#cantelle

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?Nope

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Definitely.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?Tumblr: Just me. Facebook: Still just me.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?I'd like to pretend that someone does, however, I don't think so in reality.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?My mom? I think?

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Nope

Thanks. ^-^

I am

A lot of things.

But I have spent my entire life only hearing and believing that the proper word to come after those two words was fat.

And in my world fat meant

Ugly.

Unattractive. 

And ultimately, disfigured compared to what society taught me was beautiful.

I have spent years cutting, pinching, bruising, burning, and beating my skin because I hated what I saw and felt and was.

I've purged and starved and pushed myself exercising to the point of unconsciousness all the while begging god to fix me.

It seems so easy, to change who we are. Proper diet. Exercise. I had a health teacher say once in high school, after reading our essays on insecurities and self esteem, that he didn't understand half the things we'd written because "if you think you're fat, diet. If you think you aren't smart, study. If you think you aren't talented, practice."

Well, Fuck You, Mr. Meyers. Because maybe I'm what the USDA would categorize as obese , but I know for a fact that if I lived in a society that never once compared me to a cow, I would have never put that damn blade to my skin the first time, wishing fat and skin oozed out instead of blood.

And if change was a thing I could make happen over night, I would have back when I was 9 and told not to ride the donkey around my church's parking lot in case I crushed his back.

I want to be beautiful.

I want to be sexy.

I want to be who I am.

Without the embarrassment of know who I am not.

Every December 31st I spend a good hour telling myself how much of a failure I am for not succeeding in losing the 35-50 lbs I was supposed to. I wrote once in a journal that "the resolution to be skinny isn't one to be made in January, but in every second of every day."

I'm not going to resolve to be skinny.

I'm not going to diet.

I'm not going to cut. purge. bruise. or otherwise harm myself for not being the girl on the cover of some trashy magazine. 

I am the cover of my own magazine.

So this year, I've changed my mind on making some promise to get down to that illusive size 10. I'm happy with 18.

I promise to be body postivie. 

I promise to love myself.

I promise to focus on my am's. 

I am

A lot of things.

Rule 1: Post the rules.

Rule 2: Answer all of the questions the tagger has asked, and then make 11 new ones.

Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them to your post.

Rule 4: Let them know you’ve tagged them

1) Where is one place you want to visit?

I really want to go to Reykjavik in Iceland, because the temperatures there are perfect (subartic maritime)

2) Celeb crush (one male and one female at least….:3)

I really admire Jay Baruchel because he is Canadian and I liked him in "Real Time"

I also like Ellen Chau from Scott Pilgrim vs the World, and Ellen page from juno :}

3) Favorite band?

I like the rapper Watsky, but if you are looking for a band-band then the black keys.

4) Would your five year old self be proud of who you are today?

I think she would be, I always liked the complete nerds who looked strange in a crowd, that's who I wanted to grow up to be like, and I think I have succeeded so far =D

5) Do you have a job? If yes, do you like it. If no, what do you do with your life?

I want to become a food stylist at a large company, rather than just being a freelance food stylist, this is going to be hard to ocomplish I thing O.o

6) Be honest, what is your favorite fandom?

I really like the adventure time fandom 

7) What is your favorite TV Show?

My favourite TV show right now is called Pasta, It's this kinda crappy korean drama, but I enjoy watching it with my mother.

8) Last movie you saw in theaters?

The last movie I saw in theatres was The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, It was very good, and absolutely did not follow the short story it was based upon. 

9) One phrase you live by.

"Don't think of what could have happened, think of what is and will happen." I think it's kind of stupid to think about if you could have changed anything, it's already happened, get over it, learn from it, continue on with your life.

10) What do you want to do when you get older?

I want to become a food stylist??? but other than that, I dont want to turn into a sexually frustrated and peppy soccer mom, I want to be that cool old women with purple and blue hair who rides her scooter around town while she eats mint chocolate chip icecream sort of person. (There was a lady who did this in my hometown. She was awesome)

And Number 11!) Name one thing you’d change about the you that you are now, or what you would hope happens in the future.

I really don't know. I don't really have any hopes. I have slight goals and that it. I have already typed them out O.o hopefully I don't die before my parents, I hope my older sister still likes me when I grow up. stuff like that I guess.

  MY QUESTIONS!!!

1) What is your favourite dessert?

2) How do you think you are going to die? 

3) What food are you best at cooking?

4) What is your favourite article of clothing?

5) Do you like yourself? If so why? If not why?

6) What is your favourite body part?

7) What is your favourite number? Why?

8) Have you ever dated anyone? if yes, how was/is it? If not, how do you want it to be?

9) What is your favourite animal?

10) What job do you want when you are older?

lawl. LAWL. LOLOLOLOLOL You. Are so different when there are penises around.