#canisberg

combusts

agent canis and iceberg

Valentine’s Day is nothing that I am familiar with. Before you I’ve never felt any love apart from that obsessive lust for winning.

I invite you to a real date. I don’t really know what we’re going to do. But I don’t want it to be at the foundation, or at my place. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to sit on some dirty come-stained mattress that smells like blood. I don’t want to watch people being beheaded by gang leaders either. I want to do something romantic…. Apparently it’s like foreplay. Or those novels my sister used to read. Or those Japanese shows you watch.

Maybe we could go out to dinner, but you’d have to order for me. And it’d be a place that you won’t get stared at for wearing 3 jackets. So maybe it’d be outside. It’s cold out.

How about we could sit at the gross, polluted park and watch all the other couples walk by. We’ll try to guess how good each of them are in bed or how long they’ve been together or how long they’ll even ask. And when we get a weird look because of course we’ll be holding hands, and we can kiss in front of them as a “fuck you” because it’s Valentine’s Day.

I want to be a real couple for at least a day.

Your devoted lover,

@agentcanis

P.S. do you think I’m capable of being gentle?

To Canis, my love.

I am uncomfortable speaking about touchy-feely bullshit. Something likely instilled in me from my father, and in him from his father before him But for you, I will give it my best. Because I love you. I do.

You know I can only visit designated areas, but I also know that you will accompany that. I fear that our original relationship was built on so much hate that it carried over into our affection. The thought of that makes me sick in fact. All in all, I do want to go on a date with you.

I will always be there to order for you, but I will also reassure you that your voice is nothing to be ashamed of. I envy it, not just for its memorableness but also for its strength. I know that when you eventually find your voice, it will be powerful. Not just in tone, but in wording and dialect. Because you aren't spineless, nor like your father, nor your mother. Because truthfully you are the most eloquent person that I know. One of many reasons I find love in you.

Yes, yes, yes. We can go out to eat. or to the park. or hiking, or picnicking on a rooftop, or running around and doing whatever the hell we want to, because that is what I want to do with you. I don't care what we do, I just need out of this foundation that is gnawing at me whilst I still find myself alive.

I will also have you know that I am 1 day clean, of everything. we'll see how this works out for me tomorrow, but I hope this makes you happy. Because that outweighs whatever degree of withdrawal I'm about to experience.

Why stop at a day.

Sincerely,

Julian Sila Steele

Cw for healed SH scars (or, body hair, as someone said lmao)

canisberg yaoi. Canis (blue) belongs to @amerakechi hope I mentioned the right account.

Can always count on tumblr to eat the quality

start of another set of panels

@agentcanis

I’m not good at writing touchy-feely. When you type I love you I feel like my world is collapsing in on me. Comparable to getting punched in the throat (which I have, many times) and I’m gasping for air but I can’t seem to catch any.

I’m sorry I don’t smile like I used to around you. It’s not you, it’s never been you. I can’t tell if it’s a worsening period of my mental health or if it’s something else, more malignant, buried deep. Reptilian. I think I’m letting this place get to me.

I’m following in the image of Dr. Gears. But we both know that I can’t be transferred— for whatever reason.

sorry. I dragged this one out.

but I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry

It was around 1 AM when they found me, I was heavily cyanotic. They searched my office but never found out what I took. I don’t remember a lot. Probably because of a lack of oxygen. But I do remember looking up at the ceiling and thinking “that’s the same ceiling that he and I would lay on the floor and stare up at”, as though there is something interesting and new— which, unless we are counting the water stains, there is never something new.

they took me to the medbay on a stretcher. Humiliating. Researchers hid their faces behind clipboards as they inevitably talked about me. And how pathetic I am for what I did.

“there he goes again. SCP foundation’s most pathetic employee. Anger issues, mentally ill, violent— “

“maybe he’ll actually do it next time. Save us time of having to deal with his outbursts”

and Canis. I love you. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.

—Julian Sila Steele

Sila, I swear to god that nothing could make me stop worshipping you.

I’m nothing like the Israelites, who began to worship the golden calf after thinking God abandoned them.

I’m nothing like the city of Sodom.

No matter how much hellfire you rain upon me, no matter how many times you abandon me, no matter how little you smile anymore. No matter if others think you’re pathetic, I’ll always carry you back home.

I’ll always lay my head on your thighs while you work, I’ll always wake you up with a “good morning, angel” and make you breakfast, I’ll always carry you back home when you overdose.

There’s nothing that could bring me off my knees for you.

Even if you abandoned your daughter I’d still give you that “good morning, angel”, because it’s a dog’s nature to forgive the owner that beats it.

I wish there was a world where humans could lend eachother their strength, their bodies, their fortitude….. but neither of us are really human anymore. I’m a dog and you’re an iceberg. It’s kind of funny.

I want to be better. I want to be better for you.

I also threw out your stash. You’ll be mad, I know. Yes, I knew that you brought it with you when you moved in.

Your lover,