SO this is gonna get a tad sappy for a moment, but this is a sort-of gift for @aluckyartist. over the years i’ve followed them and talked with them a bit i’ve really, really been inspired by everything they do- from the confidence w/ their self inserts to their path in life. they’re a very genuine person with wonderful art, so if you haven’t checked them out yet you absolutely should! (also chris i apologize for the suddenness of this sdfgljdlgnsdf i was just in the state of mind after commissions and have wanted to do a formal thank you for awhile!)
this is their oc/self insert caez who is beyond amazing! i was torn between caez and crai bc i also love the arcana but. caez is an old fave and they’re awesome, and i’d done my roz redesign as the warm up so star wars was already on my mind
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Hello a second Caezlo? Wild times and a gift from above for Chris, I guess! ;)
The base was brisk and snowy, but that was how Caez liked it as they walked in from the cold and shook off their jacket, hanging it up and tapping their keypass against the door scanner and feeling a gust of overly filtered air hit their face as they headed off down the hall towards their room. Not expecting anyone to stop them, Caez was taken off-guard as a familiar large man stepped out in front of them and blocked their path, them looking up and scowling at Kylo as he pulled his helmet off and gave them a weird look, then extended his hand towards them.
Glancing down and frowning as a small box with a shitty and lopsided ribbon tied around it was presented to them, the bounty hunter raised an eyebrow and started to ask, “What the hell is th-”
“Don’t you know what day it is?” The knight inquired, scowling as he lifted the box towards Caez a bit more, him toning dully, “It’s January second, Caez.” Like it was something they should’ve been keeping track of, them frowning back at Kylo and scrunching up their nose for a moment as they thought about it.
After a moment and finally shrugging, Caez admittedly blandly, “Yeah, I dunno what that means, Ren. If I’m miss-”
“-Today was the day you started as my apprentice last year, Caez.” He commented, clearly not impressed by how poorly they kept track of dates as the switch turned on in their head and they snapped their fingers, Kylo rolling his eyes as he muttered indifferently, “It’s polite to gift you something on the date you started your official training, Caez.”
Blanking for a split moment at the “nice” gesture - Caez still wasn’t sure if they wanted to give Kylo the benefit of calling him actually kinda nice sometimes - the bounty hunter paused for a moment before hesitantly taking the small box with both their hands, the feeling that they had somehow fucked up on something they should have just known and prepared for making them feel weird with accepting the gift, Kylo still glowering at them as they muttered uncomfortably, “Oh. I. Thanks. I-I didn’t get you anything. Now I kinda feel b-”
“-You aren’t supposed to get me something. I’m your teacher, I’m supposed to be congratulating you, not the other way around.” He commented, keeping his tone flat and factual as Caez blinked and looked up at Kylo with a slightly flabbergasted expression, not really sure what to say as Kylo turned around and waved behind him, stalking off with a brief, “Goodbye, Caez. Training is cancelled today, enjoy your day off.” Before heading down an adjacent hall and making himself scarce.
Not even having enough time to yell goodbye back, Caez exhaled deeply and let their shoulders slump as they rolled their eyes, exasperated by how ridiculous Kylo was sometimes as they brushed their hair from their face and looked back down at the tiny box, them scowling before tugging the ribbon off and opening the manilla coloured parcel, them lifting the lid off of the tiny box and frowning at the small shiny object inside.
Lifting up the item, Caez inspected what looked like a single credit on a chain, the credit chipped and dulled with time but on the back carved into it very poorly was “One of 50K”, Caez pausing and blinking at the reference to their old bounty as they felt a flush creep across their face.
Looking around in the hall before shoving the gift in their pocket, the bounty hunter trudged to the closest bathroom and locked the door behind them as they ran to the mirror, pulling the necklace - it had to be a necklace, the chain was too long for any normal wrist - out and putting it on, the dull glint of the credit on them making them chuff and smirk a bit before they tucked the accessory into the inside of their top, them walking out of the bathroom and muttering under their breath, “Thanks, Ren.” Even though they knew Kylo was too far away to hear the thanks.
I got to draw Mier Caez and Olivier doing piggy backride goofs! <3
Mier belongs to & commissioned by: @enderofdays
Caez belongs to: @caezsucksdangs
Commission | Ko-Fi (Tip Jar) | Patreon
Since @rogueofcreations has now gotten into the self shipping chaos that is Kylo Ren, may I introduce (Not very proudly) the Kylo Self Shipping Support Group! (It's literally just a trash can where Sage slapped the name onto where unfortunate souls get dumped by Kylo drop kicking them if they misbehave) And, being the leader, Sage shares his tale of his very sad and brutal storyline where I put all my most horrid imageries onto (poor bab save him) but anyways here's the group! From Left to right: Caez- @caezsucksdangs Olivier- @curtisgrahamcracker Aeon- @princess-of-pumpkins Kayden- @rogueofcreations Face it guys, Kylo IS shipping material. (Aka the product of me not knowing what the fuck I'm doing with my life)
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Kylo has been off base for two weeks now. I can tell how scared the troopers are of him just by their reactions to his prolonged absence. They are louder, and are more lax in judgement, posture, and protocol. Even Hux seems to be less huffy than usual. The most noticeable change, however, is Caez. They grow restless, unruly, and agitated at his vacancy from the base. It gets worse every day he is gone, and they've picked fights with about twenty percent of the crew on board. I only intervened when it escalated to them attempting to tell Hux off for telling them to "get back in the training room, Ren won't be happy if he returns and you've lost whay little progress you've gained under his training". I give him a death stare and drag Caez away to the training room, and we spar nonstop for hours. The worst of this, I believe, is their nightmares. I'm woken up consistently by them, yet they never seem to wake, drifting in an unconscious prison. On the night following our sparring session, when I wake to Caez’ distress, I go to them. I slip into their room and see them in a dead sleep, whimpering and tense, but utterly still. My brow furrows in concern as I look them over, watching their chest move rapidly but steadily, and I see their face had taken on an ashen white tone, and a sheen of sweat has accumulated in their skin. I sense it's not wise to touch them at this moment, nor is it wise to wake them, no matter how much I twitch in sympathy as they let out another whimper. Instead, I perch myself at the head of the bed, and begin to sing in a low, calming manner: “Over in Killarney, many years ago My mother sang a song to me in tones so sweet and low Just a simple little ditty in her good old fashioned way And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day” They shift in their sleep, still distressed, but they ARE moving. I continue, slow and steadily: “Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry! Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's a Ryloth lullaby.” Their mind seems quieter and they settle down in their movements, save for a little twitch here and there. I gently lay my hand on their head, running my fingers gently through their hair, and close my eyes. I do not break rhythm in the song, however: “Oft in dreams I wander to that cot again. I feel her arms a-hugging me As when she held me then. And I hear her voice a-hummin' to me as in the days of yore, when she used to rock me fast asleep outside the cabin door.” I shift closer to them, guiding their head into my lap, their mind is now calm, but there is still a few shadows of threat seeping in at the corners, waiting. They do not wake, so I still sing. “Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry! Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li, Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's a Ryloth lullaby.” My voice drifts off into low humming as the shadows dispense, and Caez sighs in relief, still in a deep sleep. I sit with them for the rest of the night, soothing their way through sleep, and in the morning, their mood is considerably brighter. Link to the lullaby here: http://www.lullaby-link.com/irish-lullaby.html Caez belongs to @caezsucksdangs Kaori belongs to me
OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, this one has stumped me since you sent it(three attempts, mags. three.) so if you wanna do something quick with it, I'll cry: "OKAY BUT. Redeemed AU reconciliation kiss. Caez and Kylo meet, they sort out how they feel a bit, BUT CAEZ INITIATES. It was meant to be a goodbye, but Kylo grips the back of their hair and pulls them back in to deepen the kiss before hushing against their mouth, "... Don't leave me again." "
*Cracks knuckles* Chris, I will not fail you or myself here because I’m great.
(P.S. fuck editing I’m tired.)
By this point, Caez didn’t even ask where they were going when Stix and Geht tried to play it cool and call things ‘family outings’. They knew that they were up to something, but between Stix telling Geht to shut up about it and Geht nearly bouncing out of his seat while somehow not crashing their ship was enough of a hassle to deal with, so Caez wasn’t about to ask any questions as they took their seat in the cockpit and hoped that they weren’t about to spring something terrible on them.
A few hours - and two pitstops because Stix demanded they ask for directions in the middle of dead-fucking-space - and the ship finally landed, Caez jostled slightly by the rough landing and grumbling as they rubbed their neck, sleep collecting in their eyes and making their vision pure shit but them not really caring enough to fix said issue yet as they sat up and glanced out the window, soft snow falling around their ship and blanketing the planet in a brisk tenderness as Caez blinked a few times and took in the scene.
It was sunset by now on whatever planet they had been taken to, and as they got up to take a better look at the landscape, Geht had already stamped back into the ship, his shoulders flecked with the dandruff-like puffs from outside as he beamed proudly and announced, “Well?! Come on! It took us a damned long time to get this surprise ready and even longer for Stix to convince me that this was something you needed! Hurry the fuck up so we can get this show started and can finally leave this ice cube!” He yelled before boisterously turning and sliding back out of the ship, the crunching of snow under the older twin’s boots followed by a solid whump and a long string of curses signalling that he had taken a nosedive in the fresh snowfall like a dumbass. Caez really not wanting to have it any other way as they snorted and rolled their eyes, they laughed before getting up from their seat and pulling their jacket around them a bit tighter as they began to walk outside.
The soft brush of wind greeted the bounty hunter warmly as they took their first steps into the ankle-deep snow, the smell of stoney freshness that only came from being near mountains and freshwater springs telling them that they were somewhere they could feel safe for once, them closing their eyes and savouring the sensation running through their body like a comforting warmth encompassing their soul while the world quieted around them. Or at least, the world was still for a grand total of two minutes before the aggressive shuffling of people treading through the snow carelessly had Caez exhaling dully and going tired again, them opening their eyes slowly and ready to glare at whomever had disrupted their tranquility as a familiar voice hummed from a few feet behind them, “… Caez.”
That voice. A voice that could make the blood in the bounty hunter’s veins go still for a fraction of a moment, the same voice that they grew to love and crave. God, even after three years and their defecting from The Order, that voice still made their chest constrict. It wasn’t anything else but the voice in that moment, and his tone had their hands twitching at their sides, nervous and scared as they heard a barely-present plea in the way he said their name. Not turning around - not even sure if they could turn around - Caez stayed motionless as they inhaled carefully, lungs suddenly aching like they were rubbed raw as they hushed out under their bated breath, “… Kylo.”
They weren’t sure what to do now, the sound of handcuffs being unlocked and the annoyed grunt of the ex-Sith filling the uncomfortable silence as Caez kept their eyes locked firmly onto the mountain range in front of them, every muscle in their body afraid to even twinge in case that snapped them from this dream as the heavy sound of boots got gradually closer to them, Caez still not moving their eyes even as a shadow edged into the corner of their vision, even when the shadow was no longer just a blur in their peripherals, Kylo Ren standing like a dark obelisk in front of the bounty hunter as he paused - taking in Caez, taking in every inch of their face like he wasn’t sure if they were really real or not - then hushed, “… They weren’t lying when they said you hadn’t ch-”
No. They couldn’t do this. They couldn’t-
Turning their head to the side so they didn’t need to look at him as their eyes began to sting, Caez balled their fists against their sides as they gasped out fast, “-No. No no no I don’t need this I don’t need you I never needed you why did they make it you?!” They snapped, voice cracking and breaking fast as their emotions started to spiral out of control, their body feeling numb but at the same time like it was falling to pieces as they brought their hands up, clutching the dead air inches from the sides of their face as they scrambled, “Not you. Not you. I’m not ready for this yet I don’t need you I’m not-”
Until they stopped, their mind going completely silent as Kylo’s hands came up and held theirs firmly, him trying to calm the bounty hunter down as best he could as they went silent again, fearful and confused tears streaming down their face as they took in a shaky breath, everything silent again while he was there - it was always him, wasn’t it, always him who could quiet the voices in their head like no other - as he stooped and took a hand from theirs, bringing it up and cupping their face as his thumb brushed away a streak of tears before habitually trailing along the scars marring their face, his eyes dark but Caez still able to somehow tell that his pupils were blown up large like saucers as he took the bounty hunter in like he was seeing a ghost.
A ghost…
His warm hand still on their face, Caez tried to breathe normally and calm down as they pulled away from his touch, averting their eyes and trying to sound strong - though they were sure their voice was weepy and strained - as they hissed, “… I don’t need you. You aren’t-”
“-You can’t say it, can you.” Kylo interrupted, his voice steady like the swings of a pendulum as he toned, “… You can’t say you don’t love me anymore, because you still do.” He started, the sound of the word love on his lips making Caez’s chest constrict as they remembered every time he said that to them, how the word echoed in their head and how they could never ever say that to him. They never said that to him, never out loud. They didn’t even like thinking of the word because love always seemed so… So temporary. Kylo was temporary. This was all temporary, and this meeting was just gonna make everything spiral all over again. Caez couldn’t live with that. Not again.
Pulled back to the present as the ex-Sith kept talking, Caez didn’t hear a word that he was saying as they turned their tired gaze up to meet his, mind no longer racing as they breathed out slowly, “… I never said that. I never said that I…” They stopped, swallowing for a moment around an invisible clot that had formed in their throat, “I never said that I loved you. Ever. And e-even if I did once, I won’t now. I can’t now. I-”
“-You died. I thought you had died.” Kylo stated, voice soft - almost pained - as he took in a shaky breath, his face an unreadable mask aside from the welling of tears in his eyes that would never be allowed to fall as he turned his gaze to the sky, voice slightly broken as he huffed, “… They said you were dead, I saw your body. I-I held your corpse in my arms, Caez. Caez, you-”
“-I’m alive. I’m free.” They interrupted, the bounty hunter feeling nothing as they cut Kylo off, his pained expression going surprised as they continued, “… And because I’m free forever now, I can’t be with you. I won’t let someone tie me down again, Kylo. I’m. I’m sorry.” They stated, the weight in their chest finally starting to lift as they smile through their stream of tears, hurt running through their body like nails and every voice in their head screaming for them to not walk away from this as they toned cheerfully, “I can’t keep this up, Big Guy.” Before turning and walking away slowly, their hands coming up instinctively to grip their forearms in an attempt to hold themself together as they heard the gentle poff of knees hitting snow behind them.
No, they couldn’t- No. It wasn’t-
They wanted to turn around, Caez wanted so badly to turn around and run back into Kylo’s arms - wether they would sock him in the jaw or kiss him was still up in the air - but they felt like they couldn’t. Not after what happened, not after how they left. Three years was a long time, after all, and Kylo didn’t seem to think Caez had changed. Well, he was wrong. And Caez didn’t want him to feel right about them as they walked back towards the ship, Stix standing in front of the entry hatch and glaring at Caez as he bristled, “… Go the fuck back. I’m not letting you on this fucking ship until you get your stupid Ren shit sorted out.” He commanded, Caez blinking for a moment and opening their mouth to complain as Stix snapped fast, “It took Geht and I three fucking years to track down this mopey dick. I may hate you and hate him, but you two assholes deserve each other. Take that as an insult or a compliment, I don’t care. You aren’t getting on this ship until you deal with Ren.” He stated, crossing his arms and glowering down at the bounty hunter as they let out a deflating breath.
God fuck, and they had just nailed that break-up bit.
Huffing and storming back to the ex-Sith - and not admitting even to themself the elation that they felt with being able to turn around and go back for once - Caez crunched their boots through the snow slowly for a moment before picking up the pace and almost sprinting towards Kylo, the ex-knight lifting his gaze and scowling at Caez before he mouthed out, “Oh shit.” And got the full force of Caez as they cracked hard into his chest, wind smacked from his lungs as they both toppled into the powdery snow.
Sitting up on Kylo’s chest and looking down at him as snowflakes collected in his hair like constellations in the sky, Caez huffed and kept their gaze soft as they back-pedalled on their boldness and laughed out nervously, “Aha, I should- I- Wow, I guess if this is goodbye forever I should give you a goodbye kiss, right? I mean, what kind of cruel asshole doesn’t give you a deep and passionate kiss that makes you want me all the more, right?” They toned, anxious squeak in their voice as they brought their fingers under Kylo’s chin and tipped his face to theirs, their hair acting like a curtain around both of them as the bounty hunter closed their eyes and savoured the feeling of Kylo’s flabbergasted mouth against theirs, a feeling of sparks lighting up in their brain like mad until they finally pulled away, Kylo’s head flopping back into the snowdrift as he gaped slightly.
Sitting up and brushing their unruly hair back from their face, Caez laughed and flushed nervously as they averted their gaze, fingers rubbing their own neck uncomfortably as they toned fast, “Ah, guess that’s it! See-” Only to feel Kylo’s hand come up and grip the back of their head, him sitting up fast and persistently pressing Caez’s mouth back against his as he made the kiss deeper, the ex-Sith’s other hand coming around their waist and pulling them close on his lap before their mouths disconnected again with two breathless gasps, Kylo’s half-lidded eyes desperate and needy as he pleaded against Caez’s soft lips, “… Please… Don’t leave me again.”
This was their moment to push him away, to say no again and leave. To finally be smart and make peace with this. But. Caez couldn’t help but call themself the stupidest person in the entire galaxy as they huffed and brushed their mouth back against Kylo’s gently, them asking jovially, “… I’ll keep seeing you around, then?” As they shot Kylo a crooked smile, him blinking for a moment before nodding slowly, responding quietly.
