So why is it I can talk to a stranger but not to my loved ones? Why is everything in my life changing so much? Why am I so different now? ā¦Basically, What the hell is going on? Talking to Dr. Gifford made me realize a lot. But it also brought a lot to my attention I hadnāt even noticed before. I have a lot to think about and a lot to figure out. This time away has also made me realize how I need time to myself a lot more often and for more extended periods of time. Iām just a mess and I never knew how deeply Cancer can affect you other than physically. I also never bother to think about how deeply everyday things can bother you. As Iām getting older im starting to understand what my mom went through raising me and keeping a roof over our heads and all the other problems I took for granted. Iām really going through a lot inside my head and Iām not sure what to do or who to talk to about it anymore. I donāt want Mike to be this sick, I donāt know if I can take care of him. How do you take care of someone who canāt move their head, or canāt walk? How do you deal with an Alzheimer person? I spent so much time helping care for elderly and handicapped people with my mom and then taking care of my mom, it consumed most my teenage years, I donāt want to have to do again and Iām not even sure I can. Iām so scared of it I canāt think straight. I canāt handle the arguing between the guys and the yelling and everyone not being on the same page anymore. This isnāt what I signed on for. Everyone was so patient with me during my cancer scare and ordeal but Iāve barely gotten over it and everything else starts falling apart and I feel like my wants and needs are just not important. Itās like āyou survived the cancer and got good news so itās over with and I donāt need to worry or think about you anymoreā. Things were so much better when we first got here, I canāt believe how far weāve fallen from then. I wish things could be like they were or at least somewhat like that. I do know I need to get rid of a lot more stuff and downsize a great deal and stop buying things that arenāt that important anymore. Staying in a place like this makes me realize how much I can. Really do with out. Now I just to put it into action. I need to change a lot about my life if I want to survive without the help of Psychological help.
