#canaryqueen

The times in which they had seen each other seemed to have longer period of times between them. He figured it was for the best. The best for them both to get used to not seeing each other. Not having the lingering reminder of how she felt in his hand, her laughter ringing in his ear. But it was that very laughter that had stood out tonight. It was like a call that he couldn’t ignore. That was why he ended up cozied up at the bar with her. That was why after she had too many drinks that he gave her a ride home instead of helping her with an Uber. It was that sweet laugh he needed to hear just a little longer before he knew he’d have to starve himself of it again.

How many times have they sworn off each other? How many times were goodbyes with unspoken longings exchanged? Small arguments had that only served as a reminder as to why they had stopped whatever arrangement they had time and time again. Yet as he walked her to her door it was hard to remember the frustration, the anger. Not when her eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas as she flirted with him, the drinks causing a slight slur to her tone that only brought on a smile on his part. Though she was small the task of getting her into her bedroom was more difficult than one would guess. Rhett finally settled with picking her up in his arms and carrying her before she had the chance t stumble over.

“Can I kiss you?” The question stumbled out of the blonde’s mouth and as he looked at her it was clear that she saw nothing wrong with her request. He only laughed her off at first, bringing her in her room and setting her on the bed. She didn’t let go completely of his neck though causing him to fall forward some, his hands falling on the mattress on either side of her, his face near hers. “Mr. Winters, I want to kiss you,” she insisted.

text: Because I had a 12 hour shift and I’m tired.

text: No, that is a lie. I did work but that isn’t why I haven’t answered. I needed a break, Belle. A break from having to hear about him. About the times he is paying attention to you or the times he isn’t. I couldn’t hear anymore about how you miss him or how nobody wants you the way that you want them because it isn’t true. You always say it is but it isn’t. 

It almost felt rare to see him sitting in their living room. Often his evenings involved some other plans that left him gone well into the night or tucked away in the spare bedroom he had now made his own instead of sharing the bed of the master with her. Felicity didn’t know whether to be relieved that he was home, knowing most his nights he found entertainment with... her. Yet, she had so become accustomed to her nights alone, it felt unsettling to have him there.

She passed in back of him, silent as she went to the kitchen. They hadn’t exchanged many words lately so she assumed the silence would be preferred. Was it like this for most of them? Did their neighbors home feel more like a mausoleum than a home? Was a lack of laughter and love the norm for these arrangements and was it just a foolish girls dream that she convinced herself that she would share more than living quarters with the man whose name was now stamped over hers?

“You’re up late,” his voice discontinued her thoughts, almost startling her. It felt like days since she had even heard it. Felicity didn’t know if that was just him making an observation or extending some kind of grace in acknowledging her.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she answered back, choosing to believe it was the latter as to why he spoke. A few more lifeless comments were made, and it was with a filled glass of water in her hand that she moved to retire back into her room, but this nagging feeling stopped her. A feeling that hesitantly caused her to join him, opting for the chair instead of the couch. A slight glance showed that he found it as strange as she did. He was subtle in that, but despite lack of communication she had begun to memorize Ford’s subtleties. It was really the only comfort she had between them.

She felt an urge to speak again, a rarity for the girl but words pressed against her mouth. When she finally got the courage to let them out, her eyes were on the glass in her hands, her thumb playing with the glossy rim. “I, um,  I had this really vivid dream...” Sensing his eyes moving onto her she bit her lip.

“And what was that?” Felicity knew that really he was just entertaining her in asking. Sure he was ready to rid of her company.

A few heavy breaths moved past her lips before going on, sure that by the end the only thing she would feel from this was regret. “It, um... It was of you and me. Us in a world that didn’t put us together like this. We chose each other.” Her voice cracked slightly and her cheeks felt warm from the embarrassment of the vulnerability that she was putting on display. Surely it would warrant his inward thoughts to mock. “We were happy. I even think you loved me.” There was a bittersweet smile that pulled at her lips. “It felt nice. Not to have the pressure or eyes on us. It almost made me believe after I woke up that under different circumstances you might not mind me so much. That the idea of us wouldn’t disgust you. That you would find a sliver of happiness with me.” Felicity met his eyes and she wished that she knew what he was thinking behind that expressionless face.

@petitecoeur

Tripp didn’t even know how the disagreement had started anymore. He was tired. Tired of having to hear the same things over again. Tired of her allowing herself to get hurt again and again, and as he heard her defending one of the guys again, he had lost all patience that he usually forced himself to carry.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Her voice was filled with annoyance when instead of responding he stared at her with a dumbfounded look.

“Why? Because honestly Belle, I don’t know how you can be such an idiot.” He could already see her getting riled up again taking offense to his words but he went on to explain not letting her get a word in. “You sit there pining for these guys that treat you like shit. Ignoring you, telling you they aren’t ready but always just expecting you to be there when they are, and you know what? You do just that for them. You waste your love on them with this romantic notion that is purely just bullshit that somehow if you just love them through this it will be worth it in the end. That isn’t love, Belle,” he was almost exasperated as he tried to make it all clear for her. “I may not know much about it myself but I know enough to know at least not the kind of love you deserve.”

She began to question just what kind of love that was and he didn’t hesitate to answer. “A love that consumes you because the guy adores every fucking part of you. Not one that you have to fight for because somehow that seems like something greater. No, a love where being with the person is the easiest thing in the world. A love where you can talk to each other for hours about everything and nothing. You deserve someone who wants to hear you sing the same song in the car over and over again for that thirty-minute drive. The kind of guy who actually looks at you when you ask them if you look fine in that outfit. The guy who is there every hard moment and not just the big ones because they finally feel guilty enough to be. You deserve to be chased not constantly fighting for something. And I have been such an idiot thinking that maybe you would see that for yourself that maybe you would see…” He stopped himself not even realizing what he was about to spill out to her until he saw her questioning him with her eyes.

@petitecoeur

“We can’t.” Alex knew that voice of his. The one where he detached himself from the emotions of what was happening. She knew it, not only because she had heard it before, but because it was a tactic that they both used. Most nights she would have just scoffed and walked away from him. Most nights she would have told him to go fuck himself. It would have been easier. It was what she always gave in to doing, but as she stood there looking at him the pain that radiated with every beat of her heart was too much to ignore.

“We can’t or you can’t do this, Jonah?” Her eyes burned as she looked at him though they both knew that no answer would come from him. “God, you must really think I am a piece of shit, don’t you? I must be when you know that you can keep doing this,” a mixture of a laugh and a scoff escaped her. “What am I to you some kind of plaything for your amusement? You keep fucking doing this to me. Drawing me in just to spit out some bullshit excuse to leave me hanging until you want to play with me again. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s my fault or it’s your family or you are trying to save me from yourself which is the most narcissistic bullshit you have played on me. What is it this time, Jonah? You know what? Actually just save it. We both know that whatever it is, is just another lie that you think I am stupid enough to believe.”

In typical Jonah fashion, he said nothing and Alex just shook her head. She hated that he had gotten to her again. Running her hands through her hair, she felt this overwhelming rush of emotions falling over her. It scared her. Made her feel like she was drowning and yet she couldn’t gain control of it. “I am sick and tired of your twisted little games. I’m done playing them and I’m done letting you use me. Not my body and not my heart. I am not yours to mess with, you get that?” Her finger pressed into his chest, eyes beginning to well up with tears. “I’m not yours.” It hurt to say as it was more her telling herself that than him. She looked up at him like she was waiting for him to contradict her. To tell her she was his and he was hers, but he didn’t.

@petitecoeur

“God, you really have some nerve, you know that?” A hand swept through his hair, a laugh of frustration slipping through. He couldn’t even look at Belle as his head shook. “You can’t just keep doing this. You can’t come in and out of my life and have things be on your terms because that is all it has ever fucking been.” His eyes finally met her, moving closer to the blonde. “It’s all about what you want when you want it. It’s not my fault that your other choices didn’t work out, and I am done being your fallback,” he said it as if it were a warning once again closing the space between them. “You have to deal with the decisions you made and the consequences because you were just so fucking impatient when I wasn’t ready on your time.” He pointed at her, his voice wasn’t loud but anger burned in his tone. “Now you think you can just come back and expect things from me? No. It’s too late for that.” Even as he said it there was a lump in his throat. “Get it through that head of yours. I’m over you.” His eyes burned as he looked at her, face so close he could almost feel the warmth of her skin radiating.