#c505

I was once a blogger, and i can say that you clicked the button “reblog” on some of my posts once or more. The reason I joined tumblr, is for the hope that someone can save me. But little do i know, that she would be one of those to contribute to my “exploration on life after death”. She was a nice person. I tried to break her walls and every time I punch through those walls, I can feel my heart beating faster. Until the very last brick on your wall, my heart didn’t skip a beat. As the walls collapsed, so did my heart. Why I am breaking your walls? I asked myself. You need not no saving. I was the one in tragedy but why I’m I the one who does the breaking of the wall. What’s even worse, is that you didn’t stop me. I feel like you totally planned it. Like how architects plans dream houses but you, you planned my downfall,, just like what humans do. You wanted to be a flight attendant but I’m no flight risk. I’m just scared for those in the plane with you. They will not know that the hi-jacker would be you.

I just feel so alone. And I am planning to leave this world that way. Isn’t it amazing how our own mind tells us to kill it’s own. More amazing is that being alone can contribute a lot to suicidal thoughts. I’m always around a huge crowd but that does not exclude the feeling of loneliness. It’s all about what you feel. I don’t save friendships, for the reason that I didn’t do anything to harm the friendship it’s just their decision to slip away from me, they just wanted to put the blame on me not for not making an effort for it.

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