With Her I Die ✞

@captainperoxidespike​ sent: " i never thought i'd see you again... " (jamie)

     The words struck him as strongly as a physical blow—at least it seemed that way. It left him breathless, turning his stomach. There were butterflies, the little flip-flop of excitement at seeing the bleach-blond vampire after so long, but those fluttered quickly away. White-hot hurt replaced it. Both emotions flickered across his face before Jamie set his jaw.

      “I didn’t either,” he said. He meant it to have bite to it, something to reflect anger or irritation—anything other than the pain of Spike’s sudden departure or the undeniable hope his return had caused—but all he managed was the weak admittance.

     And now what? Was he meant to just forget all of that and welcome him back with open arms? Jamie couldn’t. As much as he would’ve liked to, he knew it wouldn’t happen. It had hurt too much for swift forgiveness. And the fucked-up thing about it? He would forgive him in a heartbeat, but he’d never forget and that--that held him back.

      It would always hurt.

     “I thought you’d gone for good,” he managed to get out, surprised his voice was even. His hands shook, though, betraying his confidence. He lit a cigarette to hide the trembling. That I wasn’t enough, that you didn’t want to be here with me as much as I’d thought. The unspoken words swirled about inside his head as cigarette smoke did without. I missed you.

       ❝ were you ever going to tell me? ❞ the words were filled with bitterness, her gaze hard as she stood across from the vampire, arms crossed over her chest. they stood in his newly acquired home in los angeles, andrew having spilt the beans on spike being alive the second he got back to their base.