1/24/2019 Millbrae, CA
So Iāve made it! Here we are in CA. West coast is truly the best coast (and yes my boo CO, that includes you too). Currently Iām in the backyard of the house (Airbnb hostel-like place) under their mini gazebo/patio thing. It was cold last night, so the chairs are all dewy, encouraging me to take a sit on the pavement. Itās not particularly warm, but the sun is out and doing itās thing just right. Itās 0940ish; I woke up around 0900, having gone to bed close to 0100 watching Californication and Big Mouth which, no Matt, itās not funnier while youāre stoned. I did a double last night at Marvelous Performance, but that wouldāve been more impressive at Terra Nova because at this gym, Iām currently partaking in the Fundamentals level. It felt great yesterday though to have done their crossfit-level workout afterward. Iām excited for tonight, which will be another double: fundamentals strength first, HIIT class after. Iām especially excited though, for this thing theyāre advertising (and I canāt seem to find any other info on it than what Matt ((one of the coaches)) told me) called something like 6-weeks to Best Self. I met a dude last night who was cool enough to just walk up to me randomly and introduce himself. I liked his energy and he was a similar height, but built! Heās been a member for a year and said he started with the 6 week thing too-- said itās worth it especially for the nutritional/educational piece. :3 so i gotta get on registering. Imma ask more tonight. Thereās an orange and lemon tree back here, with fruit but a bit too early to pick. According to the other residents, thereās also a cherry and apple tree. Our neighbors have persimmons (my like new fav fruit) and figs! Amazing. This place is a little house, longer in length than width, with about 6 bedrooms. Each bedroom has bunkbeds and from what I understand, thereās a single private room? It works though! Yknow, if youāre not OCD about things/not super bugged by messy peopleā¦ A team comes to clean supposedly twice a week, but the residents report itās been more so once a week, which isnāt cool because weāre past half capacity. Still, it works. 3 or 4 fridges in total, a kitchen, living room, tiny dining room, a basement with another tv and computers which I canāt figure out if they belong to anyone in particular or not. 3 guitars or more (mine included). A piano. Plenty of bikes (supposedly one is communal, but every one that brought their own bike is willing to share. A poor excuse for a workout bench but it can work. Communal/free laundry soap (feels weird to smell different). And a solid group of misfits. The coffee here is free (As even indicated by a little sign someone made) and thereās nearly always a fresh pot on. I shared a lot of my mush yesterday which is fine because Iām getting help paying for it anyway ty Katherine, and people are getting hooked but now itās not even gonna last 24H x). Gotta make more todayā¦ So being here: Itās been a little disorienting to find my feelings. Todayās the first day that Iām taking a bit of time to create the space. My last day off was a bit of that, but I was so excited and distracted by my mini adventure to Sprouts that I didnāt make a lot of headway for whatās going on up there. I was starting to wonder if thereās much going on at all, just because everything is new and engaging and somethingās always happening (even if itās just netflix or someone playing video games). Itās all too easy to just let the days roll by. I checked in** on Jan 6th, was it? (**got to millbrae a day earlier and Ren gave me crap later for having us sleep in the car and not Elo/Peterās place hehe). I wonder too, if it was too quick of a transition. Iām slowly allowing the format of my exploration to change. CO was all about meeting people via apps, but here Iāve already fallen into a group and met people way more easily in person ie Marvelous Performace, a friend of a friend, or even work/fellow travelers. As the experience pans out, Iām at least aware that allowing this format to be different is growth in itself. It makes me wonder how the next place might feel. Iāve also started to wonder about extending hereā¦ but that remains to be seen. (Been toying with the idea of WA next). Thereās a crow thatās been vocal this morning, little finches chirping at a quicker pace, and another bird I donāt recognize all seemingly celebrating the quiet, warm morning. Iāve notifed just now my nose is a tiny bit stuffy, but I can still smell the sweet baked/fried goodies from whatever Ā bakery nearby. It carries in the wind to pretty impressive distances, but I think weāre close by. My laundry is going so Iām feeling extra productive/not worried about how I should be adventuring right now instead because I need to stick around to move it over/start the next load, and that made me wonder something new: I donāt feel ā¦ inquieto. I think that translates to anxious/restless. I always think itās appropriate to say ābe still, my heart,ā if one is feeling inquieto, so I guess the translation fits. Still, i think those english words are a bit deceiving. Inquieto in ronnie world is yes, both of those, but fueled by a FOMA type of energy. Iām very aware of my emotional habit of needing to feel productive/busy all the time or else Iāll begin to feel depressed (something to examine later, though I donāt think itās necessarily unhealthy of a thing. Bagh, but who knows what Iām hiding now), but (rounding back to the Something New) I think that energy is more at peace here, and thatās whatās mainly throwing me off. āRonnie, what do you want..?ā Uhhā¦ Idk! We can always walk to Trader Joeās or hop on the bus or train somewhere or read.. āShouldnāt we be out meeting people? Meetups? Destinations? Missions?ā Hm. I mean I guess but I rather just ride the bus or train :3 So maybe my social quota is filled already with these rascals. I expressed to Tracy that I was a little worried Iām not worried about it (am I asexual?), when she asked if there were any new love interests. She assured me that thatās totally normal-- we go through phases of course. She went through a 2 year stretch of not even giving that thought because life was just busy. She was doing her, and that was okay. That resonates with me. I guess I have this perception that around my age, everyone should be out socializing/meeting people/flirting/hooking up/getting trashedā¦ but cmon ronnie, was that ever really you? I do find that fun occasionally, but itās like Iām super happy to be settling more into my grandpa-like tendencies. I think the 8hr shifts have a lot to do with it too: the life I have within these contracts is probably hugely dictated by the shift I signed up for. These 8hr-ers encourage my grandpa trends, encourage a routine, encourage my days off to be restful and adventurous in MY way. In comparison, CO was 12hr-ers, nights, but took up about 4 days a week of my life. The rest of the days? I guess just chillin with Ren XD but itās still different. Not in a bad way! Maybe I should look into more introspective prompts. Mainly I just try to gauge the degree of my inner FOMA, or trans-dom x) ā*knocks on the mental door* Hey, Ronnie? You okay? You wanna do anything in particular?ā -Iām good! ā*narrow-eyed look* donāt be so quick to respond now, member?ā -I know, but really! We could maybe paddleboard-- itās supposed to be 60 deg today but if we donāt totally cool because thatās a lot of work opening the basement garage and all. Member, we gotta make more food at some point. *shrugs* meetup for ideas? But yeah, no FOMA :3 āOkay.. how you feeling bout dysphoria?ā -Decent. I know weāll have our class tonight. Should probs take a progress photo and that whole 6 week thing.. :) āWorm, cool. Iām thirsty.ā Itās restaurant week! Maybe Iāll text that dude and his fiance to join us :3 1040 now, gonna check my laundry, skim meetups, and look into another pair of shoes because I destroyed the active onesā¦ā¦..
