-I Love You I Really Do

“ You know this is hurting me as much as it’s hurting you y/n.” Cameron whispers as he places a sweet kiss on the hand that was folded between his. I shiver whilst biting my lip. I almost tremble at thought of what was gonna happen when Richard gang found the Eastside Rebels.

“ I don’t want you to go, Cam, come on we can figure something out something that will work for the both of us, something to where I don’t have to lose you amongst all the chaos that is constantly around us.” I say while letting out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

“You’re the only thing that makes me feel sane, that makes me feel okay through all this Cameron, please, please don’t leave me .” I hold on tighter hoping it would make him stay, hoping that he wouldn’t just slip away,I’ve lost him too many times. He doesn’t know how it feels. He doesn’t know how it feels to stay up at night wishing and praying the one you love was in one piece and not hurt or dead.

He thinks keeping me away will put me out danger, but baby we’re always in danger, we constantly live it.

“ You know I can’t take you with me.” He croaks out.

“Why?” 

“ Why must you always do this to me, you say that you’re keeping me safe, but in reality, you’re just pushing me away and keeping me out. You can’t protect me I was born into this, this has been my life since I took my first breath. You’re gonna keep pushing and pushing me away until there’s nothing left to push ad I eventually give in and fold.”

“I can’t let you by this don't you understand!” Cameron snaps while he lets go of my hand, and starts pasting around my bedroom while gripping his curls between his finger. 

I sigh and look down at fingers and play with them silently as my mind roamed freely. 

“ I love you y/n I really do, but I can’t dig you any deeper into this than you already are, I’d... I’d rather have you restless for a couple nights, than you losing your life for this, I’ll be okay we’ll find our way back to one another. We always do.” He says while making eye contact with me from the other side of the room before walking over to me and taking my face into the palms of his hands. He places a firm kiss on my lips, as I hold onto his shirt knowing what was about to happen.

I slowly let my hand fall onto my bed as I see him grab his red leather jacket with the symbols E.R stitched into. 

He walks over to my window and glances back at me one last time as the moonlight hits his freckled skin and his curls blew lightly in the breeze in sync with my white curtain that was blowing out the window. I knew he would eventually come back to me, he always did.

“I love you, Cam.” I say softly holding onto to my sweater firmly that was once his.

“I love you too y/n.” he whispers back to me before jumping out my window and his boots making their way down my fire escape.

cameron is leaving to go film in New York For 6 weeks and you’re a lonely soul.

“ It won’t be that long I promise,” Cameron whispers to me as he takes hold of my hand as the numb feeling grows within me. I know I’ll fall into the sadness that always consumes me when Cameron isn’t there to protect me from it. It engulfs me into its cold embraces and breaks me slowly. I always try to stay positive and think about when he comes back, but it seems like it takes a million years.

“Hey, look at me .” Cameron says softly to me as he takes his warm hand and pulls my face towards his soft, adverting my gaze off the white tied airport floor.”You’re gonna be alright okay?” 

I nod my head stiffly as I look into his glossed over eyes. I take in his facial features one last time. His curls fell out his grey beanie which complemented his freckled face beautifully. His eyebrows were wrinkled almost in a worried motion as his soft pink lips formed words I couldn't grasp onto, due to the fact that I knew his plane was leaving soon and I wanted this moment to last forever

“ I love you.” I let the words spill from my mouth as he stops talking and looks down at me with tears forming in his brown eyes.

“ I love you too .” he says as he places a firm kiss on my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss.

‘Flight 302 is now boarding,’ the intercom announces loudly over the quiet airport interrupting our moment.

He pulls me into his warm embrace one last time as he places a kiss on my forehead as I wrap my arms tightly around him not wanting to let go.