#cannibalqueries

And I love that he’s clearly not done being the audience stand-in, what with all the painting Louis as a liar. They’re callling out a very specific sect of fans I fear.

Me, excitedly: they’re letting them all be bad people!! 😍

I’m SO excited to delve into the themes of Daniel Being An Asshole. I cannot emphasize how much Daniel being correctly pinned by Armand as essentially exploiting Louis and his story even as Armand is correctly pinned by Daniel as… [gestures vaguely to his whole deal] is integral to my enjoyment of DM, and Daniel as a character. Because he IS a white outsider with relative privilege, and he IS constantly using racially charged language to break through Louis’ narrative and to knock him off guard. As much as he’s doing this for Louis, as much as he gains respect for Claudia and Louis throughout the narrative, he was also a weak human using his STRUCTURAL advantages to try and gain equal footing. And also he’s just lowkey a shitty old white man. The SRK comments towards Armand. Interrupting the prayer. Calling him rent boy. Calling Louis specifically a pimp. ‘Equal in the quiet dark’. The cracks about Claudia and her assault.

Peepaw sucks bad in a VERY specific way that a lot of old white journalists do. And it’s not a huge leap from eating people’s lives to sustain his own assent to eating PEOPLE to sustain his lifestyle. Consider how he published his journalism about the AIDs crisis and then presumably re-closeted and presented himself as straight, allowing his ‘insider’ status to profit him without suffering the consequences.

Chilton is deeply incompetent in a lot of ways but I do think he would become genuinely obsessed with Armand’s weird brain in a way Armand would enjoy. Both of these characters need so much validation it would actually be sooo fascinating to watch them interact. Armand blatantly lying about his entire history while Chilton blatantly lies about his theories

I think at least an 8 solely because Hannibal gloats about diagnosing illnesses by scent alone

House would lose his mind trying to disprove the “smelling cancer” thing, the entire episode’s B plot would be him stalking Hannibal to try and prove he’s using his psychiatrist’s license to secretly access medical files and that’s how he knows so and so has cancer and then he figures out Hannibal is actually a whole ass serial killer but he’s disappointed because he never gets an answer about the cancer smelling.

Okay I'm counting down from least to most beloved by me personally

10. Lestat almost dies of Pneumonia, Tale of the Body Thief. Just a classic, 10/10, I truly think Lestat is the most exaggerated version of himself in Body Thief, and it makes it a wildly entertaining read

9. Armand scalps a man to get a pedophile off his case. I love TVA and David Talbot is my least favorite character in the whole series so this one particularly tickles me. Quite relatable content honestly.

8. Lestat dances with the corpse of Claudia's mother. Just spectacular, I think Anne goes really wild with Lestat in Interview in a way that she doesn't in a lot of the rest of the series, in terms of his cruelty and his...lack of cool, I guess?

7. Armand and Daniel build a real estate monopoly with sunken pirate treasure. Devil's Minion Chapter itself is bonkers in so many ways but Armand scouting sunken ships for treasure and buying a fleet of airplanes with it? Beautiful. Peak.

6. Lestat Drinks Jesus. Memnoch is literally my favorite book in the series. The philosophy is legitimately gripping and I love the kind of paradise lost narrative that's painted. Also. Lestat Drinks Jesus.

5. Pandora Invents Soaking. My beautiful queen Pandora. I will never understand your addiction to that ugly fucking man but your relationship with him compels me deeply. She has Marius put his soft vampire junk in her and falls asleep that way basically for shits and gigs. Good for her.

4. Quinn Blackwood is turned via oral sodomy. Blackwood Farm is so fun, I love when Anne goes back to her Southern Gothic roots. This is probably the Most Anne of all the books, in a lot of ways, but sucking blood out of tgirl vampire dick for the Dark Gift is...a lot. Was this a tranmisogynistic and intersexist portrayal? Absolutely. Does it compel me? yes.

3. The Whole Alien Thing (tm). I'm grouping the Prince Lestat trilogy together in a very broad way during this list because if I had to break it down individually it will literally take up the whole list. So I'm just leaving it here, the alien reveal was ballsy and honestly very fun.

2. Quinn Blackwood won't stop fucking ghosts (yes including his twin brother). Maybe the real Half Man was the poltergeists of our stillborn twins that haunted us along the way.