya what, since you’re such a proper guy, I’ll let you have the first shot.” he added, feigning the man’s thick British accent  “How surprisingly polite of you”, came the reply as the man smiled, “though this time I would stay away from such pleasantries were I you, as it is likely to come back to haunt you very shortly.” “oh really now, and how’s that?” the ruffian questioned “there is more to me than can be perceived at a glance, especially by one so...shall we say...’deficient’ as yourself” he said tauntingly “did you just call me stupid!?” the bruiser asked angrily “the fact you had to ask that lends credence to my words, I’m afraid.” he shot back “OH THAT’S JUST FUCKIN IT, JOE, LETS PASTE THIS ASSHOLE!” the troublemaker yelled, his smaller friend grabbing a beer bottle and swinging it at the gentleman, only to catch his cane on the side of his head in the blink of an eye, knocking him out cold instantly “Now sir, shall you take your leave, or do you see fit to end up in the same state as your friend?” the gentleman asked confidently as he lowered Joe to the floor gently  “HE’S A PUSSY, I CAN TAKE YOU NO PROBLEM!” the bigger man bellowed before attempting to punch the pristine Brit, succeeding only in striking his unconscious friend as the calm  cockney dodged, delivering a quick triple tap to the back of his arm in the process, quickly rendering the arm useless “please, consider that your final warning, as I have no desire to be forced to pay for damages to this establishment, and i assume you would wish no further harm to your friend.” he said with a grin “FINAL WARNING MY ASS!” the other yelled as he tried once again to strike the man, this time with his knee, resulting only in the joint being broken painfully by a hard strike from his target’s cane “you are brave, I must admit”, the Brit said as he closed the small gap between himself and the bully, “though, I fear you might not be so confident were you to meet my other side.” he added before flipping his eye patch up slightly, revealing the dyed-black eye behind it “so what if you’re a freak, bring it on!” the injured idiot retorted as he unsheathed a knife on his belt and slashed upward, the blade grazing his opponent’s face, barely missing the strap holding his eye-patch on “how fortunate you are it did not break.” the gentleman said taking a sigh of relief as he backed up slightly “now, to end this before you truly doom yourself.” he added before grabbing the ruffian’s wrist, pressing on the pressure point as hard as he could, soon resulting in the agonized aggressor releasing his weapon, the instrument landing hard on the floor, its tip sticking into the hardwood “now, be a dear and leave.” he said releasing his grip, the bully seeming to obey, walking toward the exit in a huff. Right as the defeated dreg got to the last table, however, he took one last shot at the man who had embarrassed him, tossing a shot-glass at him with all his might, the container soon flying back at him as he turned, striking him on the temple and knocking him to the floor “A valiant effort, my misguided friend, though next time I would advise against trying such a trick when you can still be seen.” the gentleman said pointing to the mirror at the back of the bar before delivering one last blow to the attacker’s head, rendering him unconscious.  The unpleasantness settled, he sat at the table with the woman he had rescued and ordered a bottle of wine “That was quite rude of them, wouldn’t you say?” he asked friendly with a chuckle “oh well, naught can be done of it now.”