i wasnāt going to write something because ik people already have/are going to keep phenomenally analyzing imogen in the last episode so i didnāt feel the need to but itās been three days and i still keep thinkingĀ about it so fuck itā
the way imogen has been so, so painfully humanĀ through the aftermath of her falling out with laudna is just. itās absolutely delicious and everything i couldāve wanted. and her outburst with orym was so illuminating because you could just tell it was the tip of the iceberg and yet so much leaked out (and isnāt it so fitting that her outburst was silent? that she ranted and raved some of what sheād been keeping buried but it was in the safety of her mind and the mind of a willing friend? that she wouldnāt have even said any of it if orym hadnāt asked?)
she recognizesĀ that sheās being petty and unfair to laudna. she can tell that the rock was probably unhealthy or even dangerous for her (and she possibly remembers laudna insisting it wasnāt her who broke it in the first place, that it was that demon in her head, but thatās too much to handle because then imogenās been icing out her wonderful wonderful friend for nothing), but then again, the fact of the matter is that laudna did break her trust, and shouldnāt imogen be allowed to feel that hurt? laudna was the one person imogen could count on after years of betrayal from the thoughts in peopleās heads, and now she doesnāt know if that can be trueĀ anymore
besides, itās the practical thing to keep quiet and withdraw; she knows herself well enough to know she canāt deal with it right now so she shoves it down (thereās so much going on, theyāre on a job, theyāre in another cityĀ and it takes so much energy just to keep the voices at bay, and even her stupid magic is out of control and sheās bald and tired and terrified of sleep, and that safety net of the rock, toxic though it mightāve been, is still gone)Ā
but she also canāt completely compartmentalize her emotions because fuck, she canāt help but care so deeply, and dusk is here, and theyāre sweet and friendly and fun and itās not their fault but also they keep shovingĀ the fact that laudnaās doing just fine without imogen in her face and sheās trying to keep it together, damn itĀ (does she want laudna to hurt too, or is she just lonely? is that so horrible, that she misses the comfort of her closest friend? but then again, it was her own doing that thereās a barrier up in the first place, and maybe she should bring it down and admit to laudna that she was right anyway, but she canāt)
and sheās smart, she knows people, she knows that jealousy is an ugly, useless thing, and sheās a little embarrassed about it, but sheās still brimming with it and brimming with hurt and it all feels so big but also laudnaās smiling in the daylight and maybe it wasnāt that big a deal after all and maybe sheās overreacting and maybe thatās somehow worse
