#caleb xia fluff

you hadn't played it yet, hadn't dared to touch that button, but your phone had already detected what he was saying and transcribed it for you. and there in black text, clear as day, was your name written over and over again.

the pace at which your heart was thumping in your chest was like nothing else. you could already feel your face going warm at just the thought of what he sounded like. your finger was hovering over the button, but you were… nervous?

you shake your head as if ridding yourself of everything and just text him instead.

you : there's no way you actually did it.

you wait patiently, watching as the little text bubble appears, disappears for a moment, and then reappears.

caleb : listen to it.

he responds. it wasn't a question, not a suggestion. it was a demand.

you : how do you know i haven't already?

the response from him comes almost immediately this time.

caleb : because i know you too well.

your stomach twists and turns. god, you hated when he used that line on you. you hated how true it was. you hated how he used your little mannerisms to his own advantage.

you : i hate you.

caleb : you love me.

you don't take the time to reply before scrolling back up to the audio message, your finger hovering over the play button once more. you don't know why you were freaking out so much - you wanted this. whether it was a joke or not, you asked for it.

you inhale, and exhale, deeply before bracing yourself as you press play. your heart races as you bring it up to your ear, waiting to hear his voice.

at first, it's just silence, but you know he's there, you can hear his subtle breaths as he gets closer to the speaker. there's some shuffling, the sound of his necklace hitting the floor before he pushes up - as you suspect - and your name leaves his mouth in a raspy groan.

your breath hitches as the sound of his voice wraps around you - low, strained, inevitably yours. it's not just a push-up, he drags your name out like it's something he's been holding in for years.

your name leaves him again and again as he pushes his body up and down in sync. the sound is almost hypnotizing. his soft grunts and heavy breathing have you biting down on your bottom lip to hold back a quiet moan that threatens to escape.

with each repetition, his voice becomes more strained. the effort he's exerting is evident from the way he draws it out, and it's doing something to you. heat begins to pool in your belly as you imagine his muscles flexing with each push-up, sweat glistening on his skin and his cheeks beginning to flush. you loved it when he flushed.

you're biting down so hard on your lip now that you can feel the taste of copper on your tongue. you can't help but squirm, the sound of your name coming from him and the image of him working out, all because of you, it's almost too much.

you want to hear him say it again. you need to hear him say it again.

opening up the text box, you begin typing a message before stopping yourself and erasing it. you didn't know what to say to him now. would a 'that was nice' suffice? no. how about a 'can you send me more?' no.

then as if on cue, a message from him comes through.

caleb : that good, huh?

there he was, knowing you so well again. it was both a curse and a damn blessing. that, and the fact that he was probably watching your typing bubble appear and disappear continuously.

you can hear the smugness in his words, can imagine the way he was probably sitting back right now, waiting for your reply, knowing that he had this much of an effect on you without even being in the same room.

you hated how he got under your skin the way he did.

and you hated how much you liked it.

before you can begin typing again, your phone starts ringing and a photo of him pops up - it was one you had taken when you were out with friends. the two of you had decided to hang back while the others went into a store, it was late and he was admiring the stars. you couldn't not take a photo.

with a deep sigh, you swipe to answer.

"enjoy the audio, i'm guessing?" he sounds too damn cocky for his own good.

"you're such an asshole," you almost whine.

he has the audacity to laugh. the low, deep sound that makes your belly flutter.

for a moment there's only silence - nothing uncomfortable, just the two of you stuck in your own thoughts. and then he says it… your name. except this time it's so much lower, rougher than before, and suddenly your name doesn't feel like just your name anymore.

you're taken aback by it for a second, the sudden change in his voice so different to anything you've ever heard from him. it's huskier, and more… sensual. his breathing is heavy, the sound making heat pool in your lower belly once again.

"say my name," he demands.

and you don't know if it's the tone of his voice or the fact that you would do anything he asked of you, but you obey.

"caleb."

you can tell that the sound of your voice saying his name is doing something to him. he groans, the noise so deep and rough that you have to bite back a whimper. he sounds just as affected as you are, perhaps even more.

"again."

you have to swallow before speaking again. your words coming out a little shaky, a little breathless and a lot more needy than you would care to admit.

"….caleb."

he practically hisses, the sound almost animalistic. there's a pause and you feel like your heart is going to thump right out of your chest. but then the words that leave his lips are so unexpected, so blunt… yet so him that somehow you're still taken off guard.

"say it again… please."

the begging tone of his voice, the desperate edge that you've never heard before, it's driving you insane.

your hand moves on its own, and you're gripping the phone in your other so tightly it feels like it could break. you have to close your eyes for a moment, have to take a breath, and his name spills from your mouth once more before you can stop it.

your hand roams further down, pushing beneath the fabric of your pants to where you were already soaked with arousal.

he groans as he hears the change in your breathing. his own heart was pounding and skin boiling to the touch. he knew damn well what he was doing to you, it was the whole reason he sent the audio to begin with.

"fuckk… are you touching yourself, baby?" he whispers.

you're too far gone to be embarrassed by it now. "mhm... are you?"

he lets out a sharp, breathy laugh - like the idea of him not being affected is absurd.

"you have to ask?" he rasps, then lowers his voice. "listen."

the unmistakable sound of fabric shifting and being pulled down has you breathing out shaky exhales, as if you're trying to catch up on oxygen you're no longer getting enough of. you can see him in your mind, in your head: that cocky, smug grin, those sharp, dark eyes, that jawline, the veins in his forearms as he-

"can you hear it?" he asks, and his voice breaks you out of your mental image, sending a shiver down your spine. "… how badly you're affecting me right now?"

your fingers move in slow, smooth, circular motions, "….yeah."

the sound of his ragged breathing through the phone goes straight to your core, adding fuel to the already blazing fire. and the way he rasps out the question that follows only makes it worse. "does it feel good?"

"yes…." the word is breathy and shaky, cracking away at his resolve. "tell me w-what you're doing to yourself."

he can't help the way he lets out a low moan. he was desperate, so desperate to hear more - to be more.

he groans at the request, his voice low and gruff. he'll never get over how wrecked he was by your voice alone. "you want the dirty details, baby?"

"uh huh" you sigh softly.

"you want to hear what i'm doing to myself, hmm? so you can picture it all in that pretty little head of yours?"

"….yes." you unashamedly admit.

that simple response has him moaning your name. god, he loved how open and unashamed you were being with him right now. loved knowing he was the one doing this to you.

his voice is still that low, deep tone that makes your toes curl, "can you imagine me right now? with my hand wrapped-" he pauses, letting out a huff that has you holding in a groan as he tries to steady his breathing. "..wrapped around myself?"

his words send jolts through you, your cunt fully soaked and panties along with it, and he can hear it in how your breathing pattern changes. he loved how he can tell how worked up you are even without being with you. you could hear how fast he was pumping himself, hear the stickiness of his fingers running over his cock, and your own begin to move faster around your clit, the slickness just loud enough for him to hear.

"ffuck… caleb…" you practically moan.

he groans at the sound, his hips jerking into his own grip. this was what he wanted, what he was aiming for - you falling apart for him on the other end, and he was falling apart for you in the same way.

god, you were both a mess, and all because you asked for a silly audio file as a joke.

"fuck, baby… you sound so good for me," he growls, the words rough with need. "gonna make you come just like this? just hearing my voice?"

the thought alone - of you, trembling and coming undone while he listened - has his hand moving faster over himself too.

"don't stop… don't stop talking," you're begging now, lost in a hazy, pleasure-filled daze as his words and the sound of your own pleasure consume your mind.

he was getting there too, his low moans and desperate groans echoing through your head and making your whole body tingle. you were close. so damn close.

"i can hear you," he murmurs, and you shiver at his words. "i can hear how hard you're working yourself… how bad you want to come for me. fuck-" he growls, and the way your name spills from his lips once more is enough to push you over the edge.

you can't stop the cry that rips out of you as your back arches off your bed, body trembling through the waves of pleasure.

he doesn't let up either, following right after you.

he's left breathless and shuddering - as are you - your name the only word echoing through his mind as he comes down from his own high. your fingers are still buried in your cunt, easing yourself down from your orgasm.

it takes a few seconds for either of you to say anything, your breathing heavy and erratic. but then, once it's finally steadied and the ringing in your ears has subsided… you hear him whisper one last thing but you can't make it out.

"…so," he starts casually, like the two of you hadn't just been tearing each other apart over the phone. "still claiming that sending that video was a joke?"

"i don't know... i might need some more convincing."

he laughs in disbelief. of course you weren't going to back down so easily.

caleb is a mix of amused and surprised and still completely captivated by you when he replies with an almost cocky hum, "is that so?"

his voice drops low, that teasing, seductive tone he knows drives you crazy making a comeback, "then i guess i'll just have to convince you tomorrow when i see you."

𝓵𝐨𝐨𝐤𝓲𝐧𝐠 𝓯𝐨𝐫 𝓶𝐨𝐫𝐞 .ᐣ library taglist form guidelines

You feel a pang in your chest, ignoring it as you fight the urge to link your pinky with his again. 

Sebastian doesn’t ask you out the next day, Caleb feels guilty for feeling relieved. You don’t say anything as the two of you walk home together, the sunset seems to make the pout on your lips more prominent. 

Caleb gets home and asks gran to sell some of his model planes, taking the petty cash and walking to the nearest florist. “I’ll take the prettiest flowers that I can buy please,” he says, handing over the cash. The florist can’t help but smile at the sight of him, his chubby cheeks flushed from the heat outside and ears red from embarrassment. 

“Someone special?” The florist asks, Caleb nods. 

He gives you the flowers the next day, his heart skipping a beat when you pull him into a bone crushing hug. “Caleb, you’re the best! Who needs stupid Sebastian when I have you.” The words settled nicely in his chest, worming their way into his heart as he tried to keep his composure. 

“You can always count on me.” You can date me, he almost says, biting his tongue when fear whispers in his ear. Would you even want him?

The second time Caleb almost confesses his feelings to you is senior year of high school late at night. 

“Hello Ms. Josephine, sorry for barging in so late, is Caleb home?” he hears your voice as you open the front door. This was practically your second home, never even bothering to knock or using the key gran had given you. 

“He’s upstairs in his room, everything okay?” she asks, you give her a tight smile, nodding meekly before excusing yourself to Caleb's room. He hears your familiar knock, telling you to come in. 

“I hate his guts,” you stormed in,  causing Caleb to scramble out of bed to calm you down, eyes raking over your figure before letting himself relax a bit.

“what happened? what’s going on?” your eyes watered as you laughed dryly, waving your hands manically as you spoke.

“First he tells me he’s fine with waiting and the next he’s trying to feel me up at a drive-in movie theatre,” you throw yourself face down onto Caleb's bed, the same mattress you used to have pillow fights on when you were younger. “How could I be so stupid to think he would want anything but sex?” you groan, fighting back a sob that threatens to come out. 

“He did what?” Caleb sees red, his hands shaking and evol causing the model planes and comic books on his shelves to lift slowly. Just you having a boyfriend was driving him up a wall, and he has the gall to do this to you? He was going to kill him. His train of thought is interrupted when you speak up, voice softer than before, more vulnerable.

“It’s fine, I broke up with him,” you add on, sitting up and placing your hand over his, “can we just forget about him, please?” your watery eyes look up at him, his heart clenches. The floating items land with a soft ‘thud’ as Caleb wraps you in his arms. 

“He never deserved you, y’know?” he whispers, placing a feathery kiss atop your head. 

“Thought he was a good guy” you shrugged, “what if I never find anyone for me? What if no one waits for me?” your bottom lip quivers. 

“You will always have me, you know that right?” Caleb feels his heart pounding in his chest, amethyst eyes searching yours, please read between the lines, please realize what I mean. “I’ll always be by your side, no matter what.”

“I know, you'll always be my best friend” you smile, the word ‘best friend’ feels bitter on your tongue, but he wouldn't see you in that light, he never has. Would you wait for me? You can't help but wonder, eyes lingering on his lips for a second too long. The air feels thicker between you. 

I’d treat you how you deserve, he bites his tongue. “Wanna get some ice cream and watch some movies?” your eyes light up at the suggestion, throwing your arms around him and hugging tightly. You ignore the butterflies in your stomach when Caleb chuckles next to your ear. Caleb tries to calm his pounding heart, disregarding the jolt of electricity he feels when your skin touches his. 

“You're the best Caleb!”

Your ex’s shitty car had its windows broken and tires slashed a week later, no one knew who did it. You had a sneaking suspicion on the culprit when you brought it up to Caleb. He innocently turned his head to the side and tried his best to act clueless. Your heart stuttered, fighting a smile off your face.

The third time Caleb almost admits his feelings is during Christmas break your junior year of college. It had been quite some time since he had seen you, with him being gone at the DAA every time you'd come to visit, he'd spent last Christmas with MC and gran while you and your family spent it with other relatives out of town. 

“Caleb! MC!” your familiar voice makes Caleb's head whip around, a bright smile on his face the second you come into view. 

“Y/N!” MC squeals, pushing the bouquet of flowers into Caleb's arms and running to body slam you into a hug. You stumble back at the force of her hug, setting your suitcase case down and wrapping your arms around the shorter girl. “I missed you so much I have so much to catch you up on!” the younger girl begins, beaming up at you as you ruffle her hair slightly. 

“Hey y/n,” Caleb smiles, face flushed as he hands you the rather large bouquet of flowers, “for you, uh, we both chose them.” You can't help but blush at the sight of Caleb handing you a bouquet of your favorite flowers. 

“Caleb chose them out, he just doesn't want all the credit,” mc whispers, your blush deepens at her words. 

“Thank you,” Caleb stares at you for a second, taking in the way you've changed since he'd last seen you in person. Your hair was a bit longer than before, noting the new ear piercing you got. You looked more mature now, the bags under your eyes seemed more prominent than ever before.  

“Should we head home? I made your favorite,” he breaks the silence, taking your suitcase from your hands, urging you to give him your backpack as well. “I'm a pilot y’know, I can handle it on my own,” he teases when you try to protest, smiling when you roll your eyes at him and hand him your things. 

“You’re a lot taller now,” you say, walking next to him as MC walked ahead of you two, trying to figure out where they'd parked the car. You could remember being taller than the brave, chubby kid in elementary, now you only reached his shoulders. He had grown up nicely, his features complimenting each other beautifully, and his voice was deeper than you ever remembered it being. 

“Can’t make fun of me anymore can ya?” he nudges you with his elbow. You smile up at him, smacking his arm softly, “just cause you're taller than me doesn't mean anything.” You can't help but take in how broad his shoulders were, how big his arms had gotten and how firm the muscles you lightly hit were. 

Christmas Eve was spent together, with MC and Caleb sauntering into your childhood home to have dinner with your family. 

“So you still haven't gotten a boyfriend?” your mom asks you, your face burns, glancing at Caleb and finding him already staring at you intently. 

“Mom!” you groan, chuckling awkwardly, “but no, none.” you look back at caleb after you reply, did his lips twitch upward? Were you imagining things? Maybe spiked eggnog wasn't the way to go tonight. 

“What about classes? Straight A’s as always right? Y’know we can't wait to see the great things you're gonna do.” Your dads words make your face pale, a small chuckle leaving your lips, unsure how to respond. 

Caleb immediately picks up on your body language, “Those classes seem intense, I'm sure I might've flunked out if I was taking them,” he speaks up, tapping his foot against yours, his eyes soften when they meet yours. 

“How is the academy Caleb? You're all but graduated aren't you?” your dad asks, Caleb sits up a bit straighter as he nods. 

“Yup, I'll be graduating in the spring,” he grins, a charming smile that has your stomach flipping as you focus on your fork. When did he get so attractive? He was your best friend, he would never see you in that light.  

“I’m shocked a young man like you doesn't have girls flocking to him, especially as a handsome pilot,” your mom teases, your dad nodding along before adding, “Oh I’m sure he does, he just doesn't wanna share.” 

MC stifles her laughter, Caleb elbowing her with a scowl. “I dont focus on that much, just wanna get my education and be a good pilot,” his face is completely red. Your parents teased him like this before, so why is it so weird now? 

The uneasiness in your chest grows, your stomach churning as you imagined Caleb flirting with girls, kissing other girls. Oh god, had he already-

“y/n did you see that show you love is getting renewed for a new season?” MC’s voice pulls you from your thoughts before you can spiral further. A small smile on your face as you try and focus on getting through dinner. 

Caleb finds you in the kitchen after dinner, quietly putting freshly washed plates on the drying rack. Wordlessly he grabs a towel, drying them and putting them in their respective spots. “You okay?” 

The words make you bite your bottom lip, trying to keep your breathing even as you nod. “Fine,” you breathe out, trying to blink away the tears before he can notice. It was a lost cause, Caleb seemed to be more in tune with you than anyone ever was. “Can we get out of here? I know it's about to be Christmas and its snowing but-” 

“Where should we go?” he cuts you off, already taking the plate from your hands and setting it down. “Grab your coat, I'll wait for you by the back door.”

The cold air was refreshing against your flushed cheeks, whether it be from the rush of emotions or from how warm the house was. “You wanna talk about it?” Caleb's voice is soft, eyes lingering on you. He watches the way you fiddle with your fingers, picking at a hangnail.

You're too caught up in your thoughts, stepping on a patch of ice and slipping, the familiar feeling of feeling both weightless and weighed down catches you before you can react. The air around you distorts slightly as you're lifted and placed on plush snow. “Still clumsy as ever,” Caleb chuckles softly, an arm wrapping around your waist as he leads you towards a set of swings. 

You mumble a ‘thanks,’ face burning. “Remember when we would sneak out to come swing here?” you say, a smile on your face as you turn to the taller boy, he's already staring at you. 

“All the time,” he breathes out, snowflakes landing gently on his bangs.

There's a beat of silence, you bite your bottom lip. “I have to drop a class. I'm gonna have to retake it in the summer.” Your voice is shaky, he can see how rapidly your chest rises and falls. “I don't know what to do, I feel like a failure,” your voice breaks. 

“Hey it's okay,” Caleb is kneeling in front of you in seconds, wiping your tears with his calloused thumb before they can fall. “It's one class, everyone drops one class, hell I know people who've dropped all their classes.” He offers you a small smile, “they give you drops because they know things like this happen, you aren't any less smarter because of this. Matter of fact you're going to come out better because of this.”

Your glossy eyes finally look at him, lilac ones shining under the moonlight and snowfall. “What if this keeps me back? What if I'm not meant to achieve my goals? What if I'll never be good enough?” You frown. 

Caleb stands, wrapping you in his arms as you sob into his chest. He's rubbing your back to comfort you, holding you tightly, afraid you'd run away from him. The silence blankets the two of you, wind whistling around you as the snow continues to gently blanket the world. When you finally calm down you don't bother pulling away, listening to Caleb's heartbeat to ground yourself. The steady thump brings you back, comforting you. 

“If anyone is destined to achieve their goals, it's you, sweet girl,” the pet name makes your stomach flip, "you're so hard working, so resilient and everything good in the world. You'll get through this, I'll help you with anything you need.” Caleb's words ease your mind, maybe it isn't the end of the world. “If you wanna run away, say the words, I'll pack our things and we can leave, I'll sell my models and everything I own and we can get away from here.” He mumbles, you smile into his chest. 

“You’d sell your model planes for me?” you tease, pulling back slightly to stare up at him. Caleb fights the urge to bend down and kiss you. 

“I’d sleep in grans car if it meant seeing you happy,” he whispers, you can see his breath in the cold air, the words hanging heavy between the two of you. I love you, don't you notice it? Has it become too familiar? Will you ever see?

I love you, you bite the words back, "You're the best Caleb,” you say instead, hugging him tightly. You feel him deflate slightly, you squeeze him a little tighter. You want to say the three words, you want to pour your heart to him. I don't date because I can only think of you, no one compares to you, I only want you. I love you. 

Too afraid to lose what you have, you stay quiet. You loop your pinky with his as the two of you walk back home, soft giggles filling the cold air. How could you sacrifice something so familiar for the unknown? Would you ever be brave enough?

“Merry christmas by the way,” you smile, pressing a soft kiss to his flushed cheek. Caleb freezes, a bright smile on his face as he turns to you, “Merry christmas y/n.” He presses his lips gently against your cheek, trying to ignore the flutter in his stomach and the electricity on his lips. 

One day he’ll come clean, for now, he’ll cherish what the two of you have. 

The day Caleb finally breaks is at your brand new  apartment, you’re practically glowing as you show him around your tiny one bed-one bath, sparsely decorated and boxes strewn around. It had been a couple months since you were aware of his return to the land of the living and you had finally adjusted to having him back.

“I blow up once and suddenly you’re a full fledged adult,” he teases, sitting on your surprisingly comfortable sofa. “You don’t need me around anymore do ya?”

You pout at his words, “shut up, plus after my last roommate I just can’t live with anyone else anymore.” Caleb cringes at the mention of your last roommate.

“I wish I told you I was back sooner, could've paid for you to break your lease and leave that purgatory,” he mumbles. You take a seat next to him, turning your body to face him after flicking the tv on. 

“I do wish you guys would've told me sooner, but I wouldn't have taken your money anyway,” Caleb stares at you with a furrow in his brows, you laugh softly. “What? I’d feel so bad taking your money and I wouldn't wanna bother you with that.” 

He was gone for a year and you think you're a bother to him now? 

“You're never a bother, you haven’t been my whole life and you never will be.” The serious tone in his voice makes you sit up a bit straighter, eyes focusing on your carpet before clearing your throat. “Plus I’m a colonel now, so if anything I could've just used that to make them do whatever I wanted.” 

You can't help but laugh at his words, “Colonel, are you admitting to misuse of power?” you gasp. Caleb laughs, “what are you gonna do about it, sweet girl?” Your heart stutters at his words, face burning as your eyes travel to his lips. 

No, you just got him back, you can't lose him again. 

“Should we celebrate my new home?” you pull yourself away, getting up and pulling a bottle of tequila from a brown bag, “one of my friends gave it to me yesterday when we hung out.”

Before Caleb could even reply you were holding a shot glass in front of him, "C'mon! You still owe me a drink for my college graduation.” Caleb wants to say no, too afraid that he’d blurt out how he felt about you and ruin your friendship. But the look in your eyes has him weak at the knees as he takes the shot glass from your hand.

One shot turns to three, and not soon after you’d lost track of how many shots the two of you had. You're clinging onto Caleb as you both sing off key to whatever song is playing on your tv, bursting into a fit of giggles when your voice cracks.

“D’you ever think about how long we’ve known each other?” The question catches Caleb’s inebriated brain off guard. You're reaching for the remote, lowering the volume of your music and staring into Caleb’s eyes.

“long time,” he breathes out, trying to keep his thoughts straight. his mind working overtime to say only what he has to, not what he wants to.

“mmhm” you mumble, you study his features, he looks more mature now. handsome. but he was your friend, your best friend, he didn’t think of you that way. “You remember when I dated that guy sophomore year in high school? I was so torn up over him all that summer,” you laughed.

“You practically lived on our couch, I’m pretty sure you left an imprint on my bedroom floor from how long you laid on it.” Caleb had a soft smile on his face. He remembers that summer vividly, your boyfriend broke up with you under the premise of ‘needing to work on himself’ only to pop up with the girl he said meant nothing to him two weeks later. You spent almost every night at their house, the three of you watching movies together and after MC would go to sleep you'd stay up talking to Caleb about anything and everything. 

“Honestly? I’m kinda scared no one will ever love me for me,” you whispered one night, the fairy lights you'd put up were dim, their batteries almost dead. Caleb turned to you from his spot on his bean bag, mouth agape. He could barely make out your features, you were staring at the ceiling, biting your bottom lip and nervously playing with the edge of the blanket you were using. 

“I would,” he breathes out,  when you don't react he assumes you hadn't heard him. “There’s no way someone doesn't fall in love with you,” he said louder that time, you turned to him and smiled. 

“Remember when we snuck out in middle school to try and run away?” Caleb asks, the memory making him smile when your eyes go wide as you laugh.

“Oh my god! I packed like four shirts and thought I was good to go” you recall, caleb can’t help but join you in laughing. “What were we even mad about?” you ask, only remembering asking Caleb if he would run away with you, he had immediately agreed.

“We set a meet up point and everything didn’t we? Only made it a couple miles away before we got hungry and gave up,” Caleb chuckled at the memory. The sound made your stomach twist, vision focusing on the slope of his nose and curve of his lips. His face was flushed from the alcohol and you couldn’t help but think of how pretty he looked.

Silence settles between the two of you for a moment. Caleb is the first to break it.

“Any boyfriends?” you shake your head.

“Any girlfriends?” he shakes his head.

“You’re lying,” you gasp, “there’s no way you haven’t had a girlfriend!”

Caleb’s face burns at your words, “is it so hard to believe?” he laughs softly and you can’t help but smack his chest, noting how firm the muscles there felt.

“Yes! I know for a fact that the girls were drooling and throwing themselves at you!” you accuse, eyes narrowing playfully at him.

“Who told you that? MC?”

“Does it matter? You can't tell me you haven't had anyone in your life since high school.” You press, words slightly slurred. I hope you haven’t. 

“None,” he shrugs, watching as you pour another shot for the two of you. “I could say the same for you, I don't believe you didn't have a boyfriend in uni.”

“Boyfriend no, situationships yeah,” you laughed. “I could never really see myself with any of them,” you shrug, carefully placing the shot in front of Caleb. “Should we play a drinking game? One of the girls at work gave me this card game. She said it's great for friends and like getting closer,” you ramble, stumbling as you walk over to a box. 

The first couple cards are easy, surface level questions that make the two of you smile. The more you played the more intense the cards seemed to get. The two of you have no problem speaking freely, never having kept much from the other your entire life anyway. Save for the feelings you had both been harboring, unbeknownst to the other. 

“Okay my turn,” you grab a red card and flip it over. 

Admit something. 

“L-Let me pull another one, that one's dumb,” you stutter,  heart pounding against your ribs. Caleb uses his evol immediately, drunken giggles leaving his lips as you fight to stop him. “Caleb no!” you squeal, diving across the couch and tackling his torso. 

“Admit something? What’re ya hiding from me?” The teasing lilt in his voice makes your stomach warm, blood rushing to your face. You immediately let go of him, trying to put distance between the two of you. 

“None of your business,” you shoot back, crossing your arms and reaching for another card. Caleb’s larger hand grabs your wrist before you pull another card, your breath catches in your throat. 

Caleb’s eyes catch yours. He feels his heart grow, his gaze softens as he takes in your appearance, domestic and soft around the edges. It feels like before, it feels nice. It feels like home. 

Neither of you dares to break eye contact, even less do you dare to speak up. The tension grows thicker by the second, your eyes flicker to his lips. His eyes catch your gaze, copying your movements, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

The fun thing about tequila shots is how they catch up on you, biting you in the ass after thinking it wouldn't be so bad, one more wouldn’t hurt right?

Both of you are hit with the final wave of alcohol at the same time, years of restraint are thrown out the window. You clench your fists against the blanket over your legs, leaning towards Caleb tentatively. 

“C’mon don't be lame, sweet girl,” he practically purrs, eyes hooded as he stares at your lips, breathing growing faster as you move even closer. You open your mouth, closing it quickly before turning away. 

“I heard you,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, “that night in high school, when you said you'd love me for me.” You turn to face him, the tequila working overtime in your veins to give you the courage to continue. “Did you mean that?” 

Caleb’s fingernails dig into the palm of his hands, knuckles white as he physically stops himself from closing the gap between you two. “Of course I did.”

“Like romantical?” you don't have it in you to cringe at your words, too focused on trying to sober up and face the weight of the moment. Caleb grins widely, a small giggle leaving his lips. 

“It has always been romantical for me,” he hums, moving closer to you, testing to see how close you’d let him get to you. 

“Right,” you mutter, a second passes before you speak again, mouth dry, “same.” Your faces are only inches apart. He likes you, he just admitted he likes you. You just admitted you liked him. The boundary you’d set for yourself was broken, there was no going back. So why not go all the way?

“Can I kiss you?” You ask, leaning forward, Caleb can smell the alcohol on you, he knows he isn't any better. 

“You can do anything you want to me,” he replies instantly.

You don't let yourself hesitate,  eyes fluttering shut as your lips crash into his. Your head spins as your mouths move in sync, not bothering to hide the whimper that leaves your lips when he bites down gently on your bottom lip. You pull away breathless, eyes wide as you stare at him. His amethyst eyes are darker than normal, pupils blown wide as he looks back at you. 

“Wh-” you cut him off with your lips on his again, more intense this time, the gate of emotions you’d previously kept at bay flooded out. You waste no time in moving your body to be on top of him, straddling his hips and snaking your arms around his neck, your lips never once leaving his. Caleb’s mind is reeling, brain trying to catch up to his body as he moves instinctively against you, naturally matching your rhythm as your tongue swipes at his bottom lip. 

He doesn't stop his hands from grabbing your waist, he doesn't think he could even if he wanted to, fingers curling around the fabric of your t-shirt. He can't suppress the groan that rumbles in his throat when your hips move against his, pushing your hips down gently. 

“Wait,” he breathes out against your lips, you pull away reluctantly, stomach flipping at the sight in front of you. Caleb's hair was messy thanks to your wandering hands, his face flush and lips slightly swollen. “We’re drunk, are you sure?” 

“I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember,” You confess, eyes averting his own as you suddenly become too aware of your positioning. When you try to move off of him, his large hands keep you in place, squeezing your hips slightly. Caleb slips one hand under your chin, forcing you to look at him. 

“Do you know how many times I’ve had to hold myself back? How many times I’ve wanted to kiss you until you forgot about your stupid ex-boyfriends? How hard I had to stop myself from coming down to your campus and claiming you as mine so those losers could stay away from you?” His voice shakes as he speaks, eyes frantically searching your face. 

“You think it was easy for me? Seeing every girl in our grade drool over you? Watching you flirt with other girls? The thought of you sleeping around at the DAA-”

“I have only ever wanted you, I waited for you,” Caleb cuts you off, “I told you I would, didn't I?” 

Your vision blurs, bottom lip quivering as you nod your head, “You were always the one I really wanted to be with, Caleb."

Your words send him in a frenzy, calloused thumb swiping a stray tear away as he places a gentle kiss on your lips, a stark contrast to the ones you'd shared earlier. 

“You have me, you've always had me,” his voice breaks in desperation, “I love you.”

The weight of the words pull you into him, the tension in your body seems to vanish as you relax against him. Your head nuzzles into the crook of his neck, smiling as you press a feathery kiss to the skin, it makes his head spin. 

“I love you, Caleb.”

His hands move from your waist to wrap you in his arms, engulfing your entire frame. His grip crushes you slightly, his fingers surely would leave bruises on your torso where they dug into you through the fabric of your t-shirt. 

Neither of you say anything, too busy trying to settle your racing hearts as you hold each other impossibly close, heads spinning from a mix of adrenaline and alcohol. You're the first to pull back, staring at Caleb as he looks up at you, a small smile on his face. You try and bite back the yawn threatening to escape, Caleb chuckles, “tired?”

You laugh, resting your forehead against his. “It feels wrong to just go to sleep after that.” 

“After we both just confessed we’ve been in love with each other for years?” He teases, you let out a breathy laugh, nodding. His lips still look swollen, you can't help but press another kiss to them, eyes closing. Caleb reciprocates your actions, smiling when you tug his hair softly. 

“We’re both oblivious idiots aren't we?” you mumble against his lips. Caleb nods, humming softly. “Should we talk about it?” You move back slightly, causing his grip around you to loosen, arms settling around your waist. 

“You look like you're about to pass out,” he grins, you roll your eyes at him. 

“As if you're any better,” you softly smack him, rolling off of him and sitting next to him on the couch. Caleb pouts softly, about to protest when a yawn cuts him off, you smile, glancing at the time on your phone. 

“Its about to be three in the fucking morning,” you gasp, hand covering your mouth as you and Caleb look at each other. His eyes crinkle as he stares at you, an exhausted laugh leaves his lips. 

“Let's sleep, we can talk in the morning if we aren't too hung over,” he mumbles, you don't fight back, rubbing your eyes as you stand up. Caleb's eyes don't leave your form, watching you intently as you take a couple steps away from the couch before stopping and turning around. “What's wrong?” Caleb asks, brows furrowing.

“You aren't coming?” your head cocks to the side, the room spinning as the alcohol catches up to you again, stumbling a bit and using the wall to steady yourself. Caleb rushes to your side, snaking his arm under your knees and carrying you bridal style to bed. You giggle as he lifts you effortlessly. “You’re so hot,” you mumble, lips finding his cheek and smiling. 

“Thank you pretty,” he grins, face burning as he sets you on your bed, “lets get you into pajamas.” You groan, laying on your back and closing your eyes as he rummages through your cabinets, his eyes land on a familiar shirt. “Is this my shirt?” your eyes open, at his words.

“No?” you sheepishly deny, “it's really comfy and reminds me of you,” you trail off, grabbing the blanket and covering your face with it. Caleb chuckles softly, “oh pretty girl,” he grins, taking the t-shirt for you to change into. 

“You can have my whole closet if you want,” he murmurs, loving the way you peek from under the blanket. “Don’t say things you don't mean,” you reply, muffled from beneath the blanket. A small ‘oof’ leaves you as Caleb lays on top of you, gently lowering your blanket so he could see your whole face. 

“I mean it, everything that I have is yours,” he whispers, “I’ll do anything you want, give you everything you ask for,” he pauses, sunset eyes searching yours, “I promise.” 

Caleb helps you through your night routine and you hand him a new toothbrush. You can't help but giggle when you see the sight of two toothbrushes in your toothbrush holder. Your mind drifts to all the other things in your new home you'd have two of, matching mugs, slippers, plushies. The two of you make it to bed, patting the spot next to you when you see Caleb hesitate.

“I love you so much,” you blurt out, smiling as the bed dips next to you under Caleb's weight. “I’m gonna be too embarrassed tomorrow morning to admit this-” you huff out, laughing softly, “in middle school when I brought up Sebastian? I doubt you remember but- it was a ploy Katy and I came up with because she was tired of me talking about you.” Your cheeks burn as you confess, shifting from sitting up to laying, facing Caleb. 

“Seriously?” he breathes out, disbelief on his face, have you liked him since then?  Both of you have been idiots in love since middle school. 

“Yeah,” you sheepishly admit. Caleb lays down next to you, calloused hand cupping your face and placing a soft kiss to your lips. “Wanna know something?” he whispers, minty breath fanning over your lips. You let out a low hum for him to continue. “Thats the day I realized I liked you.” 

“Shut up!” you gasp, tired eyes suddenly wide open, laughing loudly and burying your face in Caleb's chest. “God we were so oblivious, huh?” You can feel the rumble of laughter in his chest, it makes you smile harder. 

You don't say anything for a while, your head finally not spinning as you begin to sober up. Caleb’s breathing is steady, “Did you fall asleep?” you whisper, craning your neck to look at Caleb's face. His eyes are shut, a faint smile on his face, you stare for a second, taking him in; Memorizing his features, savoring the moment. You can count the freckles on his cheeks, see how chapped his lips are, the bags under his eyes make your eyes soften. A rare day off for him and he spent it drunk and staying up with you. Soft snores leave his mouth, you bite back a giggle, nuzzling further into him as you allow your eyes to close. 

Caleb wakes up before you, he can feel you pressed against him, fingers tightly gripping his t-shirt, warm steady breaths hitting his chest. He wills his eyes open, ignoring the subtle throbbing of his head as he takes in the sight before him. Your hair is messy, lips parted slightly, brows furrowed. The morning afternoon sun that sneaks in between your curtains makes you look even more beautiful. Caleb moves slightly, hoping to make you breakfast before you wake up, he freezes when you stir slightly, an annoyed groan leaving you. 

Caleb moves a piece of hair out of your face, knuckle ghosting over the apple of your cheek, he clenches his hand as he forces it away from you. As desperate as he was to feel your skin on his, he would never forgive himself if he woke you up, especially when you looked this pretty. You roll over five minutes later, giving Caleb the perfect chance to slip out of bed and make his way to the kitchen. His face drops when he opens the fridge. 

Empty.

What the hell have you been living off of? Caleb is all but offended, shaking his head as he heads back to your room, freshening up quietly before leaving a cup of water and two aspirins on your nightstand. 

The second you wake up your head aches, frowning deeply as you shield yourself from the sunlight. You don't open your eyes, letting your fuzzy memories become clearer as you slowly come to. God you were never drinking tequila again. A small groan leaves you as you force yourself to get up, body heavy as you take in your surroundings, most notably the empty space beside you. You reach for your phone, the clock reading 1:43 pm. He must've had other things to do, or got a call from the fleet, you reason, eyes catching the cup and pills on your nightstand. Your lips twitch upwards when you see a rogue sticky note besides the items. 

Your fridge is depressing :P I couldn't bring myself to wake up my beautiful girl, be back soon <3

As if on cue you hear the front door open, the sound of grocery bags rustling makes you kick the blanket off you, downing the pills and hoping they soothe your hangover. You pad over to your living room, gasping when you see the numerous grocery bags hanging off Caleb’s arms. 

“Please tell me you didn't just buy me groceries,” you say in disbelief, slowly walking up behind him. Caleb turns on his heels, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“I didn't buy you groceries,” he teases, setting the bags down and meeting you in one stride, “you feeling okay?” the concerned expression on his face makes you swoon, shrugging your shoulders at him. 

“Not the worst hangover I’ve ever had,” you mumble, smiling when he places a soft kiss on your cheek. He smiles down at you, “I’m glad,” he says, “if you wanna shower or something I can make us something to eat? And we can uh,” his face is flushed, ears red as he scratches the back of his neck as he averts his gaze from you, “we can talk about everything. Sober this time.”

You bite back a grin, face heating up as you nod, “yeah, I’d like that.” Caleb grins, relief flooding his body. 

Caleb waits for you to join him after your shower, giving you a bouquet of flowers as he asks you formally to be his girlfriend. You throw your arms around him, placing a flurry of kisses to his face. 

“Thank you,” you say softly, “for waiting for me all these years, I’m sorry I didn't realize your love was romantic as much as it was platonic,” your eyes meet his sunset ones, sparkling back at you. 

“I will always wait for you, I’d do anything for you. You know that right?” His voice is soft around the edges, the words settle nicely in your chest, warmth blooming in their place. You nod, grinning as you place a gentle kiss to his lips. Caleb melts into you naturally, the two of you smiling into the kiss before pulling away. 

“My boyfriend,” you breathe out, the term ‘boyfriend’ rolls off your tongue. No bitter taste left in your mouth this time, instead you can taste his lip balm, the same kind you'd bought him in middle school when you told him he had chapped lips. Caleb grins at you, eyes lidded as he stares at you. 

it's creeping late into the evening by the time caleb returns. he left early a few mornings earlier, before you were really awake, leaving you with a handwritten note and the hazy memory of warm lips pressing a kiss to your cheek. he's been able to update you throughout, a rare occurrence that you're very thankful for - whether he's been allowed to or whether he's just doing it anyway, you don't know, but either way, you're happy he has.

to: pips 🍎 hey pips, i should be back at about seven looking forward to seeing you sending kisses btw let me know once you've gotten them ;3 mwah i love you

to: caaalebbbbb 🍏 mwahh got them sending some back! :3 :3 can't wait to see you either

to: pips 🍎 ... you forgot something :(

to: caaalebbbbb 🍏 i love you too caleb

to: pips 🍎 :D On my way! back now

to: caaalebbbbb 🍏

just as you had planned, the meal you cooked is steaming and ready at the moment caleb walks through the door. he must have taken a change of clothes with him, because his uniform is tucked under his arm, folded messily before he tosses it straight into the laundry basket.

you've barely even greeted him when he's scooping you into his arms, borderline manhandling you on to the sofa under him as he buries his face into your neck, peppering kisses all over your skin.

"mm, pips, i've missed you so much." he murmurs, lips moving against you, making you giggle at the tickle of his breath on your skin. you wriggle under him as he squeezes you tight, laughing as you swat at his chest.

"caleb- can't breathe-" you giggle, but you're snaking your arms around him to hug him back, patting gently at his shoulder blades. he hums, holding you tighter before attempting to roll you both over. only, the sofa isn't wide enough - you both fall to the floor, your landing on his chest far less uncomfortable than his own, his back hitting the rug with a thud!

but nonetheless, you're both laughing uncontrollably, even though it's really not that funny, and yet it has the two of you laughing more and more and more at each other until it floods the room. you're shaking on top of him, the sound of your laughter sending warmth shooting through his nerves, like the tingly feel of sunlight hitting your skin before it warms you to the bone.

you wriggle on top of him until you're face to face with him, a glow behind purple eyes that only you are lucky enough to witness.

"hi." he whispers, dorky boyish grin on his face as one calloused hand drifts to cup your cheek.

"hi." you whisper back, mirroring his smile before leaning down to press your lips to his. he reciprocates eagerly, his fingers sliding into your hair to fasten his grasp on you like he's scared you'll slip away.

"i missed you." he repeats, gently pressing your head down so your forehead is against his.

"mm, you said that already."

he looks up at you with those puppy eyes, somehow wet and sad-looking in the space of a millisecond, his eyebrows twitching adorably to frame pretty violet irises and their sunset orange glow that you love so much.

"aaaaand..." he presses, the tiniest pout forming on his lips, still glossy with your transferred lip balm.

you laugh softly, lightly patting his cheek a few times before letting your fingers rest there. he leans into your touch, a subtle, barely-there movement, but you can feel the weight of him, along with the feeling of your whole world being in your hands.

"i missed you, too, caleb. i always do." you whisper, relaxing on top of him so you're lying flat on him again.

he hugs you tight again as you rest your cheek on his shoulder, your arms looping around his neck.

"my pretty baby... my pipsqueak." he murmurs, planting a tender kiss to your hair, making you smile softly. "all mine again."

"all yours." you whisper in affirmation. "always yours."

"promise?"

"i promise."

One second you were at the bar top, shooting the shit with your squadron after a regularly scheduled fighting simulation. You would have stopped after your usual one cocktail before chugging a water and eating bar nuts so that you could drive your drunk teammates back to the DAA’s housing, but something felt different.

And with Gideon promising to stay sober to give you a break from being the mom of the group, why not do something unusual?

One drink turned to three, three drinks turned into hyping up the crowd in the middle of the bar’s dance floor by the antique record player, and dancing turned into…this.

A calm space in the middle of the sweaty, passionate bodies - his hands on your waist while you wrap your arms around his neck so that you can peer into his amethyst eyes that are creased in the corners because of the soft smile on his lips.

“Captain Xia, don’t you know it’s in bad taste to be dancing with your operations officer like this?” There’s no bite in your tone, only heated desire as you tease him gently. He’s nonplussed though, simply grabbing at one of your hands grasping at his shoulder so that he can twirl you around gently.

“Not when I’ve wanted to do this since I first met you in training.” Caleb emphasizes the words by dipping you in his arms, making a breathless laugh leave your lips as he pulls you back into his embrace. His hands settle on your hips before he lifts you in the middle of the dance floor, spinning you around in the hot air and making you feel weightless with a dizzy, giddy feeling.

The spin comes to a stop with you falling back safely into his embrace, him wrapping you in his arms so that all you can smell is the standard soap given to all personnel in the DAA and his sweat that makes him smell so fucking good. The moment freezes when you realize just how close the two of you are to each other - chests pressed together, noses brushing, eyes wide with the realization of what might happen. Is this really about to happen? Are you two really about to-

“____, my north star,” comes a soft murmur from beside your ear, before hesitant lips brush against yours lightly.

The effect is instantaneous - your fingers reaching up to grab at his short hair while you pull him closer to deepen your kiss. A groan escapes his mouth as he moves his lips with more fervor, mixing with the quiet whimper you unknowingly let out and making your head turn even more fuzzy than it already is.

His feet move almost unwittingly, and you gasp as you fall into a shadowy alcove of the bar. Caleb’s quick to press you into the wall, pulling your legs up so he can wrap them around his slender waist and push the beginnings of his bulge into your needy core. A moan slips out of your mouth at the contact and your fingers twine through his hair, pulling lightly as your kisses turn desperate. He answers with a whispered expletive before swiping his tongue against your bottom lip, making your mouth fall open and giving him access to your taste.

This is everything you’ve ever dreamed about - everything you’ve been afraid to do because you’re squadron mates and a system operations officer does not kiss her pilot and captain.

The kiss slowly comes to a stop, the alcohol that’s still burning in your veins mixing with the heady desire that pools in your stomach. Your skin feels electric - like any more of his touches will light you on fire and burn the both of you in your endless need for him.

You don’t want this, him, to stop.

But when his eyes slowly open, you feel your heart sink in your chest.

Even with his eyes dilated, you can see the shock on his face - jaw slowly going slack, cheeks rapidly pinking, and his hands flexing at your sides. Hesitation blooms on his face, and he shifts away just enough for the dim lighting of the bar to catch the silvery words on the dog tags he never takes off.

When U Come Back.

It’s like water’s been poured all over you, leaving you shivering and wet with the realization of what just happened.

Of what cannot happen again.

You force yourself to laugh as you unwrap your legs from his waist, taking a quick moment to steady yourself before pushing him away so he can’t reject you first and the ever simmering longing you’ve felt for him since you first met in training all those years ago. Your hands burn from the effort and you shake them out, shaking your head and moving your body away from him.

“It’s fine, Xia.” Your words are bitter even with the influence of lethargic softness from the alcohol, and you avert your eyes from his as you cross your arms in front of your chest as a sort of protective layer. “We can forget this ever happened.”

You turn on your heels and walk away from his limp arms and slack jaw, forcing yourself to swallow his unspoken rejection because at the end of the day, you’re still squadron mates - you’re his operations officer, after all. You have a job to do, a base to attend to, aircraft to manage and ensure fly safely.

But when you sink into your bunk after taking a shower and washing your sins off of your body, you let yourself cry for a single second.

Gideon is onto you.

Which is awful, because Gideon is the least attentive man in your squadron - so you don’t know how the fuck you’ve managed to let yourself slip like this.

“This is Gideon, requesting approach and descent information from ____.”

“You’re supposed to use your callsign, you know,” you sigh - half in jest, but mostly serious as your fingers fly across your keyboard to type the time of approach and check the aircraft he’s piloting. “The logs will get too long if you constantly use your name and I’m going to be the one that has to fix it-”

“-I refuse to be called Trip after a stupid incident from our academy days, ____.”

“My professional callsign is Dizzy, just like your professional callsign is Trip, Trip.” Your voice is clipped, although a small smile graces your lips as you relay the following information to him. “I suggest you remember it because our superiors will drill it into our heads.”

A crackle comes in through the system, and the next sentence you hear has you nearly banging your head against your desk. “This is Patrick, requesting approach and descent information from ____.”

“Oh my days, not you too.” You rub your hand across your face, frustration building up at their relentless teasing as you relay the vital information, even in your annoyance. “For the last time, my callsign is Dizzy and I swear on the gods if no one uses proper protocol, I will be reporting the three of you to the higher-ups-”

“This is Caleb, callsign Apple, requesting approach and descent information from ____.”

Your mouth shuts.

You can vaguely hear them ribbing into Caleb, but you tune them out when you feel the hair on your arm stand at his soft, slightly rough voice. The way he turns your name in his mouth with such care and reverence, how his voice dropped the softest octave - making the inflections of your name sound even more intimate because of how it enters your head from your comms system.

How your breath catches when you think about it too hard. The last time he said your name like that in a dingy bar with his mouth by your ear before he kissed the daylights out of you.

“Ooo, ____’s silent! Caleb’s in trouble,” Patrick’s laugh is static-y over your comms system, but you can’t even deny him or blame nonexistent lag because it’s true. Still, you’re grateful for the reality check.

You sigh, forcing yourself to be clipped as you relay only the basic information needed before you finish with, “Apple, you’re good for landing. Dizzy out.”

Outside of your office from your floor-to-ceiling windows, you can see the jets from the mission zipping by the building and doing their customary loop to slow down before landing and rolling into the hangar adjacent to your building. It gives you approximately five minutes to calm down before they land and you walk out to the hangar for the post-mission debrief.

Five minutes to calm the tremors of your hands and quiet the feelings that have been threatening to spill over into your daily life since a shared kiss from…two months ago.

On the outside, you and Caleb have gone through the motions - pretending as if nothing happened as you let yourself indulge in the friendly and innocent touches the two of you have always done - even back in your academy days.

An intentional brush of the back of your hands as you walk into the office for a mission assignment, his hand settling on your shoulder as he steadies himself to pull up the legs of his g-suit, your fingers lingering on his as you give him his helmet, the way his lips moved against yours in that dingy bar-

-snap out of it, ____!

You give up on trying to calm your nerves as you stand up abruptly from your desk, smoothing the small crinkles of your uniform’s slacks before grabbing your laptop and the printed log of today’s mission. You scowl when you see your name pop up multiple times near the very end of the log, deciding to just correct it with correctional fluid and a pen before submitting all of the files to your higher-ups.

Your walk is brisk, shoes barely squeaking on the linoleum as you stride over to the hangar adjacent to the flight offices. You’re opening the doors just as Gideon and Patrick are disembarking, laughing about something unknown while they tie the sleeves of their g-suits around their waist to cool off a little bit.

“____!” Patrick calls sweetly, and you can’t hide your smile even when you roll your eyes as you approach them. “Our mission was a success, no?”

You nod quickly, although it turns into a scowl when he puts you in a sweaty headlock and ruffles your head in an affectionate, big-brother sort of way. And he’s exactly that for your squad of four - dependable, calm, and the cornerstone of your group.

“Get off of me!” It’s halfhearted as you push him off of you, smoothing the flyaways of your bun as much as you can while you frown at your watch. “Where’s Captain Xia?”

One of Gideon’s eyebrows quirks at your statement, mouth in a thin line as he assesses the way you ignore him while Patrick answers your question. “He needed to pilot his aircraft into another hangar for maintenance - he encountered turbulence as we were exiting the Deepspace Tunnel and he wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you say, fingers mindlessly tapping against the folder in your arms as you carefully choose your next words. “Just wanted to make sure he’s okay, I guess.”

“He’s good, ____, promise.” Patrick’s eyes soften at your supposed worry over Caleb, brushing a comforting hand over your arm as he plucks the files from your arms. “In fact, I can be the one to take these over to him and submit them, okay? Get some rest.”

He leaves no room for argument, simply turning on his heel and walking away with a wave of his hand.

“You guys really are like my big brothers,” you grumble, although you feel blissful relief at the idea of delaying seeing him until tomorrow. Your hand slips into your pocket, pulling out your phone so that you can begin to clock out. “I’ll see you around, okay Gideon?”

“____.”

Gideon’s voice stops you in your tracks, and you try your absolute hardest to straighten the grimace on your face as you turn to him slowly. “Yeah?”

“Are you and Caleb okay?”

You stop in your tracks.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” There’s a crack in wouldn’t, one that makes you wince because it’s so obvious - even to the most oblivious man. You hope that Gideon just lets it be so that you can go to your quarters for the evening and maybe read a book, but the universe decides you’re not lucky enough for today.

No, not when you see Gideon’s eyebrow quirk up at your supposed calm.

“That.” There’s an emphasis in the word that lets you know he’s caught you, and you sigh as you prepare for your pseudo-interrogation. “____, you and Caleb seem different these days. Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Everything’s chill, Gideon.” It sounds more stable the second time around, although you still fiddle with the hem of your shirt as your eyes dart to everywhere from his own. “Things have been fine since we went out at the bar a couple of months ago-”

“I never mentioned the bar, ____.”

Shit.

You laugh nervously, fingers tapping against the back of your phone as you try to think of your escape. “Oh, right! It’s just that it was the last time we all went out as a squadron, and-”

“-and does that not include the hotpot meal we went to literally last week, where you also decided to kind of ignore Caleb?”

Gideon knows he has you cornered by the way you freeze slightly, hands falling limply at being caught. Your breath escapes you in a heavy sigh and he takes it as an opportunity to approach you. He pats your head gently and asks, “Did something happen at the bar, ____?”

“We kissed and it’s been messing with my head.”

It spills out of your mouth before you can even register what you're saying, and you feel your spine stiffen at the fact you’ve just spilled your deepest secret and fantasy to someone who’s basically your older brother. Your head tilts up, scared of how he might react-

-but you can only see the relief on Gideon’s face, even when his jaw is set in a straight line as he folds his arms across his chest.

“Knew it was you.”

“W-what?” It’s a stutter, one that makes Gideon smile as you flounder for words. “Me? What do you even mean?”

“Caleb was groaning on and on how he kissed someone and it was the best kiss of his life after we got home from the bar. And his eyes have been lingering on your longer than usual, ____.” Gideon stops patting your head, simply moving his hand to your shoulder so he can give you a comforting squeeze. “He’s been thinking about you too, you know.”

“Doubt it,” you scoff. “He’s blissfully oblivious to the fact that I've felt like this because…”

Because of his childhood friend.

The taste in your mouth turns sour as you imagine her visage - Meilin Chu with her long, silky hair and genuinely kind eyes as she wraps her arms around your neck and thanks you for taking care of her silly best friend during your DAA graduation and the way Caleb’s eyes soften when she’s around, smile a little wider, stance a little more relaxed.

Something you’ve never seen for yourself…for you.

Gideon senses your discomfort, and the grip he has on your shoulder tightens. “Have you asked him that?”

“I don’t need to.” You shrug his shoulder off and return your eyes back to your phone screen so you can attempt to ignore Gideon’s burning stare. “I just know. He floundered after we kissed and he hesitated. Nothing else to it.”

“God, you two are impossible.” Gideon’s hum is amused, and you look up just in time to see him shrug as a sly smile spreads across his face. “Just talk to him, ____.”

“Nope. Bye, Gideon!”

You turn to walk away, finally submitting your clock out report as you think of all of the ways you can now avoid Caleb and Gideon. Surely Patrick will help you out, right? He’s always been like your big brother and maybe he’ll tell them to leave you alone!

“You’re avoiding the inevitable, ____.”

You freeze when you hear his statement but you simply shrug, deciding to keep cool and continuing to walk away even when you hear him click his tongue at your avoidance. “You guys could skip to kissing if you just talked to him!”

“Not a chance in hell of that happening! Bye, Captain Trip!”

With all of your bravado as you walk away from his shaking head, you certainly don’t feel it. No, you feel a quiet churning in the pit of your stomach as you submit your clock out time to the DAA’s system and let your feet wander to the mess hall so that you can eat before locking yourself in your dorm.

Safe from seeing Caleb physically, sure.

But not safe from the feelings that threaten to choke you with your affection for him.

You’ve never been this engrossed by a movie in your life until now.

Your face is awash in the bright scenery as you sit in your comfiest pajama set, enraptured by the scenes playing out in front of you on your computer screen. The way that the blond love interest spins the main character around in the air as they traipse through the sky before calling her his girl and leaving? The banter and the found family aspect of the movie?

The accompanying musical score? The romance???

Needless to say, you’re obsessed.

It’s almost enough to distract you from your own woes and Gideon’s words bouncing around in your brain.

Action word here being almost.

You reach over and rewind the movie to your favorite part (the scene right before they’re soaring across the sky to escape the henchmen) but you barely register what’s happening on your screen as you mull over what Gideon said to you.

Knew it was you.

He’s been thinking about you too, you know.

Just talk to him, ____.

They swirl in your head until your stomach roils with unease, making you flop back onto your bed as you think back to the past couple of months. You and Caleb have been pretty good at avoiding what happened in the bar - almost back to normal, if a little strained. You never look at him for too long because it feels hard to breathe or even think professionally if you stare at him for too long, but you’re okay with living like this if it means he’s still somewhat in your life.

But do you want to settle for this, ____?

A small voice filled with hope and romance in the back of your head betrays you and you scowl at its insistence. “I’m fine.”

But what if he actually wants you, too?

“Oh, this is impossible,” you grumble to yourself as you sit back up. You pause the movie (they’re beginning to float in the air right now) and walk towards the door, barely registering that you’re only in a thin camisole and a matching pair of sleep shorts. It’s not like anyone’s going to be awake at this hour, anyways. You’re just going to the mess hall to get some ice cream-

“Xia?”

He’s standing at your door, covered in a sheen thin of sweat and panting heavily while his fist still remains raised, about to knock on your wide-open door. He looks like he’s seen a ghost with how pale his face is, pupils blown wide as his shoulders shake slightly.

He looks utterly wrecked.

You sigh heavily, grabbing the first sweater you see off of your desk and pulling it on top of your thin camisole so he can’t see you in your state of basically undress as you beckon for him to come inside. He bursts through the door and barely perches himself on your bed as you close the door, making your way to your mattress and settling yourself a little bit away from his trembling body.

“Sorry, ____, I just needed to be here-” He’s breathing shallowly, hands pushing his sweaty hair back as you realize he’s in his workout clothes, his tank top drenched with sweat and grey shorts barely hiding the thick muscles of his thighs. But you can’t find it in yourself to feel desire - no, you only feel worry when you see the absolute devastation on his face as his shoulders shake.

“Is everything okay, Caleb?” 

Mentally you slap yourself for the redundant question. Of course he’s not okay. But it offers an avenue for him to tell you the issue, and it comes in the form of him holding out a slightly wrinkled stack of papers.

You take the papers from his hand, careful not to brush against his fingers as you feel the weight of the luxurious material in your palms. The cardstock is a thick, soft cream color with intentional texture and a wax seal that’s been cracked open. You lift the flap delicately, and the first couple of words your eyes scan over makes your breath catch in your throat.

You have cordially been invited to the wedding of Meilin Chu and Xavier Shen.

“Caleb-”

“She didn’t tell me until just now.”

It’s a bleeding confession and you’re quick to grab Caleb’s arm, dragging him deeper in your bed so that he can lay down on it heavily. You sit next to him and despite the unspoken tension between the two of you, you allow him to settle his head on your lap as you run your fingers through his slightly damp hair.

“I knew she was dating someone from the Hunters Association and that it had been going on for a while, but I didn’t know they were getting married.” It’s not angry at all, you can only describe his voice as shocked and hurt by the news he’s just received. “And they’re getting married so soon? ____, I just…I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“I’m sorry, Caleb,” you murmur softly. Your hand settles on top of his head and you take to patting him softly as you mull over your next words. “Did you talk to her about it?”

“No,” he scoffs slightly. Caleb shifts his body so he’s laying on his back, head tilted back as he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “We haven’t talked since I went home a couple of months ago for our scheduled break. Everything seemed normal, you know? I even hung out with Xavier and some of their Association friends because Mei insisted. Everything is…it was normal, ____.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, fingers gentle through his hair as he groans and rubs at his eyes.

“I just thought pips would tell me, you know, ____? We’re family.” His voice catches at the last word and you sigh heavily, resuming patting his head because what are you supposed to do in this situation?

Your eyes flash over to the dog tags resting on his chest, the soft glint of When U Come Back accompanied by the little apple charm flashing at you like a knife. You know where his official dog tags are - they’re with Meilin, a sign of his dedication and loyalty to her and only her.

Your chest aches, thinking of your own dog tags gathering dust in the little box somewhere in your desk drawers. The dog tags are something you’ve never been able to give to someone because you didn’t have anyone who gives a damn about you back home in Chansia City. It’s always just been you.

You can never be mad at the relationship he has with Meilin. No, you just ache because you wish someone would put yourself above all else, like he does for her.

You want to matter, too.

You’re drawn out of your stupor when you hear your name fall from his lips, and you look down at him in confusion. “What was that?”

“Come with me to the wedding.”

Everything stills and you look down at him, blinking in shock.

“Excuse me?” It’s a breathless heave of your chest as he pushes himself up off of your lap, looking at you with a pleading that nearly has you melting on the spot. But you hold out, instead crossing your arms because there’s no way you’re going to allow yourself to go through this without support.

Not when you’re still reeling from a fucking kiss.

“Please, ____,” Caleb says. His eyes turn down and you move your vision up to your cracked ceiling, wishing for something from the Deepspace Tunnel to smite you down so that you don’t have to see him turn golden retriever on you. “Gideon and Patrick already got invites from Mei and she said she wants you there, too. We called in our leave and we can just relax and I just need you there, star. Please.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Xia.” It’s a sure statement, and you see the way his face falls slightly. Still, you continue because there’s no way this wedding trip won’t end in disaster. “I didn’t even get a proper invitation anyways. Wouldn’t I be intruding on it? If the three of you got invited, it should be you three to go.”

His dejection smooths out slightly, and he looks at you in muted surprise as he directs you to look at the envelope once again. “Did you not see the back, ____?”

Your eyes wander to the envelope in your hands, seeing the “Captain Caleb Xia + One Additional Guest” printed in a neat script on the back.

Shit, your plan is falling apart and it didn’t even fully come to fruition yet.

“I don’t think our officers will say yes to all of us leaving at the same time-”

“They already approved the time off, ____.” Caleb’s face goes from dejected to slightly amused when he sees the way your eyes widen, words suddenly floundering as you register that he’s about to get you hook line and sinker into his insane plan.

“W-what?! They would never-”

“Already did. If that was what you were worried about, I already took care of it for you.” By now he’s smiling, slight indents on the side of his cheeks as you roll your eyes at him. He reaches over tentatively and your breath catches when you allow him to tilt your chin to look up at him. You’re cursing him in your head though - damn Caleb Xia and his beautiful amethyst eyes you would do almost anything for.

But then you think about the kiss, how you’re still reeling from his mouth on yours in the dim light of a bar you’re sure you can’t physically enter anymore. The memory entrances and haunts you all of the same, and you find yourself slipping as you say, “The kiss?”

Caleb stills.

Your eyes avoid him as you play with your sweatshirt, not wanting to see him and his sudden rejection of you going to this wedding. It’s for the best, you think somberly as he mulls over his options.

It’ll be no good for the two of you if you agree to go to this godforsaken wedding.

“I promise I won’t touch you, ____.”

Your eyes look up in bewilderment, suddenly shocked as you look at his rapidly pinkening face. He sheepishly scratches at the back of his head at your surprise. “We can put the kiss behind us, too. We don’t have to speak about it.”

“Oh.”

The thing is, you don’t want to forget your kiss with Caleb Xia. You don’t want to forget the way his breath washed over your face as you kissed him with increasing fervor, how the planes of his abdomen felt against the softness of your breasts, and how intoxicated he looked off of the taste of you.

You don’t want to forget how enamored he was by you, even if it was only for a moment.

But then you think about this impossible situation. You think about how you're about to be stuck with Caleb, your basically big brothers in the form of Gideon and Patrick, and Caleb’s extended family for a wedding you didn’t even know was happening until just now, in Linkon City of all places. You think of how things could easily fall apart between the two of you while you’re there, and is this really worth it? Is always being there for Caleb worth it?

Is any of this worth it, ____?

“Please, ____.”

There’s your breaking point.

“Yes,” you reply - practically signing the release to your ruin.

It’s almost worth it, though, when you see the way his smile overtakes his face.

The trip to Linkon City is…blissfully uneventful.

At least, it starts that way.

You and the three pilots you’re responsible for arrive at the airport bright and early to beat security lines and potentially get a light breakfast to eat. For three men who navigate the skies with general ease, they have a hard time navigating their way to a food court and your plane’s gate, so it’s up to you to split the four of you into groups of two - one to get food, one to find the boarding gate.

And since you’re responsible for team management…

“All right, Gideon can go with Caleb to find food while Patrick and I find our gate. Once you have food, we’ll come find you and take you to the waiting area.” Your voice is clipped and concise, and the three of them don’t have any arguments since they’re too sleepy to fight back. Gideon punches Caleb’s shoulder and nods his head to the direction of the food court as you flick your gaze to Patrick, pointing to where the numbered gates are.

It’s a peaceful silence as you and Patrick scan the numbers, and you sigh in relief when you see your gate and your flight’s designated number. You sink into the stiff cushions of the gate, ready to scroll through your Moments page for any fun event updates happening during Linkon City-

“-when did you start having a thing for Caleb?”

Well, that’s certainly one way to break your stupor.

“I don’t know what you mean, Patrick.” You’re as cool as a cucumber while you continue to scroll through your Moments page, having vowed to keep you shit together to ensure that this trip goes as smoothly as possible. But your hands betray your nerves - slightly shaky, finger tapping against the back of your phone erratically as you fight to keep your gaze on your screen.

Your eyes flick up to Patrick’s face, and he has his signature knowing smile that has you groaning.

Of course Patrick susses you out even with your cool facade. Out of the three of them, he’s always the one to analyze and bide his time, gathering intel before striking.

You just so happen to be the next target he wants to crack.

“Gideon slipped up telling me some things,” he discloses quietly, and you make a mental note to strangle Gideon the next time you see him as Patrick continues his musings. “But you and Caleb have always had an unspoken bond…when did that start?”

You look at Patrick’s face, trying to gauge him and his thoughts as you decide how much you want to disclose to him. He’s still looking at you with that infuriatingly patient look of his, simply waiting for you to go at your pace.

“We were both barely legal enough when we joined the Academy.”

“I know that much, ____-”

“No, Patrick,” you say forcefully. “We were barely eighteen, diving headfirst into the Academy so we could build ourselves up to be better. You above all people know that the program is ruthless, and after we got paired for flight sims with him as the pilot and me as his systems operations one-on-one, we just…stuck together.”

“So why not tell him that? Why not tell him the feelings you have for him?”

You hesitate at his words, hands floundering as you try to put into words why you can’t tell Caleb everything you feel for Patrick to understand. If you had been able to do it, you would have a long time ago. 

But then you see it - the way he gets protective when he mentions Meilin, swearing how he’ll always put her and his Gran first so that they could be comfortable - even before him and his own wants and desires.

How he’ll never look at another for as long as he’s supporting them.

You don’t feel any sort of bitterness and anger, just…quiet resolve. Maybe a little bit of appreciation. Caleb Xia’s many things, and a dedicated man to those he cares for the most is at the top of that list. And that’s something you could never hate about him-

-it’s the thing you love the most about him, his undying devotion.

It’s just that you know it will never be directed towards you.

“Because he has people at home and he can realistically pick any girl he wants. I’m just…me. I don’t really speak to my family right now and I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would choose me.”

“And how do you know that, ____?” Patrick’s voice is gentle, devoid of condescension as he bumps your shoulder with his. “I think you should talk to Caleb, ____. You might be surprised with what he has to say.”

“No.” It’s a little too forceful coming from your throat, and you straighten your spine when you see Caleb and Gideon walk towards the two of you with a brown paper bag. You avert your eyes and duck your head down, murmuring, “I’m here to support Caleb and to witness a wedding. I’ll do what I need to do and bury my feelings into the ground.”

With your final vow you stand, moving your carry-on so that you can settle next to an outlet and ignore the three of them. You miss the way Caleb’s eyes lingers on you as you scroll through Moments, and the way Gideon and Patrick share an unspoken look at Caleb’s intense gaze on you.

But they (very thankfully) do not bother you until it's time to board, the only interruption to your doom-scrolling being your favorite croissant sandwich Caleb settles beside you with an unspoken word. And you’re thankful, because you don’t think you can properly look at him and the devastating slope of his nose in the rising sun’s golden glow.

As you settle next to Gideon on the plane, you give him a halfhearted chop to the throat. He lets out an unholy squawk at your muted violence, clutching his neck as he looks at you in a scandalized manner. 

“What the fuck was that for, ____?!”

All you need to do is glare at him and he shrinks back into his seat, avoiding the heat of your stare as he suddenly fiddles with the seat in front of him in rapt fascination.

You sigh.

You’re barely on the plane, and you’ve already experienced developments to this situation that’s turning this trip into a train wreck of a romantic comedy at this point. You turn your head up to the vague direction of the Deepspace Tunnel as the plane begins to taxi and you think to yourself:

Please give me a mission so I can get out of this stupid romcom I put myself into.

“Caaaaaaleb!!!”

There’s a loud squeal when you and your squad finally make it out to the arrivals area and you see a head of long and glossy hair run up to your group, jumping up and hugging Caleb tightly. Caleb’s quick to catch Meilin, chuckling as he spins her around and whispers something frantically in her ear.

Behind Meilin is a silver-y blond man with bright blue irises, halfheartedly holding a sign that says Skyhaven Squad Pickup. You see his eyes flash with something possessive when Caleb pats Meilin’s back gently, but his posture quickly relaxes when Meilin lets go and runs to you instead.

Ah, that must be Xavier, you think to yourself, before a quiet oof escapes your mouth from the velocity in which Meilin runs into you.

“It’s! So! Nice! To! See! You! Again!” Each word is punctuated with an aggressive sway of your body as she rocks you back and forth in her hug. You remind yourself that Meilin doesn’t know about your feelings and that she’s done no wrong, and it makes it easier for you to relax as you wrap your arms around and reciprocate her warmth. 

Besides, her enthusiasm’s infectious.

The hugs she shares with Gideon and Patrick have the same energy, and they also laugh and tousle her hair as they hug her back. It’s a chaotic shuffle to get to the van Meilin and Xavier rented to pick the four of you up, but Caleb’s quick to take the key from Meilin while shuffling into the front seat. Gideon and Patrick’s eyes sparkle at you as they get into the back, leaving Meilin and Xavier in the middle row and you standing awkwardly by the passenger door.

“Get in, ____!” You shoot Patrick a death glare at his cheeky wink, yanking the door open and sliding yourself into the seat. You ignore Caleb’s heated stare on the side of your face as you buckle yourself in, going onto the navigation app and turning your head back to the four people in the back of the car.

“What are the plans today? Where are we going?” Your pragmatic self comes back out, drowning out your anxiety as you input routes and search the nearest restaurants so that you can all eat together. 

“We’re heading to the Bloomshore District! Caleb should know the way-”

“Got it,” Caleb says smoothly. He’s quick to pull out of the parking spot, easily transitioning into the busy traffic of Linkon City. The silence never abates, though - Meilin, Patrick, and Gideon talk animatedly about the wedding as Xavier hums along in response while you and Caleb continue to not look at each other as you wordlessly hold your phone out to help him navigate.

“Gran got reservations at a really nice hotpot restaurant before we take you to your accommodation!” Meilin’s rambling as she fills you in on all of the plans, her chatter a nice companion to the soft music from the playlist you put on before the drive started. “Actually, do you guys have clothes for the wedding? We allocated a budget for that too-”

“We have tuxes already, Mei,” Patrick says. But his eyes turn mischievous as he points at you, shaking his head. “Miss Serious over there doesn’t have a dress though-”

“Shut up, Patrick-” You seethe, but you hastily put on a smile as you shake your head and hold your hands out to stop Meilin’s train of thought. “It’s okay Mei! I’ll find something suitable in our time off! I saved for it too-”

“Nonsense, ____!” Meilin sounds offended at the remote thought of you refusing her and her ability to pay for your dress to her wedding. “We’ll go shopping together, after some of the wedding events! We also have gift bags and jerseys for the basketball game that’s happening next weekend-”

“Mei, there’s a basketball game? Seriously?”

The car comes to an abrupt stop, half from the sudden yellow and half from Caleb’s shock. He turns back briefly to look at her in disbelief, shaking his head. “There’s no way you organized a wedding basketball game, Mei.”

“Yes I did, Caleb! You’ll be competing, by the way!” Meilin’s tone is sing-song as she continues on with the subject. “We need an opposing team! Xav, his best man, and one of our friends from the Association will be competing on one team, and you, Gideon, and Patrick can be on the other-”

“You didn’t even tell us, pips!” Caleb’s voice is hot as his fingers clench the steering wheel while he starts the car once more, merging onto the road that leads to the Bloomshore District. “I would have appreciated a little heads up so we could train-”

“We don’t need to train for a basketball game, Caleb,” Gideon says. “We can easily beat the Association team’s ass, right ____?”

“Umm-”

“I still would have appreciated some sort of warning,” Caleb unceremoniously cuts you off, making you roll your eyes as you sit back and listen to the bickering happening. “Springing this on us all of a sudden is a little bit much, pipsqueak. And you’re wanting to do this too, Xavier?”

Xavier shrugs, but his eyes flash with a challenge as he regards him with a small smirk on his face. “Why not? And why are you so apprehensive about it? You scared you’ll lose, Xia?”

Caleb prickles in his seat, jaw ticking dangerously as he processes Xavier’s unspoken challenge. You shake your head at the chaos around you and, despite the lingering awkwardness from your avoidance earlier in the morning, run a soothing hand over his arm, pressing your fingers against his wrist to help him calm down. You feel Caleb relax under your touch, and he sighs heavily to himself before letting his right hand grab your fingers and squeezing them tightly, returning your hand back to your lap gently and refocusing onto the road in front of him. 

The action is quick, but you miss the way Xavier’s lips curl up in a quick smirk as Meilin’s eyes sparkle at the unspoken movement.

“Pipsqueak, no way.” Caleb’s protest isn’t as heated, but his fingers still clench the steering wheel as he drives into a parking lot. “I told you I’m retired-”

“And I’m bringing you out of retirement since I need a representative!” Meilin pouts at him, and you very well see his resignation and acceptance on his face as he pulls into a parking spot. “I’ll be rooting for Xav but Caleb, we really need an opposing team!”

The car rolls to a stop in front of a restaurant, and Caleb kills the engine before turning his body and staring back at Gideon and Patrick with an unspoken intensity you assume only the three of them know. “You two were in on this, huh?”

Patrick only shoots him a cheeky wink. “It’s been a while since we’ve played basketball, Captain Xia. It’ll be fun! Think of the glory!”

You see the exact moment Caleb cracks: the mention of winning. You’ve seen his extreme competitiveness first hand, and from the way Meilin talks about him playing basketball back in the day, he surely must have been even more so back then? Caleb looks at you pleadingly but you simply smile as you open the door.

“I think you’ll be good at it, Caleb.” Your voice is soft as you hop out of the car, stretching slightly. “Why not?”

You walk a couple of paces in front of you so you can get rid of the kinks in your body, trying to relax the tension you feel. But you hear the resounding cheer behind you in the car and you shake your head slightly with a light laugh, knowing he’s agreed to the basketball game.

One by one they get out of the car, eagerly filing into the restaurant where Meilin and Caleb’s gran is waiting for your group. Caleb pauses when he sees you moving back to the car, about to walk to you. Meilin stops him though, pulling him down and whispering something in his ear before he sighs and nods. As you lean against the car and breathe in deeply, you see Meilin and Xavier talking quietly to each other before Xavier nods, quickly jogging back and standing next to you as Meilin smiles in your direction before going into the restaurant.

There’s a companionable silence as Xavier waits for you to get ready, the two of your similar dispositions allowing for quiet to be comfortable instead of awkward. You simply nod to Xavier and you both walk to the restaurant. The smell of hotpot is so close you can taste it-

“Have you always had a thing for Caleb, ____?” Xavier’s voice is soft yet probing as he walks beside you. You turn to look at him in disbelief but he simply smiles, pointing at his eyes and then your hand as if that answers your question. “Saw what you did in the car.”

“Oh, come on.” You groan, shaking your head as the two of you approach the front doors. “I don’t need your interrogation too, Xavier. We barely just met, can you ignore whatever you saw? Caleb doesn’t need to know-”

“So you do have feelings for him.” There’s a subtle smirk on his mouth as he gestures for you to enter the hot pot restaurant, and you bristle at having slipped once again.

“I’m going to eat!” Your frustration gets the best of you and you march through the door in front of you so that you can finally eat after this hellscape of a morning. All the while, you hear Xavier’s soft laughter behind you, making you tempted to hold your middle finger up for him to see. You decide against it, though, on account that he’s the fucking groom of the wedding you’re about to attend. 

God, you’re not going to make it.

You successfully barricade yourself in your room under the pretense of work for three whole days before Patrick finally manages to drag you out of your self-imposed prison.

“Getting our higher ups to agree to our squad getting a three week break at the same time was near impossible, ____.” His voice has the edge of a disappointed father and you sheepishly duck your head as you pack your bag to go out. “Knowing you, you’ve completed everything flawlessly so I’m dragging you out and you cannot stop me.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” you grumble softly, but you still give him an appreciative nod as you make your way out of the room. “What does Mei have planned for us tonight?”

There’s an air of hesitation as the two of you walk to the first floor of your accommodation, Patrick tight lipped as you pick up the shoes you’re going to wear. You turn your head when Patrick doesn’t respond, quirking an eyebrow at him in confusion.

“Just get in the car, ____.”

“Fine,” you mutter back, quickly sliding on your shoes and smoothing out the skirt and sweater you decided to wear before walking out, letting him lock the door behind you.

You scan the driveway, looking for Meilin’s personal car as you approach the rental vehicle sitting by the street. Usually everyone would be in their unassigned assigned seat by now, but you feel surprise brewing in the pit of your stomach when you realize that you don’t see Meilin and Xavier in the car - it’s just Caleb waiting by the middle seat as Gideon drums his fingers against the steering wheel.

“Are Meilin and Xavier not joining us?” You’re curious as Patrick slides himself into the passenger seat, sidestepping Caleb’s waiting hand and pulling yourself into the middle seat. “Or are they going to meet us wherever we’re going?”

Gideon looks back at you with a mysterious smile on his face. “Just wait, ____.”

Your focus is solely on the flashing lights that pass by as you drive through traffic and different parts of Linkon City, entranced by the different types of architecture and neighborhoods that flash by. After spending most of your years in Skyhaven, you’ve gotten comfortable with the scenery. Everything feels new here, and you almost feel bad for cooping yourself up in your room for the past couple of days.

But then you look back and barely catch the way Caleb’s eyes linger on you before he turns his head to his own window, and you sigh minutely to yourself as you twiddle your thumbs and avoid scrolling on Moments like a disinterested teenage daughter.

“We’re here!”

Gideon’s voice is cheerful, oblivious to the awkwardness you and Caleb share as he kills the engine and opens his door. You’re quick to open your own door and slide out, rolling your ankles slightly before looking at your surroundings.

A little bit of a ways away, you can see lanterns strung in the air, swaying gently in the cool summer air above the numerous stalls on the street. There’s an aroma of grilled meat and candied sweetness that blends together nicely as you turn back to them, eyes sparkling at the realization. “A night market?”

“Mhm.” Patrick practically looks like a proud father as he takes your arm, pulling you in the direction of the bustle with little resistance as Gideon and Caleb follow behind you. “Found one while searching through Moments so we figured why not?”

Your awe continues as your group dives into the chaos, Gideon already ordering skewers as Patrick gets his hands on some pan fried baos. The air is comfortable amongst the four of you as you split the food and taste everything the market has to offer, and you feel yourself loosening up with every laugh and elbow jostled.

It’s enough to get you to look at Caleb fully since this trip’s started.

The four of you continue on, trying anything and everything that looks remotely delicious or fascinating. The best thing about having three pilots is that they have large appetites, so none of the food goes to waste as they continuously tuck in.

Soon though, you unanimously decide to wander around the stalls laden with various goods and trinkets. You’re so engrossed in some dresses that you don’t register Gideon and Patrick walking away with a knowing look in Caleb’s direction, leaving Caleb with his hands in his pockets as he waits for your realization to hit you.

But when you turn to look at him, you simply smile as you beckon to another direction. “Wanna keep walking? There must be way more over there!”

“I- yeah,” he concedes. Your eyes narrow at his hesitation but you decide to brush past it, simply grabbing his arm and pulling him along the rows of stalls.

In these situations, your different personalities really shine. Caleb wants to dart back and forth to different stalls but you take your time, going up to a stall if something catches your eye and picking up items to feel their weight before continuing on. Caleb never rushes you, though - he watches and waits, holding anything in your hands if you want to feel something before taking your arm and gently guiding you through the throng of people to stalls he knows you’ll like.

The shared energy is amiable, silence comfortable as you let your eyes wander over Caleb’s frame. You’d be an idiot to not acknowledge how good he looks in the hazy lights provided by the lanterns, the gentle glow making him look softer as he scopes out your next location. The sleeveless shirt shows off the way his arms ripple as he reaches for you, helping you through a fast moving crowd and guiding you towards an assuming corner. If you gave in, you could almost imagine this as a date between the two of you, but the taste in your mouth turns sour because it most definitely is not.

“How’s your Gran?”

It slips off of your tongue as the two of you finally make it into a less busy part of the market, the stalls lining this street dedicated to craftsmanship. You stop in front of a live artist painting little chibis of people, and you examine their work as Caleb mulls over the question.

“She’s good.” His tone is softly tinged with tiredness as he moves to stand next to you, examining the drawing you’re currently focused on. “Her, Mei, and I went out to lunch and they took me to a fitting for a tux since they wanted me to walk with them down the aisle. I also went to a suit fitting before the tea ceremony tomorrow for Mei and Xavier.” Caleb turns his gaze to you, and you still slightly as he scans your visage. “Will you be coming?”

“Tea ceremonies are usually for immediate families and close friends.” It’s firm as you move down to another booth, this time with jade carvings. “I have their gift prepared for them, though. You’ll give it to them, right?”

“____.” Caleb tries to get your attention by grabbing at your arm, but you simply shrug him off as you peer closer at the intricate jade pieces in front of you. “You’re my guest, you should come-”

“I have DAA work to complete.” You decide that jade is not your favorite as you move to the next stall, your interest piquing when you see charms of all shapes and sizes in little wooden boxes. You lift one in the shape of a chubby star into your palm, tracing the smooth metal and the little yellow gem inlaid in the center.

A finger plucks the charm from your hand and your scowl rivals Caleb’s frown as he gently places it back into the box, eyes lingering on the little star before returning his attention to you. His hand grabs at yours and he pulls you into a shadowy corner, crossing his arms and blocking your path to escape. “Are you good, ____?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You can feel the tension between the two of you, simmering since you boarded the plane a couple of days ago. You realize now you must be like a petulant child, avoiding not just Caleb but Gideon and Patrick and you soften, deciding to maintain the peace for their sake. “This trip is about Meilin and Xavier, ____. I wasn’t even formally invited so I’m just…making sure the trip is enjoyable for you.”

“What would make this trip more enjoyable is if I had my friend going out as well, star.” It’s a quiet confession, and he reaches up as if he wants to touch your face before shaking his head and letting his hand fall. “I want you to have fun too, ____.”

“I am!” You try to insist on it, but even you find your words falling flat as you think of something. “Hotpot was great, and then…”

“And then you locked yourself in your room for three days to avoid me.” Caleb’s voice is deadpan, but you can still see a flare of hurt at the words he utters. “____, I told you I would make sure you were comfortable. Are you not?”

“I am,” you try to insist on it, but it falls flat. Frustration begins to eat at your mind and you feel a small corner of your brain panic at the situation beginning to spin out of control. This is the last thing you wanted - for an argument to break out. Your hands reach up, rubbing all over your tired face as you think of the facts right now.

The thing is, you’re having fun right now. The three of them dragging you out has done wonders for you, and you’ve already so much of what you’ve wanted the past few hours. You want to go to all of the little events Meilin has planned, scream as much as you want at the upcoming basketball game coming up.

But your feelings are stopping you. The crippling fear of accidentally spilling your love for him is making your head spin, and it’s mixed with the desire of wanting to spend time with him so much that you can’t find an out in this situation. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place and you don’t know what to do which terrifies you because you’re always supposed to know what to do.

Hands cup your face, thumbs rubbing the temples of your head as you allow yourself to sink closer to Caleb’s comforting space. “Hey, ____…”

“I want to have fun, trust me Xia.” It’s raw, even with no tears as you try to stop the spinning of your head. “I just don’t want to get in between you and Meilin spending time together, you know? She’s your best friend and you guys still have a lot to talk about and why she didn’t tell you she was getting married in the first place-”

“-it’s fine, ____. I’ll talk to her soon, I just want you to enjoy yourself too.”

Silence descends between the two of you as you slow your breathing, letting the cool air bring you back to the present. You try to untangle yourself from his arms but he stops you, simply pressing his palms into your face as he guides you to look up at him.

“What if we just pretend, star?” 

“What?”

It’s a shocked whisper as your eyes widen, lip quivering as you look at his steadfast expression. There’s no hesitation on his face, only assurance as he moves his arms to wrap you in his embrace.

“Let’s just pretend nothing happened between us, okay? We’re just Caleb and ____, on vacation with our friends. We’re going to have a good time and it’s just you and I, okay?”

You slowly step back, eyes wild as you scan his face for any sort of hesitation on end. There’s nothing, though - only determination to make things somewhat more comfortable for you so that you can enjoy yourself too.

“Is that a good idea, Caleb?”

Your voice trembles because you don’t think you can pretend, not when your feelings are threatening to spill out of your mouth every couple of seconds. If you thought you wouldn’t make it out when the trip started, there’s almost no guarantee you’ll make it out of the trip unscathed if he’s asking you to pretend with him.

“I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, like I said.” It’s a promise on his end that you know he’ll keep, but it’s practically useless because that’s not the issue at all - the issue is that you’re so deeply in love with him that you’re beginning to think that this is your only option. “Can we try, ____?”

“What does pretending even entail, Xia?” There’s a bite in your tone as you cross your arms, looking up at his confidence. “How are we going to go about this pretending that you’re so sure of?”

Caleb senses your apprehension, and his eyes soften as he regards your face with nothing but sincerity. “Nothing happened between us, ____. No kiss, no anything. We’re just two friends who are on vacation, spending time together.”

“And this will work because-”

“-because it will remove the pressure and tension from you.” Caleb finishes your musings with a soft smile, and you almost feel yourself getting ready to go along with it because he sounds so sure about this going okay. “We’re just two…friends, star. We’re enjoying a vacation.”

“And you don’t see this ending in disaster, Xia?” You have to admit, it sounds pretty viable coming out of his mouth. There’s a little part of you that’s still hesitant, but you’re mostly curious to see what pretending means to him.

“Not at all, ____.” His tone is smooth, but his eyes are sincere as he reaches up to gently pinch at your cheek. You scowl and bat his hand away, but you can’t stop the small grin forming on your face at his teasing. “Not when I get to spend time with you.”

“Okay.”

The word slips out of your mouth before you’re even sure of what you said, but Caleb hears it all the same as a smile spreads across his face - making him look even more devastatingly handsome under the gentle glow of the lanterns above the two of you.

Oh, ____- you’re so screwed.

The day of the basketball game arrives with nerves.

Sure, you’re excited for the game to start, but it’s harder to feel that when you’re nervous about how the day will go. Not even if Caleb, Gideon, and Patrick lose - no, you’re scared because how are you going to continue pretending?

“What’s got you so nervous, ____?” Meilin’s sitting next to you, wearing a headband that has little heart cutouts of Xavier’s face that’s paired with her jersey that has his last name on the back. She looks down at the simple romper you pulled on, lips jutting out in a pout as she looks up at you with sad eyes. “And why didn’t you wear the extra jersey Caleb had?”

You eye Meilin, suspicion in your veins as you try to gauge how truthful she’s being. “I didn’t see an extra jersey, and Caleb was already wearing it when he went downstairs.”

“Damn,” she mumbles softly to herself, and you look at her in confusion before her slightly frustrated expression smooths out. Her smile peeks back out, and she elbows you friendly as you tentatively smile at her back. “How’re you liking Linkon City? Did you do anything fun?”

You nod as you focus back on the teams on the basketball court, Xavier and Caleb approaching the half court line to decide who has the ball first. After a lot of back and forth Caleb concedes the ball to Xavier, turning back with practiced ease as Xavier bristles slightly. The whistle sounds and the game begins with Meilin snorting beside you at the competition brewing.

“I knew they would be like this,” she says to you softly over the cheer of the wedding crowd. Xavier sinks a shot and points to Meilin, blowing her a kiss in her direction before tripping over his feet. You watch as Meilin’s cheeks bulge the tiniest bit, holding in her laughter even when she blows a kiss back.

“Oh God don’t laugh Mei,” she chants to herself but you elbow her, making a quick giggle escape from her lips.

“Stop, ____,” she hisses, but you merely smile devilishly sweet at her as you clap when Patrick makes a good throw into the basket.

For how competitive he is, Caleb is completely relaxed as he dribbles the ball before passing it to Gideon. You try not to focus on the way his sweat makes his body shine or how good he looks in his basketball jersey - a purple that matches his eyes with his last name emblazoned on his back. You swear he must feel your stare, though, because his eyes catch yours when he has the ball.

He dribbles the ball casually as he approaches the hoop, and Meilin elbows you back as she preens like a peacock. “Oh my God, ____, he’s about to show off-”

Your body flushes when he points directly at you, giving a small wink and smirk in your direction before focusing back on the hoop. The ball sails towards its goal-

-only to miss entirely. 

You burst into laughter when you see Caleb’s sheepish expression, hysterical to the point of tears at his cheesy attempt gone wrong. Meilin laughs alongside you, and you both have to clutch at each other as you both attempt to stifle your giggles while the game continues.

“Oh my God he looked so stupid-” you gasp, tears streaming down your face as another peal of laughter bubbles from your lips. “I don’t claim any of that by the way, Meilin.”

“At least Caleb can sometimes shoot properly!” Meilin’s catching her breath, eyes bright as you both shake your heads. “Xav nearly tripped over his own two feet a couple of attempts back and I felt something die in my chest-”

“Oh God,” you gasp, before the two of you burst out into peals of laughter once more.

For how much the two of you laugh at Caleb and Xavier, you have to admit that this game is surprisingly close. You’ve always known Caleb to be a powerhouse in whatever he does - physically adept and capable in anything he does with his competitive edge powering him to the end. But Xavier is more lithe, biding his time and waiting for an open before jumping up and sinking in neat three-pointers that has Caleb, Gideon, and Patrick gritting their teeth in frustration. You and Meilin feel the competitive spirit rising and you participate, goading and cheering them on as they trade shots back and forth.

Soon enough, it’s the last couple of seconds in a tied game. Caleb has the ball and his eyes are ultra-focused on his goal in front of him as he neatly maneuvers around Jeremiah and jumps up, aiming the ball towards the hoop with a flick of his wrist. Time seems to slow as the clock approaches zero…

Swoosh.

The basketball lands neatly in the hoop as the buzzer strikes, and the crowd cheers as Caleb pumps his fist in the air. The crowd of wedding-goers break out in enthusiastic chaos - snacks thrown all around as everyone shouts for Caleb’s winning shot. You can’t help but cheer alongside everyone else when you see Gideon and Patrick roar while lifting him up over their heads, jostling him up and down to parade him around the courtside so everyone can cheer him on. From the corner of your eye you see Meilin run up to Xavier before beaming up at him even when he pouts at his defeat, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek as he wraps her in his arms. Your eyes dart back to Caleb, wondering how he’s going to react to this scene-

-but his bright eyes and the massive smile spreading across his face are solely on you.

He hops off of Gideon and Patrick’s shoulders, running to where you stand on the courtside. His hands twitch with adrenaline and restlessness, going from swiping at the sweat on his forehead to the hem of his jersey before finally cradling your face in his palms and plopping a wet kiss onto your forehead. 

“Gross, Xia!” You’re laughing, though, a giddy feeling blossoming and spreading throughout your entire body as Caleb picks you up and spins you around. Your arms wrap around his neck, head buried against his throat as you screech and mark this memory down for you and you only.

Once he plops you back down you sway a little bit, waiting for your head to settle from the dizziness as he looks down at you with a quirk in the corner of his mouth. He lifts the hem of his jersey and uses the thin fabric to wipe at the sweat on his face with deliberate movements, and you fight to keep your mouth shut at the sight of his glistening abs above his low lying shorts, accompanied with the band of his boxer briefs peeking above the waistband.

He’s trying to kill you, you’re sure of it.

The happiness gives way to a heat burning you alive when he flashes you a wink, lifting his arms and pulling his jersey over his head by the back collar. He rubs his face against the fabric and your mouth dries at the sight of his chest heaving slightly with his breathlessness, biceps tensing and flexing as he moves the jersey to the back of his ruffled hair-

You need to leave, like right now.

You make a move to turn around but Caleb’s even quicker, hooking his pointer figure around the strap of your romper as he pulls you into his chest. You squeak at the sudden contact, his sweaty body pressed up against your shaking frame as you fight the moan that threatens to slip from your mouth at his easy dominance.

Fuck, everything about this is so hot - you shouldn’t be thinking like this.

“Everyone’s looking.”

His lips brush by your neck. “I don’t care.”

You gasp and feel Caleb’s responding smile by your neck as he settles his hands on your waist, spinning you around so you’re back to facing him in his sweaty, Adonis-like glory. His eyes dart from the jersey still in his hand to your face, expression flickering with mischief and something more before he makes up his mind, unfurling his jersey from his hands and positioning the opening above your head.

“Caleb-”

“Wear it, star.” His smirk softens into something smaller as he pulls his crumpled jersey over your head, surrounding you with the addictive scent of his sweat and a faint trace of the apple cologne he always wears. “It looks better on you, anyways.”

He grabs your hand and does a little twirl, making you miss the way his eyes darken when he sees XIA across your back - his name on you. But when you turn back around, his easy smile is on his face once more as he brushes a kiss against your knuckles before elbowing you playfully.

“You being courtside helped me win, by the way.”

You roll your eyes, elbowing him back even when his words make you glow like the sun. “I highly doubt that, Xia.”

“It’s true, ____.” He’s insistent, eyes softening when he hears your scoff. “You’re my northern star guiding me home-”

“-my callsign still isn’t Star-”

“Yeah, well,” he cuts you off, and he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you in, forcing you to look up at him as your hands land on his slightly sweaty chest. “You’re still my star. And more than that, you’re my lucky charm.” 

“And why is that, Captain Apple?” Your voice takes on a note of teasing, one that has his chest rumbling as he laughs against you. His chin rests on the top of your head as he contemplates his answer, fingers following the X I A across your back and making you weak in the knees all over again.

“Because when I’m with you, I always feel like I’m on top of the world. I’m able to push farther, explore more, achieve more because of you and your voice supporting me and being there for me.”

His words render you speechless and you look up at him incredulously, trying to gauge if he truly means it or if it’s just him continuing on with his playing pretend. But all you see is the same look of awe and yearning on his face.

The same look he’s had since he saw you after his game-winning shot.

“Caleb, are you pretending right now?”

It’s a complete juxtaposition from the celebratory mood, and you see the way his eyes dims as he processes your words. His mouth opens and he begins, “____-”

“____!”

Your eyes widen at the sound of Meilin’s voice, all but pushing her childhood best friend away from you as you move to smooth the goosebumps down from your arms. Your hands go to the hem of the jersey still on you, about to pull it off but a hand on the fabric stops you. You follow the arm, up past a gleaming silver necklace resting on an unevenly rising chest before landing on Caleb’s eyes once more.

His stormy, turbulent eyes.

“Keep it on. Please.”

And with the way his voice breaks on the last word you can’t help but loosen your hold on his jersey, instead smoothing the wrinkles on the fabric away as you turn to look at Meilin - who’s looking at you with a sparkle of knowing in her eyes.

Oh, you’re about to be in so much trouble-

“You’re so brave for having stinky Caleb’s sweaty jersey on, ____!” It's a playful chirp and you relax only slightly as she reaches towards you and links her arm around yours, sure that she’s not upset with you. “But enough of Caleb, I’m not taking no for an answer! I’m helping you find a dress for the wedding!”

“Wh-what?” You try to pull away, but Meilin isn’t having any of your protests as she drags you to where the rest of her bridesmaids sit. One of them (you believe her name is Tara) cheers when she sees you approaching, prompting the rest of the bridesmaids to cheer alongside her as they see your visage.

“You’ve been taking care of Caleb when we haven’t been able to, treating him with exceptional warmth.” Meilin’s voice is a soft whisper and she reaches down to squeeze your hand reassuringly as you process her words. “Gran and I agreed that it’s the least we can do for you.”

“Meilin, that’s too much-”

“No buts!” She declares as you finally stand in front of her bridesmaids. “Ladies! I'm going shopping with this hottie next week!”

You feel your body warm with shyness as they begin their gushing over you, but you can’t help but laugh at their antics while you let Meilin and her bridesmaids drag you away. You tilt your head back to look at him as they begin discussing the colors that would work best for your dress and your complexion, your heels and backup shoes, your purse-

Caleb watches as the jersey emblazoned with XIA disappears in the sea of people, feeling a twinge of…something light when he sees the way your eyes sparkle as you tilt your head back to laugh even harder. The evening sun bathes your body in an angelic glow, making the words unspoken thrum in his heart as he feels himself melt at the sight of you so happy.

He wants to keep you like that.

He wants to be the reason you’re always happy.

Caleb feels a body bump into him, and he turns around to see Gideon and Patrick wiggling their eyebrows in thinly veiled suggestion as Patrick tosses him a baggy black shirt.

“What are you thinking about, Caleb?” Gideon’s teasing him, he knows, but he can’t be bothered to be annoyed as he pulls his shirt over his head.

“Nothing much,” he says back jovially. He picks up his bag easily, swinging the straps over his shoulders as he beckons to his two best friends. “Wanna get street food before going back to the accommodation?”

They nod and rush ahead of him but Caleb lingers, steps easy as he mulls the words he wanted to say to you. Words that he will say to you, in one way or another.

You’re the reason why I come back.

You’re what guides me home.

There’s a pleasant sleepiness overtaking your body as the clock strikes ten.

You’re changing into your comfiest sweats and an oversized shirt following an impromptu dinner with Meilin and her bridesmaids, gleeful exchanges of social media and numbers shared over grilled bar food and cocktails. There’s still a light hum from the alcohol in your veins, but it’s nothing too intense. It’s a steady thrum of warmth that makes you feel just a little bit looser and more open, but you know with a glass of water it will go away easily.

You eye your laptop, debating on whether or not you want to watch a movie to help you drift off to sleep. You think back to the movie you’re still enthralled with: of curses the female lead couldn’t speak about and flower fields and a romance you find yourself yearning for, especially now. You decide that it’s the best course of action for yourself, so you settle yourself into your bed with your laptop and pull the movie up.

You’re about to press start when there’s a knock on your door, interrupting your cozy time. A sigh escapes your lips at how you’ll have to retuck yourself into bed but you’re still pushing yourself out of your blanket fort, padding over softly to the door and pulling it open to see Caleb standing by the threshold with a sheepish expression on his face.

“Hi, ____.”

“You’re being really thorough with this pretending thing.” It’s deadpan but you still step aside just enough for Caleb to come inside, and you turn and lock the door behind him as he settles himself on the edge of the bed. He eyes the screen of your laptop as you wiggle yourself underneath your covers before spreading the comforter flat and patting the newly formed space next to you.

“Come on,” you murmur softly. “I know you want to watch the movie, too.”

You can’t quite hold back your smile when he settles himself comfortably and looks at the movie with thinly veiled interest.

“I saw this on your screen when I invited you to the wedding,” Caleb muses as you tap on your spacebar. The score sounds tinny coming out of your laptop’s small stereo system, but the two of you still settle back and watch with rapt interest. “Why this one?”

“You’ll see, now shush.”

His mouth falls silent at your insistence, but he still smiles to himself as he relents.

The silence is broken with the occasional comment or bit of laughter - mainly in the beginning, when Caleb scoffs at how the two main characters float through the air as the iconic score plays behind them. He turns to you, and you feel your breath catch at how…handsome he looks in this light. The colors wash over his face, bathing him in the splashes of color thanks to the animated scenes before you. You can see the intrigue he tries to hide by setting his mouth straight but his expressive eyes betray him: warm and with a sparkle as he examines the scenes playing out in front of him.

“This is the movie you’re obsessed with?” He’s trying to put on all of his bravado for show, but his breath catches when he sees the way they float majestically through the air.

“Yup,” you murmur back, resting your head on his shoulder.

He freezes for a second, processing the fact you’re resting on him - so warm and akin to a cat with the way you unconsciously rub your head against his shoulder. You return your attention to the movie, barely hiding your shiver when he plops his arm behind you so that you can burrow further into his body.

Somehow throughout the course of the movie, Caleb finds his way underneath the covers and tangles his legs in between yours, settling your laptop on his thighs so that you can curl up next to him comfortably. Your head is fully on his chest now, hands gripping his shirt lightly while he idly traces something on the back of your shirt. His overwhelming warmth and the pleasant sensation of him running his fingers lightly up and down your body has you slowly nodding off, and he takes notice of it as the movie comes to an end.

“Star, you okay?”

“‘m sleepy,” you mumble back, and you feel his chuckle rock your head as he pauses your laptop and closes it shut. He moves the device onto the floor and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close while you hum in sleepy contentment.

“Did you like the movie?” It comes out as a yawn from you, and you can feel your eyes water as they slowly begin to drift shut.

“I did, actually.” He brushes his fingers against your forehead, slowly pushing away your baby hairs as you subtly push your nose into his neck. “Reminded me why I do what I do at the DAA.”

That catches your attention, but you still keep your eyes shut as you mull over your next words. “What do you mean by that?”

“It reminds me that I do what I do for my family.”

“Hmm.” It’s a sleepy hum as silence befalls the two of you once more, but you’re more awake as you mull over Caleb’s words. His heart thrums erratically under your ear, and you swear it beats a little bit faster when your fingers brush against his chest as you move your hand closer to you.

“You really love them, huh?”

There’s no bitterness on your tone, only soft curiosity as Caleb stills underneath you. His hands stop their tracks, resting on your waist as he chooses his next words.

“I do.”

Caleb’s voice is raw with honesty, and he only waits a beat before he continues on. “I felt a lot of pressure making sure to provide for Meilin and Gran. You know Meilin and I were taken care of by Josephine when we were young, and she made me promise to always look after her. Sure, I was happy when I saw the invitation because I just want Meilin to be happy, and Xavier does. God, he does and I’m so happy about it. But…but a part of me will always feel the need to take care of them, if that makes sense. It’s been instilled with me for so long I don’t know what to do myself without it.”

“Caleb,” your voice is soft yet firm, gripping his shirt tighter as you fight the sleep that’s washing over your common sense. “Meilin and Josephine are already happy and cared for because of you and all of your hard work from the past couple of years. You deserve to have happiness of your own, too.”

You feel it then, even when you’re about to slip into sleep. The way his body stills, a shaky breath washing over the top of your head as he lets your words sink in.

It stays that way up until you finally succumb to sleep, too tired to process or even register that he hasn’t left - that’s he’s still cradling you to his chest as he mulls over your words and the moments the two of you have shared and avoided these past couple of months- years, even. But when you finally drift off to sleep, you swear you feel the soft brush of lips ghost lightly against your forehead, accompanied with a soft, “Good night, my star.”

You’re lighter, happier the days leading up to the wedding.

The days blur past you in an enthusiastic chaos, mornings spent exploring every nook and cranny of Linkon City interspersed with wedding party dinners you and Caleb are invited to until you reach the day of your dress fitting with Meilin.

She’s a chatty, effervescent bubble filled to the brim with fabric ideas paired with potential colors that suit your complexion while you sit on the chaise lounge by the dressing rooms, eyeing the glasses of champagne that seem too far out of reach for you to grab without seeming rude in her eyes.

So you sit, twisting your fingers against your skirt as you nod minutely.

“Do you have any ideas of what you want to wear, ____?”

You whip your head up to her, shaking your head profusely. “I- uh, as long as it’s not too expensive, I guess.”

She tuts at this, sitting down next to you while gesturing towards the dress racks. “Nonsense! Gran and I don’t have a budget. Here, we’ll look through all of the dresses and you can try them on for me one by one, okay?”

She doesn’t wait for your response, simply picking up a glass of champagne you had been eyeing earlier and handing it to you before clinking her own glass against it.

“To dresses and friendship!”

You barely get a sip before she’s pulling you off of the couch with her Hunter’s strength and guiding you through the boutique.

One by one you and Meilin collect dresses, handing them to attendants stationed around the room. Your mind is nowhere near focused on the frills and lace, though - no, you’re thinking about her relationship with a certain purple-eyed fighter pilot and Captain of the DAA.

“Meilin,” you begin tentatively, unsure of how to start. She simply hums as she pulls a hot pink tulle ball gown from the rack before wincing and shoving it back in. “What are your feelings towards Caleb?”

You expect her to go rigid but she laughs instead, the sound airy and full of good-natured humor as she turns to you with a soft smile on her face. “Best friend, older brother figure who I know I can always rely on. Also my personal chef and a little stinky but overall? He’s someone reliable and all around just a good person.” She fishes out a navy blue silk number and she looks at you with a critical eye before nodding once and leaving the dress with an attendant.

You try to go along casually but something still prickles at your skin. Why is Caleb still so protective over her after all of this time? And does Meilin see it? Your stare must have been a little too intense because she turns to look back at you before reaching out and lacing her fingers through your own.

“Caleb and I talked for a little while after you guys got home. He asked me why I didn’t tell him about the wedding and…I’m going to be honest, ____, I told him I knew he would flip out on me. He’s always been someone who protects me but I don’t need that anymore, I just want my best friend- you know?”

She releases her hand and the two of you continue to rifle through dresses. But you feel a little more confident, so it spills out of you:

“Did you and Caleb ever have feelings for each other?”

Meilin fake-gags at this, and you feel a sheepish look grow on your face at your possible question. Her expression smooths out, though and she shakes her head empathetically at you.

“I maaay have had a teensy little thing for Caleb when I was younger.” Meilin’s voice is soft as she brushes her fingers across a floor-length dress. She pulls it off of the rack and you still as you let her peer at you - allowing for her to visualize the color and embroidered flowers against your skin while she mulls over her next words.

Hey eyes snap up all of a sudden, and you feel goosebumps prickle at your skin at the sudden wisdom flickering in her eyes.

“But that’s all in the past, ____. I love Xavier with every fiber of my being. He’s my guiding force, the one I want to see at the end of my days. Caleb will always be my best friend and someone I want in my life forever, but Xavier…”

She sighs dreamily, handing you the hanger. Her fingers brush past yours, squeezing softly as she gives you a steadfast smile. “Xavier is the reason for my being.”

You squeeze her fingers back, letting the motion and melancholic look on your face speak the words that you don’t trust yourself to utter in the face of her genuine kindness. She tuts at your expression and squeezes your hand tighter, saying words that render you speechless:

“I think Caleb’s on track to picking someone close to his orbit…someone intelligent, dependable, and extremely beautiful. And I’ll be pushing for him to make a move soon, because quite frankly I’m getting tired of him waiting around.”

Her words shock you to your core, and you surprise the two of you when you let out a watery chuckle at her sweet statement. Meilin is gracious to turn around as the two of you begin to walk back to the dressing rooms, and you let yourself sniffle and process the fact that Meilin knows.

Not only that she knows, but that she wants the two of you to be together - that she thinks it’s the best thing.

So you let yourself feel a little bit lighter, allow yourself to feel hope blossom in your body as she drags you back to your dressing room with your numerous dresses in tow. The heavy feeling is gone and in its stead are two girls just having a fashion show in a mirrorless dressing room - Meilin squealing about your beauty with every dress you walk out of your dressing room, no matter how much it clashes with your complexion. You do feel pretty, but none of the dresses feel like you.

You sigh as you near the end of the pile, none of the dresses speaking to you. Meilin’s nonplussed though, simply pointing to the last dress she had placed in the pile. “I think that one might be the one, ____.”

You eye the numerous ties on the back of the dress as you take in the soft tulle and the little embroidered flowers scattered across the sweetheart neckline of the top. Your eyes flicker from Meilin’s hopeful face to the ties before sighing once more, nodding your head towards the small dressing room. “Can you help me tie the back?”

You can’t suppress your smile when she cheers at your relenting.

As you slip on the dress, you marvel at the way it hugs your body and emphasises you in a delicate way you’ve never seen before. The thin lace straps resting on your shoulders have little white and pink flowers stitched onto the delicate material, continuing a sweet trail down across the sweetheart neckline and onto the bodice. The fabric shimmers and shifts with every bit movement - flashes of soft yellow fading to a muted pear green depending on the lighting of the room while the pearls stitched throughout the fabric add to your glittering illusion. Paired with the layered ruffles at the end of the dress barely brushing the floor and the silk green ribbon that Meilin ties around your neck, you can’t help but know that this is your dress - even if you can’t see yourself in the mirror just yet. 

“Oh, ____,” she gasps as she zips up the back, fingers beginning to tighten the corset. “I think this dress might be it.”

A buzzing breaks your star-struck wonder, and you tilt your head back slightly to look at Meilin in confusion. “Is that yours?”

“Oh!” She steps away quickly and darts out of the dressing room, leaving you to run your fingers along the diaphanous fabric as she takes her call. You swear you hear a muted whisper of “Got it, Trip,” behind you but you elect to ignore it, simply imagining you out in the town in this dress and dancing in the arms of a faceless figure with sparkling sunset eyes.

Look at you. You’ve practically grown foolishly soft with love.

But you can’t help but smile to yourself. You want this.

 “____!” Meilin calls. You turn your neck so that you can look at her panic, eyes darting back and forth as she looks at you. “I’m so sorry but my boss is having a meltdown over at the Association. I’ll send an attendant to tighten your dress so that you can see the full effect and help you take it off, okay?” 

“No worries, Meilin,” you say with an easy smile. You above all know how quick things can change at work, so you wave her off. “Thank you, by the way.”

She beams at you, about to turn back around before she stops and whips her head back at you. “Don’t you dare try to pay for that stunning beauty of a dress! I already put it in the wedding budget!”

You laugh at her cheeky wink before she dashes away, leaving you alone. Your fingers play idly with the ribbon in the back, wondering if you can pull the strings yourself. Surely it’ll work out if you just do it yourself.

You hear a rustle, though, stopping you in your tracks. You peek out of the dressing room, about to let the attendant in-

-only for your eyes to widen when you see Caleb standing before you, the shock you feel in your chest reflected on his face.

“I-”

“____?” He asks. “What are you doing here?”

You flounder for an answer, pulling the curtain closer to your body as if it can help you disappear. “I was trying on dresses with Mei but she left. But forget about me, what the hell are you doing in a dress shop?!”

Caleb’s eyes widen in disbelief before he points at the sign on the window. You swing your head to view it, groaning when you see Bloomshore Dress and Tux Shop in neat script.

Shit, ____, your observation skills are down the drain.

“Gideon and Patrick asked me to meet up for a tux fitting?” It ends in a question, almost as if he’s unsure of the situation he’s just been thrust into. “But, uh, the people said they didn’t have my tux quite ready yet sooo they told me to sit here for now.” 

“Dammit,” you sigh, running a hand over the top of your head to ease your nerves at this situation devolving to being just you and him. “I was supposed to get the back of this dress corseted up and then I was gonna take a picture for Meilin before taking it off-”

“You’re wearing a dress?”

It comes out as a dazed whisper from Caleb and you feel prickles erupt on your skin when you see his cheeks flush lightly. He swallows heavily, Adam’s apple bobbing thickly before he manages to get out, “Can I see?”

You hesitate for a second, and for a split second you wonder if this entire thing will end up crashing all around you. What’s going to happen when the two of you go back to the DAA base and you have missions to execute? Will you ever be able to get back to the way the two of you were before this- fuck, since before the kiss you shared all those months ago?

You scan his face slowly, looking for any sort of hesitation from him. There’s nothing, though. It’s just Caleb, looking devastatingly handsome like he always does as he stares at you like you’ve hung all of the stars in the sky.

Your fingers twitch before they loosen, letting go of the curtain with a soft swish.

And you see the exact moment Caleb’s composure slips: eyes widening, jaw clenching before his tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip. His eyes follow a dangerous curve down your face to examine the way the dress flows around your body, and you swear you can feel the trail of sparks his gaze leaves tingling on your skin.

He frowns slightly, though, when he sees the way your hands clutch at the back of your dress.

“Come here.”

It’s soft, slightly hoarse as you tentatively approach him. He positions you in front of him so that you’re looking at the mirror while he stands behind you, and you loose a sigh at the vision of you in the mirror as you let your hands fall from your back for him to examine the ties.

Meilin’s right.

This is the one.

And by the way his breath is uneven against the nape of your neck, you know Caleb agrees.

“So I just…” His voice has dropped an octave, quiet as he pulls you slightly closer so that he can pull lightly at one of the ties experimentally. The corset squeezes you ever so slightly and you gasp, making him look up at you in panic as he settles his hands on your waist almost unknowingly.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His fingers flex at your sides and you reach out and slide your fingers in between his, giving him a soft squeeze.

“I’m okay,” you breathe out unsteadily. “Just uh…just a warning, okay?”

“R-right,” he stutters out, and when he moves his hands back to your corset, you duck your head so he can’t see your smile in the mirror.

You can feel yourself shiver when Caleb’s breath washes over your bare shoulders, though. His fingers barely brushing your spine as he threads his fingers along your corset ties. “Is this okay, star?”

“Yes,” you breathe.

You see him nod in the mirror, amethyst eyes flashing with something unknown before he begins.

For how calloused and big his hands are, Caleb’s exceptionally gentle as he tightens your corset. You hum when it feels too tight or too loose but for the most part he’s able to gauge your comfort just from how you breathe, loosening a loop if he hears your catch for even a second. Soon enough, he’s knotting the ties in a pretty bow as you look in the mirror, trying to reconcile the fact that this is you.

“All done,” he says softly. His hands move from your back, hovering slightly over your body before he lets them hang by his sides. You don’t have to look at them to know he’s shaking - you can feel the tremble of his chest behind you, brushing up against your back.

“Thank you,” you murmur, giving him a soft grin in the mirror.

Your eyes wander over your visage, turning so that you can see the shifts between pale yellow and pear green in real time. You feel a smile wash over your face as you turn, allowing for the dress to twirl around your ankles as you spin on your bare tiptoes. The feeling is so thrilling and you can’t help but laugh, tilting your head back at the pure happiness that envelopes your body as you miss the way Caleb’s jaw goes slack at your unbridled joy. It bathes you in an indescribable light, illuminating you from the inside out as he feels his stomach do flips.

You’re beautiful.

Every inch of you, overwhelmingly so.

You finally stop, your soft laughter fading as you finally see the way he looks at you. Eyes soft at the corners, the set of his jaw gentle as he gazes at you - everything about him defenseless. His hand trembles as he reaches up towards your face, but you still just enough for him to see the nod you give him before he allows himself to cup your face in his palms. He holds you reverently, thumbs brushing against every inch of skin he can reach and you reach up to circle his wrists with your fingers, pulling him closer so that your chests brush and he looms over you.

“You’re stunning.”

He says it like it’s a well known fact, just like the laws of gravity that dictate your universe and everything around you. But it steals your breath away from you all of the same, eyes flickering as you look at him in shock.

“Caleb,” you whisper, stepping back slightly. His feet follow you and before you know it you’re pressed up against the mirror as he lets his hands drift from your face to your waist, letting you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer - noses brushing, chests rising and moving with the same breath.

“You’ve robbed this room of all of the oxygen in it,” he says rawly, and with how shallowly he says it as he steals your own oxygen from your lungs you almost believe him. “Do you know what you do to me? It’s hard for me to compose myself or even breathe properly around you because you take my breath away, ____.” 

“Cheesy.” You try to sound brave, but your voice wavers just enough for him to know that you feel it too.

“Only for my star.” Unlike before, it’s steady with his conviction. His head begins to duck down and your lips almost brush, eyes never leaving each other as you each examine the other’s face. You’re floored by the sheer honesty and longing on his face, his eyes tracing the delicate curve of your cheek as your own gaze begins to flutter shut.

There’s a silent whisper though, a promise to make sure that things stayed normal between you reverberating through your brain with a vengeance. You return your eyes to his and you whisper:

“Are we still pretending, Caleb?”

His eyes turn soft, and his hand reaches up to cradle your cheek as he looks at you like you’re his universe. His mouth opens, and-

“-Mr. Xia, your tu- oh!”

If the air in the room had gone thin previously, it suddenly comes rushing back and fills the two of you with crushing clarity. Caleb pushes him off with quick precision, subtly adjusting the front of his baggy shirt to hang loosely above the front of his pants as you cough, brushing the creases of your dress away.

“I’m uh, I’ll just-” The attendant tries to begin, but you hold your hands out to placate them a little bit.

“It’s okay!” You exclaim, although frustration bubbles in your chest at being interrupted once again. You step forward towards them, willing for your hands to stop shaking. “I’m done with this dress if you’ll help me take it off. Only if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course!” The attendant chirps, practically sprinting to a dressing room and pulling open the curtain for you. “Right this way, Ms. ____! Once this dress is off I’ll package it and send it home with you!”

“Thank you,” you reply softly. You pick up the delicate fabric and walk towards the dressing room, although you can feel the way Caleb’s eyes bore into your back.

“____.”

You turn back around and cock your head, confusion on your face. “Yes?”

Caleb’s eyes trace your figure softly once more before he drags them back up to his face - his eyes honing into the plush of your lips as he swallows thickly. You hold back on biting your lip, wrapping your arms around your waist to wait for what he wants to say.

“I’ll see you at the wedding?”

“Yes,” you murmur with a small smile on your lips. You give him a nod before turning around, walking away with the frenzy of butterflies in your stomach being nearly enough to have you float away.

You feel like you’re floating on cloud nine and you never want to come down.

There’s an undercurrent of excitement when you step into the ceremony space with Gideon and Patrick.

There’s tasteful bits of greenery all throughout the room, lilies and moon-shaped designs incorporated throughout the space. Above your heads are curtains of the same greenery draped tastefully, lanterns illuminating the space and casting everything with a warm, romantic glow. Everyone’s dressed in their best finery, and you sigh blissfully to yourself as you, Patrick, and Gideon settle in your designated seats. Your eyes never stop wandering, though, going from greenery to lilies to Xavier, who looks like he’s about to burst into tears as Jeremiah pats him on the back while waiting for the processional to start.

“You think Caleb’s going to cry?” Gideon’s tone is gleeful as he elbows you and Patrick, and you roll your eyes as you brush a piece of lint off of his suit.

“Patrick has a better chance of crying, honestly,” you shrug as you smooth out the nonexistent creases on your dress. You cross your legs, smiling as you see the shift from yellow to green underneath the romantic light. “And then you, and then me.”

“You’re lying,” he scoffs. “You’re much more of a softie than Patrick and I, ____.”

“I’m not going to cry,” you steadily declare. The lights slowly dim and you quickly sit up, casting them a glance as music begins to swell. “I’m going to keep it together.”

The music picks up and you watch as the procession starts, feeling your breath slowly grow uneven as tears begin to prick at your eyes. You blink rapidly as the bridesmaids begin to walk gracefully down the aisle, scolding yourself in your head because really, ____? Meilin isn’t even down the aisle yet-

Oh.

The entire venue stands as the music swells, Meilin standing arm in arm with Caleb and their Gran in front of the grand doors. She’s a vision as she walks down the aisle to the love of her life, the gentle tulle flowers on the long train of her dress giving the impression of her leaving petals in her wake. Your eyes flick up to Xavier and your heart warms at the sight of tears streaming down his face as he looks at her with all of the love in the world, nearly moving you to your own tears as she finally reaches the end of the aisle.

Meilin leans down to give Josephine a kiss on her cheek before she walks away, leaving her and Caleb standing at the end of the aisle as Xavier walks towards them. Meilin pulls Caleb down for a hug and he holds her tightly, a whispered word on his end making a tear slide down her cheek as she pulls back. Caleb and Xavier look at each other before Caleb holds his hand out, shaking Xavier’s hand firmly and finally pushing Meilin towards him before moving to stand beside the rest of the bridal party.

As the ceremony starts, you find your eyes wandering over Caleb’s form. The tuxedo he wears fits him like a glove, hair slicked back just enough to show off his forehead as he pays attention to the beginning. You vaguely register being instructed to sit down, and as you settle back to your seat you see Caleb’s eyes finally begin to scan the room around him.

You watch Caleb’s gaze scan the rows as he bounces subtly on his heels, perhaps looking for your group? His eyes widen when he sees Gideon and Patrick and he gives them a smile and a cheeky wink before moving his stare to you.

And the entire world stills, leaving just you and him.

Caleb's jaw goes slack when he sees your face, carefully done so that your natural beauty is still at the forefront. Everything in you stops as he carefully traces the delicately styled curls framing your face and the little flower and pearl pins holding your hair up before moving down, looking at the dress you’ve both grown to love so much.

All of a sudden, his eyes snap back up to yours and your breath catches in your throat. His gaze is full of longing and awe as his mouth forms a shape, and you realize belatedly he’s mouthing something to you as the ceremony continues. You flick your eyebrow up delicately, and you see him release a little amused puff of air before he mouths it again.

Beautiful.

Your body heats as you wait for Caleb to throw a wink in your way, maybe joking subtly to lighten the mood as you vaguely hear Xavier begin his vows. But he does none of it - he just looks at you with that same quiet intensity, eyes full of an unspoken feeling and yearning that the two of you share.

“____? Are you all right?”

You turn your head to the side when you hear Gideon’s whisper, and you bring your fingers up to your face when you suddenly register tears streaming down your cheeks. You delicately wipe them away before releasing a shaky breath, nodding and feeling yourself genuinely smile.

“I’m perfect.”

You direct your gaze back to Caleb, who’s face has a soft tinge of concern at your supposed pain. But you feel none of those negative emotions, only bubbling happiness that shoots up and down your spine as you finally, finally smile at him. His eyes widen and an emotion fills his eyes, soft and matching what you feel as Meilin and Xavier finish their vows, sealing themselves as a newly married couple.

Even when the ceremony space breaks out in cheers as Xavier dips Meilin down for a kiss, your eyes never leave each other, and you can’t help but giggle wetly to yourself as you wipe at the tears in the corners of your eyes continuously.

Oh, how you love Caleb Xia.

And oh, how you love the hope you’re allowing yourself to feel - the hope that he may love you, too.

That floating feeling doesn’t stop, even hours into the reception.

The space Meilin and Xavier rented out for the party is even more stunning than the ceremony hall, tables set up in neat rows on one side to accommodate the giant dance floor and buffet on the other side. The same greenery and moon bunny motifs are carried in here but it just feels more relaxed, leading to you chatting with some other guests before the wedding party showed up.

Meilin and Xavier enter the hall to cheers, smiles never leaving their faces as Xavier spins Meilin around to show off her silky reception dress before pulling her back in and dipping her down for a romantic kiss. You, Gideon, and Patrick cheer alongside the people at your table, and you can’t help but laugh when you see the dazed look in Meilin’s eyes after Xavier took her breath away.

While dinner was underway, Jeremiah gave a speech that had Xavier burning red while Meilin laughed at him, only for Caleb to turn the tables on her and make her sob with a sweet speech that left no eyes dry, Gideon’s and Patrick’s especially. You were quick to console them, but you were also dabbing away your own tears - especially when he looked at you during a tender moment.

Now, though? The tenderness has given way to a rager, and you laugh as Gideon executes a perfect worm with one of Meilin’s coworkers on the dance floor. You stand on the side of the dance floor, cheering when Patrick hops in at the perfect moment next to Gideon and they begin to execute their increasingly intricate dance routine to the enthusiasm of Hunter’s Association.

“____!”

Meilin somehow ends up beside you and she smiles widely at you, pulling you towards the middle of the dance floor. You laugh when you see her headband that has THE MOST LOVED MRS. SHEN in fluorescent letters above her head, and you let her drag you to the center as you both begin to dance.

“I! Love! This! Song!” She’s screaming above the music, moving her arms to the beat as you attempt to match her energy. You just end up laughing even harder, though, happiness overtaking your entire body as you pull her into your arms and give her a hug.

“I’m happy for you!” It’s soft, whispered in her ear as Meilin sniffles at your sweet sentiment. She hugs you back tightly and the two of you still, even as movement continues all around you. You’re happy that she’s your friend and that your apprehension on this trip has gone away, leaving you just warm and so fulfilled.

At one point, Meilin’s bridesmaids join in on the fray and they jump around you, screaming the lyrics to a cheesy pop song that has all of you giggling once more. Everything in this moment is electric and you can’t think of how it could possibly get better-

The music slows, and the crowd groans in good nature as a slower song comes on. There’s a tap on your shoulder, and you turn to smile at Xavier as he winks at you before pointing to Meilin behind you.

“Can I get a dance with my beloved wife, ____?”

“Of course.” You smile and tuck a stray curl behind your ear, letting Xavier scoop Meilin up in his arms. You turn around with a wink, marking your leave with a small kiss in Meilin’s direction as Xavier begins to sway her around.

You make your way to a small alcove by the refreshments stand, getting yourself a glass of water and drinking greedily to quench your thirst. You watch as the couple on the dance floor sway to the gentle song, lighting gone low to contribute to the romantic mood. 

“____.”

You don’t need to turn to hear who it is, but you still tilt your head to the side as Caleb approaches you. He’s long taken off his tux jacket, sleeves pushed up to his elbow and tie loosened as he pushes his hair up off of his forehead. There’s an easy charm to him that has your stomach flipping, and you place your glass on the table behind you as he settles himself next to you.

“You look like you’ve had fun.” There’s subtle teasing on your voice and it makes Caleb chuckle quietly as he shuffles a little closer to you, making your fingers brush lightly. Sparks run up and down your arm at the subtle contact, and you feel your eyes grow wide at the intense stare on his own face.

“You look like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the opportunity to see.”

He punctuates his statement by sweeping you into his arms, making you gasp and settle your hands on his chest. He slowly begins to sway you around to the song in the background, and you fist his shirt in your hands slightly while tilting your head up to look at him. There’s a breathlessness on Caleb’s face, awe and deeper emotions mixing in his eyes that causes your own breath to escape your lips unsteadily.

“Are we done pretending, Caleb Xia?”

The answer to the question that’s evaded you time and time again is finally said, but there’s no grief in it. It’s just a quiet murmur, a whisper to your desires that has his eyes softening as he reaches up to cup your cheek.

“Yes, ____.” 

He says it with absolute certainty, and he dips his head down to leave a tender kiss on your forehead pulling away slightly. He turns you in a slow circle and the lights shift around the two of you, bathing him with a hazy glow that has your heart beating just a little more erratically as you move to stand on your tiptoes.

“Good.” It’s steady leaving your mouth as you let your nose brush against his. “I’m tired of pretending, Captain Apple.”

“Yeah, star?” He dips down a little lower, his lips almost brushing yours as your eyes slowly begin to slip shut. “I-”

“Caleb!”

Meilin’s voice breaks the two of you from your stupor, and you feel yourself flush slightly as you put a little distance between the two of you before smoothing the creases from your dress. Caleb, however, looks like he wants to murder the teasing smile from Mei’s face as he steps away from you slightly.

“This better be good, Meilin. I was busy-” he begins hotly, but resignation blooms on his face as she grabs his arm and begins to drag him towards the floor, to his chagrin and your quiet laughter.

“I already danced with Gran!” She’s laughing, and you can’t help but smile at the infectious happiness as Caleb looks back at you in exasperation. “I need to do the cheesy slow dance with someone who’s basically my older brother! C’mon-”

Caleb, all the while, gazes back at you with a longing in his eyes that lets you know he doesn’t want to go. You simply shake your head and smile, nodding in the direction of the dance floor encouragingly. 

“Wait for me,” he says.

“I will,” you whisper back, more to yourself than to him. Still, he sees your relenting and finally eases, letting Meilin fully drag him to the dance floor with no complaints.

Serenity settles itself in your soul as you see the two of them dancing, Caleb and Meilin laughing as he spins her around in dizzying circles. You don’t feel any jealousy, though, only happiness that the two of them worked out the awkwardness and that they’re back to being childhood best friends who always stood side by side.

Your eyes wander the room before landing on an ajar door to your left, and you make your way out so that you can feel some cool air on your skin. You hum to yourself when you find yourself in a garden, and you’re careful to pick up your skirt as you look over the moonlit majesty of the shrubs and flowers lining the sidewalk you’re standing on. You can still hear the party from the scattered open doors, but it’s peaceful enough that you can soak in your happiness as you amble slowly.

The wind chills slowly as the moon rises higher in the sky, stars twinkling as you feel goosebumps prickle at your skin. You look down at your dress and sigh, electing to go back to the hall so that you can pick up a glass of champagne and get the thin scarf that came with your dress. You’re about to step inside-

“Caleb, you need to be honest with ____.”

Patrick sounds severe, cutting through the tranquility of the garden as you freeze. Somewhere in the fray you hear Gideon nodding in agreement and Caleb sighing in frustration, and you decide then and there to listen in on them.

This is pertaining to you.

Their words are muffled as you duck behind a column by an open door, the music blaring from the dance floor making it a safe place for you to duck inside quickly before stepping back outside, crouching by another column and straining your ears so you can hear the heated discussion happening right outside. There’s a lull in the words so you peek out just a little bit more, gripping the column as you fight to hear what they’re arguing about-

“-she’s not Meilin, not at all.”

Your heart stops.

Caleb’s voice continues hotly, and you feel your hands begin to tremble as he spills his emotions for you to finally hear. “I can’t keep pretending with ____. I just can’t.”

The honesty is painful but you’re thankful because it pulls you out of the bullshit fantasy you were living in. You fight to steady your breathing as you listen to him break your heart, unaware that you’re even here. You’re grateful, though, because you finally know how he truly feels about you - that his pretending was just a means to an end to him.

That you should just stop.

That you’ll never be enough for him.

“She’s never going to be someone like Meilin. Meilin is bright, bubbly- commands the room with every smile she throws around like confetti. She’s welcoming and talkative and…and ____ will never be that, you know?”

You can practically feel the uncomfortable silence that the three of them descend into before Gideon’s low voice cuts through the tension. “So why don’t you tell her that, Caleb?”

You’ve heard enough. More than enough.

You don’t need to hear what Caleb thinks about you. He’s been playing you this entire time.

You force yourself to push your trembling body through the door, and you see Gideon’s and Patrick’s faces light up in panic as they register that it’s you - you in this beautiful dress that suddenly feels too heavy and too light all at once - the numerous ties holding the dress closed strangling the air from out of your lungs while leaving you and your emotions naked for the two of them to see.

“____,” Patrick breathes, making Caleb’s head whip around in a frenzy as he sees you standing there.

His eyes widen but you shake your head once, twice, three times before turning around and running as fast as you can.

You step on the front of the dress heavily as you run back into the main ballroom, making you hitch up the slippery fabric so that you can run just a little bit faster. You can hear a frantic shout of your name but you ignore it, locating the front exit right by the dance floor where the party continues to dance late into the night.

You don’t think. You plunge into the crowd, effortlessly weaving and bobbing through the enthusiastic throng of people as you attempt to lose Caleb in the dancing bodies. Your vision blurs with tears but you blink them away, focused on your objective of getting as far away as you can-

-only to bump into a body draped in white silk surrounded by the telltale pale blue dresses of the bridesmaids, Meilin holding onto your elbows as she looks at you with worry.

“____, are you okay?” Her kindness makes your heart twinge and you know you should respond, put on a brave face at this unending warmth you do not deserve but you can only think about his words, of how you’ll never be her and how you will never be enough for Caleb-

“I need to go,” you gasp, and you all but rip yourself from her body when you hear the panicked yells scarily close to where the two of you stand in the middle of the dance floor. Meilin’s eyes widen at the sound but you don’t wait for her realization to hit her, instead electing to run as fast as your heels allow you to go.

“Caleb Xia, what the fuck did you do-”

Meilin’s voice is shrill - loud enough for you to hear even when you finally escape from the throng of people. There’s a small part of you that’s thankful for Meilin and her support but it’s swiftly drowned out by your brain screaming at you to keep going so that you don’t have to face the fallout. Your feet ache as you continue to run, toes pinched tight by the beautiful silk heels that you’re thankful have ties because you would have absolutely broken your ankle by now if it weren’t for them. Ahead of you lies the curb and the street where taxis would be, where your escape is. Your exit is so close - all you need to do now is get to the curb and wave for a taxi to take you away from this mess.

You’re almost there-

Gravity stops you in your tracks, making your heels stiffen as you try to move forward. You see the flashes of blue and orange traveling across your body before it lifts you up with a gentleness, spinning you around and guiding you back to the Evol user’s vision. You’re stunned into silence as you see Caleb’s plush lips pressed in a thin line, finger beckoning you closer before settling you gently onto the pavement. 

“That’s foul play, Xia.” Your voice is cold, hands clenched in fists as you try to maintain your icy composure. Caleb’s eyes widen at your facade and he goes to step closer to you but you hold your hand up, turning your head slightly so you don’t have to look at the supposed devastation across his face.

“____-”

“I know I’ll never be Meilin.” The words are acrid as you all but spit them out and you can’t help but laugh shortly at his audacity to look hurt. “But having us pretend? Did you decide that being honest wasn’t enough? You wanted to give me a consolation prize?”

“That’s not at all what I meant.” His voice wavers as he steps closer to you, but you simply turn your body and try to keep your body from shaking. “____, everything came out wrong and I need you to know that I didn’t mean it like that.”

“So what did you mean, Captain Xia?” Caleb’s face flashes with hurt at your usage of his title, but you can’t find it in yourself to care in the face of your breaking heart. “What did you mean when you said that I will never be Meilin, your perfect best friend?”

“____, please look at me.” You lift your head slightly to see his panic, never letting yourself fully gaze into those amethyst eyes as he steps closer to you, arms brushing as he tries to mend what he’s shattered. “You’re my north star, the one guiding me home-”

“-but I’ll never be enough to be the one you choose at the end of the day.”

It’s a lethal slice of words, silence enveloping the two of you once more as you finally turn your body to face him. He looks utterly forlorn, eyes darting back and forth across your face as he tries to say something to make it up to you, but you can only laugh as you fill the silence for the both of you instead.

“I get it, Xia, I do.” Your voice is a bitter whisper, wrapping your arms around your body as you shake from the cold and what you’re about to say. “Mei’s your childhood best friend and someone who’s going to be there for you forever. She’s perfect and bubbly and warm and so beloved by all while I’m just…me. Someone easy to pretend with.”

“No, you don’t get it, ____.” He’s desperate and your eyes widen as he staggers down in front of you, grabbing your hands so that he can press his face into your cold palms. “Everything I said about Meilin is true but ____, my star, you are the North that guides me home. You are the earth beneath my feet that keeps me stable and the air in my lungs whenever everything suddenly feels too overwhelming. You’re in my dreams and in the stars in the sky, in sunsets and in clouds and in flowers. I see your smile and I know I’m fucked because that’s the smile I would fight and bleed to death for, because all I want is for you to keep those smiles and laughs and breaths for myself. But it’s also the smile that makes me fly safer, the smile I keep in my mind when I go in and out of the Deepspace Tunnel and fuck, ____, I need you to believe me.”

Your heart sinks as his face searches yours, eyes wild for some sort of way to have you understand him, that he truly means every word he says-

“Where was this in the bar the first time you kissed me?” Your voice has softened at his start of a confession, but the words are still veiled with cynicism as you search his face for any sort of truth. “Why didn’t you tell me this the first time around? Or at the night market? Why did you hesitate to tell me these things until you thought it might have been too late? Why did you have us pretend in the first place when it’s never been pretend for me, Xia?”

Your vision wavers and a tear falls from the corner of your eye, slowly rolling down your cheek before splashing on his nose. The amethyst eyes you love so much widen at your pain, fingers reaching up to try and brush the droplets betraying your true hurt off of your face but you shake your head, quick to circle your fingers around his wrist to stop him.

“I love you.” It’s a quiet and teary whisper, yet it’s steady with conviction as you see the way his face crumples. “But I don’t think it’s enough for the both of us…is it?”

“I love-”

“No, Caleb Xia.” You push his shoulders away from body, sobs making your entire body tremble like a leaf as you point at him accusatorily. “You don’t get to say that. Not until you get me to believe that I’m not your consolation prize.”

You step away from his kneeling and rattled form, pressing your hand against your mouth so that you can try to stop the ugly sobs escaping your lips. Your vision is stilted and the words spill out of your mouth almost unwittingly, but they’re the only words that make sense in your head as you leave your bleeding heart crushed in between his calloused fingers.

“I'll get the last train to Skyhaven. Don’t bother following me.”

And you turn on your heels, leaving pieces of you on the sidewalk in front of him because there’s no way anyone will ever be able to help you patch yourself up again.

Not when you’ve been utterly shattered to your core.

You lied.

You didn’t end up going back to Skyhaven.

You ended up going to a hotel you booked at the last minute after furiously packing all of your belongings and leaving the dress and shoes you can no longer bear to look at on the bed. You hadn't let yourself shatter until you were safe in the hotel room, curling up on the bed and sobbing your eyes out as the hair you had so carefully pinned with the precious pins slowly came undone.

You’ve been here since, ignoring how your phone buzzes every five minutes as people try to contact you. Patrick in particular had blown up your phone after you had turned off your location, but you had simply texted him that you were safe and that you would be back at the DAA after you finished the rest of your allotted vacation leave.

Which gave you about five more days of quiet to pick up your heart before you returned to your harsh reality.

You’ve gone back to finishing up reports and scanning flight logs for upcoming missions, not giving yourself time to think about your disaster of a love life. Your phone buzzes once again and you allow yourself to pick it up just to see who it is, swiftly closing it and placing it back by your side when you see his name flash on the screen once more.

✉ [12:57] DO NOT RESPOND: please, ____. i need to see you and set things right, please.

Your heart aches even at your brave face, scanning your application for transfer. You don’t quite know if a person breaking your heart is grounds for a transfer to a different unit, but surely they’ll let you do it…right?

There’s a knock on your door and you freeze, wondering if you’ve been caught. You’re quiet on your feet as you approach the door, looking through the peephole and feeling your mouth drop open in shock. You open the door almost immediately, and their names fall out of your mouth in shock.

“Meilin? Xavier?” 

Xavier looks sad for you as Meilin’s eyes swell with tears, and you realize belatedly that Xavier’s carrying two bags. He catches you staring at them before he says softly, “Noodles since we thought you’d be hungry. And Mei wanted to return it to you.”

You have no idea what the it is they’ve mentioned, but it’s enough for Meilin to burst into tears as she pulls into a hug. You bite your lip as you hug her back tightly, staring up at the ceiling to quell your tears away. All the while, Xavier maneuvers himself into the room and places both bags on your bed before gently pushing the two of you inside, giving you a pleading look before closing the door behind him.

Leaving the two of you alone.

“I’m so sorry,” Meilin sobs as you both awkwardly maneuver into the room together, the both of you finally sitting on the couch by the window as you finally allow yourself to cry too. Twin sobs shake both of your bodies as you both cling to each other, but Meilin’s sobs stop quick enough for you to fully collapse into her as she hugs you tightly, stroking your back as you weep from the ache in your heart.

“I’m sorry about how I left your wedding, Mei.” You don’t know why that’s the first thing that pops into your head, but it makes your cries echo louder across the room as Meilin shushes you. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me and I leave like that-”

“Are you kidding me, ___?!” She pulls you away from her slightly, making you sniffle when you see the serious expression on her face. “You’ve been nothing but an angel and I’m so happy that we’re friends, I’m so sorry for what happened to you honey.”

“It’s okay,” you mumble. “I should have known he didn’t feel the same way about me. I was just a fool, Mei.”

“You are not a fool, ____.” Meilin’s voice is sharp as she stands up from the couch, pulling the curtains open and letting sunlight stream into the space. A sprawling view of Linkon City appears before you as she goes to your bed, grabbing the takeout bag and pulling out cartons of zhe jiang mian. She holds one out to you with the sternness of a mother duck and you comply, cracking open the lid and letting yourself soak in the smell of the savory aroma.

“I was a fool for thinking he’d love me too, Mei.”

Her hand freezes at your statement, chopsticks halfway to you. You feel a fresh wave of tears well up in your eyes but you blink them away, plucking the chopsticks from her hand and scootching over to give her some space on the couch.

“Caleb is so stupid.” Meilin grumbles it with vehemence as she settles down next to you, opening her container a little too forcefully. Her annoyance makes you crack for a single second, a small quirk of your lip that quickly vanishes with the searing hurt in your chest. “After I basically drilled into his thick skull to go after you? To tell you how he really feels about you? What a stupid idiot.”

“At least I know what he truly thinks of me now.” It’s resigned as you poke at a noodle. “Now I know how he really feels so I can squash whatever feelings I have.”

“____, no-”

Meilin grabs at the container in your hands and quickly stands, placing it on the dresser before sitting back down and pulling your head so that it rests on her shoulder. You don’t sob this time, but the tears still stream down your face in steady rivulets as you bring your hand up to clutch at your chest.

“I’m never going to be you.” It’s a trembling exhalation, words painted with hurt as you force them out for her to hear. “I just wish that I was enough for him, too.”

“God, he really messed this up, did he?” You can’t even find the energy to laugh, simply trying to keep your breathing even as she reaches down and grips your hand tightly. “____, he doesn’t need someone like me. We bicker and annoy each other all of the time. ____, he needs someone like you.”

“Mei, that’s not true-”

“Someone who can challenge him." She cuts you off, too engrossed in her ramblings to hear your protests as she continues on. “Someone who brings him happiness, who makes him laugh and is also someone who guides him down the right path. Someone he puts first because he wants to, ____, not because of the circumstances the two of us were forced into as kids.

“He really wants to, ____.” Her emotions are clear as day on her face as she looks down at you, eyes shimmering with honesty. “God, ____, Caleb wants you and only you and I support the hell out of him for that because you’re so wonderful inside and out.”

You duck your head as you feel tears gathering once more, making you annoyed as you mull over the words she’s said to you. Why can’t you stop crying?

“It hurts, Meilin.”

Her face crumples at your vulnerability and she pulls you in quickly as you begin to sob once more . “I’m so sorry, ____.”

Your tears never stop as you cling to her like a lifeline, trying your hardest to stem the flow but it never stops. No, it keeps going as you go through your stages of grief, processing every emotion until you’re ready to go on to the next one. All the while, she clings to you and brushes your baby hairs back from your face, not minding the tears staining her shirt.

“You know, ____, he asked for his dog tags back.”

It comes as a quiet confession after your sobs have mostly subsided, breath hiccuping in your throat as Meilin reaches into her pocket, pulling out the thin silver When U Come Back plate. It dangles on its chain, although you notice that the apple charm is conspicuously missing from the set.

“What happened to the apple charm?” You ask softly. Meilin’s eyes sparkle with nostalgia, but it’s not bad - it’s as if she’s reliving her shared childhood with the man the two of you love. Still, her smile is soft as she looks at you with a muted sadness.

“He said I was always going to be someone he views as his little sister and best friend, but that he needed his official dog tags back for someone important. He gave this back to me pretty easily. Said something about updating it to fit the current time, too.”

“Mei-” you begin, but she cuts you off with a tighter hug that you immediately reciprocate.

“Caleb- Caleb is rash and abrasive and he doesn’t think sometimes, ____. But I swear to you that he feels for you, so much more than you even know. I’m sorry for anything I’ve caused between the two of you, I- ____, he’ll always be someone I grew up with but I told him it’s time for him to put himself first instead of me and Gran, you know? He deserves to be happy too, and he’s happiest when he’s with you.”

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realize you’re crying again. They stream steadily down your cheeks, but they don’t hurt anymore.

No, they don’t hurt at all. Not when you’re so numb now.

Meilin looks up, and her eyes are similarly red-rimmed as you let her hug you tightly once more before pulling away, looking at you pleadingly. “I mean it, ____. Caleb’s a good person, but he’s so much more when he’s around you. I’ve never seen him that happy before- you bring it out of him.”

“I love him, Meilin.” Her eyes soften at your statement, and she reaches up delicately to wipe some tears from your face. “I love him so much.”

“Wait for him, ____, my friend.” Your face crumples at her sweet sentiment, but the flick she directs at your forehead makes the moment feel less heavy as you instead reach up to brush away the numerous tear tracks on your cheeks. “He’ll go to you soon, I promise.”

You let your head settle on her shoulder as you finally, finally let yourself breathe slowly from the suffocating emotions you’ve felt since you’ve gone to Linkon. But in its wake leaves a steady reassurance that no matter what happens, you have support - a new family waiting for you at the end of the line.

All the while, Meilin pats your back as she soothes you. Her eyes are directed outside of the window to the floating speck in the distance: Skyhaven, where Caleb’s waiting for you.

“Don’t mess this up, idiot.” She grumbles lowly to herself.

She knows he won’t, though.

Not when he loves you.

Something in you feels a little less heavy when you finish organizing your stuff in your quarters.

It’s a metaphorical closing chapter to the trip as you methodically organize clothes you need to wash, your laptop back at its proper place as music blares softly from the speakers. You hum along to the beat, grabbing the last box Meilin had given to you when she and Xavier visited you and opening it.

Your dress is folded neatly inside, your shoes carefully packaged so that no dirt gets on the delicate material. You pull it up by the straps and let the garment unfurl to the floor so you can give it a shake before hanging it up in your closet. You frown when you see another purple bundle fall out from in between the folds, however, and you settle the dress back in its box gently before picking up the crumpled ball and letting it unfold for you to see what it is.

XIA.

Your heart skips a beat when you see the basketball jersey, slightly wrinkled and still faintly smelling of his apple perfume. Your eyes between your already overflowing laundry basket and the crumpled garment before you sigh, tossing it in with the rest of the load and picking the basket up.

You’ll just fold it back up and leave it at his door and then you can go back to avoiding him again. You approach your door and swing it wide open, ready to spend hours at the laundry room-

“Oh.”

Caleb stands in front of you, clad in sweatpants and a baggy white tee as his fist hangs to where your door used to be. Despite how comfy he looks, though, he looks utterly wrecked - heavy bags under his eyes hinting at his lack of sleep.

He still looks devastatingly handsome though, and his eyes shimmer slightly when he sees your face by your open door.

“Can I come in?”

It’s hoarse, full of pleading as he looks at you like you’re the air he’s been deprived of for a long time. You don’t speak, simply turning back around and making enough room for him to step inside and close the door behind him as you plop the basket back by the end of your bed.

It’s awkward as you eye the dress and its box on your bed, and you decide that the best course of action is to continue moving so he doesn’t see the way your frame trembles under his scrutiny. After grabbing a hanger from your closet you make your way to your bed, arranging the straps neatly in the notches and making sure that the fabric is smooth before going back to your closet and making a space for it amongst your uniforms.

“You were beautiful during the wedding.”

“This dress was a big part of it.” It’s a soft mumble as you give one more push to your uniforms, finally making enough space so that it doesn’t get lost in the clothes of your closet. You slot it in neatly and continue to avoid his eyes as you pick up the shoes, pulling them from the bag and settling them on your shoe rack. 

“Let me correct myself,” he says as the two of you approach your bed simultaneously. His hands beat you to the box, and he sets it on your desk as you finally allow yourself to look up.

And what a mistake that is.

His vulnerability is on show for you, nothing clouding his expression as he looks at you with a deep longing. You can feel yourself shake under the intensity of his gaze, so you fold your arms as you fight to stay neutral.

“You were correcting yourself?”

It’s bland, not giving away how your heart pounds in your chest as Caleb’s eyes light up at your quiet allowance. His hands slowly move out towards your arms and when you don’t shy back, he rests his fingers on your arms as he begins to untangle them.

“You’re always beautiful.”

It’s raw, almost unwitting as he finally untangles your arms. There’s no hesitation on his face as he pulls you closer, just enough so that you’re looking up at him as your chests brush with your breaths.

“Are you sure you’re not pretending, Xia?”

It’s resigned from your mouth, no bitterness or anger as your eyes dip down to avoid his face. But you find yourself captured by something, and something in you stills when you see silver tags resting on his chest.

He sees you go still when you catch sight of them, and he releases a puff of air as his hands move up to lift his chain for your eyes to see. “No, ____, I was never pretending.”

Caleb steps closer to you, fingers barely shaking as he holds out his chain for you to see. You can see the little apple charm on the chain, a subtle nod to his family and the childhood best friend he’s always going to protect. But there’s a new plate and a new charm, and Caleb delicately lifts and moves his standard dog tag off of the second plate.

There’s a small, old style compass etched onto the metal. You frown when you see something smaller at the direct north of the compass and you unconsciously move closer, making your bodies brush together slightly while you squint to see what the smaller letters are. 

Your heart stops when you see it.

Your initials, in your own handwriting.

Caleb’s shaky breath washes over your face but his hands are ever steady, lifting the second charm up so you can see it. It’s the same small star charm from the night market, but the gem matches the color of your dress from Meilin’s wedding.

“You were never second place, ____.” His hand reaches up to tilt your chin up, and you see every bit of truth in his eyes mixing something more as he settles his other hand on your waist, pulling you in so that you’re in his embrace. Your hands reach up to fist his shirt, pulling him closer as you let yourself breathe deeply so that you can continue to hear what he says.

“I wanted to support Meilin and Gran but you’re the reason why I keep going. You’re what I see at the end of the day- hell, ____, I see you and I feel you everywhere I am. You’re why I am. You’re my purpose, ____.”

“It was never pretend, Caleb?” It’s a quiet whisper as your eyes dip down, settling on his lips instead of his intense stare. “You were honest this entire time?”

“Yes, my star.”

“So why did you have us pretend then? Why couldn’t you have told me the truth from the start?”

“I was afraid,” he admits quietly. “I’ve been so accustomed to putting Mei and Gran first that when I saw the proof of their permission to let me live my life I was fucking terrified. I’ve never thought of myself and what I’ve wanted before, ____. I’ve always put them at the forefront. And being given that scared me but it also made me realize everything I wanted.”

“And that is?” You know the answer, feeling it bubble in your chest as the hope you thought was extinguished returns as a steady flame. Caleb’s hands tilt your chin up so you can look at him fully, and your breath catches in your throat when you see his expression.

Love. So much love for you and only you.

“You. All of you. Your happiness. Your steadfastness. Everything about you, star. I want you and only you, in this lifetime and the ones after that, ____.”

“Caleb,” it’s a gasp as he finally wraps you in a hug, almost lifting you up into the air as he holds you close to his chest. You bury your head into his neck as the moment swallows the both of you whole, never wanting to let go because it’s real.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” It’s a whisper by your ears, and a tear slips from your eye as he kisses your temple. “I meant none of it and I will do everything in my power to earn your forgiveness if you decide I deserve it. I will work and get on my knees and beg for as long as I need to if it means I get to keep your smile in my life, my star, my ____.”

You pull your head from his neck and you look up at his shining eyes as he waits for your response. All of the hope in the world is displayed on his face, and you can’t help the smile that blooms across your face.

“That’s quite dramatic, Caleb.”

“I mean it,” he replies with all seriousness. “I will do it for the one I love, ____.”

Love. 

Caleb’s eyes widen at his slip but you angle your head up, letting your lips brush against his in a chaste kiss so he can feel your smile against his mouth. “I love you too, Caleb Xia.”

The world stops as he processes your words, realizing that you love him, too. A moment barely passes before he leans down and kisses you, stealing your breath away and making your eyes close.

“I love you, ____, my star.” It’s a heavy groan against your lips as he wraps your legs around his waist, walking to your bed and settling you down onto your mattress. Your hands are quick to grab at his body, pulling him down once more and pressing your lips against his fervently as his hands map the contours of your body - committing everything into memory so he can keep you in his thoughts for all eternity.

“Caleb,” you gasp as his lips move from your mouth to the rest of your face, pressing kisses into every surface of skin he can touch as his hands slowly caress every part of your body. Your fingers are no better, going from the baggy material of his shirt before your arms wind around his neck once more, sliding into his thick hair and tangling into his messy locks.

“God, I love you,” he groans before capturing your lips once again, stealing your breath from your body once more and making your head spin at the giddy pleasure coursing through your veins. Your hands travel from the back of his head to his shoulders, fingers twisting the loose fabric around his shoulders before you tug at the material insistently.

“Off, please- Caleb-” you gasp against his mouth when he bites down on your bottom lip. You feel a small smirk against your lips as he pulls away only slightly, reaching behind to pull his shirt off of his body from the back collar. You can feel yourself flush further at the sight of his abs as he tosses the shirt behind him, and before you can stop yourself your fingers trace a dangerous line along his pecs.

“Shit, star-” he hisses. Caleb’s hands find your waist and his fingers tighten against your side, flopping onto his back and pulling you up so that you straddle his hips. Your core presses against the growing bulge in his pants and you gasp, pulling on the chain around his neck so that you can kiss him once more as your hips begin to move on their own accord.

Caleb’s tongue slips out his mouth, swiping against your bottom lip to ask for permission in. Your mouth falls open in response, and he’s quick to dart in and tangle his tongue against your own as his hands continue to guide the pace of your lips. Your skin feels too hot as your actions continue, little whimpers and moans filling the air and matching his whispered expletives. His hands move from your hips to your waist, making a dangerous path up your abdomen before lightly pressing against your chest.

“Can I-” he tries, but your hands press against the back of his hands, letting his palms massage your breasts as you whimper with want.

“Touch me, Caleb Xia.”

His tongue quickly darts out to wet his lips, his pupils dilating as you continue to grind against his rapidly hardening cock. His hands move down to your side, long and calloused fingers sliding underneath your tank top before pushing the pesky fabric up and over your head. All you’re left in now is your pretty lace bralette and sweatpants, making Caleb's blood rush down south as he flips you back over once again.

“So beautiful,” he groans. His hands make quick work of both of your sweatpants, sliding the baggy fabric down your legs before the two of you are left in only your underwear.

“My star,” Caleb whispers reverently. His body slowly inches down until he’s kneeling at the foot of your bed, gently pulling at your thighs until they rest on his shoulders. His pointer finger slides against the front of your underwear, and you gasp as his fingers press harder against the wetness that soaks the lace.

“You’re so wet, ____.” There’s a teasing edge as he pulls the fabric to the side, groaning when he sees the way your pussy glistens under the light of the moon from your window. “Who made you this wet, hmm?”

“Caleb-” you gasp, half in answer and half pleading as he lets his fingers press just a little bit harder against your sopping slit. The tips of his fingers dip into your hole slightly, making your back arch as you gasp.

“Mmm…”

It’s the only hum you hear before he buries his head between your thighs, a finger pushing into your soaking hole as his mouth wraps around your clit and sucks just the tiniest bit. A wanton moan escapes your body, thighs about to close but he simply holds you open as he begins to feast on you.

“Caleb-” Your voice catches in a whimper as your hands travel down, pulling on his hair in a bid to get him closer. “P-please, more-”

He simply hums against your pussy, slowly retracting his thick fingers before moving his tongue to your weeping entrance. His tongue slides in and you cry out as his nose bumps against your clit over and over again while he eats you like a man deprived. Your head thrashes back and forth, the needy feeling filling your body until you’re hot all over - a single touch enough to hurtle you off to your end.

Even with your wanton pleasure, Caleb’s movements never cease. His tongue moves back up to your clit, and he presses two fingers gently into your cunt. The stretch makes you cry out, your sweaty hands grabbing at your sheets as he gently crooks his thick digits so that he can press against that spot in you.

“My beautiful star.” He pulls away just enough for you to hear it, the warm air hitting your clit and making you jolt in sensitivity. “Who’s making you feel this good, hm?”

“C-caleb-” You sob. You’re lost in the haze of pleasure, the only thing you can manage being whimpers of his name as he drives you closer to your precipice. All the while he continues to move his fingers inside of you in gentle movements, consistently pressing against your g-spot and making you gasp. The knot in your stomach unravels and you gasp. “Caleb, I’m-”

His mouth slots back against your pussy, tongue flicking against your clit in silent permission to surrender to your end.

And you do.

You cum with a silent moan, tears streaking against your face as the pleasure washes over you in overwhelming waves. His hands never stop, though - he’s still crooking his fingers against your g-spot as he kitten licks at your swollen pearl, making you almost scream as you feel pressure build in your lower abdomen.

All of a sudden you gush all over his hand and he moans, moving his tongue so he gets your taste straight from the source. Your hips move up and down as you gasp, little whimpers the only thing you can manage before you flop back onto your bed bonelessly.

Caleb’s careful to pull his fingers from your pulsing walls, and you gasp as you feel yourself tense around nothing. He moves back up so that he’s hovering above you, pressing a kiss to your forehead and rubbing his nose against your own. “You okay, star?”

“Please.” It’s a sleepy plea as you slowly push yourself up on your bed, settling your weight on your elbows as you look at him with a small smile on your face. Caleb looks utterly wrecked: pupils blown wide open and mouth shining with your slick as he breathes heavily, the silver chain against his neck rising up and down with every movement of his chest. Your eyes travel lower, past his pecs and his abs and down the feathery trail of hair leading into his boxers, where his cock strains heavily against the tight fabric.

Your fingers make quick work of your bralette, pulling it over your head and throwing it at him teasingly. He catches it with one hand, even though he’s distracted by the way your breasts sway slightly with your unsteady breaths.

“Fuck,” he groans. He’s quick to drop the flimsy lace onto the floor before making his way back onto your bed, hovering above you slightly as he kisses you once more. You whimper when you taste yourself on his lips, and he’s quick to pull your underwear down your legs as you push his boxers off of his hips impatiently.

“Is this okay, ____?” The tip of his cock slides through your silken folds, and he groans heavily against your mouth as you gasp. His hand grips his length, slapping his cockhead against your clit and making you jolt against his body.

“Please, Caleb-” It cuts off into a long-drawn out moan when his tip lightly catches against your hole, and you wiggle your hips in an attempt to pull him in closer. He’s quick to stop you, though, hand on your hip as he slowly guides himself into your heat.

“Patience, star.” His voice is low and gritty as he pushes himself in slowly, making your eyes roll back at the slow stretch. Your walls flutter around his length, slowly pulling him in until he’s fully sheathed in your soaking cunt - leaving you gasping at how utterly full you feel of him.

“-ngh.” It’s an incoherent noise from your mouth, and Caleb’s quick to check on you as he kisses the tip of your nose.

“You okay, beautiful?” There’s an edge of humor as he shifts slightly, making you gasp as he jostles slightly inside you. His hips still but you’re quick to wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer and making a moan escape his lips.

“Please move-” you all but beg. His eyes darken at your wanton neediness but he’s quick to comply, slowly shifting his hips until he settles a shallow rhythm; slowly rocking in and out in and leaving you begging for more.

“My star, my ____,” he murmurs reverently, capturing your lips in a heated and messy kiss as his hips begin to move in longer strokes. Your teeth clack together as his tongue fights yours for dominance, and you finally relent and let him win as your mouth falls open. His cock bullies your g-spot over and over as you whine, fingers raking down his biceps at the onslaught of pleasure he’s leaving all over your body. He pulls away slightly, and you feel your head spin at the string of saliva connecting your lips and the way his dog tags bounce on his sweaty skin at the thrusts of his movements.

“Look at you,” he groans. The obscene plap plap plap of his hips hitting his mark consistently fills the air, pairing with your whimpers and gasps of his name. “So beautiful and all mine-”

“-Caleb!” You’re sobbing at this point, arms wrapping around his neck so that you can pull him down towards you. His necklace dangles in the little space between the two of you, swaying above your face as your nails leave red marks down his back.

“Are you close, my star?” Your eyes cross when he angles his hips juuust right, consistently hitting your g-spot as his pelvis bumps against your clit over and over again. “Are you going to cum for me, ____?”

“Yes-” you gasp, head thrashing back and forth as your tears slide down your cheeks and soak into the pillow below you. “‘M gonna cum, Caleb-”

“Yeah?” His hips speed up even more, and you sob as you feel yourself begin to fall off your edge. “Cum for me, my star-”

“-ah!” It’s a little scream as the knot in your stomach finally snaps, and your final orgasm washes over your entire body as he continues to move inside of you. His rhythm grows stilted as he feels your walls pulse all around him, making him moan as his head falls to your neck.

“I love you Caleb-” you sob, nails digging into his shoulders as his hips stutter at your slurred words. “‘m so in love with you, Caleb Xia-”

“Fuck,” he swears, and his teeth sink into your skin as he cums in your warmth. You whine when you feel him filling you up, leaving you full and content as his hips slowly come to a stop - letting him relish in the feeling of your warm cunt soaking him as your walls pulse around him weakly.

There’s a comfortable quiet as the two of you catch your breath, your fingers tracing random shapes up and down his spine. Caleb slowly lifts his head, and you laugh softly when you see the dazed look in his eyes as he catches your gaze.

“Can’t believe you came when I said I love you.” You mean for it to be teasing, but you gasp when you feel his cock twitch in your sensitive walls. You look up at him in bewilderment, and he has the grace to look a little bit sheepish as his hips shallowly thrust almost absentmindedly.

“You’re incredibly beautiful and hearing you say that you love me in that tone of voice was incredibly hot, star.” This time you do laugh, rolling your eyes even when you feel yourself growing needy for him again.

“I love you, Caleb.”

It’s a sweet whisper, and you both ignore the way your pussy clenches around his cock as he leans down to kiss you.

“I love you too, my star, my ____.” He whispers.

Gideon and Patrick stand outside of your door, ears pressed to the thick wood so they can hear Caleb’s muffled confession. Alongside on Gideon’s phone are Meilin and Xavier, the line silent as they wait impatiently for any sort of update from them.

“Well?!” The pixelation and shit wifi of the DAA base hide little of Meilin’s impatience, making Gideon wince and lower the volume of his phone as Patrick continues to listen in for anything.

“It’s really quiet.” It’s a hushed whisper, and both Gideon and Patrick look at each other in resignation as Meilin sighs sadly.

“It’s over,” she weeps softly. “My ship is sinking…”

“Aren’t we supposed to be your top ship, my love Mei?” Xavier’s teasing cuts through the tension only a little bit as Meilin scoffs.

“Caleb and ____ are my top ship!” 

“Wait,” Gideon says all of a sudden. He presses his ear against the door and hears it:

I love you too, Caleb.

“Co-conspirators of Project Dizzy Apple, we have achieved our goal.”

Meilin squeals happily on the phone as Gideon and Patrick fist bump each other, relieved that the two of you are no longer tiptoeing around each other. Patrick shakes his head with a smile as he presses his ear on the door once more-

-only for his face to blanch as he grabs Gideon’s arm and begins to drag him away.

“We need to move, now.”

“What, why?” Meilin’s voice crackles on the line as Patrick tries to drag Gideon away from the door. “I want to hear more of their love confession! I need the romance!”

Patrick shakes his head vigorously, eyes wide. “They’re not-”

“Please- Caleb-!”

“Shit shit shit,” Gideon swears over and over when he realizes what he's hearing and he clumsily stands up with Patrick as Meilin fake-gags on the phone.

“Ew ew ew ew ew gross!” Gideon would usually reprimand Meilin for how loud she’s being but right now he’s inclined to agree, trying desperately to scrub the sounds of your shared sin from his mind as the two of them tumble into Patrick’s room.

“Why are we worried about it?” Xavier sounds confused. “You say much worse when I make love to you, Mei. You sound deliciously sinful, too.”

“Not the time,” Patrick grumbles, and Gideon winces once more as Meilin shrieks at Xavier.

Ah well, your friends may have gotten the two of you together but it cost them a little bit.

They don’t mind though.

Not when you and Caleb finally make yourselves known with wide smiles and held hands, slotting together naturally like the sunset over the horizon. 

a/n #2: if you made it this far i am giving you a bouquet i'm being so fr thank you for reading i truly appreciate it :')

“What? Why? Where are we going?” you rub the sleep out of your eyes and shift the blanket off your body. You swing your feet off the bed and let out a yelp once they touch the cold hardwood floor. The coldness seeps up to the rest of your body, leaving goosebumps in their wake. You shuffle towards the window, opening it up all the way to stick your head out. A figure greets your sight, Tara is jumping up and down while swinging her arm above her head, waving towards you. You let out a sigh, knowing that she won’t spill until you get dressed and go along with her. “I’ll be out in a few.” you can make out the sound of her cheering before you end the call.

You direct yourself to your closet, yawning as you sift through your clothes. Tara never mentioned where you were going, so what you wore wouldn’t matter, right? You justify your choice with that mentality and throw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. You tip-toe to your door and slightly open it ajar, glancing towards the door that’s directly across from yours. It's closed and you can’t see any light from the gap at the bottom. You take it as a sign that Gideon is asleep and you quietly make your way to the front door.

As soon as you’re in Tara's sight, she gasps, “y/n, you can’t wear that!” she cries out and takes hold of your wrist while dragging you all the way back to your room. Moments later you’re seated on the edge of your bed as she digs through your closet, throwing everything onto the floor if it doesn’t meet her expectations. She wanders through the mess until her hands stake claim on a dress, a little too short for your liking, “perfect!” declares with a bright smile. She rushes over to your figure and pushes the dress into your hands and notions for you to get changed. 

Any semblance of refusal is pushed away and you go along with her plan, knowing that she’ll do anything to get her way. It feels like an eternity as you struggle to change into the dress, remnants of sleep still trace your body as you wobble to the side but you manage to get it on without falling. You grab a jacket before you leave and soon you're sitting next to Tara in her car, taking you god knows where. 

The radio is turned on to a random station playing a song you don’t think you’ve heard of, it plays in the background as the two of you chat, you mention how your exam has drained the life out of you recently. Idle chit-chat continues deep into the night.

It’s close to 3:30am and you have yet to end up at your destination, “are we almost there Tara?” 

“Almost,” she draws out as she makes one final turn, she turns to you with a huge smile “we're here!” 

The sight in front of you leaves you in awe, you jump out of the car to soak everything in. There are crowds of people everywhere, gathered around cars. The sounds of engines revving so loudly that you can feel it on the ground. The air that you’re breathing in feels different, words can’t explain how you feel. The night sky seems as if it's being illuminated by the various strings of cars lined up, it’s lively, yet nerve-wracking. You can feel your heartbeat echoing through your ears as adrenaline shoots through your veins. You maneuver through the crowd with your best friend, the one who dragged you here in the first place, to a destination unknown.

“Isn’t this illegal Tara?” you try to steady the thumping of your beating heart, the possibility of the police showing up and getting caught seemed high, and if that were to happen you don’t know what you’d do.

“Relax y/n, nothing’s gonna happen, these races have been happening for years now.” she pushes your worries away with a wave of her hand. 

“Why are we here anyway? Honestly, this was pretty random, if you wanted to hang we could’ve just went to McDonald's you know.” 

“Well,” she starts with an awkward laugh, “Charlie's racing tonight and he asked me to come, and I didn’t want to come here all by myself, so…” she looks at you from over her shoulder with a half-wince half-smile.

“Wow. so you didn’t even want to see me, huh? Just using me to go see your boyfriend?” you jokingly grumble. You let out an exaggerated sigh, “you’re lucky that I think this place is pretty cool otherwise I’d be yelling your head off y’know.” As the two of you walk towards what you assume is Charlie's car, you freeze in place and harshly tug on your wrist.

She turns around with wide eyes, “what’s wrong? You nearly pulled my whole arm off.” she jokes.

“G-gideon,” you point towards a figure that had their back facing you until mere seconds ago, turning to reveal himself as your older brother. As his name leaves your lips, his eyes meet yours and you instantly crouch to the ground before he could recognize you. Panic begins to set in, “what do I do? He’s gonna kill me if he sees it's me.”

“I-I don’t know!” Tara begins to panic alongside you, keeping her gaze locked on Gideon. “But you might wanna run, and fast. He’s coming this way right now.” her hands usher to get up and she pushes you further into the crowd.

You stumble out in the direction Tara pushed you in, pulling your hood up with shaky hands. You rush through the throngs of people, saying rushes of excuse me while squeezing through the tight gaps. You turn your head around to see if he’s hot on your trail, “fuck,” you whisper as you see him approaching closer and closer, confusion on his face as if he can't tell if he actually saw you or not.

You keep trekking in the same direction until all of the crowd is behind you. What remains ahead are a few groups of people, standing huddled in groups, and a few cars. Your nerves begin to get the best of you as you rack through your head for more ideas— it’d be super awkward if you weaseled your way into one of the groups here, but it’d look more suspicious and easier for Gideon to catch you if you kept walking. You turn your head to the right, there’s a jet-black car with tinted windows, you fidget in place for a second and then make your way towards it, hoping that it’s empty right now. You quickly slide into the passenger's seat, heaving out a sigh of relief, not realizing a person is sitting next to you due to the darkness enveloping the car.

“Uhh hello?” the deep voice comes out of nowhere and you jump in the seat with a yelp, holding your hand to your heart. You stare at the dark figure, like a deer caught in headlights.

fuckfuckfuck 

This was a bad idea, you pull your hood closer towards your face, trying to sink deeper into the seat. You’d rather have been caught by your older brother than be subjected to this weird encounter. 

With a click, the ceiling lights are turned on and a hand pulls at your hood, effectively bringing it down. You hand your head down in embarrassment and keep your eyes focused on your lap, trying to form up some sort of excuse to get you out of this. 

“y/n is that you? What the hell are you doing here?” 

You lift your head and look at the figure peering at you, “Caleb?” What were the odds that the car you’ve hidden in was your older brother's best friend?

“Does Gideon know you’re here?” He questions as he reclines back in his seat, extending an arm to rest behind your headrest. 

“Um, he might’ve seen me earlier but I ran away, he was following me but I ran into this car to hide.” You fiddle with your fingers, dread filling up in your chest. “You won’t tell him, will you?” 

“I don’t know,” he says with a playful voice. His eyes glow with mirth, fingers drumming against the wheel. “What’s in it for me?” He smirks. 

“Uh,” you pause, feeling flustered by his words, “in it for you?” 

“Mhm.” He leans in close, placing his elbow on the console and leaning his head in his palm. “I mean I’d be doing you a favor by helping you out, but I’d need something in return.” His hooded eyes stare you down.

“Oh! Um, okay!” You stutter through your words. “I can treat you to dinner?” 

“Hmm,” his index and middle finger rub against his chin, “dinners. If I’m gonna keep this secret for the rest of my life I’m gonna need more than one dinner, dontcha think?” 

“Fine,” you grumble while thinking about how empty your wallet will be. “since I’m in here, do you mind if I camp out for a bit? Just until I think he’s gone?” 

He shrugs, “fine by me, but you might wanna get ready then.” 

“Wait, what do you mean?” you look at him with confusion.

Before he answers, the car comes to life underneath you. The engine roars ferociously while the interior lights flash on, hues of cool blue peeking out from under the seats. The car slowly moves towards the other cars, in a perfect lineup. “For the race,” Caleb says nonchalantly. The flag is waved down and Caleb's car shoots forward with a jerk, the engine revs as he drives down the road at high speeds. You watch as all the other cars do the same.

Your hand latches onto the handle on the roof of the car, holding it tight within your grasp as if it would shield you from all the dangers that could possibly happen. “Oh my god! Wait— let me out!” you cry as the cars come dangerously close to Caleb's. His hand rests on the stick shift, while the other steers, his face is calm and his eyes are focused, a stark contrast to you. Fear was imbued onto your face, adrenaline rushing through your veins as your heartbeat furiously within your chest. A cool sweat began to form on your hands, the nervousness not leaving no matter how many times you wiped them on your clothes. 

“Relax, angel,” he said calmly, eyes not leaving the road. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Just sit and enjoy the ride.” The comment has your head turning to face Caleb, watching all the lights pass by him from behind the window illuminate his face. The rings adorned on his fingers have never looked better; the way they grip the wheel and stick shift— he has nice hands. The taut muscles that reside in his arm subtly flex each time he shifts and changes the gear, he has nice muscles too, you think to yourself. 

“I told you to enjoy the ride, not me.” there’s a smirk on his face and his eyes quickly glaze over your face, watching as the realization hits and how you look away in embarrassment. “But if you wanna look at me, I don’t mind.” You decide to focus on the view out of the windshield, you whiz past the bright neon signs in a flash, not even being able to discern what’s written on them. 

Caleb was completely different from what you imagined. Whenever he came over to hang out with Gideon, you’ve only ever seen his reserved side— he’d acknowledge your presence with just a nod of his head, and said hello. But the Caleb in front of you was doing more than just talking, he was teasing you immensely.

Looking back out the window, you notice a car coming too close for comfort until suddenly they overtake you. They don’t have enough speed to keep the momentum going and the back of their car comes closer and closer to the front of Caleb's. “Watch out!” you shout while squeezing your eyes shut. Caleb rapidly turns his wheel, not letting the pressure get to him. He’s composed as his car takes a sharp turn, your hand instinctively grabs onto Caleb's forearm, “what’s happening? We’re not gonna die are we?” you cry out. 

“We’re winning, that’s what’s happening.” he straightens out the wheel and the car continues to go forward, leaving the previous car that tried to overtake him far behind. “D’ya wanna see something cool?” 

You look at him skeptically, “It’s not scary, is it?” 

He shrugs, “you’ll have to find out for yourself.” With a push of a button, the car jolts forward, even faster than before, a small shriek envelopes the space of the car, followed by Caleb chuckling. 

“Okay! Okay, it’s scary, you can turn it off now, please,” you said with a meek voice as you cower in your seat, hand still gripping on tightly to Caleb's wrist; you’ve probably cut off the circulation to his poor hand at this point. 

To your surprise, he listens. The car slowly comes to a halt, but the rush of people crowding around the car and cheering was a sight you were not expecting. “What’s happening now?” you question hesitantly, hearing all of the cheering from outside of the car.  

“We won.” he says with a lazy smug, seemingly unphased by his victory. His head turns towards you, “gimme your number,” he gently demands, he offers you his phone with an outstretched hand. You take it and punch it in but with a confused look, waiting for some sort of explanation as to why he would need it.

He takes it back with a smirk, “I’ll let you know when I’m free for dinner.”

❦ ❦ ❦

Ever since last night, you’d been looking at your phone with anticipation. Every little notification had your heart skip a beat but none of them were from the one person you were hoping it would be. Caleb had been constantly plaguing your mind, the sight of him driving wouldn’t leave your head. The way he was so collected in a moment of pure adrenaline was really sexy. 

You’re broken out of your thoughts at the sound of your older brother’s voice. “So where were you last night?” he strides into the kitchen.

You feign ignorance, “I was in my room? You do know that I had my final exam last night, right?” you place the spoon back into your cereal, “Tara asked if I wanted to get food afterward but I fell asleep once I finished.” 

He looks at you skeptically, “alright, if you say so.” You reply with a hum and continue to eat your breakfast, staring longingly at your phone. 

But soon the days begin to pass by in a blur with no contact from him, you begin to forget all about the little deal and move on with your life. 

As the days passed by, school went back into full swing after exams, and you needed to devote time to studying. You quickly made your way into the campus’ library, wanting to be able to get your regular spot in the corner. It was late in the evening so you were hoping that most people had already left. Shuffling through the various shelves of books, you had finally made it to your secluded corner. Taking out all of the materials and supplies you needed, you took out your headphones and disconnected yourself from the world around you.

You studied in peace for a good hour until you felt the table rumble due to the constant vibrations of your phone. A grimace was placed on your face as you looked down at your phone with contempt as it disrupted the flow of reading through the textbook and writing down notes. But at the sight of the texts, your face softened. 

HI ITS CALEB, DINNER TONIGHT?

You bite down a smile as you quickly type up a reply. To say that you weren’t hoping for this text would be a lie. 

SURE LET ME JUST FINISH SOME WORK AND ILL BE FREE

TEXT ME WHEN YOU’RE DONE I'LL COME PICK YOU UP

His words send a newfound motivation to quickly work through your textbook, so you diligently begin to write your notes without procrastinating or distracting yourself. Moments later, you’ve finally finished the assigned chapter and your book is filled up with notes. You eagerly send Caleb a text letting him know that you finished and where he could pick you up from. 

It only takes him 10 minutes to arrive, he shoots you a text to come out from the front entrance. He waits for you outside of the car, leaning against the passenger door. He’s aimlessly scrolling on his phone as he waits for you but it looks charming. Caleb is no longer pictured as your older brother’s best friend in your head, the light that you see him now has changed. Right now the Caleb that you see in front of you is more alluring. There’s something that pulls you close towards him unintentionally.

“Hey,” you call out to him.

His attention leaves his phone and he focuses on you, sliding his phone into his back pocket, “hey, ready to go?” he says as he opens up the door for you. 

“Thanks,” you say as you ease into the seat. 

“Don’t mention it,” Caleb walks back to his side, sliding into the driver's seat, “what do you feel like eating?” 

“Anything you want, I guess,” you shrug as you tug on the belt. But no matter how much you pull on the belt, it doesn’t budge. 

Caleb notices your struggles, “here, lemme help you,” Caleb says as his arm begins to move towards you.

“I can man-age..” you squeak. Your voice gets caught in your throat as Caleb leans over you from across the console. His face is so close to you that if you were to lean forward just a bit, your forehead would touch his cheek. His side profile is breathtaking, from the sharpness of his jawline to the tip of his nose. All of your senses become filled with Caleb, you can make out the sweet scent of his cologne with every breath you take. His hand grazes across your shoulder as he fiddles with the belt, you’re hyper-aware of the sensation that lingers even after his touch is gone. 

“I’ve been meaning to get this fixed, damn belt is always getting jammed. Sorry ‘bout that.” his voice is so deep, yet gentle as he talks to you, you can almost make out the vibrations of his voice that carry out all the way to his throat and chest. 

“It’s alright,” you put out with a meek voice. You hope that he can’t hear the loud thumping of your heart, but it feels so loud that you’d think it’s echoing throughout the entire car.  

The corners of his lip turn upwards and his eyes focus on yours, “that kinda tickles, I can feel your breath on my neck.”

“Oh!, I’m sorry,” you say with a covered mouth this time, the puffs of hot air hit your hands instead of his neck this time.

“It’s fine. I didn’t hate the feeling if I’m being honest.” He manages to finally free the belt from its constraints but before he fully sits back in his seat, his hand grabs onto it and drags it down your torso, his knuckles brushed against your stomach and his touch is electrifying. But you push those thoughts out of your head as he clicks in the belt for you. “And are you sure you want me to choose? It’s your money.”

“You dismiss him with a wave of your hand, “it’s fine, besides this is just one dinner out of many right? I’ll just choose next time.”

“Alright,” he says, and then the two of you are off. It feels weird to be in the car with Caleb now; the pace he’s driving at is a total change from the night of the race. You’re more relaxed now too, which you suppose is a good thing. The impression you left with him before wasn’t a very good one, you didn’t want to make it seem like you were scared of his driving skills. 

“So..” you start, “how’d you even end up street racing?” you bring up a topic that’s been on your mind for some time. “And do you know if Gideon races too? I never knew he went to those kinds of things.” 

“He doesn’t race, but he’s a good mechanic. Knows the ins and outs of a car like the back of his hand,” he says as he changes the gear, your eyes create a path as they trace from his hand all the way up to his shoulder; it’s hard to keep your eyes off him when he drives, the view from the windows is nothing compared to him. “And as for me, I’ve just always been interested in cars. Worked on a car as a teen, and then one of my friends introduced me to racing, been hooked on it ever since.” 

“I never knew that,” you said with astonishment, you knew that you didn’t know every aspect about your brother’s life, but it was strange learning something new— something that was seemingly a big part of his life. “You’re a good driver by the way, I know I seemed scared before but that’s not because I thought you sucked or anything!” you mention by gesturing with your hands. “it was just my first time going to see a street race let alone be in one.” 

Your words bring a small smile to his face, he thinks back to that day and chuckles, “you looked like a newborn lamb.”

“A lamb?” you ask incredulously, wondering how he could see the comparison between you and an animal. “I don’t see it,” you say in disbelief.

“I do. You looked like a scared baby lamb learning how to stand on her two feet the first time. Kinda cute.” he briefly glances at you before looking back at the road. 

Your jaw drops open but you quickly close it and compose yourself. Thoughts begin to flood inside your head as your mind echoes the word cute. Did he mean something by calling you cute? Or was it just a word he likes to throw around? The thoughts continue to invade your head until he breaks the silence. 

“Alright, we’re here,” Caleb says as he parks into a space in the lot. 

“McDonald’s? Really? I’m offering to buy you dinner, and you have the option to choose from anywhere, and you choose this place?” 

He shrugs, “I like their fries. Besides you’re still in college aren’t you? If anything, I’m doin you a favor by not robbing you of your money by going somewhere expensive.” 

The glass doors slide to the sides as the sensor picks up the movement, the two of you walk in and the smell of food greets you. You can feel your stomach rumble and you push your hand down to conceal the sound. Caleb walks up ahead, hands in his front pockets as he gazes at the menu screen.

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to order and find a place to sit down and eat. It’s not too busy at this time and vacant seats are everywhere. Caleb guides you over to the seat in the corner, away from all the bustle at the front counter and entrance. The two of you dig into your food, and little conversation is held. 

“So what’s the plan now?” Caleb asks, a tray full of fast-food wrappers sitting in front of him.

You look up at him skeptically, “I thought the plan was to stuff food down your throat so you don’t tell Gideon, what other plan would there be?”

“I'm not gonna send you back home after getting free food, I’m not a complete asshole. C’mon, let’s go on a drive, I know a nice place.” he stands up from his seat, throwing the trash away in the garbage, and leads you back into his car. 

Once you’re seated in his car, Caleb outstretches his hand towards you, “give me your hand.” 

With a slight hesitance, you place your hand in his, “what are you gonna do with it?” 

He takes your hand and places it on his stick shift, “you’ve never driven manual before have you?” you shake your head, “I’ll show you how it’s done.” his hand holds yours over top of the stick shift, he puts the car in drive and gently guides your hand to the correct gears. You listen to him ramble on about which shift is used at what point of time, pretending like you understand the words coming out of his mouth when in reality all you could think of was the heat of his hand against your own, and how perfectly it fit there. 

Caleb didn’t let go of your hand for the remainder of the car ride. 

❦ ❦ ❦

Time began to move at a rapid pace, from switching between work to school, taking out time to go out to dinners with Caleb, and making plans with friends to ensure you still had a social life, there was never a moment where things had seemed to slow down. Not that you had really mind; over the course of a few weeks, you had really gotten to know Caleb as more than just your brother’s best friend. 

Thinking of said boy was enough to put a huge smile on your face, you’d be lying if you were to say that you did not have a crush on him. In fact, after the amount you have been seeing Caleb and how you have been growing closer to him, it would’ve been hard not to have any feelings for him. 

“Why on earth are you staring at the ceiling and smiling so creepily?” Tara asked.

You raised your head up off of your pillow in order to meet her eyes and said, “no reason.”

“Okay, you know what, I don’t even want to know. Just get up and start getting ready, we’re going out tonight,” she stated.

Pulling your upper body up so you could lean against your headboard you questioned her. “Get ready for what exactly?”

“There’s a race happening tonight, don’t you wanna go see Caleb?” she draws out his name in a teasing manner

You can feel heat rapidly spreading onto your cheeks, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you say as you stumble through your words.

“Yeah right,” she laughs, “the two of you have been going out soo much, and when you text me about it afterward, you’re always in such a good mood. Why don’t you just ask him out on a proper date?” 

A date… the thought of going on a real date with Caleb doesn’t seem it would be any different from what you’re doing now, but then your mind starts to wander. It’d be nice to give him a little kiss in the car after he pulls up to your house to say goodbye or to do something other than dinner. The two of you could hold hands wherever you walked, you’d be able to feel his rings against your skin. And oh— his rings, you think it’d be nice to feel them against your throat as well, pressing down as you gasp for air. 

But you don’t think you’d have the guts to do that. The thought of rejection was painstaking, you didn’t want to put your heart and all these feelings out in the open just to get them stepped on. “I don’t know Tara, it seems like too much of a risk.”

“What do you mean by a risk? Just ask him out, and if he says no then just move on.”

“Yeah, that’s the risk— moving on.” moving on meant that this chapter of your life would close, and the friendship that you have with Caleb would end, he’d go back to being just your older brother’s friend and nothing else. You’d rather have him now as a friend than nothing in the future. 

“You’re thinking too much about this y/n. What would you do if another girl comes in and steals him away? You really think he’d keep going to dinner with you?” she comments. 

“I’ll figure that out when the time comes,” you mumble, not wanting to think about Caleb with another girl. In retrospect, it wasn’t fair to say you wanted to remain friends with him but have feelings of jealousy bubble up at the prospect of Caleb having a girlfriend that isn’t you. You sigh, “So what time is the race happening at?” 

“In an hour, we should probably leave soon,” Tara responds. 

An hour passes by in the blink of an eye, the two of you walk down the sidewalk and towards the venue where all the cars are lined up and preparing to race. Your eyes glance across the span of hundreds of faces until you see Caleb, but your heart immediately sinks to your stomach. 

He’s leaning against the door of his car with his hands around someone else’s waist. Looking down at her like she’s the only person to exist, a small smile appears on his face after she’s said something, you watch her head lean back as she giggles, and Caleb chuckles alongside her. 

Your answer to Tara's previous statement is clear to see. Figuring it out is easy from here on out; Caleb's heart was never yours to begin with, he’s clearly enamored by someone else. You were probably convenient for him, the younger sister of his best friend, easy to use you for some free food. It hurt, you would’ve thought that you were worth more than food on a plate, but it doesn’t appear that way to Caleb. 

“Tara, I think I’m gonna head home.” you try to force out a smile but it comes out as a grimace.

“Why? What happened y/n? We just got here though.” She pouts. Tara, noticing how sullen you’ve become in an instant, follows your gaze. “Ah, fuck.” she whispers. 

“It’s fine— I’m fine. I just have a lot of stuff to catch up on, I’ll see you later, alright?” 

“Alright,” she relents. “Text me when you get home though!” she adds on.

You nod, “I will.” 

❦ ❦ ❦

Caleb had messaged you a few nights later, asking to hang out. You ignored it at first but then a stream of incessant messages were sent your way, you ended up telling him you were busy and locked your phone. This went on for many days, any time he’d ask you, you avoided it by making up some excuse, Caleb might’ve caught on and eventually stopped asking. 

As bad as it was, you didn’t want to let go of the only connection you had to Caleb, when else would you get to see him? When he comes over to hang out with Gideon? That wouldn’t be enough anymore. You didn’t want to go back to just receiving a single 'hello' only form of communication. You wanted to sit in his car at three in the morning talking about the most random topics again, or grab dinner and complain about the place he chose. 

It might be selfish of you, but you message him, asking to go out on a drive. He responds fairly quickly in agreement and picks you up. You make your way into his car, just as you’ve done countless times before. You tug on the belt, but with your luck, it’s jammed again. You tug on it with a frustrated sigh, trying to move it in all sorts of angles but nothing works. Wordlessly, Caleb reaches over to fix it. His hands diligently fix the problem and lock in the belt for you.

He looks over at you, and soon you’re left with nothing but the stars that shimmer in Caleb's eyes. He shines far too bright but you can’t do anything but let yourself get blinded by him. The silence pushes you to get closer, closer, and closer... until the picture of him standing next to that girl appears into your head, in an instant you whip your head away, ending the moment.

Caleb coughs awkwardly, to relieve the tension that brewed from your not-so-hidden rejection. He looks away without saying a word and starts the car. The silence is awkward, neither of you know how to start a conversation. The rev of the engine fills the space between you, and you stare out the window at the scenery passing by.

Time flies by as you cruise, “I, uh, should drop you off now. It’s getting late…” Caleb says as he looks straight ahead.

The silence that once pushed you to get closer to him now feels suffocating, it claws at your throat and makes it hard to breathe. You wish you never set foot in his car so that you wouldn’t have to feel this way. The ache of not being able to act on your feelings settles deep into your chest, it burns and stings, hurt building up all around you.

As you pull up to your driveway your hand immediately reaches for the handle but pauses when Caleb calls out, “wait y/n, can we talk before you leave?” You look up to meet his eyes and nod without saying a word, not trusting your voice to project at the moment.

He sighs, “I know you’ve been avoiding me, did I do something wrong? If it’s about the dinners we can call them off— I won’t tell Gideon your secret.”

Your emotions have bubbled up for far too long, and the bottle was meant to burst. “If you did anything? IF?” you let out a snide laugh. “So what about all these late-night dinners, and subtle touches, or when you show me that stupid smile of yours or when you laugh at all my dumb jokes? What about all those, huh? Did you do those on purpose? To leech some free food off me? Did you just expect me not to grow any feelings for you? Do you know how hard it is for me to push these feelings aside when I know you have a girlfriend?” 

Caleb opens his mouth to speak up but you cut him off before he could. “No, it’s fine, I get it… I’m just your friend's little sister, nothing more and nothing less. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Your mind jumps to the image of Caleb leaning against his car, talking to another girl and the pang in your chest makes it hard to breathe. Maybe it’s your fault for getting too close, or maybe it’s Caleb's for allowing you to get close, either way, it didn’t make the pain any less. You’re in love with Caleb, but he doesn’t feel the same way. 

You take a deep breath in and out, slightly tilting your head up so that the tears of frustration won’t fall. You try to open up the car door but it’s locked, “let me out Caleb.” you demand as you wiggle the handle. 

“Don’t go assuming things on your own.” he mutters. "She's not my girlfriend."

"Well, you looked pretty comfortable with someone who's 'not your girlfriend.'" you snap back at him.

He leans back into his seat, his jaw flexing, "well, it's not like we're-." he cuts himself off before finishing his sentence.

"We're not what." you push, trying to get answers from him. Answers that you need so desperately.

He sighs, a hand comes out to rub at his face. "We're not. . . exclusive. We aren't in a relationship."

You feel your heart lurch, your throat seizes up with emotion. "That's. . . True." you say curtly. You stare out the window, not being able to look at him. His words, albeit true, sting you to you core. He's not wrong though. You don't have the right to feel this way, to act possessive over him. Your affection for him is one-sided and you don't have any claim over who he dates.

It's silent. You don't know what to say. Your heart hurts and you want nothing more to lay in your bed and sink into the sheets.

And then Caleb speaks up.

"But, I want to be. God I want nothing more than to be your boyfriend." He confesses.

Your head whips back to him before you can even think. You stare at Caleb, how his ears are red at the tips. He's staring at you with hopeful eyes.

"Will you go out with me, y/n?" He asks.

Without saying a word, your hands reach out to grasp the sides of his face. You pull him closer towards the console and kiss him.

It’s a kiss full of fervor, but it’s slow, and you kiss him back with every part of your being. You sigh into the kiss as his tongue slips in, at an agonizingly slow pace. He takes his time with you, savoring every second as his tongue gently caresses you. He places one last small kiss on your lips and then knocks his forehead against yours; eyes closed and breathing heavily. 

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I dunno what kind of crazy things you made up in your head,” he bites down on your bottom lip as if to reprimand you, giving it a little tug before he continues. “But I like you. I wanna go on dates with you.”

He leans in to kiss you once again, your mind is as hazy as fog right now, enjoying the sweetness that pours out of his lips and onto yours. His large hands don’t leave your face, thumbs gently stroking at your cheekbones, sending you into a serene lull as you take your fill from him. Every stroke of his tongue against yours feels electrifying, every little suck and bite against your lips makes you feel like you’re melting into him. 

Your lungs burn as they demand for air so you pull back, staring at Caleb like he’s your sun. “I like you too. And I would love to go out with you, Caleb.” you confess, “don’t wanna leave yet, can we go somewhere?” you remember that the two of you are sitting in front of your house, you were preparing to leave not even ten minutes ago but now you don’t want to leave his side at all. 

He drives you two all the way up to a cliffside, where the view shines brighter than it does, you can see the skyline gleaming across the horizon. The two of you snuggle in the backseat with the sunroof open, hearing all the sounds of nature while you cling on to each other and watch the night carry on. 

As you lay on his chest, a thought comes into your head, “do I still have to buy you dinners for the secret, or…?” 

A snort leaves his mouth, “y’know what? I’ll make you a deal. I won’t tell Gideon you snuck out if you don’t tell him that we’re dating. He’d probably beat the shit outta me if I ‘tainted’ his precious baby sister.” 

“Deal.” you seal it with a kiss. 

❦ ❦ ❦

HURRY UP SLOWPOKE IM OUTSIDE

Looking at the messages that appear on your phone, you finish getting ready and fly out the door, meeting Caleb who’s parked his car outside your driveway. You hop into the passenger side and greet him with a kiss. 

“What’s for dinner tonight?” you ask. The reoccurring dinners ended up becoming a staple date in your relationship. The duty of choosing a place to eat alternated each time, and this time it was Caleb's turn to decide. 

“It’s a surprise.” Caleb leisurely drives the car down the dark roads, at this time of night the roads are almost empty. But from the corner of your eye, you see a small little ball of fur.

“Caleb, stop the car!  Don’t run over the cat!” you cry out as you see the feline scurry across the road.

The brakes are slammed on and the car is pulled to a hard stop, you jerk forward and your belt pulls you back in. luckily the cat runs away to safety. “I thought my heart was gonna pop out of my chest.” you sigh while placing a hand on top of your heart.

Caleb lets out a sigh of relief, “me too.” 

“Really? You always look so calm when you’re racing. That one time we almost crashed, you didn’t even look phased.” you mention. 

Caleb wordlessly takes your hand that was placed on your chest and directs it to his own. He was right, his heart was definitely beating just as fast as yours. But his heart wasn’t what you were focused on, rather it was thinking about the piece of muscle that your hand rested on top of. He was warm to the touch, and the muscle was firm while daydreaming about a shirtless Caleb, your hand squeezes. The moment that you feel the squish underneath your hand, you go rigid, and your hand freezes mid-squeeze. Your eyes bulge out of their sockets at the realization of what you’ve just done.

It’s silent for far too long, your hand is still frozen on his chest, the two of you stare at each other without a word.

“y/n,” he says with a smirk. “What are you doing?” 

“Um.. feeling your heartbeat?” you try to smile as innocently as possible.

“By squishing my chest?” You say nothing but giggle, Caleb rolls his eyes at you and gets out of the car, walking over to your side to open up the door for you and before you can even get a word of thanks out, his arm swings around your waist and pulls you snug against his figure, a hand snakes down to your ass and gives it a squeeze, “payback.” he whispers in your ear. 

Heat rushes to your cheeks, you give him a light hit against his chest, “Caleb!” you scold him. “I’m gonna steal all of your fries for that.”