#callboy!remus

A/N: The last chapter!!! I honestly cannot believe it...

Just...gah, a HUGE thank you to every single one of you for loving this story. This feels like an end of a mini-era of my life! It means so much to me, all of it, each comment each message, every time anyone tells me that these updates got them through a hard day...I want you guys to know that those things get me through hard days or even just make good days even better. So, yes, last chapter of the main story, however I’ll definitely be doing time stamps/epilogue-ish things. Remus at University, time at Sirius’ Dacha ;))))) the boys with little babies who speak Russian like their Papa (oh god oh god oh god Sirius as a Papa), Proposal TM ahhhh. All those sorts of things.

I hope you guys enjoy :)

part xiv

Present Day

Remus sits on the couch, staring at the ground. “He…he put something in my drink.”

Sirius comes and kneels in front of him a few inches away. “I think. Remus—”

“I met you?” Remus says, looking up. Sirius’ face is blurred from tears. “I—I can’t—I can’t remember. I don’t…”

But he remembers something. He remembers a burn, and blood and crying on his bus home and—no Sirius. No memory of that party, no memory of David from that night. His breath knocks out of him half sob. “I don’t remember anything.”

He closes his eyes against how scary that is.

Sirius starts to reach out to him, then stops, instead resting his thumb on the very edge of the outside of Remus’ socked foot, rubbing gently. “Remus, tell me how I’m help you.”

It’s a poor choice of words right now and Remus is so scared, so confused and surprised, that his reply is out of his mouth before he realizes what he’s saying. “You should have helped me then.”

He knows that isn’t fair—it isn’t fair at all—because he’s the one always refusing help. He knows what he would have done if Sirius had tried to fight David on taking Remus away that night. Drugged or not, he would have gone with David. Because he may not remember the night in detail, but he remembers the timing. He had been days away from getting evicted. He wanted to call what Sirius had done a lie. Everything in him was angry. But he couldn’t.

“You kept this from me.” He rasps.

Sirius lets out a breath and drops his head into his hands, fingers digging into his hair. “Remus. Remus, I’m know. So sorry, baby, so sorry.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Remus feels like he’s hearing through cotton.

“Yes.” Sirius nods quickly, his eyes red when they look back to Remus. “Yes, I’m find way, but—so mad at me for even get present in beginning, for even want to help because I love you…how—” Sirius voice chokes off and his chest heaves like he can’t breathe. “How I’m tell you we meet because I want to help and—and we not even know together! Each other, I mean…”

Remus shakes his head, hands closing into tight fists. “You—you let me sleep with you…you payed me. How does that keep me from what you were trying to—what, fucking save me from?”

“No, no, Remus, try keep you safe. Want to keep you safe from men like David. Men who hurt. If I’m take up time, make sure you have enough money, don’t need to take bad job. I…” Sirius closes his eyes for a minute, letting out breath. “I sleep with you because…because I…selfish. Is right word? You are beautiful and kind and—and want you close. Think you not stay if I not make it real.” Sirius looks down. “You forget…You aren’t only one hurting when we meet.”

Remus didn’t forget. He couldn’t. His heart feels heavy whenever he thinks about it, how alone Sirius was.

Remus sniffs at that, pressing his palms into his eyes. “I…Sirius.” He looks up, holding his hands up helplessly. “Sirius.”

Sirius takes the hint of an opportunity and pushes himself forward, knees pressed between Remus’ feet, hands splayed on his thighs. “I’m never hurt. Remushya, I’m never hurt. I love you from first saw you. Not joke, Remus. I love you.” Sirius presses up on his knees, hands cupping Remus’ neck in such a tender way that Remus lets out a sob. “I’m not try to save. Baby, you are so strong, not need saving. I’m so sorry—most regret for my life is not take you away first night, New Years. Most sorry.”

Remus shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have gone with you. I—” Remus’ breath hitches. “I’m not—Sirius…”

“What?” Sirius says tenderly. thumbs gentle on the soft skin just below Remus’ ear. “Can tell me every thing.”

Remus shakes his head, pressing his hands over Sirius’. Sirius’ face lights up for a moment until Remus holds them and pushes them away from his face and back towards Sirius. Until he rises, stepping out of Sirius’ reach. “I…I’m not—I…” Remus’ turns away, face crumbling as his breathing gives him away. He wipes angrily at his sticky cheeks. “I don’t know right now.”

There’s a long stretch of silence that Remus at first takes as Sirius not knowing what to say, but when it ends with a wet exhale and a sharp sniff, Remus realizes it was Sirius crying. Remus’ heart clenches and he turns back around. Sirius’ face looks as broken down as his, and he nods without looking at Remus.

“Yes. Okay.” He chokes out, and then disappears from the room. He stays in the apartment though, which Remus is thankful for.

Remus stumbles back to the couch and more falls into it than sits. He feels cold settle into him instantly and presses his hands to his neck right where Sirius’ had been, arms crossed over his chest. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe. He hasn’t felt this sort of cold in a long time, forgotten what it was like. He doesn’t know how he ever survived being used to such a chill.

He makes a list in his head and tries to breathe.

He met Sirius. He was drugged by David and Sirius had helped him outside. Sirius had let him go, suspecting he was drugged. Sirius had been working for David at the time. Sirius had tried to get David to let Remus go home. Remus had voluntarily went with David, also suspecting something was not right.

Remus hadn’t stop himself. Why should he expect a stranger to do it?

He thinks about Sirius the first night in the hotel suite, what Remus had thought to be their first meeting. He was so gentle. It had taken Remus so horribly off guard. He remembers how scared he was, liking the way Sirius felt, the way Sirius was, so much.

He feels so—happy that he’s allowed to love Sirius now, allowed to love him the way Remus is fairly sure he loved him immediately. That first day in suite number twelve.

He won’t end that. He won’t end this.

Sirius is sitting at the end of their bed. He’s already looking up when Remus walks in, no doubt having heard him shuffling down the hall. His eyes are red and glassy, cheeks damp, and hair a mess from pulling at it. As Remus walks towards him he looks like he’s holding his breath in an attempt not to cry, but his lip is trembling and his eyes are so full of tears that the second he has to blink, they betray him.

Remus reaches forward, palms on his cheeks, brushing them away. It’s like the touch breaks him. Sirius’ next breath is a sob.

“So sorry, Remus.” His head tilts into Remus’ palm like he can’t hold himself up. “Please—not leave.”

Remus shushes him softly and kneels before him, a mirror of how Sirius was not a half hour ago. “Me too. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. I—Sirius, you didn’t know me. I can’t expect those things of you. That isn’t fair.”

Sirius shakes his head, knuckles trailing lightly over Remus’ cheeks like he’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen. “Should have protect—”

“You did.” Remus’ voice shook. “You protected me for months and I never even realized. That means you weren’t doing it  for anything… any gain. You were doing it for me.” He leans up on his knees, and Sirius stoops enough so that he can bring their foreheads together. “You showed me that I deserve good things in my life. That I can let people…help.” He swallows over his dry throat. “And maybe I’m still struggling with that. I am still struggling with that, but…If there’s one thing I’m sure of, its that you’re good. Sirius, you’re good, and I deserve you.” Remus curls his hands into Sirius’ hair, holding him close. “And I’ve never been able to say these things. Never in my life. And now…I can only say them—I can only say that I deserve good because of you. Because you protected me from the bad. I shouldn’t have yelled. I won’t leave, not if you don’t want me to.”

“Don’t want.” Sirius says quickly. smoothing his hands down Remus’ shoulders.

Remus nods, “Okay.” He leans down, silently asking. “Okay.”

Sirius obliges, tilting his chin up and kissing him hard. He makes a soft noise into it and presses their lips together like he can’t get close enough.

“Hate fight.” Sirius sighs.

Remus winces. “Me too. Let’s not do that.”

Sirius laughs wetly. “Yes, not do that.”

The funny thing is, Remus sort of believes it. He knows that’s what couples do, he’s seen James and Lily enough times, but…God. He believes it. Even if they do fight, he can’t imagine being angry with Sirius for more than five minutes.

“Want to know something?” Sirius breathes.

“Hm?”

“Think you’re beautiful first time I’m see you. Tell me room so hot. I’m think he’s hot.”

Remus huffs out a little laugh. “I think I knew that.”

“Just tell you again, anyway.” He kisses Remus’ damp cheek. “Beautiful when smile, beautiful when cry. Always beautiful. Come?”

Remus pushes himself up from his knees and lets Sirius gather him against his chest, hands on his hips. He wraps his legs around Sirius’ waist and tucks his face against his neck, breathing in. Sirius is warm and Remus feels a sour guilt in his chest ever doubting him, even for a moment. Sirius’ hand rubs up and down his back.

“What you want to do? Just relax, go walk, desert, go sleep. Open Christmas present?”

Remus laughs for real this time because of course. “Christmas is tomorrow.”

Sirius presses a kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth. “Good present, though.” He smiles when Remus does and squeezes his hips. “Point is…know what we doing before…”

Remus nods. The clean bill of health, which meant…

“Telling you, emotion thing happen. Not have to do now. Have whole lives. Want you happy. Comfortable.” Sirius winces, smiling a little. “Hard word to say.”

Remus kisses him hard. “That.” He gasps, before leaning in again. “That is why I love you. Right there.”

Sirius hums into the kiss and Remus reaches between them, tucking his fingers beneath the hem of Sirius’ shirt.

“I want to.” He whispers, and presses his fingers up his chest. He can feel the cool metal of the ring there. “I want you.”

Remus feels Sirius shiver against him, just a little. “Whatever you want.”

Remus brushes their lips together, barely. “Take off your shirt.”

Sirius hurries to comply, reaching behind his head to tug the material free. “Next?” He smiles.

“I’m giving all of the instructions here?”

Sirius’ grin widens, his eyebrow cocks up a little. “My turn?”

Remus hums in approval.

“Take off my ring.” Sirius pulls his bottom lip into his mouth for a moment. “Put on.”

And then it’s Remus’ turn to shiver. He takes the chain between his fingers and tugs it over Sirius’ head, getting caught on his ears a moment and making them both laugh. It dangles between them, and Remus thinks about the first time he ever saw the ring. How he thought it had meant that Sirius was married, and how he’d had to deny to himself that his hopes had fallen. And then finding out what it really meant, that night in bed when he’d felt someone’s full attention for the first time in a long time, and not on his status, but on him.

Remus slips it over his head and it falls to the center of his chest. It’s warm from Sirius’ skin.

Sirius’ eyes are glued to it and his lips are parted like he’s trying to draw in air. “Nice.” He says softly, and Remus laughs.

“Yeah?”

Sirius nods. He hooks his fingers into the chain and tugs Remus closer with it. “I’m think about for long time.”

Remus leans down to kiss Sirius’ bare shoulder, right where the chain would usually rest, and then over the hard muscle there. Sirius’ voice is still a little thick from crying, and Remus wants to change that, wants to make it so all he knows is that Remus loves him.

“I’ll wear it whenever you want.” Remus kisses up his neck, over his adam’s apple, and up the other side of his jaw.

“Only necklace?” Sirius says, smile in his voice. His fingers creep up Remus’ shirt and then pushes it all the way off, making the necklace bounce back against his chest. He tucks his fingers into the waist of Remus’ pants almost immediately. “Want to see you.”

The rest of their clothes come off easy and the sheets get untucked and kicked down and then they’re in their own world, skin to skin. There’s no break or fumbling with packages. Remus’ hands fit into the jut of Sirius’ hip bones, before smoothing over to rest in the small of his back, pressing.

He could feel where Sirius was hard against his hip, warm and heavy.

“Remus.” Sirius says against his cheek and ruts softly. “Still okay?”

“You don’t have to ask.” Remus whispers back, and pushes at Sirius’ shoulders until he can flip them so he’s on top. “I’ll tell you, I will, but…I’m pretty sure I’ll always want you.”

Sirius sounds little breathless and he reaches between them, hands soft. “Just us.” He says.

Remus nods.

Sirius huffs out a little laugh. “Still need lube.” He laughs again when Remus groans. Sirius flips them back and starts to lean away. Remus holds him tighter. “Have to let go, I’m make it worth it.”

Sirius reaches for the bedside drawer, there’s a click of a cap, and then he’s back, and his mouth is hot on Remus’.

“Show you what you deserve, baby.” He breathes, and his fingers toy behind Remus’ balls, thumb rubbing gently at the base of his cock. It drives Remus insane. “Slow.” He whispers against Remus’ temple. “Gentle.”

Remus feels like his heart is trying to punch out of his chest, but he manages to tug Sirius down for a kiss just as he slips a finger inside him.

He gasps. “Not—not too slow and gentle, though.”

Sirius grins. “No?” He adds another finger.

Remus thinks about it for a second. Sirius is always so gentle, so loving. And Remus loves it. It was practically revolutionary for him when they first met, to be handled and treated with so much love. But—But he wants—

“I want to feel you.” He says, voice pitching when Sirius’ fingers speed up, just a little. “I want to feel you now, just you. And I want to feel you after.”

Sirius closes his eyes and drops their foreheads together. “Remus.”

“Fuck me, Rushya.”

Sirius lets out a breath and he leans back onto his knees, spread with Remus’ hips between them. He grips his cock, which is red and leaking pre-come onto their sheets. He gives it a few strokes, and then its shiny from the lube left on his fingers. Remus’ chest is tight with want, and he grabs his own cock, pressure firm around the base. He doesn’t want this to be over. Not for a while. The deep flush that’s working itself from Sirius’ neck to his chest really isn’t helping things.

Sirius’ eyes are dark, but the slow smile on his face is loving and almost excited. He’s the picture of lust.

“I’m take care.” He takes hold of Remus’ legs and spreads his knees wider before wrapping them around his own waist and holding them there. “Hold on tight, baby.”

Remus swears under his breath as the tip nudges at his hole. Because there’s nothing separating them. Remus can feel the warm wetness where Sirius is leaking, he can feel the hot blunt head, but all he can look at is Sirius’ face. It’s tilted down, like he’s putting everything he has into this slow slide, but his lips are parted like he’s a second away from snapping his hips forward.

The thing is, Remus kind of wants this first glide to go on forever. He also kind of just wants Sirius to go for it.

The thing is, it really shouldn’t make that much of a difference. A thin, sheen of plastic or no plastic. It’s barely a barrier at all. Except it is.

Sirius finally bottoms out, and Remus pushes himself up on his elbows to look. He moans and falls back against the sheets.

“Fuck me.”

“Is plan.” Sirius says and, like he’s read Remus’ mind, goes for it.

He can’t help the sounds that are punching out of his lungs. Sirius has reduced him to little breathy sounds and pleas of his name that are slowly getting louder. Sirius presses his hands beneath Remus’ back and buries his face in Remus’ neck and then he’s that much deeper, quicker. Sirius snaps his hips forward and all Remus can do is hold onto him and press kisses to every piece of skin he can reach. He can hear the bed nudging against the wall. He can feel the neckless against his chest and his heart pounding in his ears…and Sirius. Warm and pure.

“солнце.” Sirius gasps. “Can’t—”

“Come.” Remus scrapes his teeth against Sirius’ skin with the word.

Sirius’ back is slick as Remus tries to press him deeper, but Sirius gets the message. He pushes in and holds, grinding his hips there until he’s shaking and falling apart in Remus’ arms. He makes a noise, muffled by Remus’ skin. Remus can’t say anything at all, just gasp for air. He’s so close to the edge and he hasn’t even been touched yet. It feels a little like he’s already come, feeling Sirius spill into him, even though his cock is still a deep red at the tip and throbbing between them. He’s sure he’s never been so hard in his life.

It has to hurt a little, but Sirius keeps pushing his slowly softening cock into Remus, breath ragged against Remus’ throat.

“You come like this.” Sirius says, pushing Remus’ hands away when he goes for his erection. “You come from me inside you.”

Remus makes a high noise in his throat. “Oh god.”

Sirius breathes harshly, but he doesn’t relent. Remus’ body draw taught, his cock jumping nearly painfully against his stomach, and he comes and comes.

Sirius collapses against his chest with a groan and the pressure against his cock makes Remus jolt, but it feels like his orgasm is going on forever.

Sirius sucks bruising kisses into his neck and jaw and lets him ride it out with a loose hand around him, keeping Remus gasping until he jerks away, too sensitive.

“Fuck.” Remus pants, and then again. “Fuck.”

“Love you.” Sirius says into his skin.

Remus sighs blissfully and throws his arms around Sirius’ neck. “I love you. Fuck, you’re so hot, you’re so good. I love you so much.”

Sirius is beaming when he pulls back, proud and sweet.  Stray strands of his hair are sticking to his temples. Remus has to lean forward and kiss the sheen of sweat at his throat.

~

They talk until it’s getting light outside. They talk about everything and nothing at all. At 1:33, Sirius remembers.

He gathers Remus to him with a little sound of realization. “Christmas, Remushya. Happy Christmas.” Then he makes an even louder sound and nearly shouts the word, “Present!” and rolls out of bed.

“Hey—” Remus laughs as he watches Sirius’ naked butt disappear down the hallway. “This is my present.”

“So many present!” Sirius voice comes from down the hall. Remus thinks he’s in his office. He distantly hears a drawer shut. It’s another few moments before Sirius reappears. He’s balancing what looks like ten packages, butt naked, and grinning over the top of them. “For my солнце.”

Remus’ heart flops in his chest. “What does that mean?”

Sirius thinks for a moment, dropping all the presents on the bed. The boxes bounce in odd directions. “Sun. But…cute sun? Baby sun? Like baby…warm…puppy…summer…” He shrugs, giving up and climbing onto the bed. “Don’t know.”

“Puppy sun.” Remus repeats, laughing. “I’ll take that, I guess.”

Sirius climbs behind him, leaning back among the pillows, and pulls Remus back against his chest. He hands him a box.

“Open first.”

“This is way too much. I only gave you…” Remus sighs, but he’s smiling and he snuggles back against Sirius.

Sirius presses a kiss to his neck, fingers running over his necklace that Remus is still wearing. “Nothing too much for you. You give me piece of home and most love ever have. Nothing too much for you, baby.”

Remus has to turn around and kiss him, and it takes a few more minutes for them to actually get to the gifts.

The first package is a series of maps. One details all of the best places to get pancakes in New York, another Donuts, and a third Pizza. Remus laughs. It isn’t at all what he expected.

“We have to use these before your next trip.”

Sirius nods. “Yes. Must.” He slides another box over to Remus.

The next few boxes are filled with other little, thoughtful things. The pair of shoes Remus looked at through the window every time they passed that one shop on the way to their favorite brunch place. Soft t-shirts that are like the ones Sirius has that Remus always stole, thick socks because Remus’ feet are always cold and Sirius always groans when Remus presses his toes against his calves when they’re in bed. A book called A Beginner’s Guide to the Russian Language. Remus starts to open that one right away, but Sirius laughs and makes him finish opening first. He pouts just a little. He’s been wanting to try and meet Sirius half way with the language barrier for a long time now.

“Privet.” He says instead, because it’s really one of the only words he can comfortably say. Then he says I love you, because it’s the only other thing he knows, even though he’s pouting. Sirius laughs at him and presses a kiss to his temple.

“All you can say is ‘hi, love you’ to me? Not bad life.”

Remus elbows him gently in the ribs.

When he comes to the last gift, though, he’s speechless.

Remus pulls the tissue paper aside to reveal a messenger bag. It’s the softest leather Remus has ever felt, a light tan, and roomy, but not bulky. He runs a hand over it, and feels a lump form in his throat when he reaches the top.

R. J. LUPIN is imprinted in gold into the leather just near the handle. Remus traces it with his fingers quietly.

Sirius rests his chin on Remus’ shoulder, fingers splayed on Remus’ ribs, thumbs rubbing softly. “Like?”

Remus nods. “Sirius…”

“For school, yes? Whenever you ready, want you to be—prepare.” He presses a kiss to Remus’ shoulder blade. “Open.”

Remus laughs softly because of course. He unbuckles the straps carefully and flips the weighty flap back. Inside are beautifully bound notebooks and a pack of Remus’ favorite pens—a cheap brand that he’s always bought because the ink never clumps.

“You were really paying attention, huh?”

Sirius hums. “Need new ones, you chew all the tops.”

“True.” Remus laughs and pulls out the last thing in the bag. At first, he thinks they’re envelopes, but then he gets a good look at them.

They’re plane tickets. To Russia.

Remus turns so he can see Sirius’ face. He’s chewing his lip nervously, eyes on Remus.

Sirius smiles, a little shakily. “Is next trip I’m talk about. Plan for us. Hope…Hope you come, too? Meet family. Mama, Papa, brother, Regulus. They…” Sirius swallows and Remus feels his hold on him get a little tighter. “They not know about me. Want to tell them, but…Is bad thing in Russia, to be gay. Not good at all. I’m know they not—they not be happy…So, want you there. Want them to know you, boy I love, before they decide. If never want see me again, okay, at least I’m try hardest. I’m…I’m hope it help them.” He tries to smile again, when it falls. “Also, want to show you home. My home.”

“Rushya…” Remus carefully lays aside the bag and the books and the clothes in favor of turning in Sirius’ arms and pressing against him. “Of course I’ll come with you.” He presses their lips together. “Of course I want to meet them. I…I want to learn everything about you.”

Sirius’ smile, although paired with glassy eyes, is bright. “Yes?” He presses a stray curl of Remus’ hair back from his face. “Is perfect because before I’m go back for work and before you start think about applications. I’m show you Moscow, I’m take you to dacha, little house for summer. You love, just us there, and water and sun…and bed.”

Remus smiles. “You take me to places like that too much and I’ll never want to do anything else.”

Sirius leans down to kiss him. “Is fine with me.”

Remus lets Sirius kiss him until he’s a little dizzy with it and he’s sure that if he hadn’t come harder than he ever had in his life a few hours ago, he’d be looking to go again.

“Sirius.” He says after a moment, peppering a few more kisses before pulling back. “Even…Even if it doesn’t go well with your family…” Remus swallows, thinking of his own parents, of how his father had turned him out of the house without even letting him gather anything. About how his mother had simply turned away. He can’t imagine what he would’ve done without James being there for him, what he would’ve done if he’d had to go through that alone. “You have me.” Remus strokes his thumb over Sirius’ bottom lip. “And you have James and Lily, too, if you’d like, and you have Sergei and the girls and…and you’re loved by so many people. Okay?”

Sirius nods, smile soft. “Mean more than anything, you know? Can be…me. You love me for it. Is true to you, too, baby.”

Remus nods, silently adoring Sirius in the dim, warm light of their bedroom, the light touch of his fingers on his skin. He doesn’t know how anything could get better than this, but he has a feeling it will. He wants everything with Sirius, even the ups and downs.

“I know that now.” Remus says. “Because of you.”

part xiii

(BIG shoutout to @asktheboywholived for brainstorming with me and giving me new inspiration to start to finish this fic! Credit to TT for some truly amazing ideas that went into this chapter :)))

Also a TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter: Mentions of rough/unsafe sex

Thank you guys so much for being so patient. I decided to split this chapter up so the wait wouldn’t be as long. Love you guys!)

Remus was slowly learning the streets of New York. He was slowly learning what good coffee tasted like. He was getting to know Sergei and his family. He was getting to know what it was like to watch Sirius make eggs in the morning and eat them together right from the pan with pieces of toast to mop up the runny yokes. Clothing optional.

What he was not learning, was how to use the credit card Sirius had folded into his hand with a kiss.

“Is mine, so is yours.” He had said, and looked so positively happy while saying it that Remus had just kissed him back.

“Are your mine, too?” He had murmured against Sirius’ lips.

Sirius’ gaze had turned stupidly soft. “Most yours.”

It wasn’t that he wasn’t trying. Here he was, walking the snowy streets, Christmas shopping. Trying. Trying to Christmas shop for Sirius. He didn’t even know what stores to start in. Everything seemed impersonal, expensive, and, honestly, stupid. What would a watch or a new pair of shoes really mean to Sirius, who—as Remus had now seen—had so many of each? He lasted a couple hours of uncomfortably entering a few high-end stores before he found a cute looking cafe, ordered himself his second cappuccino of the day, and turned to the internet, desperate.

Looking up ‘gifts for boyfriend’ was equally unhelpful until—

Gift an experience! Tickets to a concert, or a favorite meal with a special dessert ;)

The site was sketchy and badly formatted but they had a point. Sirius didn’t need expensive things, especially not from Remus. Why would he want to remind Sirius of all the other impersonal gestures he’s probably received?

And…Remus hadn’t cooked for…he didn’t know how long.

“I used to love to cook.” He said aloud, and instantly flushed.

“Sorry?” The guy next to him said, removing one headphone.

“Oh.” Remus tried for a smile. “No, nothing. Sorry.”

He drains the last of his coffee, orders a scone, and begins to look up recipes, then backspaces and adds the word, Russian.

~

Sirius has work until the twenty-third, which is fine, but Remus isn’t above making it hard for him to leave for the office every morning for a week leading up to his vacation time.

“Have a good day today.” Remus says as he lazily palms his already hard cock through his boxers. “Come home soon.”

Sirius glares at him through the mirror as he buttons his shirt with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“Mean.” He tries to say through the toothpaste in his mouth, but all he succeeds in doing is dribbling it onto his shirt. He groans, throwing his hands up and sends Remus a look that practically says, see? Look what you made me do.

“Oh no.” Remus says flatly, then grins. “Guess you can’t go.”

Sirius disappears into the bathroom and reemerges a few seconds later sans toothpaste and shirt. He crawls over Remus where he’s splayed out on the bed and his bare skin is hot where Remus locks his hands around the small of his back. 

“You so bad, Remushya.” He presses wet, sloppy kisses all along Remus’ cheeks. “So bad.”

“Do something about it.” Remus presses up against him.

Sirius laughs into his neck, breath hot. When he bites gently, Remus preens into it. “I’m need go, late, Remus.” But he presses a line of kisses up Remus’ neck instead. “Most late…”

Remus sighs and throws his arms around Sirius’ neck, rolling them until Sirius is on his back with Remus above him. “Okay. But come home soon.”

Sirius presses a last lingering kiss to Remus’ lips. “Be home for three weeks after today.” Then he promptly reaches right into Remus’ boxers to get a warm hand around him. “Give you everything.” As he watches Remus’ eyes flutter shut, he grins. “Or maybe nothing because so mean this week.”

Remus’ eyes flash open. “Sirushya.”

Sirius starts to laugh but Remus kisses him hard, too much teeth and tongue, and perfectly.

Sirius is late for work.

~

Overall, Remus feels pretty great about his Christmas present for Sirius. He’d practiced making Piroshki. He remembers googling pictures of it while cradled against Sirius’ chest. It wasn’t so long ago, but it was before everything. Before the first ‘I love you,’ that now felt more natural to say than it was to breathe. It felt like a different life time. 

He doubts he’s anywhere near as good as he could be, but they tasted alright to him. The real struggle was hiding the smell and leftovers from Sirius when he got home. Sirius had raised his eyebrows when he suddenly started coming home to fresh trays of chocolate chip cookies every night, but he hadn’t complained.

The other part of the present was a clean bill of health he’d received from the doctor’s. In the end, Sirius had went separately because of his work, and he’d gotten his results yesterday. Remus had pretended his hadn’t arrived yet. Seeing the worried look on Sirius’ face had almost broke him down into confessing, but he held out. For the surprise. For the happy, hot, Christmas sex the surprise surely promised.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Remus banishes Sirius to the living room, which really isn’t much help given that it and the kitchen are practically the same room. In the end, he shoos him into their bedroom instead, turns on the television for him, and shuts the door tight so he can cook in peace.

The only problem is that Sirius keeps opening the door a crack and calling out to Remus.

“Not understand! Why am I hide?”

“Stay!”

Remus grins when he hears Sirius splutter. “Not dog, Remus!”

Remus fights off an eye roll because, honestly, he’s almost finished with the recipe. “No peaking!”

“Peaking? What peaking?” There are a few beats of silence. “This…this sex thing?”

“Watch your show!”

“Not fun without you. Cold bed.”

Remus presses a palm over his eyes, smiling helplessly to himself. He wants to abandon the food and march into the bedroom right then and there, but it will be better like this.

When he doesn’t respond, he hears a grumble and the door click shut again.

It doesn’t open until the Piroshki have been cooking for ten minutes and the butter and meat filling start to smell incredible. Remus is so intent on watching them, making sure they don’t burn, that he doesn’t even hear Sirius until he’s standing right behind him in the kitchen.

“Remushya.” He whispers.

And when Remus jumps, turning around from the stove, he tries to look mad, he really does. But Sirius’ eyes are a little wet, even though he’s blinking hard through it, and he has the soft smile on his face that Remus likes to think only he gets to see.

“You were suppose to stay—“

“Smell like home.”

Remus softens at that, setting his phone down with the timer on it. “‘rushya…”

Sirius blinks from the stove to him, laughing wetly. “Rushya?”

Remus walks forward, skirting the island. “It works doesn’t it? Just sort of slipped out.”

Sirius pulls Remus in, ducking so their noses brush. “You make for me?”

“Happy Christmas.”

“счастливого Рождества.” Sirius tucks his fingers into Remus’ hair. “Baby, Happy Christmas.”

They eat on the couch, Sirius chewing seriously with his eyes closed and making ridiculous noises. He keeps giving Remus little thumbs up and Remus sits there with what he knows is a hopelessly fond smile on his face.

“I’m glad you like them.” Remus crumpled his napkin and set his plate on the coffee table. “I…you know, I tried looking in all those stores for you. For clothes.”

Sirius’ eyes light up. “Oh my god, I’m pay to see.”

Remus shoves at him, laughing. “Shut up. Anyway, nothing was working. And I loved to cook, so…” He shrugged. “I’ll make it for you whenever you want.”

“I’m…make you egg?”

Remus laughs. “Right. And tea.”

Sirius sets his own plate down and pulls Remus towards him until he’s straddling his lap and Sirius can tilt his chin up for a kiss. “Is good trade!”

Remus tilts his head from side to side, like he’s considering it, and then snorts at Sirius’ offended sound and kisses him.

“Hey.” Remus mumbles into Sirius’ lips, eyes falling shut when Sirius bites gently at his bottom on.

“Hey, I’m kiss you now.”

“I have another present.”

Sirius’ eyebrows go up. “Can’t get better Piroshki, Remus.”

“I bet I can.”

He gets up, running into the kitchen for the silverware drawer. “Sorry, I thought we’d be at the table!” He grabs the envelop and pads back into the living room. Sirius wastes no time in pulling him back into his lap.

“Okay.” Remus settles back on Sirius’ thighs, giving him room to hand Sirius the envelope.

Sirius frowns at it for a minute, turning it over. That’s when he spots the name and company logo of his doctor’s office. Remus can feel his entire body still.

“Remus, this…” Sirius’ voice trails off.

Remus can’t help the sudden bubble of emotion that lodges itself in his throat. He holds his hands close to his chest and nods quickly. “Yeah. It is.”

“Is gift.” Sirius looks from the envelope to Remus, eyes hopeful. “So, is good news.”

Remus can only nod.

Sirius lets out a long, shaky breath and puts the letter aside without another glance. Instead, his hands find Remus’ hips, large palms hitching his shirt up and pressing up his back. He smiles a little, dimples appearing. “I’m…shiver little bit. Wrong word.”

Remus touches their foreheads, trailing his fingers down Sirius’ jaw and neck. “Why are you shaking?”

“Excitey.” Sirius makes a face. “No, wrong end…Is not like happy, no?”

Remus laughs so hard he thinks he would have ruined the mood if he hadn’t been sitting snuggly on Sirius’ lap.

“Not laugh!” Sirius turns his head to nip gently at Remus’ ear.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just—” Remus gasps a little, laugh fading into a smile as Sirius kisses gently at his neck. “It’s funny hearing the word ‘excitey’ in a regular context.”

Now that Remus thinks about it, as he runs his hands over Sirius’ shoulders, he is shaking a little. A fine tremor beneath his skin. “Love, you are shaking.”

Sirius pulls Remus closer. He’s not laughing anymore. His eyes are dark and warm. “Because want.”

Remus’ breath punches out a little at that. He presses closer to Sirius and kisses him, licking slowly into his mouth, the warmth like a preview of what’s finally, finally to come. “I want you, too.” Remus says, and leans forward until Sirius is pressed back against the couch. “I’ve wanted you—”

Remus’ phone rings. It vibrates against the glass of the coffee table and both him and Sirius freeze. Sirius, being the one facing the room, sees the phone first. His eyes darken in an entirely different way.

“I’m get him out.”

Remus’ protests are cut short by Sirius laying him gently to the side, his large palm passing over Remus’ hair, before he scoops up the phone and accepts the call.

“David.” His voice is low, his accent making the ‘v’ sound almost like a snarl. “I’m tell you before.”

Remus holds his breath. From this close he can hear the general tones of David’s voice and snippets of their conversation.

David says something that sounds like he’s cursing Sirius out for being Russian. And Remus is distracted, for a moment, by the anger that fills his chest at that. He stands, ready to take the phone straight from Sirius’ hands and give David some choice words of his own, when—

He stops. David is yelling now and his voice is loud enough to hear clearly.

He stares at Sirius’ back, his broad shoulders. The hair curling at the nape of Sirius’ neck.

He finds himself thinking about how well he knows Sirius. How quickly Sirius has become the largest, most important thing in his life. How he could pick Sirius out of a crowd by his back alone. How he’d know Sirius anywhere. How dependent he’s allowed himself to be on him.

He thinks about David. How David couldn’t do any of that. How he doesn’t know the freckles that pattern Sirius’ back, or how Sirius takes his tea in the morning. How he wouldn’t know Sirius if he was standing right in front of him.

Only maybe he would.

Because Remus is sure he just heard David call Sirius by name.

One Year Earlier

Sirius hated parties. He gripped his champagne fluke tighter and gazed hesitantly around the room. That wasn’t completely true. He hated English. He hated how fast people spoke English while at parties. He’d been in the United States for nearly a year and a half and still needed his translator in meetings. He should’ve brought Barry along as his plus one tonight.

This was how parties usually went for him. He was invited for the good work he did, for his status, and a polite conversation was attempted. When the other party figured out he could stumble through little more than a hello, how are you, and a this party is beautiful, by himself, they nodded awkwardly and left him alone.

He should’ve brought Barry.

Sirius sighed and sat down on one of the huge, dark blue velvet couches. He looked up at one of the large televisions that Mr. Carrow had installed in his apartment for New Years. The ball was dropping in New York City, Carrow’s wife had explained to him, only somewhat kindly. She had talked obnoxiously slow.

“Oh, David adores the ball drop. He’s always trying to convince me to go, but,” she laughed, shaking her head and one diamond clad finger. “Heavens, all the people, Mr. Black. Americans are wild.”

Sirius had nodded. He was too slow to respond though, too busy trying to place the word heaven in context, trying to sound out the word convince in his head.

“Most nice.” Was all that he managed, the same sentiment he had used to her earlier, when complimenting her home.

Her smile had wavered and she’d walked off with the excuse of wanting more champagne. He’d been alone since then, the past hour and a half. The clock read 11:45.

Sirius watched the television. People were drunk and screaming, dressed in clothing that was in no way suitable to the New York winter outside. It didn’t look very impressive. It didn’t even look very fun.

The couch dipped heavily next to him as someone sat down—or more like fell—into place beside him.

Sirius straightens up, preparing himself to smile and nod, all the while not being able to understand a word of drunk English. He doesn’t look over, doesn’t want to be the one to initiate anything.

“It’s hot in here.”

Sirius has to look over then because the voice isn’t gruff and slurred, but young and—well, a little slurred. The boy it belongs to is young, too. Sirius would guess that they’re about the same age even, which takes him even more off guard.

The boy is also staring at him with expectant, sleepy eyes that are—Sirius doesn’t know the word for that color in English but he wants.

Sirius nods, licking his dry lips. “Hot. Yes.”

The boy doesn’t seem to mind the short response, but he does notice the accent and smiles a little dopily. “Are you from Russia?”

Sirius notices the boys accent, too. He nods, and tries to find the right word. Relief floods him when he comes up with, “England? From here? London?”

“Exactly.”

“I’m…Exactly?” Sirius questions.

Remus blinks sleepily at him, thinking hard in his champagne muddled state, then his eyes light up. “You…You are correct?”

“Ah.” Sirius nods. “Yes.” But Sirius doesn’t have a lot of time to feel pleased for himself because suddenly the boy is tilting forward a little, his eyes slipping closed. “Hey.” Sirius catches him gently by the shoulders and the boy’s eyes fly back open. His pupils are dark and blown and Sirius frowns at him. “You okay? Not look okay.” He glances at his own drink, set on the table in a hurry. “You drink?”

The boy shakes his head. “Water. I don’t drink while I’m working.”

“Working? Is party.”

The boy sends him a desperately sad look, one Sirius can’t quiet interpret. His eyes flit all across Sirius’ face, landing on his lips for a few long moments, then dragging back up to his eyes. “You’re very nice.” Is all the boy says, then closes his eyes again and bows his head a little. “Fuck. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Sirius tightens his hold on the boy, supporting him as discretely as he can. His eyes find the mostly empty balcony, everyone having come inside to get ready for midnight. Sirius tilts the boy’s chin up with gentle fingers. “Hey, I’m—I’m take outside. Help.”

The boy nods. “That sounds nice.” He lets Sirius support most of his weight as they walk towards the open terrace doors. Sirius can already feel the bite of winter from here, but it feels nice, especially with this boy so warm in his arms. London is busy below them and he lets himself pretend for just a second that they’re here together. Maybe that they will kiss at midnight. He knows that’s the tradition. He pretends that they never want to be parted, and that maybe this boy loves him—

It’s just a second. He’s had some champagne. He figures he can allow himself a second.

“You not drink?” Sirius asks again. The question sounds stupid being repeated but he doesn’t know how to translate his are you sure.

The boy shakes his head firmly again, then winces at the motion and lets it loll onto Sirius’ shoulder. “No. I…No.”

Sirius nods, suddenly feeling a little uneasy, but the boy just sighs and ducks his head beneath Sirius’ chin. Sirius’ chest catches with the warm breath on his neck. “‘m sorry, this is so inappropriate.”

Sirius doesn’t know that last word, but he catches the “sorry” and so he hesitantly places his arm around Remus’ back. “Most okay.” He rubs small circles. “I’m—I’m think you go? Home? Not feel good, go home.”

“Can’t.” Remus mumbles into Sirius’ skin, lips brushing his neck. “He paid for the night.” And then, softly. “What’s your name?”

“Sirius.” Sirius says. “What’s your name?”

“Remus.” He—Remus—looks up at him then.

Sirius smiles gently at him. “Hi.” He wants to ask what he meant that he was receiving money tonight. He looked down at Remus’ outfit, but he didn’t seem to be a waiter. He was dressed in a simple suit, one that was clearly not tailored to fit him but nice all the same, the lines clean.

Remus blinks. “Hi.”

“Remus! There you are, boy.”

Sirius looks up to see David leaning against the doorframe, two flukes in hand. While he instinctively pulls Remus closer, Remus straightens up like Sirius burned him.

“Hello, Mr. Carrow.”

“I see you’ve met Sirius here.” David comes closer, pushing one of the glasses into Remus’ hands and settling Sirius with a hard gaze. “Looking a little cozy.”

“I wasn’t feeling very well. Sirius offered to help me outside.”

“Is not feel well.” Sirius says because, suddenly, everything is making perfect sense. The money. Mr. Carrow. “Remus—go home?”

David laughs, hardy and cruel, and tucks Remus roughly beneath his arm and out of Sirius’. “God, Sirius, listen to you stuttering. I think you don’t understand.”

Sirius feels hot annoyance prickle beneath his skin. “I’m understand.” You’re taking advantage of this boy who feels like he has no choice. You’re a sick fuck. Sirius has heard, through Barry’s translation, the horrible things David says about his wife to his friends. He’s suffered through many dinner parties while working this project, all of them having after dinner drinks where things have been said about people’s partners that make him sick to think about, not to mention repeat. He knows exactly what’s going on. He vows right there to never work with David again, no matter how much it pays.

David almost scowls. Almost. Sirius can see it play at the corners of his mouth before he jerks it into a smile. “Very well. It’s about time for everyone to head to the after party, anyway. You should maybe go home yourself, Mr. Black. It will be too loud for you to understand anything.”

Sirius looks back at Remus who has barely looked up since David got here. He may seem Sirius’ age, he probably is, but right there, on the balcony with the snow beginning to fall, he looks young and fragile. And Sirius may only know his name, but he feels a wild sort of protection flare in his chest as David drags Remus out of view.

Remus looks back once, and Sirius feels that look settle heavy in his chest.

Sirius doesn’t forget about him, not even when its been almost nine months and he comes across David again at a convention. He saw David’s face and thought, Remus, before David even brought him up.

“A good time, I’ll tell you that.” David grins out of one corner of his mouth. “You can fuck him like an animal and he’ll be as loud as you want. Never complains. Can send him on his way right after with a limp and not even then.”

Sirius makes a split second decision for the sake of those eyes, whose color he can’t quite name yet. They remind him of warm sand of Miami and…something sweet. He smiles to himself at the thought and lets David take it as a smile at the disgusting joke he just made about Remus’ ass.

“Ask him for Remus’ contact information.” He says to Barry in Russian.

Barry shoots him a vaguely alarmed look. “I didn’t know you were interested in…that kind of operation.”

“I’m not. I’m interested in keeping someone who is kind safe.”

Barry’s eyes soften some at that and he relays the message.

part vii

“He…wait. Say again?”

Remus sighed, “He invited me to…” He looks down at the text Sirius had sent him with flight details, “Turks and Caicos? It’s an island, I think. He’s there for his company’s retreat. And he wants me to come.”

“Mate.” James let out a laugh, “Yes.” Remus shoots him a look, “What, you said you guys spent the night together. I thought he said sorry.”

“I…Well, yeah, we did, he did, but. But…” Remus rubbed a hand over his face, really not wanting to tell James the whole story.

“But?”

Remus looked towards the counter of the coffee shop, shifting a little at remembering the look on Sirius’ face, “He thought you were one of my clients.”

James chokes on his coffee, coughing for a moment and waving a hand at Remus, “You—“ He coughs again, then clears his throat so loud the girl next to them reading shoots him a glance, “That’s why he stormed out?”

Remus nodded, “Some guys don’t like acknowledging that they’re not the only ones I do this with. You don’t think it’ll…I don’t know. Being in a hotel for the night is one thing. What the fuck is it going to do to me when I’m with him, sleeping with him, for two weeks straight? That…” Remus sighed. It’d be really fucking hard, is what he should say. It’d be really fucking nice is what his body is screaming. He would make money, he would be with Sirius in…in whatever way Sirius wanted.

Remus expected James to tell him to spare him the details then. He expected James to wave him off.

What he did not expect was for James to reach across the table and flick him in the cheek like they were still in fifth grade.

“I—Hey—“

“You’re such a fucking idiot. You are such a fucking idiot, oh my god.”

Remus does his best to wrap his tea bag around the already slightly soggy wooden stirrer in an attempt to squeeze the excess water. It wobbles on the stick as he tries to get it safely to the napkin he’s laid out, “Okay, thanks, why?”

“He’s jealous. Sirius was jealous of me.”

Remus looks up. The teabag falls on the table with a wet little squish. “Shut up.”

James digs his fingers into his hair and rests his elbows on the table a little to hard, nearly dislodging his drink, “Remus. Jesus fucking Christ.”

“I—“ Remus’ chest feels entirely too tight, “Why? I mean.” Remus flicks James back, just to get him to stop looking at him like that, “He’s nice to everything.”

“What does that even mean? Remus, I’m a perfectly nice person—sometimes—and I still am capable of loving Lily.”

Remus shakes his head, “Yeah, no, but you act differently with Lily. I can tell you love her. Sirius—Sirius would give the bellboy the food he just brought up for himself if the bloke said he was hungry, I mean…No. I don’t think so.” Remus shakes his head again, “James, I’ve seen guys run away with they see me. I’ve never seen anyone run away because they like me.”

James looks at him from across the table, but his usual sad expression—the one Remus is used to being directed towards him—looks a little different. It’s not all together sad. “Sirius has been the first enough times since you met him already. Hasn’t he?” He leans back in his chair, spreading his hands, “Why can’t he be the first for this?”

~

Sirius insists on picking him up for the drive to the airport, is the problem.

“Can’t I just meet you there?” Remus worries the t-shirt he’s rolling into his small duffle bag, phone sandwiched between his ear and shoulder. He stares down at the bed. He barely has two pairs of nice shorts, let alone a swimsuit. He knows he wouldn’t even have to get the words fully out before Sirius would buy him one—maybe five, given his history—but…that’s hard.

“Easier, Remus. Special plane. Why not like?” Sirius is rummaging around on his end of the phone too. He isn’t even in London right now, but his apartment in New York. Remus would kill to see where Sirius lives. He wants to see how he designed his own house, wants to see all the little things that make it his own. All the things a hotel room can’t offer.

“I…” Remus drops the shirt into the bag. He doesn’t know why he’s rolling them. There aren’t really enough to fit snuggly and it will all just fall apart. “I don’t know. I don’t…” He takes a deep breath, “I don’t live…in a nice place. It’s embarrassing.”

The rustling on the other end of the line pauses, and there are a few painful beats of silence before all of it’s washed out of Remus’ mind with a single word.

“Remushya.” Sirius lets out a breath, “You can trust me. Never need feel embarrass. We…we meet at same Starbucks? Is okay?”

Remus lets out a breath and nods into the phone, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“Will be fun. Promise, really…really want you be happy, okay? We swim, eat, drink, see nice sunset. Be warm. So cold here.”

Remus lets out a little laugh, glancing at his window, “Right.”

“Is okay?”

Remus can’t help but smile a little at the eagerness in Sirius’ voice. Even if James’ words are playing in his head. Even if why did you invite me? are playing in his head. “Yeah, of course. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Five o’clock.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Remushya.”

Remus holds the phone with both hands, “Bye.”

He sighs and flips the phone onto the bed before falling down after it on his stomach. His bag is digging into his ribs but he can’t bring himself to care. He calls James.

“Pri-vet.”

Remus pulls the phone away from his ear, blinks at it, then replaces it, “What the—did you learn that so you could fucking answer the phone?”

“Absolutely. And it had the exact desired effect.”

“James.”

James sighed, “Okay, yes, I’m listening.”

“I shouldn’t go.”

“Oh, so you don’t want him to declare his love?”

“James.”

“You don’t want to fuck him on your private beach?”

“James!”

“No, Remus, listen to me. Listen. Do you love him? You’ve never actually said it. Do you love Sirius?”

Remus licked over his dry lips, pressing his forehead to the mattress. He didn’t even have to think about it. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue. And what first came to mind wasn’t the ridiculous five pairs of swim trunks Sirius would no doubt buy him. It wasn’t the insanely expensive rooms they stayed in. It was the way he took stray curls of Remus’ hair between his fingertips. And the warm palm against the top of his spine. Pulling his sweatshirt over Remus’ head in the morning. And as the little things filled Remus’ chest rather than the big, for the first time, he felt okay about his answer.

“Yes.” Remus whispered into the phone, then louder, “Yes. It hurts sometimes.”

“Remus. There you go. Yeah, it does hurt sometimes. Lily’s so fucking beautiful, so funny, I mean what the hell am I suppose to do with all that, you know?”

“How could he want me, James?” And, there it was, really. The most base truth of it all. His voice shook through the words, but he finally said them.

James’ laugh was soft and sad through the speakers, “Re…” Remus could picture his exact face, the hand running through his hair, “Re, you’re always going on about people pitying you, but…Fuck, Re. Sometimes it’s just you pitying yourself. You know? I…”

Remus blinked against the burn in his eyes, but nodded into the mattress, “I…I don’t know why. My mum and dad, I…I mean they didn’t want—“ The words choked off, “So, why would Sirius—”

“You deserve to be happy, Re.” James’ own voice sounded a little thick, “God, fuck your parents for making you think otherwise, fuck them. It’s got nothing to do with wealth of any kind, any sort of difference, it’s just…it’s how it is. It’s two people loving each other. You deserve to be with someone you love.”

Remus squeezes his eyes shut once and watches a dark spot appear on the sheets below him. He sniffles thickly and lets out a breath, “Yeah.”

James’ laugh is watery this time, “Yeah? You finally trying to believe me?”

Remus laughs too, but more tears come out, “Yeah.”

“Go with him, Re. Really, I…I think it’s all going to be fine. More than fine.”

“Yeah?” It seems to be all Remus can choke out right now. He loves James so much.

“Yeah, Re.”

~

Sirius has to touch Remus’ shoulder, making him jump away from staring at his phone before Remus sees him. He turns fast and—and grins, widely, in a way that probably completely throws Sirius for a loop after the way they left things.

Sirius blinks at him, a smile of his own growing just because of Remus’, “Hey.”

“Hey, Sirius.” I love you. When he realizes what his face is doing, it automatically turns sheepish. He pushes his hands into his pockets, “Hi. Thanks for—meeting here.” I love you so much.

Sirius nods, eyeing Remus like—like he knows something, one corner of his mouth higher than the other. “Of course.” He leans down and scoops up Remus’ bag before Remus can do anything. He frowns, shaking it a little and feeling how light it is, “Remus, we go for two week.”

“I—“ Remus flushes, “I don’t really…have much that works.”

Sirius’ cheeks color a little, like he’s realizing what he said. He shoulders the bag and offers Remus a quiet smile, “No worries, we find.”

Remus ducks into the cold wind as they cross the short distance to the car, resisting the urge to hook his fingers around the little button at the back of Sirius’ coat that…doesn’t seem to have a purpose. The car is already warm and, frankly, huge. There are wide leather seats facing each other in pairs, an ice bucket and glasses. There’s a thick divider between the driver and them, one that Sirius knocks on twice to get them moving before settling into the seat beside Remus.

They look at each other in the dim back seat, and the words are right there.

“I’m glad you say you come with me.”

Remus fiddles with the smooth leather of the arm rest between them, “Me too. I…I haven’t had a vacation in…” Remus snorts a little, “Well, ever.”

Sirius’ eyes widen a little, “Remus.” Then a smile is breaking over his face, “Remus, I’m make best. We have best time, okay? I’m have company breakfast maybe few time but no more. Do nothing but eat and sit in sun.”

Remus licks his lips and keeps his eyes on the arm rest, “And…”

Sirius stills a little. He’s silent for a moment. Then there’s soft fingers pressing Remus’ chin up to meet his eyes, “Only if want. You tell me everything, okay? No cry, make me worry I’m do bad thing.”

Remus wraps his fingers around Sirius’ wrist, thumb dragging over his pulse point, “No, Sirius—I—I do want it. I…Things were hard last time.” Sirius makes a little noise, maybe another apology, but Remus doesn’t let him speak, “But I know what I want now.”

Sirius’ eyes flick down to his mouth and back, “Yes?”

Remus lets out a breath, tightens his hand around Sirius’, “Sirius—“

The divider lowers just a little, making them both jump, “Sir, here we are. Can I get your bags for you?”

Remus wants to die. Just a little.

It takes a long moment for Sirius to answer, “Yes. Thank you. I get bags.” And then he’s out of the car and holds his hand out for Remus. He gives it a squeeze before he lets go to retrieve their bags from the trunk.

~

Remus freezes when he steps onto the plane. He really just wants to laugh, maybe cry a bit, because how can he tell Sirius anything now without him thinking at least a little it’s because of all this?

“Where’s, like, the rest of your company?”

Sirius looks up from where he was tapping away on his phone, “What? Who knows. My plane.”

Remus blinks at him. He should have guessed, but…

“So, it’s just us?”

Sirius’ eyebrow raises a little, along with the corner of his mouth, “Just us.”

Remus is in the process of nodding when there are two hands lightly on his shoulders.

“Hello, Mr. Lupin, may I take your coat for the journey?”

Remus turns and there’s an air hostess behind him with a gentle smile.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I mean, thanks, sure.”

She disappears somewhere in the very back of the plane.

“Sirius, how big is this thing?”

Sirius sets his phone down and grins, “Just right, no? Hey, sit, get comfy. Vacation start now, Remus.”

Remus bites his lip against his smile and takes the open window seat across from Sirius. They look at each other as the engine begins to rumble beneath them, the walls humming with energy.

Sirius stretches out his long legs and crosses them between Remus’ spread ones. He laces his fingers over his stomach and tilts his head to the side, “You know mile-high club?”

Remus’ eyes widen and he splutters, quickly glancing around, “Sirius.”

Sirius cracks up.

Remus kicks at his feet, “You can’t just say that. I don’t want every person working here knowing we…we…”

“Might fuck on plane?”

Remus covers his face with his hands and slouches down in his seat. Sirius’ laughter gets louder. Remus loves him.

“Can I get you and your guest anything to drink, Mr. Black?” The air hostess is back, and she’s holding warm towels.

Remus takes one and tries not to groan at how warm it is on his cold hands. Sirius gets them both some water and starts to try to ask for some type of food but can’t seem to remember the name.

“Ah, you know. Tiny.” The woman nods but doesn’t look any more clear as to what Sirius is trying to say.

Sirius sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Ah. Okay.” He looks at Remus silently for a second, then Remus watches as his eyes slide slowly downward, then back up. He looks down again, right at Remus’ crotch, and raises his eyebrows pointedly, “Is small name, Remus. Can’t remember but know is small name.”

Remus has to physically bite his cheek—hard—to keep from bursting out laughing. He opens his mouth and smiles at the woman, “Mr. Black would like some nuts.”

The air hostess, seemingly having missed the entire exchange, just smiled, “Oh, yes, of course.”

When they’re alone again Remus kicks Sirius in the shin, “You’re ridiculous.”

Sirius’ grin is lazy, his jaw sharp as he tilts his head back against the seat and looks at Remus with dark eyes, “Ridiculous.”

Remus bites his lip against his smile and looks out the window, desperately trying to ignore all those soft vowels in there.

“We wait till in sky, hm?” The toe of Sirius’ sneaker nudges at Remus’ calve.

“Hm.” Remus hums back, pointedly keeping his gaze fixed out the window, and Sirius laughs again.

~

Dinner was steak frites and ice cream sundaes. Remus loves this plane. He loves the little smear of chocolate sauce on the corner of Sirius’ mouth. He loves Sirius.

They moved to a longer booth-like section of the plane to eat and sat pressed together from side to thigh to knee. Sirius’ arm is thrown lazily across the booth behind Remus’ shoulders, and his fingers occasionally brushed beneath the neck of his sweater.

“Still hungry, or okay?” Sirius reaches for the bottle of wine he had ordered and pours himself a bit more, “Want some?” Sirius’ thumb brushes his skin and he smiled, “Or wait for beach cocktail? Have to have one, Remus, so good. Sweet. You like.”

Remus steals a fry from Sirius’ plate, having eaten all his own, “I’ll try a sip of yours.”

Sirius hums, wrist curling so his fingers can reach Remus’ jaw, “Sound good. I’m share everything with you.”

Remus sighs, nodding, “I know you will.”

Sirius’ smile softens and he pulls Remus a little closer, “Okay? Big sigh.”

Remus fiddles with his napkin, “How much work will you have to do?”

Sirius sighs this time, “Yes. Good thing to sigh about. Phone call here and there. Might sketch a little, but that fun. One or two breakfast with company.” Seeing Remus’ face, he laughs, “You not need to come.”

“I—I would if you wanted me to.” Remus scrunches his nose, “If you really wanted me to.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, “Not make you come to early breakfast.” Then he leans in, “Would rather come back to you still in bed.”

Remus’ entire body flames hot at that image. Sirius tugging off whatever button down he was forced to wear, but not before Remus could appreciate how it stuck to his skin at the small of his back. His clothes would follow, his shoes, until he was nothing but smooth, tanned skin and familiar shapes. Remus blinks at Sirius, realizing he hadn’t answered yet. He smiles down at his food and nods.

Sirius’ thumb strokes against his neck, “Tired? Sorry get late flight. Meetings all day. Want finish  work before go away. I…”

Sirius hesitates for so long that Remus looks up.

Sirius wets his bottom lip nervously, “Happy come, Remus?”

Remus is a little surprised at the unsureness in Sirius’ voice, although he knows he shouldn’t be. He’d left Sirius cold after the last time they’d seen each other. But Sirius had kissed him goodbye anyway. Remus had chalked that up to his kind nature.

“Are you happy you invited me?” Remus asks, “I’m happy to do anything for you.” It’s a little bit of a scary truth.

Sirius sends him a pleading look, “Remus, not want you to do things for me only. Not—Can’t be only reason. I’m tell you this before.”

Remus shifts towards him so his knee is pulled to his chest and he can press his palm to Sirius’ chest, “I’m not saying it like that. I just—I just mean I’m—happy. To be here.” He laughs a little, rolling his eyes at himself, “So, yeah, I’m glad I came.”

Sirius’ expression shifts to one of extreme caution and he glances down at his chest, his heart, Remus’ hand covering it. “Just glad?” He asks slowly.

Remus looks at him hard for a few moments, silently cursing the language barrier. He thought he could decode Sirius fairly well by now, but right in this moment, he could mean anything. “I…yes? I’m happy, if that’s what you—I mean, I’m having a great time. I…I love being with you.” Sirius’ expression goes a little blank and Remus scrambles to keep up, “I—I’m sorry.” He’s not even sure what he’s apologizing for. He presses his palm firmer against Sirius’ chest until he can feel his heart beating beneath it. Sirius’ chest moves steadily. The pulse speeds up when he inhales and slows way down when he lets out his breath. Remus is concentrating on that decreasing beat when Sirius’ mouth captures his own, warm and dry from the plane air.

“Never be sorry.” He runs his lips over Remus’ cheek, kissing his jaw, then back to his mouth, “Not sorry. Happy you here.” The arm on the back of the seating curls around his back, fitting them closer together. Sirius’ fingers press under his shirt and he rests his lips against Remus’ temple. And he just holds him there. Remus wonders of Sirius can feel his heart this time, practically beating out of his chest because this feels like a good time to say something. Sirius obviously wants him to say something, had said the awful night he last left the hotel room that he needed Remus to tell him. And if Remus could just…

“Sirius.” Remus says into his neck. He pushes his nose against the warm skin. He closes his eyes  because if this goes wrong he can’t watch it happen. “Sirius.”

“I’m want, Remus.”

Relief floods through Remus at the exact moment that disappointment does. This is familiar territory for them, the trickling longing that was currently pooling in Remus’ stomach right alongside—everything else. The love, dread, fear, elation. Whatever it should be called. Love definitely wasn’t just happiness, Remus was sure of that much so far. Love definitely wasn’t just love. Love was just a name for a certain combination of everything else.

“Yeah.” Remus says. “Yes.”

Sirius lets out a long breath and slides Remus into his lap. It’s a tight fit with the table there, but Remus presses close to him, “Won’t someone see us? We should…”

“They be polite. Leave.” Sirius says the words right into his mouth then drags his teeth over Remus’ bottom lip, “карамель, how I’m make you want me?”

Remus leans into the half-kiss and drags his thumb over Sirius’ lip. Sirius looks at him with heavy, dark eyes, and Remus can’t help put press his finger in a little, feeling the sharp teeth that were on his skin a moment ago. “How can you think I don’t want you?”

Sirius’ tongue darts out to wet the pad of Remus’ thumb. His hands sit heavily on Remus’ hips, fingers just dipping down around his ass, only partly hidden by the table. He tilts his head forward, making a sad sounding noise in his throat, and kisses Remus.

Remus feels a little like he did have those glasses of wine Sirius offered. He’s confused, and the mind-melting kisses aren’t helping. He pulls back and puts a finger to Sirius’ mouth when it tries to chase his. He watches Sirius watch him as he presses down on his lip a little before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to Sirius’ neck. Sirius lets out another long breath and sags back into the couch. “карамель,” he says again, then, “I’m want.”

Remus cups the back of Sirius’ head, fingers threading in his hair, and bites gently over the tendon of Sirius’ neck, kissing until a bruise starts to form. Sirius has let his head fall all the way back, resting against the thrumming plane wall, and is holding onto Remus like its for life. Remus pushes his hips forward, feeling how Sirius is hard in his pants and relishing in it. This is familiar. He made Sirius like this.

“I know.” He says, and kisses Sirius’ mouth softly. He thinks he does, at least.

Sirius breaks off into Russian then, and it all sounds so unbearably sweet that Remus has to switch back to kissing his neck just to hide how much it effects him. It creates a little well of hurt right in his chest.

Sirius is the one to almost get a hand between them when Remus stops him. He swears he can feel every person here listening to them. Sirius groans, half laughs really, and drops his head back on the couch again.

“I know, I know you said it was fine—“

Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, smile soft when he says, “Is fine. I’m do it before, Remus.”

And that—that stop Remus in his tracks cold. He tries desperately to school his expression and loops his hands around Sirius’ neck instead, “I—I know. I just, we’re the only ones here.”

“Nervous.” Sirius runs his hands up and down Remus’ back soothingly, “Is okay, Remushya. Most okay.” Sirius leans forward and presses a kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth.

And suddenly he’s thinking about the first time he met Sirius, how nervous he said he was. But now he’s here, on a plane that’s apparently known to be fucked on. If that’s even what Sirius meant. He doesn’t want to ask, really doesn’t want to even take himself down that road. He doesn’t want to suddenly think Sirius was lying to him just because of one small comment.

He leans forward and kisses Sirius when he really meant to ask if he was just one boy in a long line. He doesn’t think so, he really doesn’t think so, but the seed is planted now, there in his mind.

Sirius settles back in the seat and pulls Remus close to him, seemingly content just to lay there together.

Remus looks up at what profile he can see of Sirius’ face from where his head rests on his shoulder. He tests the waters one more time. “I want to be here. With you.”

Remus watches Sirius smile before he looks down at him. His eyes have little bits of a brown that are almost yellow among the grey. Remus doesn’t know how he didn’t notice before. “I’m most happy.” Sirius says. He curls one arm closer around Remus’ back while the other gently takes a curl of Remus’ hair between his fingers, “I’m try tell you—that you make me most happy.”

“You don’t want to fuck him on your private beach?”

“James!”

“No, Remus, listen to me. Listen. Do you love him? You’ve never actually said it. Do you love Sirius?”

Remus licked over his dry lips, pressing his forehead to the mattress. He didn’t even have to think about it. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue. And what first came to mind wasn’t the ridiculous five pairs of swim trunks Sirius would no doubt buy him. It wasn’t the insanely expensive rooms they stayed in. It was the way he took stray curls of Remus’ hair between his fingertips. And the warm palm against the top of his spine. Pulling his sweatshirt over Remus’ head in the morning. And as the little things filled Remus’ chest rather than the big, for the first time, he felt okay about his answer.

part iii

“He was probably out of the country. He said he was in Australia, yeah?” James said, then he nodded down at the pizza boxes they were folding, “Want to race to see who can do the most in a minute? Loser buys pizza.”

“Okay, but—okay.” Remus sighed, “But we ended on a strange note. And no, I don’t want to race, will you focus?”

James lifted an eyebrow, “Are you having a melt-down over your Russian lover?”

“What? No! He’s not my Russian lover. And we get pizza for free. Just—by the way.”

“He sounds like your Russian lover.”

“I—Okay.” Remus folds another box, maybe grabbing the cardboard too hard, “Okay. No. No, he’s just another client, and I’ve had other work—which I’m not going to tell you about—and I have no—no, claim over him, and…and it’s fine. It’s all fine. He called and now I’m seeing him on Friday. It’s—what is it? It’s Monday. And it doesn’t matter if it’s weird because our relationship is purely sexual. And it’s fine.”

James nods along, “I’m saying yes and nodding because I feel that that’s what you want me to do.”

“Yes, thank you, it is.” Remus tries to say that with finality but his chest feels no more settled.

~

The window in Remus’ apartment breaks on Wednesday. It’s bitterly cold and windy and Remus is sound asleep when it bursts, shatters right out of its frame and startles him awake. He spends from three to four finding and fixing a tarp the best he can from the gas station that he heads right back to at five for the early morning shift until ten. Then it’s to Geno’s for the lunch shift. 

Frank calls, and then Billy whose been out of town for the last month and likes to pay for the night and fuck hourly. Thursday morning comes and Remus is dead on his feet. He’s cold all the time, his muscles ache, and he’d like to never be touched again for at least a few days. Billy is sweet, but he does know what he likes. Even the exhaustion, however, can’t keep the bitter chill that leaks through the tarp from keeping him awake in his hard bed.

Remus’ suit trousers and button-down, when Friday roles around, feels itchy and hot, and Remus stares at the number twelve for a long time before knocking. Sirius is smiling when he opens the door, and then he’s not.

“Remus! I—Remus?”

Remus sends him a smile, one that he’s positive is not at all convincing, “Hi, Sirius. Big trip to Australia again?”

“Ah, no, United States. New York, big meeting,” He closes the door behind Remus, eyes wary, “Remus, not look so good.”

Remus sighs, dropping his bag by the door and turning towards the sitting room, “Well, thanks a lot.”

“Hey, no—“ Sirius doesn’t grab him like Remus expected, but there is a warm hand on his back that stops him in his tracks, “I not mean bad. I mean, need something? I can help.”

“With what?” Remus raises his eyebrow at him.

“Anything you want.” The reply is so automatic that Remus almost rolls his eyes because this really doesn’t happen. Sirius doesn’t know him. He doesn’t know Sirius. There tie is a friend of a friend who somehow finds delight in giving out sex recommendations.

“It’s true, Remus.” Sirius steps forward, looms over him gently somehow, “What you need? What wrong, tell me.” His words are so earnest and then he checks himself, “If you want.” His hand is still on Remus’ back, so warm, and Remus presses back into it.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all. My apartment—well, the window sort of broke and I took up a few extra shifts so I can pay to fix it.”

“I pay.”

Remus shakes his head, “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just, you asked, so…“

“I’m know, I’m saying. Remus, shouldn’t have broken window.” He makes a face like its the simplest thing in the world. To him it probably is. A broken widow is his kernel of sand to Remus’ sand dune.

“I’m help.” He says again. “Please, Remus, let me.”

“No, my landlord will probably cover some of it, really, it’s okay, Sirius.” That is, if he could get ahold of his landlord.

“I…okay.” He sounds completely unconvincing, and Remus is ready to stop the extra cash from being slid into his pocket when he leaves. His hand is still looping Remus in and he presses, pulling him a little against his chest. His other hand comes up and he thumbs softly beneath Remus’ eye, against the sleeplessness charcoaled there, “усталый, карамель.”

Remus looks up, the soft Russian lulling him, “What?” He recognizes what seems to have become Sirius’ name for him. He doesn’t mind, but it might make him melt a little.

“Sleepy. Like friend’s baby, Remus.”

The corner of Remus’ mouth lifts at that, “I’m fine.” Then he does lean into Sirius’ space because that’s what he’s here to do. Because he wants the warmth any way he can get it, “What do you want to do tonight?” He reaches up to fiddle with the top button of Sirius’ white shirt, “We got a little distracted last time.” He decides he really has to say more than that, “And you did say you had been thinking about me, remember?”

Sirius’ thumb strokes a few times more against Remus’ skin but he nods slowly, gaze dropping obviously to Remus’ mouth, “Yes. I’m think about you.”

Remus smooths his palms down over the hard muscles of Sirius’ arms curling gently around his wrist, “Yeah? What do you think about?”

A funny expression flits across Sirius’ face for a moment. His eyes tighten up and he bites his lip. “Hard to say. You think of me?”

Remus can’t help but smile a little bit at that, “You have no idea.”

The corner of Sirius’ mouth lifts, expression clearing just a little, “Hey, that’s why you tell me. Come on.”

Remus looks up at him. He presses his hands to Sirius’ chest, hooking one finger in the gold chain there, “I did. I think about…”He takes a deep breath, rubbing his thumb over the ring, “Your hands. A bit.”

When Remus looks up Sirius is smiling, tongue in his cheek, eyes teasing, “A bit?”

Remus tugs on the chain, “Stop it.”

Sirius laughs, “Sorry, sorry. Okay? Okay, go, you talk about my hands.” As if to emphasize his point, he runs his down the length of Remus’ torso, smoothing them around to rest just above the swell of his ass. They’re warm and big and are a perfect weight to push Remus just a little bit more against Sirius’ chest.

Remus tilts his chin up, looking in a way that he’s seen melt men before, “No. Your turn.” Sirius huffs out a little laugh and Remus pushes up on his toes, lips just brushing Sirius’ jaw, “Hm?”

Sirius takes another few moments to answer, his thumbs brushing with a firm pressure on either side of the base of Remus’ spine. He bows his head down and brushes their noses together, “I’m think about neck.” One of his hands comes up and presses to the column of it. Remus’ breath catches when Sirius’ thumb digs gently beneath his chin, tilting his head back so he can arch down further and press an open mouthed kiss there, “I’m think about…” Sirius’ tongue darts out to wet his own lips and it brushes Remus’ skin. He starts a word, “Ta” a few times then sighs, “Not know but…” He lets out a breath and it’s hot over Remus’ throat. Then he’s walking Remus back towards the bedroom out of the entry hall, “вкус in Russian. Like sweet, Remus.”

Remus’ eyes close on their own as the back of his knees hit the bed and Sirius crawls over him.

“Sweet but also—also not. Also another thing, don’t know how to say.” He sucks a bruising kiss into the junction of Remus’ neck and jaw and Remus’ moans with it, “Don’t know, but like. Like a lot.”

“Taste.” Remus manages to say.

Sirius hums into his skin, “Taste, and…” he sits up on his elbows a little, hair curling into his eyes and makes a pinching motion with his hand, “You know?”

Remus blinks, “I, uh, salt.”

Sirius makes a low sound in the back of his throat and drops back to Remus’ neck, “Salt. Salt and sweet.” Remus groans again because the flash of tongue he just felt definitely wasn’t an accident, nor the nip of teeth that followed it, “So good each other, Remus.” Then he looks up, huffing out a laugh and looking proud of himself, “No, I mean together.”

Remus lets his head fall back into the pillows and smiles at the ceiling, “Yeah, yeah.”

Sirius’ face appears above him, grinning, “You proud?” He tangles his fingers into Remus’ hair, presses his hips down on Remus’ and grinds, “Huh, карамель?” He brushes their lips together, dropping his voice, “You proud of me?”

“Yes.” Remus presses a hand to the back of Sirius’ neck and kisses him.

Sirius indulges him for a few seconds and then murmurs, “Your time.”

But his hips are still working themselves down against Remus, their thighs slotted together snuggly.

Remus tries his best to blink his eyes open and breaths as evenly as he can even though he’s been waiting for this for weeks, “I—fuck, your—your back, your back.”

“Yeah?” Sirius presses one more positively filthy kiss to Remus’ mouth and then is sitting up, thighs snug against Remus’ hips. He reaches behind him to pulls his t-shirt over his head, “You like?” He grins, placing his hands on either side of Remus’ head and slowly bending his elbows, lowering himself down, “You want touch?”

Remus doesn’t respond, breath stollen as Sirius circles his hips, so he simply loops his arms beneath Sirius’ and splays his palms over his back—the warm, wide expanse of it. “Fuck.” He breathes, “Take your pants off.”

Sirius breaks from where he’d been sucking at Remus’ jaw, “Why, you think about that, too?”

Remus groans and reaches down and tugs at Sirius’ belt, sliding it free from the buckle and making just as quick work of his button and fly. He pushes the thick material away as much as he can, which isn’t much, and makes a frustrated noise and presses his hand against him through his boxers, feeling the heat of him.

Sirius lets out a breathy noise, somewhere between a laugh and a moan, “Remus, hand cold.”

“It’ll warm up.” Remus pushes at Sirius’ shoulders until they roll, until Remus can straddle his hips instead. He helps Sirius kick off his pants the rest of the way and then Sirius is laying there in his boxers and Remus feels wholly too clothed. He sits like that for a moment before moving his hands to the buttons on his own shirt while Sirius’ palms smooth up and down his thighs, undoing his belt with slow fingers.

“Hey, hurry, I’m get bored down here.” He gives his belt a tug and Remus laughs as he pushes his shirt from his shoulders. Sirius pulls Remus’ belt from its loops with a dramatic flourish and Remus laughs again as he pulls him down so he too can push his pants off as well. And then, suddenly, they’re chest to chest. Not how it was last time—the first time—mostly kissing in the dark and pure sex, but looking at each other. Sirius is running his fingertips down the dip at the center of Remus’ chest and over his bottom lip like its precious. And Remus barely understands.

So he leans down and kisses him again. Hot and dirty and mind numbing. Because he’s being payed. And he’ll accept money for sex because he has to. He won’t accept money for any type of heartache. He won’t, he won’t.

“Fuck, Remus—“ Sirius’ words are kiss-slurred, “Your mouth—“ Sirius sucks Remus’ lower lip into his mouth.

“You think about that?” Remus gasps out then kisses him again, reaching between them to shove their boxers away, “Off, Sirius, off.”

They’re skin to skin and Remus can’t breathe. He can’t breathe because suddenly Sirius is kissing him, his arms full around his waist and it’s safe. Sirius starts murmuring words into his skin.

“Ты такой теплый.” His hands span Remus’ back so fully that Remus feels incased in the soft vowels of Russian, “Это то, чего я жду.”

And Remus pulls back with a gasp. Sirius makes a disgruntled noise as Remus rolls to the side, pushing himself onto his elbows and knees, “Like last time, yeah? This is okay?”

Remus kept his eyes towards the bed, waiting for Sirius to move. It took a moment. Just when Remus was starting to feel weird laying there with his ass in the air Sirius shifted.

“This how you like it? Usual?” He ask slowly, positioning himself behind Remus.

“Whatever you want, Sirius.”

There’s a huff from behind him, “Have to tell me what you like. Have to Remus, or I’m not do.” He leans over Remus’ back, so warm and present that it makes Remus close his eyes and dip his head down into the pillow below him, “Or I’m leave you here with hard cock, and I’m go to shower.”

Remus huffs out a laugh, “Would you?”

Sirius presses a few kisses to the back of his neck and Remus sighs. Even with his back to him, Remus can feel every bit of warmth Sirius radiates.

“What you want Remus. You tell me, I’m do.”

“This is suppose to be about what you want.”

Sirius hums, as if considering this, “Okay. You tell me what you want. If I’m don’t like, I say no. Good, yes?” Then, after a moment, “This your favorite way? What’s called? Dog?”

Remus groans, “Don’t say that.”

“Your favorite?” Sirius asks with another kiss.

“I—I don’t know. You seemed to like it last time.”

“Remus.” Suddenly the warmth from his back is gone and Remus has to turn, craning his neck around to see Sirius’ face. His eyes were dark and—and hurt, maybe, “You like it last time?”

“Yes.” Remus pushed back on his heels, pushing himself right into Sirius’ bare lap, the sound Sirius makes sending a jolt straight to his own cock. He curls one hand around the back of Sirius’ neck and tilts his head to rest on his shoulder, “Sirius, yes. I like this.”

Sirius’ hands moved to Remus’ hips almost instantly, as if supporting him there, and he sighed against his neck, holding Remus against him. His fingers reach around Remus’ hip, looping his cock, “Promise?”

Remus lets his lips part, working his jaw against the feeling of Sirius hard and rutting softly against him. “Promise.” he manages.

Remus can feel the cool metal of Sirius’ necklace right between his wing bones and leans into it, tilting his neck when Sirius starts to place open kisses there. “Good. Like, too.”

“Good.” Remus breathes, “Good.”

Sirius makes a soft noise when Remus arches his back, trapping Sirius’ dick against his own stomach and grinding upward until it sat snug against his ass. Remus hissed when Sirius’ fingers tightened around the base of his cock and blinked blearily around the room, “Do you have—“

Sirius clicked open the cap of the lube in answer. Remus hadn’t even seen him retrieve it, but he didn’t really care, not with Sirius dribbling some slickly over his own dick and Remus’ back, and then into his palm to wrap around Remus again. It was good before, if not a little dry, but now it was nothing but a somewhat cool, slick glide.

Sirius let out a long breath, “Good…”

God, did Remus want to see his face.

Sirius’ grip became a little more firm on his hips as his thrust forward, keeping time with the hand he had working around Remus. Soft words of Russian accompanied the occasional sigh, and each time Remus tried to ignore the searing spikes of want that echoed through his veins. Sirius feigned no such ignorance. On the third twitch of Remus’ cock, he pulled Remus in so their back and chest were flushed together and pressed his lips to his ear.

“You like? Тебе нравится, когда я говорю по-русски, карамель?” When Remus let out what might have been close to a whine and his cock pulsed out a single bead of pre-cum, Sirius moaned softly, breath warm, “You like.” He gave a particularly hard thrust, rubbing perfectly. The lube had warmed up now, dried just a bit on their sweaty skin, and the warm tacky friction was almost deliriously good.

“Say—“  Remus swallowed, trying to push forward into Sirius’ hand and backwards on his dick at the same time, “Talk.” He wasn’t the one who should be making commands, but Sirius’ voice was low and warm. He could feel the purr of his words in Sirius’ chest, Sirius’ breath hot and panting against his neck.

And Sirius did. He murmured words right into Remus’ skin as he pressed their bodies together. And Remus almost regretted asking. It was too much, too intimate. Usually any talking was nonexistent or too dirty to do anything for Remus. Sirius could have been saying anything, he could have been reciting his grocery list, but in this situation it sounded so good, it sounded sweet and earnest. The pitch of Sirius’ voice hitched and wavered with his thrusts as his orgasm built and both broke together too, a hot rush against Remus’ back.

“Come on.” He said in English, then switched back to sweet sounding Russian, “получаться, карамель. для меня, для меня.”

Remus tilted his head back and Sirius’ mouth was on his neck again, right over his pulse. He left wet kisses there and then, mid kiss, right into his skin, “So hard for me.”

Remus sucked in a long breath and came over Sirius’ fist in spine melting pulses. His thighs, tired from keeping himself pressed against Sirius, shook and Sirius wrapped his arms fully around Remus’ waist, forearms to his stomach. He probably could feel the tired muscles, but Remus pretended for a second that he just wanted Remus close. Some clients liked cuddling. Sirius seemed to be okay with it. Remus usually hated it. He usually left as quickly as he could, not liking to hang around unless it would score him a little extra cash.

Right now, he’d forgotten about the money for a few moments there. That didn’t necessarily feel better.

“Hey,” Sirius gave him a little squeeze, “I clean us up?”

Remus nodded and took a breath. He slid off Sirius’ lap, “Yeah.” He pushed his sweaty hair out of his face, trying to rid himself of the post-sex haze that, honestly, he wasn’t completely used to. “Sounds good.”

Remus watches Sirius through the open door of the washroom. The tight curve of his ass and his narrow hips give way to broad shoulders and back muscles that are, frankly, obscene. Remus curls his fingers into his palms and tries not to think too hard about how, next time, he wants to get his hands all over the smooth, tanned skin of Sirius’ back.

He comes back with a washcloth and after its discarded he climbs back onto the bed. Remus stands and pulls his boxers back on and then sits on the edge, uncertain. “I, um. We didn’t really talk about how long you want me to stay this time.”

Sirius looks up from where he’d been arranging the covers over his bare waist, eyebrows raised, “You stay night I think.” Like it was obvious.

Remus nodded, “Okay. You want me too?”

Sirius scoffed, eyes warm, “Remus, I’m not hit you out after sex.”

A small smile formed on Remus’ mouth, “Kick you out.”

“I’m not do that either.” He grinned and patted the space on the bed beside him, slouching down on the pillows, “Not have to worry, okay?”

As Remus slid into bed, he thought that the fact that worry was one of Remus’ primary emotions was something Sirius had caught onto pretty fast. He curled beneath the covers, pulling his knees up a little to wait for the sheets to warm up. Sirius glanced at him and then disregarded the remote he had been holding and curled on his side too. They were facing each other, and close enough that Remus could lean forward a few inches and kiss him. If he wanted to. If Sirius wanted him to.

Sirius didn’t kiss him but he was smiling, half of his face a little smushed by his pillow and eyes soft, “Talking pillows?”

Remus blinked at him. It took him a good fifteen seconds to figure out what the hell that could mean when he figured it out and started to laugh. And couldn’t stop.

Sirius’ face was a strange mix of delight and confusion, “I’m say wrong? Remus, what?”

“Sorry—” Remus knew it really wasn’t that funny but he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a hand over his mouth. But he felt light and—and safe and he knew it wouldn’t last but he couldn’t help it.

Sirius let out a short laugh of his own and rolled his weight on top of Remus, “What I’m say, Remus? Hey, don’t hide.” He bent down, nosing at Remus’ fingers a bit before giving up and shifting his weight to one shoulder and gently prying them away. He smiled when he saw Remus was still laughing weakly, like it had warn him out, “Nice smile, not hide from me.”

Remus drew in a shaky breath, wiping his forearm over his eyes, “Oh my god. Pillow talk. Pillow talk.” He blinked up at Sirius, rubbing his hands up and down his strong arms a few times, “Good, though.”

“You think so funny.” Sirius bent to nose at Remus’ cheek.

“I’m not laughing at your English, I promise,” Remus let out another little chuckle, “It just took me a second, I had no idea what you meant and then I got it and—fuck, it was—it was, uh, cute.” Remus almost covered his mouth again as the words came out.

Sirius drew in a breath and promptly sat back on Remus’ hips. Remus tried to ignore Sirius’ naked soft cock as it brushed over his own in his briefs and instead laughed at Sirius expression.

“Not cute, Remus! Big, strong.” Then, through a bit back smile, “Russia best.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “You’re shameless, you know that?”

Sirius tilted his head, “Not know this.”

“Like…” Remus sighed and settled his hands on Sirius’ hips to think, “Like you’re sitting on top of me naked.”

Sirius makes an interested noise, a smile lifting one corner of his mouth. “Hm.” He hooks two fingers in the band of Remus’ boxers, “Think you be shameless too.”

Remus lets his head sink back into the pillows, “Whatever you want.”

Sirius groaned, leaning down with one hand on each of Remus’ cheeks, “карамель.”

“I don’t think you got the entire definition of sh—“

Sirius pressed their mouths together, hard and slow. His palms were a warm weight, boxing Remus in in a way that mirrored his thighs. Remus looped his fingers around Sirius’ wrists and held onto the kiss.

“I’m think…” Sirius pressed a shorter kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth, “You want contact?” When Remus made a confused noise Sirius hummed and pressed another kiss to his lips, “I’m not use right word.”

Remus let Sirius rearrange them on the bed until they were chest to chest. Sirius hitched one of Remus’ legs over his hip and settled, rubbing softly at the soft skin of Remus’ thigh.

“Cuddle.” Remus provided.

Sirius wrinkled his nose, repeating the word in his soft accent a few times, then in Russian.

“Sure.” Remus tucked his hands between their bodies and let Sirius offer his arm as a pillow.

“You cuddle?” Sirius asks after a few moments of silence.

Remus shrugs the best he can, “Sometimes. If they want it.”

“No, you.” Sirius nudges their noses together, “You like? Cuddle? When you have sex.”

Remus blinks. He honestly doesn’t remember the last time he had sex without being handed cash afterwards. “I—yeah.” He decides, “Yeah, no, I do.” At least, he likes this.

Sirius hums happily and reaches up to turn off the overhead light with one of the switches conveniently imbedded in the surrounding bed frame.

“Fancy.” Remus mumbles.

“Yes, only best for you.”

Remus snorts even though he thinks Sirius might be being completely truthful, and then it’s just their soft breathing in the dark. Sirius’ bare skin against his feels nice even through the thin fabric of his underwear and Remus finds it easy to close his eyes, easy to settle into Sirius’ arms around his back.

“Call at seven tomorrow. You sleep, I go into living room, try not to wake, okay?”

“You work so hard.”

“Good job, though. Get to meet lots of people. Travel world.”

Remus just nods against Sirius’ shoulder because he knows he’s not suppose to ask about jobs or home life. Sirius doesn’t seem to need a prompt.

“I, ah, hard word for me in English but I’m try for you.” His fingers are running long, slow lines up and down Remus’ spine, “I’m architect? Okay say?”

And oh. That’s not what Remus was expecting, but he understands the slightly muddled vowels just fine. “I—yeah. Yeah, an architect.”

“Build house, building, for people. Big clients all around world. Very lucky I have but…sometimes they hard. Lots of words lots of…to say.” He laughs a little, “Don’t know words.”

Remus smiles and says, “They mess with your creative vision?”

Sirius lets out a husky laugh, “Don’t know ‘vision’ but mess with me, yes! Calls on their time not me, don’t like this, ask re-do when too late. Hard. Most don’t like help earth. I try help, but.”

Remus shifts his head to look up at him in the dark. The moonlight coming in through the cracks in the curtains turns the room blue and Sirius with it, all soft lines of silver, “What do you mean?”

Sirius hums thoughtfully, eyes tracking his fingertips over Remus’ shoulder. Remus fights off a shiver, “There different materials use better for planet. Make house warm and not use heat a lot. Can design so it better for earth.” Sirius scrunches his nose, “I’m know not everyone like. Rather have big expensive house but I’m…” He lets out a big breath and rolls on his back, bringing Remus with him so he’s pressed against Sirius’ side, his arm splayed across Sirius’ broad chest, “I’m love world, Remus. You know? Have to take care.”

Remus almost wants to die at that. He was wrong before. Sirius isn’t nice to everyone, he’s nice to everything.

“That’s…That’s amazing, Sirius. That’s really amazing.”

Sirius squeezes his shoulder, then flattens his palm down his back with a warm pressure, “Nice of you to say. Thank you.”

Remus nods and realizes his body is sinking further into the pillows and quilt, into Sirius’ body. He hums but doesn’t manage much more than that.

“Sleep, карамель.” Sirius’ hand finds his hair, and Remus falls asleep to soft murmurs of Russian.

~~~~~

Russian Translations (roughly, I don't speak this language at all):

усталый, карамель: Sleepy, Caramel.

Тебе нравится, когда я говорю по-русски, карамель?: Do you like when I speak Russian?

(I know it’s late, sorry guys!)

“What is this?” Remus was lounging back against the bed, enjoying the mountains of kingsized pillows while he could, before he had to go back to his threadbare apartment. He picks up the small, neatly labeled envelop up off his chest from where Sirius had lightly thrown it. He could see the green tint through the thin, expensive paper.

“It’s Christmas bonus.” Sirius said the words carelessly as he buttoned up his shirt once more. He  looks at Remus in the mirror, smile playful.

Remus chokes a bit at what’s inside, “Sirius. This is not a—a bonus, this is—“

“It what you deserve.”

Remus sat up pulling the sheets to pool around his hips. He wasn’t having this conversation completely naked, even if that was how it made him feel, “Sirius…Look, I’ve had a good time too these last few months.“ That was an understatement, okay, fine, but, “But this is…This is the equivalent of,” He flipped through the hundreds quickly, “of five more nights. If you’re asking for those, that’s fine, I’m more than happy—“

Remus looks up at the sudden weight of hands on his hips, Sirius’ large hands smoothing soft circles, “Not asking for anything but you take money. Why so hard?” He presses a warm kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth and blinks lazily at him, “I’m want you to take.”

The words are out of Remus’ mouth before he can really think, “What do you even do?”

Sirius’ expression shadows over a bit. His entire body stills.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m not suppose to ask.” Remus sets the envelope aside, smooths his palms over Sirius’ neck. His hair is still damp from his shower, “Forget I said anything.” He strokes Sirius’ skin and tries to calm his nerves from the look on Sirius’ face. He doesn’t want Sirius to leave. He hates himself for it, but he needs Sirius to come back in a way that isn’t how he should think about a client. Ever. But he wasn’t kidding when he said he loved these last few months. Sirius was kind. Sirius liked to talk late into the night, and when they did, Remus could almost pretend he wasn’t going to give him money in the morning. Sirius kissed him goodbye like he meant it, like he never wanted to stop, “Thank…Thank you for the…bonus.”

Sirius’ expression clears a little, a small hopeful smile coming back, “You like? I have another? It’s, ah, present?”

Remus smiles a little, “Present.” He puts the accent in the right place. He’ll never admit the soft spot he has for Sirius’ broken english aloud, “Gift. Sirius—”

Sirius is already moving towards the bag he brought, holding his hands up in mock surrender, “I’m know, “not have to,” yeah, yeah,” He mumbles in Russian for a moment while he rummages, “Da, zdes’, here.” Sirius collapses back on the bed, his broad shoulders stretching the thin material of his shirt, eyes bright and warm, “But I’m want to.” He holds out the small package a little more when Remus hesitates, “Please, Remus.”

When Remus does take the gift, Sirius’ large palm strokes over his hair and he mumbles, “Moi Horoshiy.” Remus still doesn’t know what that means, but he’s heard it often enough right before Sirius’ comes that it warms his face, even in this calmer setting. And then Sirius adds something, softly, “Solntse…”

“Sirius…” Remus doesn’t have much more to say as he stares down at the golden pendent in the box. Actually golden. It’s heavy, and the kind of metal that warms against the skin, and it’s shaped in a small oval, imprinted with a small crisscross of lines. A star.

“It’s, ah…” Sirius flushes a little, “I’m not know how to say. It’s like my name, it’s—zvezda, I don’t know in english, should have looked up—“

“Star?” Remus points upward, through the window where a few are sort of visible through the clouds. It’s still early.

Sirius’ eyes light up, “Yes! Yes, I’m name after, so I…I get you.”

Remus swallows and looks back down at the necklace. Sirius is basically asking him to wear his name around his neck, and he shouldn’t be happy about that with a client but the idea is more than appealing.

“I’m also think, Remus…” he lets out another nervous laugh and sits up, kneeling in front of Remus and sets the necklace aside before taking his hands, thumbs rubbing over Remus’ wrists. His eyelashes look long and thick in the warm hotel room light, “I’m know you might not want. Might not say yes. Maybe…Maybe should not ask while you naked, but…I go anyway, okay?”

Remus lets out a little laugh, “Okay.” His heart is beating in his throat. He hopes he knows what this is, and that hope is painful. Fuck, he wants. He wants to hear certain words in Sirius’ thick, breathy accent, wants to know how he’ll say that, he hopes he’ll say them.

“I’m think…I’m think about a lot that, maybe we not see each other?”

Remus nearly sinks backwards into the pillows. The air stops in his lungs for a second, “I…Oh. Oh.”

Sirius’ brows furrow, “Oh? You not like?”

Remus slowly withdraws his hands because they’re shaking and Remus doesn’t want Sirius to feel, “I…Well, Sirius, it’s up to you. You don’t have to see me anymore if that’s not what you want. You don’t have to give me money to let me down gently, this is part of the job.” Remus looks at the necklace and frowns. The money he can handle, the necklace is just cruel.

“I—No, I, I’m know part of job. I don’t want you have job. I mean—I don’t want—I—“ He huffs, eyes falling shut briefly the way they do when he’s got something to say but can’t translate, “I’m not want—give you job. Anymore. I want—us end. Different. Different beginning.” He groans, “I’m nervous, all english goes out the wall.”

Remus blinks at him, “Window. I…I don’t think I follow.”

Sirius makes a pained noise in his throat and snatches up the necklace again, pulling it free from the box and looping the chain around Remus’ neck. He kisses it before letting it fall to Remus’ throat, and then he kisses the corner of Remus’ mouth, “Remus.” His thumbs stroke softly down Remus’ temples, his eyes pleading, “Reshunya.”

Again, Remus has heard the nickname before. It had started maybe in month two. It made Remus’ cheeks flush usually but it had an entirely different effect with Sirius saying it now, like this.

“I…You…Are you asking me…”

“Yes!” Sirius nods, “I want you to be with me. Most. And I want—“ he shrugs with shoulder, “only if you want but, I want take care.”

Remus’ throat feels tight, “Me? I…me?”

Sirius nods, “Yes. Don’t have to answer everything now. Just…I’m in town next week, Tuesday. Maybe we get dinner. Or…”

Remus covered Sirius hand with his own, “Or?”

Sirius offers a small smile, “Or maybe you come with me. I’m have conference in Australia. It be nice, I have to work a little, know it warm for Christmas, but then…we walk around, we…” he snaps his fingers then says, “water?”

Remus smiles slowly, “Swim?”

“Swim. We swim, and eat good food, drink. Be together. Good first date, da?”

Remus nods, “Da. Yeah.” He lets Sirius pull him closer, hooks his ankles around his back, more aware of Sirius grin than the fact that there’s just a sheet between them.

He doesn’t want to say he feels saved, but…he feels safe. As Sirius strokes his hands down his cheeks, pressing small series of kisses to his lips and bringing a blanket around Remus’ shoulders, he feels a knot of tension leave his chest that he wasn’t aware was there. Or maybe he’d gotten so used to it.

“I’m show you.” Sirius mumbles against his skin, “I’m—anything you want, baby.”

“I want you.” Remus says softly, returning the kiss, basking in the warmth of Sirius, “You don’t have to do any…” He laughs, shaking his head, “Big, extravagant…” He sighs, pressing another kiss to Sirius’ parted lips, “Of course I’ll come with you. Of course I’ll be with you. Sirius, you didn’t have to give me anything for that. I don’t want your gifts, I want you, okay? Okay?”

“No one ever…” Sirius clears his throat, but his voice still sounds rough, “No one ever say before.”

“Well, get used to it.”

Sirius grins, eyes a little shiny and hands spanning Remus’ back, “Can I?”