#canihaveitall

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This wasn't a question a friend asked or one that popped up on yahoo answers or one I overheard but it came more from perusing Facebook and noticing that friends seem to put themselves in one category, or even If they don't others do or it is patently obvious to me that they have chosen a different path or priority in life. One friend is traveling. Her goal seems to be to go to every country! She first went doe something like 6-12 months, then came back and worked for a bit before quitting her job to travel. She has no idea when or even if she is coming back and has spoken about maybe later getting a job in London like in a pub. Another friend is pregnant with her sixth child (I think or maybe 7?) so she has clearly chosen being a mum as the dominant path in her life. As her youngest is only about 1 she's not working at the moment so far as I know. Another friend- okay no longer a friend because I accidentally posted a rude article on FB and when she commented I was dead confused about how chocolate was inappropriate but it turned out i had posted the one above or below by mistake and rather than just say talk about it or perhaps unfollow me she just deleted me off Facebook but that's another story I'm still using her as a case in point. She doesn't want kids or to get married. Her goal in life appears purely to be in her career and getting as high up the field as possible. And then there's a guy who's goal primarily appears in sleeping his way through his suburb. Though he won't say no to further afield. There's the chick who's goal is to be famous though I'm sorry to say that even though she's better than I could ever hope to be she's not as good as she thinks she is. There's quite a few in the category of saving the world. My vegan friends. Most of whom I love. BUT too many are way, way over the top and I don't think the way they go about it is gonna win them any friends. (My animal rescue friends tend to have their own way of saving the world though some are vegetarian or vegan.) Finally there's a couple who's defining goal in life appears to be nothing but the accumulation of wealth. They've done it all themselves though so fair play to them. Unlike another couple who care only about money but haven't done it the hard way whatsoever because both were born with silver spoons in their mouths! [Note: Not all have picked just one category. Some work and have kids and some also manage to travel but they don't have 7 kids, they don't work in super high powered jobs and they don't travel for months but rather take maybe an overseas trip every one or two years.] An ambiguous question unless you are talking about cake in which case yes you *may* have it all. But what prompted this question was a friend talking about being a wife, mother, high flying career woman, training to become a yoga instructor and wanting to take some time off to show her girls the world. I looked at her and literally just felt exhausted *thinking* about her life, let alone *living* it! But it seems all too often I'm asked just this: can I have it all? And my answer is yes. Years ago if you weren't married with kids by your early 30's then you were "on the shelf." Sadly people still make you feel guilty for your choices if, say, you decide you as a couple don't want kids. I know a couple of older couples- we are talking in their 50's who never had kids and I remember thinking how brave that decision was back then when even these days people can look at you askance if you say no I don't want kids, I want to travel or concentrate on my career. But you know what: fuck them! It's YOUR life. YOUR decision. YOUR body. But back to the original question I get asked a bit- can I have it all? AND is it selfish that I want it all, or don't want kids for such and such reason. The answers yes you can (with caveats) and no it's not. The caveats being can you afford it, do you have a good support team? A single stay at home mum, for example, probably cannot afford to train to become a yogi and take off to show her kids the world. A wife and mother who's hubby works insanely long or very irregular hours or shift work or gets called out in the night means you are probably going to need a support team- family, in laws, friends, kids friends, neighbours etc- if you intend to be a career mum, train to be a yoga instructor and want to take your family around the world. Amy. Xx

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Falling in love with sequins and gold at the new Georgetown @renttherunway 😍 #canihaveitall

So, no, you can't have it all, no-one can, with or without children.  What you can have is purpose and meaning and a clear understanding of living in the moment.  We are entrusted with (to a greater or lesser extent) a role in community to progress the development of society.  This does require personal responsibility, work, commitment and acceptance that we can't have it all, but we can establish and balance priorities.  This is my leadership role, to point others to the discovery that this is the hope we can strive for and achieve.  This is also the role of the public servant.