#c+i

Pairing: Calum/reader

Requested: No

A.N.: Well its kind of a sad story. It turned out much longer than I expected. I really hope you enjoy it. 

Based on the Lyrics of Losing your memory by Ryan Star.  You can listen to the song here (x)

Plot: You and your boyfriend Calum get into a huge car crash. He suffers from immense brain damage and loses all his memories. Over month you try to help him getting better but instead of getting better it only gets worse. One day you decide its better to let him go. 

"The damage is done the police are coming too slow now I would have died I would have loved you all my life."

“You coming sweetie?“ I heard my boyfriend Calum calling from down the hall. I was in the bathroom getting ready for a dinner with his family wich he had organized. He was planning this dinner for quite a while now and he was making such a fuss about it. “Almost done!“ I replied while I put on my mascara. One last check in the mirror, done. I was quite satisfied with my apperance tonight. I wore a casual dark blue dress with black heels. My hair hang loose in curls over my shoulders. I packed my lipstick and powder in my bag, in case I need to freshen up. You never know with Calum. Last time we had dinner, with his friends, we ended up having a heated makeout session in the bathroom and my lipstick was all over my face. I guess its not gonna happen this time since we’re meeting with his family, but like I said, you never know with this boy. But that was one thing I love so much about Calum, his randomness. I made my way to the living room where I assumed Calum would wait for me. I stopped at the doorframe when I spotted him sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He was looking incredibly handsome tonight, well he always looks handsome, but tonight it was different. He was wearing his usual black skinny jeans, a white shirt and to my surprie something that looked like a blazer. ‘Wait, why is he wearing a blazer?’ I thought to myself rather confused since I never saw him wearing a blazer before. Maybe this dinner is not as casual as I thought. Or maybe he is just trying out a new style? I dont know but I really liked the look of him in that thing. “How long have you been standing ther you little daydreamer?“ Calum giggled and stood up from the couch to walk towards me. “I wasnt daydreaming“ I protested “Right, you were just admiring your oh so sexy boyfriend.“ He smirked and slung his arms around my hips. “Well someones cocky today.“ I scuffed and slung my arms around his neck. “You look really beautiful (Y/N)“ he almost wispered and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt my cheeks redden a little, “Thanks, you look quite handsome yourself mister.“ He giggled again, pushing me closer to his body. “I love how you still blush when I compliment you. Even after almost four years. I love you so much you know that right?“ I looked deep into Calums dark eyes, they were so full of love. “I know. To the moon and back.“ “To the moon and back.“ he repeated before pressing his soft lips onto mine. Four years he have been dating now, four years of laughter, love, passion, fights, makeups, the best time of my life. “ I think we should go now or we’ll be late.“ He took my hand and walked to the door. “I have one question though Cal.“ “What is it?“ “Why in the world are you so…I mean why are you wearing a blazer? I thought you didnt like these things. And why did you make such a fuss about this dinner?“ “Okay so first of all, that was two questions, you really should learn how to count honey.“ “I can count better than you idiot.“ I laughed and playfully hit him on the shoulder. “Anyway..“ he laughed “…I’m wearing it because tonight is a special night and thats why I was making such a fuss about this dinner too.“ he admitted rather nervous. “But if tonight is a special night…maybe I should go back and change, I dont-“ “You look perfectly fine (Y/N)! You could wear a sack and still look stunning.“ he assured me and smiled that perfect smile of his. “So, lets go.“ like the perfect gentleman he, not always, was he opened my door before he got into the car himself. The carride was the kinda the usual, Calum and I were singing along to the music on the radio and I was dancing, well you cant really call it dancing I think its more like awkward movements but you cant expect a lot of good dancing in the small car. Anyway, we always did that, it was a lot of fun but since Calum has an amazing voice and I sound more like a dying animal I let him do the singing and I do the, well ….dancing.

After about 15 minutes we arrived at the restaurant. Calum seemed really nervous again. What was it about this dinner that made him so nervous? I never saw him like this. It was a whole new side of Calum. It made me kind of nervous too, he had news that was for sure, but were they good news or bad? Nahh they couldnt be bad, he would act different. So what are the good news? I tried to think about something reasonable but I got torn out of my thoughts. We arrived at the table, Calums family was already there. We all greeted and hugged each other before Calum and I took a seat. I felt his sweaty hand on my knee, another sign that he was nervous. We all started talking about random stuff. As the minutes passed, and the waiter got our orders, Calums grip on my knee got tighter and his leg rocked up and down uncontrollably. Jeez whats with this boy today? “So Cal, why did you invite us here? I mean not that I’m complaining or anything, its just unusual that you’re inviting us to a fancy restaurant.“ his mum asked, Calum took a nervous sip from his coke before answering. “Uhm you’ll see. I will tell you after we ate.“ I noticed Mali smirking and winking and Calum. I bet she knew something. I couldnt wait any second longer so I decided to go to the bathroom to ‘freshen up’. “If you excuse me, I’m going to freshen up, Mali would you like to join me?“ I asked innocently. She glanced over to Calum for a second before she agreed to come with me. What was this all about? As soon as we walked through the bathroom door I blurted it out “You know something dont you? Why he arranged this dinner, why he is so nervous?“ She couldnt help but smile. “I may or may not know something. But if I knew something I know I wouldnt tell you.“ she winked and her smile grew even wider. “Ohh c’mooooooon you have to tell me pleeease!“ I begged and pouted. “That pout doesnt work with me (Y/N). I swore to secrecy. You will be surprised but you will love it, i’m sure of it.“ she winked again and slowly walked back to our table. I followed her back,

“Everythings fine?“ Calum asked with a tense look on his face. “Yeah, everything is perfectly fine.“ Mali answered and her wide smile appeared again. About a minute later the waiter placed our food on the table. After we all finished Calun dissapeared for a while, hopefully he finally tells us what going on when he gets back. 10 minutes later he came back, he still had a nervous look on his face but this time it was mixed with a sweet smile. “Okay..uhm it really means a lot to me that you are all here tonight, because this is gonna be a really special night for me, or at least I hope so.“ he chuckled and ran his hand through his thick dark hair. He turned to me now, my heartbeat getting faster as he locked his eyes with mine. “(Y/N), you know, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, you are my light, you are everything to me. I am so damn glad I met you and I’m so glad you are mine. You are the most beautiful, funny, radiant girl I have ever met and I want to share the rest of my life with you.“ My eyes grew wider and my mouth fell open. Oh my god he isnt…Calum got down on his knee and pulled out a fancy little red box …oh my god he is…everyone in the restaurant was now looking at us. My heart was beating so hard, I thought it would break through my chest. “(YOUR FULL NAME) will you make me the happiest man alive and become my wife? Will you marry me?“ He opebed the box, inside was the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. Its wasnt big, it was simple, not too exaggerated just like I like it. I slapped my hand infront of my mouth and a tear was falling down my cheek. I was expecting a lot from this night, but this? Never in my life I imagined this! Was this real? Or was I dreaming? No, this is real and I was sure my heart is breaking through my chest any second now. “Yes. YES!“ I screamed out and hugged Calum tight. Everyone in the restaurant was clapping and cheering. I let go of the hug and kissed him passionately. “Now, do you mind?“ I smirked and hold up my finger. “Not at all.“ with shaky hands Calum took the ring and moved it up my finger. It fit perfectly. Now his family started with their gratulations. I wish my family would be here too but they paased away last year. As everything calmed down a little we all sat down again. “How long have you planned this?“ I asked him still in shock. “Well I bought the ring three month ago, but I didnt really know how to propose yet and…I dont know I thought it would be really special if everyone was around.“ “It was! and Mali you were right I love it!“ I laughed and admired my ring. I couldnt take my eyes of off that thing. We talked a while about when the wedding could be and what kind of wedding we’d like to have. Of course we havent set anything yet but the thought of all this made me incredibly happy. I really had the chance to marry the man of my dreams. I couldnt believe my luck.

While we were on our way back to our shared appartement I couldn’t help but stare at the ring. It was so beautiful, wow. “To be honest, I never thought you’d ask me to marry you.“ I stated, still looking at the ring on my finger. “Why?“ I looked over to Calum, “You once told me you’re not the “marrying kind of guy“. “Yeah well, a man can change his mind if he finds the right reason and I found mine.“ hes smiled and took my hand in his. “Cant wait to get home and properly show you how happy I am.“ I smirked. A stupid grin on Calum’s face appeared, we stopped at a red light, he moved over to me and placed light kisses on my cheek and neck. “Me neither baby.“ he mumbled and placed his hand on my thigh. “Cal, wait til we’re home.“ I giggled. “Lights green.“ “Hmm fine“ he muttered and hit the gas. We just started the car as I heard a loud crash, glass was breaking, the car was shaking, everything happened so fast I couldnt realise what was happening. My head hit something hard and I blacked out. I woke up, unknowing where I was and what had happened. My head was hurting like hell and my knee was stuck. I heard people chattering and screaming. I tried to look around, but I couldnt move my head, it hurt too much. But then I saw Calum from the corner of my eye. He was unconscious. A huge injury on his head. Blood everywhere. His was was resting on the steering wheel. “C-Calum?“ I tried to say but only an inaudible wisper got out of my mouth. My breathing got heavier, I tried to move, I didnt care about how much it hurt. I was shaking him trying to wake him up. “Calum..wake up.“ I tried to pull my leg free but I couldnt do it. “Miss please dont move! The police and ambulance are on their way.“ a man was standing next to the broken window. , trying to calm me down. “N-no I …we have…we have to get him out if here. They are too slow we have to…“ I was getting weaker, suddenl I felt dizzy and I blacked out again.

"Remember the day ’cause this is what dreams should always be I just want to stay I just want to keep this dream in me."

The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed, plugged to a monitor. My knee was still hurting and I had the worst headaches ever. So many questions popped up in my head as I remembered what happened. Where is Calum? Is he okay? How long was I sleeping? I looked around the room, hoping to find a newspaper or something that could tell me what day it was. Of course there was nothing to find. It’d be best to just call for a nurse. I pressed the button and a while later a nurse rushed into my room. “Oh good you’re awake!“ She smiled and walked over to the monitor to check something. (A.N. I’m sorry I dont know how it works in hospitals and how everything is called.) “How are you feeling?“ “Uhm, my head hurts like hell and so does my knee but beside that I’m okay I guess. But where is Calum, where is the boy who was in the accident with me? Is he okay? and how long was I out?“ I almost stumbled over my own words. The nurse was quited for a while a sighed before she answered. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She wouldnt have hasitated when Calum was fine. “(Y/L/N), your fiancé is awake.“ Maybe was fine after all… “but“ she paused again. The smile that just appeared on my face vanished again. “The accident caused a very serious brain damage. We’re lucky he even woke up. It was looking really bad for him. Anyway, because of his brain damage he suffers from immense memory loss. He cant remember anything that happened since 2010.“ 2010, the year we met, does that mean he doest remember me at all? I couldnt believe this was happening. One moment I was the happiest person on earth and a second later everything was destroyed. Tears were building up an were falling down my cheeks. “Can I see him?“ “You are not supposed to be out of bed yet.“ “But I have to see him, please, I have to talk to him!“ I begged her to let me go. I had to see for myself if he remembers me. The nurse told me she’d talk to the doctor and left. After a little while the door opened again, I was hoping it’d be the nurse but to my surprise it was Calums mum. “(Y/N) I’m so happy so see you awake!“ she sat on the chair next to my bed. “How are you feeling?“ she asked me with a sweet quiet vioce. “I’m okay, I have to see Calum!“ I wispered, “Sweetie, I just talked to the nurse, he told me you know about his memory loss. I dont think its good for you to talk to him“ the expression on her face was sad and full of fear. She was scared, just like I was. “Does he….he doesnt remember me, right?“ my voice broke as those terrible words left my mouth. She took a deep breath and nodded. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I am dreaming.This cant be right. “Maybe you should rest.“ She softly patted my shoulder but I pushed her away. “I dont wanna rest! I wanna see Calum, now.“ I ripped the needle out of my arm and tried to get up. My whole body was aching but I didnt care. “(Y/N) please stop! You will hurt youself!“ “I dont care.“ I hissed through gritted teeth. The door opened again and the nurse from earlier came in. “Miss please go back to bed.“ “NO! Please let me see him.“ The nurse rubbed her forehead and sighed. “Fine. Wait here I get you a wheelchair. You cant possible walk with that knee.“

As we rolled down the hall to Calums room I got nervous. What would I tell him? I cant tell him that I’m his fiancé. No I I cant let out a bomb like that. I had still hope he would recognize me as soon as he saw me. “You want me to come in with you?“ the nurse asked as we arrived at Calums room. “No, I can do it on my own.“ She opened the door for me and I rolled inside the room. Calum was lying in his bed with his eyes closed. He was plugged to a monitor just like I was and a bandage was around his head. Little scars from the broken glass of the widow from our car were all over his face and arms. He looked so vulnerable, it hurt me to see him like this. I rolled with my wheelchair over to his bed. I stood up and sat down next to him on the bed. My hand reached out for his. As soon as our hands touched, Calum opened his eyes. I quickly removed my hand from his. “Uhm, hi.“ god this was awkward. I didnt know what to say. “Hey” I just said and awkwardly smiled. “I’m sorry but do I know you?” Ouch that hurt. I was expecting something like that but I didnt expect for it to hurt that much. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I could say another word. “You really dont remember me?” that was not what I wanted to say but the words just came out of my mouth. “No, I…I’m sorry I dont remember you at all. Who are you?” Calums face was full of confusion. I swallowed hard and tried really hard to hold back my tears. ” I’m (Y/N), I’m your fi….I’m a really good friend of yours.” I couldnt tell him the truth just yet, I guess it would just upset or confuse him too much. Maybe when he is better. “Well its uhm nice to meet you. I’m really sorry I cant remember you…” his expression was sad “You were the one who was in the car with me when the accident happened right?” “Yeah that was me.” I looked down on my hands, I couldnt face him. “Well, I’m glad you’re fine.” I just nodded. I didnt expect for this conversation to hurt so much. “You need to rest, I should better go.” I wispered and crawled back into the wheelchair. “Hey, before you go, maybe tomorrow you could come back and try to help me remember?” he looked at me desperatly, he wanted anwsers as much as I wanted him to remember everything that happened. “Sure thing” I smiled and rolled out of the room. To my surprise, his mother and friends, Ashton, Luke and Michael were waiting outside. “(Y/N) hey! I’m so glad to see you outside of that bed!” Ashton stated and they all hugged me. I was pretty close to them as well. They all were like family to me. “How long was I out anyway?” I asked, “No one ever told me.” ”Almost a week. We came to visit everyday. We were really worried about you.” Michael said and gave me a really sad look. “Well I’m fine. We have to worry about Calum.” I looked down at my hand and a tear was falling down my face. “He doesn’t remember me.” I sobbed and covered my eyes with my hands, crying uncontrollably. I felt a hand on my back, “Its gonna be fine, he is gonna be fine. We’re all gonna help him remember. We talked to the doctor when you were inside. He said there’s a chance Calum will regain his memories.” Luke softly said while his hand rubbed over my back.

Day 1; I made my way to Calums room. I wanted to help him remember, so everyday I’m gonna tell him stories, show him picures or videos about his life, about us. Like little sessions. I hoped with all my heart this would work. “Hey there.” I sweetly smiled while walking into his room. How are you feeling today?” “My head hurts a little and I still feel a littly dizzy.” he looked so tired and sad, it hurt me inside to see him in this state. “Well, were not gonna do much today then.” “Can you tell me how we met? I mean how did we became friends. and are we just friends, are we best friends? How close are we?” “Someones a little eager” I giggled “Well if you forgot four years if you life, you would be eager too right?” he laughed and sat up straight. God, I missed that laugh so much. “Okay, where do I start……we met in 2010 at the mall. I was shopping and you where with Ashton. You remember him right?” He nodded, waiting impatiently for me to continue. “I had a milkshake in my right hand and my phone in my left, I was sending a text or something, so I didnt pay much attention to my surroundings, and well..” “I assume you walked into me?” he interrupted and had a stupid grin on his face. “Yeah I did. My milkshake was all over your shirt. You weren’t mad at me, you were laughing like a five-year old and then you just took off your shirt. I remember standing there with my mouth open, I stuttered an apology but you just said ‘Invite me to a milkshake one time and everything is forgotten.’” I stopped for a minuted and laughed to myself. “You wrote down you number and just walked away.” I looked over to Calum, his eyes were closed and his brows were furrowed together as if he tried fo remember. “The next day I send you a text saying ‘Hey, its milkshake girl, wanna grap one today?’ and thats how we had our first date” I laughed and Calum opened his eyes. “Why did I take off my shirt tho?” he laughed “I guess you wanted to impress me.” “Well it obviously worked.” he winked and laughed again. “Cocky as always.” I said to myself more than to him. “Anyway, we met almost every day after that and we became really close friends. We helped each other through difficult times. We did everything together. We were best friends. I remember when we took or first camping trip together. We were in the middle of nowhere and we just screamed and danced around and there was this lake and you were running around like crazy and I dont even know why but you blindfolded youself and then you fell into the lake. God that was the funniest trip we ever did. Later the night you tried to make a bonfire but you failed badly, no marshmallows for us that night.” I dramatically slapped my hands over my head. “I bet that was really tragic.” “It was. You pouted all night.” He bursted out in laughter “I bet it was a grat trip….I hope I’ll be able to remember it again.” His laugh turr into a sad face again. “I’m sure you will.” I assured him.I wanted to kiss him so badly right now, telling how everything will be alright again as long as I was around. But I couldnt, it was too early to tell him we’re dating. ” I think thats enough for today. You look really tired.” He nodded “Cant wait for tomorrow”

Day 5; The last few days I told Calum about all our ‘adventures’ and about our usual car rides and our late night phone calls and our trips together but not a word about that were dating or that I’m actually his fiancé. Maybe today I could start with the dating part today. “Hey there” “Finally! Youre late” Calum crossed his arm and pouted. “Its nice to see you too Calum. and I’m not late, its 12.30.” “Its 12.34” “You’re terrible.” I laughed and sat down. “I know. So today uhm I’d like to talk about something in particular. Yestersay you mentioned something I couldnt get out of my mind. You mentioned you were living at your grandmother’s. Why is that? What’s with you parents?” Oh…that was unexpected. I havent talked about my parents in forever. I hated talking about them. Not because I didn’t love them or anything, its just I cant talk about them without getting sad, not just sad but nearly depressed. I never handled loss very well. Calum noticed my shocked expression ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” “No no its okay. I just needed a moment.” Maybe it will help him remember, I took in a deep breath, “My parents passed away last year. It was a car accident. They were on their way to pick me up from a friend. It was a rainy, stormy day, it was dark, they came off the road an crashed into a tree. ” I took another deep breath and whiped away a tear. “It was the worst time for me. I haven’t left the house for days. You were the only one who could cheer me up, you we always there for me even though when we only sat quietly in my room, you where there.” A quick smile appeared on my face, before my expression hardened again. Will he ever remember? Will we ever be like that again?

Day 8; Today I decided to finally tell him that we are a couple. I’m not telling him about his proposal though. “So Mister Hood, how are we today?” “Good good, my head hurts a bit but that’s nothing new. I’m ready for our remebering-session.” he laughed and sweetly smiled at me. “Good. Because uhm…today I’m gonna tell you something that might shock you a little.” I was quiet nervous. How would he react? “You seem nervous, what is it?” He took my hand and drew small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I now realized how much I actually missed his touch. “A few months after we first met we had our first official date.” I blurted out. There was a little pause before he finally answered. “So, we have been dating?” “Actually we still are. Next week would be our four year anniversary.” I shyly smiled and bit my lip. “Wow…now I feel even worse for not remembering anything. But to be honest I was kinda hoping you’d say that we’re more than friends. You are amazing and when you walked in here 8 days ago I felt something..I dont really know what it was but I guess thats explains it.” he admitted and blushed. “Tell me about our first date.” My face lit up and I couldn’t stop smiling. “This is actually on of  my favourite memories. It was really sweet. You took me out for dinner at our favourite place, it was really romantic, candlelight dinner style. After we had dinner we went to the beach. We watched the sunset, its so cliché but it was so romatic. I never thought you could be so romantic. You wrapped your arms around me and we just sat there quietly for ages before you suddenly kissed me and asked me if I wanted to be your girl. It was a perfect first date.” Calum had his eyes closed again and smiled, as if he imagined it. His smile faded soon, “I hate that I cant remember any of this!” “We’ll get you there, I’m sure of it”

Day 12; Calum was getting worse and worse. His headaches got worse and my stories didn’t help him at all. He couldn’t remember anything. It more likely seemed like he’d even forget them again but I didn’t gave my hopes up. I’m sure he will remember soon, its not even been two weeks, it just takes a bit more time. Right when I was about to walk into Calums room the doctor stopped me. “Miss (Y/L/N) before you go in, I think we need to have a little talk. “What is it?” The doctor sighed, “The condition of Mr. Hood got worse.” “Worse? What do you mean with ‘worse?’” I panicked, my breathing got heavier. “He fell into a coma last night. It doesnt look good.” I backed away a bit, “No, no you- you are lying” I didnt want to believe him. This wasnt happening! “I’m afraid not. There is not much we can do right now. We’re hoping he’ll wake up soon but like I said, it doesnt look very good.

Day 18; Calum still havent woken up yet. I’m visiting him everyday, I’m reading to him and I continue telling him stories. I was sure he’d still hear me even if he was in a coma. “Hey there.” I sat down on the bed, reaching out for his hand. Everytime I see him like this my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I was praying everyday to get him back. He couldnt leave me, not now, not like that. There is so much we had planned for our future. We wanted to travel the world together someday, we wanted to buy us a house and of course there was the wedding. We wanted to grow old together. He told me almost daily that I was the one he wanted to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of his life and that he couldnt imagine a life without me anymore and that I am the most important thing in his life. Same goes for me, thats why I’m not giving up on him. I never will.

Day 22; I havent left his side for two days now. He is still not getting better, in fact he is getting worse. “(Y/N) you have to go home, sleep a little, eat something.” Luke said from the other side of the room. “I dont want to go home. It doesnt feel like home anymore. I want to stay here with Calum.” I stood up and walked over to the window. “This is not good for you. We are really worried about you.” “I dont care if its good for me or not. I wont leave him Luke.” I was feeling so angry and annoyed with everyone and everything lately. I just wanted Calum to wake up again! I wanted him feel better, I wanted him to remember me! I wanted this nightmare to be over! “(Y/N) please, I will stay here til you come back and I’ll call you in case anything happens.” Luke tried to reach out for my hand but I backed way. “No I said gonna stay here. Are you deaf? I’m not going anywhere.” “Y/N)..”  ”No, you dont understand! I promised him to never leave him. I just want him to wake up! I just want to hear his voice again, I want to feel his touch again, I want to hear him laugh again, I want to see him smile again. Damn it I just want this to be over! Why cant he just wake up…?” I slid down on the floor, my hands covering my face as I started crying. Luke sat down next to me, pulling to his chest. “We all want this to be over.”

Day 30; The boys convinced me to go home for a while. Its been a month now and I’m still living in this terrible nightmare. I was hoping this was all just a dream and I’d wake up soon, but this was reality. My fucked up life. My hopes started to slowly fade away. I didnt want them to but there was no improvement to be seen. The appartement feels empty. I hate being here alone. In every room there was a memory of Calum. It hurt so much, I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I never thought I would feel this emptiness, this hole in my heart again. I couldnt go through this again, and this time there is no one who could comfort me. My comfort was gone. 

Day 38; “How is he today?” I asked Ashton who was just visiting Calum. “Not good. The doctors said if there is no improvement soon they will turn of the machines.” Ashton’s words hit me right in the gut. “But..but they can’t turn them off without the permission of the family! They wont let them to that.” My vocie was louder than I wanted it to be. “(Y/N) I think its time to face the facts here. I know its hard for you, its hard for all of us. We all love him. But if he’s not getting better-” “He will get better! I’m not letting him go!” I got hysterical, I’m not ready to let him go. Ashton was trying to calm me down but I just started hitting him, I didnt want this to happen. I broke down crying in Ashtons arms. 

Day 42; “You cant be serious right now!” I yelled at Calum’s mom. We talked about what Ashton has told me. We’ve been dicussing this topic for days now. I couldnt let them turn off the machines. “(Y/N) we have to face reality! He is not gonna wake up again” “You dont know that! We have to keep going! We have to keep fighting! You cant give up o him!” “I am not giving up on him! I’m doing this for him. Its time to let him go (Y/N)!” she tried to reason with be but I didnt listen. I didnt want to hear any of this! “If you’d love him you wouldnt let them turn off the machines!” I regreted those words as soon as they left my mouth, the expression on her face hardened. “I’m sorry if you think that way (Y/N) but this is my decision and I think you should say your goodbys. I will not change my mind.” 

Day 43; I was told that today was the day the doctors turning off the machines wich kept Calum alive. Once again I spent the night next to his bed. A voice woke me up, “Goodmorning.” Mali greeted me with a sad smile. “Morning.” I mumbled and ruubbed my eyes. “Today’s the day.” “I know. I still cant believe your mother is letting them do this.” I shook my head. “I think its better too. He’s suffering (Y/N) and we are too. This wil be best for all of us.” she looked over to Calum and tears were streaming down her face. “No this is not true. We have to keep fighting. If you’d love him-” “(Y/N) this is ridiculous! You have to exept our decision! Its not only hard for you! Its gonna be even harder for us! He is my brother for gods sake do you even know how hard this is for me? For my family? You dont! And you and your subbornness doesnt make it easier! You’re not the only one who loves him! We all do and its damn hard for all of us! So stop acting like a bitch!” I was shocked at her words but deep down know she was right. I was acting like a bitch lately, probably because I knew we would end up at this point. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just -” I stopped for a moment and tears were falling down my face “I dont know how, how I can live without him. I dont want to, I dont want to let him go, I dont know how.” I sobbed. Mali pulled me in for a tight hug. “Me neither. Its gonna be hard but we will be there for you, we can do it together. I’ll let you say your goodbys” She broke the hug and left me alone with Calum. For the last time I sat down on the bed next to him. Lying my head on his chest. “Wake up, please dont leave me alone in this fucked up world. You are the only one who undestants me. Please dont leave me alone. Just wake up. Please.” I sobbed and burried my head even further in his chest. “I will never forget you. You are the love of my life and you always will be. I love you so much.” I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and walked towards the door. “To the moon and back.” I wispered beofre I left the room.

“Call all your friends tell them I’m never coming back ’cause this is the end pretend that you want it, don’t react.”

"Its done. They turned off the machines. He’s gone, he’s never coming back." I called Michael to tell him the news about Calum. I was sobbing uncontrollably. Silence at the other end of the line. "Are you still at the hospital?" "Yeah." "Wait there I’ll pick you up." with that he hung up. I was staning outside of the hospital. I was feeling sick, dizzy, hurt, broken, numb, I was feeling empty. I just lost the most important person in my life. I didnt know how to handle this situation. What am I gonna do now? I didnt know. My heart was broken and I was sure that this time its not gonna heal. I waited outside the room when it happened, I couldnt make myself watch. 

Michael’s car pulled up on the parking lot. He got out of the car and hugged me tight, without saying a word. For at least five minutes we stood there without saying something, just holding each other. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his face was sad and his eyes were swollen. I guess he was crying on his way here. “What do you think?” “Yeah sorry, stupid question. Should I drive you home?” “Please.” I just wanted to be alone right now. The drive home was quiet, we only exchanged a couple of words. Michael pulled up at my driveway. “If you need anything you can call anytime. Maybe we could meet with the other tomorrow.?” I know he didnt want me to lose myself in my grief again, just like I did when my parents died but I didnt feel like talking to anyone or to meet anyone. “I know, and yeah maybe. Thanks for driving me.” My voice was low and without any emotion.

"Wake up, it’s time, little girl, wake up all the best of what we’ve done is yet to come wake up, it’s time, little girl, wake up just remember who I am in the morning.”

A week later and I still havent left the appartement and I havent talked to anyone. I was sitting on the same spot, only leaving it to occasionaly eat something or to shower. Today was the day of Calum’s funeral. I didn't plan on going, I was sure I wouldnt survive it. A distant noise interrupted my thoughts. It was the doorbell. I didnt move. I didnt want to see anyone. The ringing didnt stop. “(Y/N) open the door!” It was Ashtons voice. I slowly stood up and walked over to the front door. “What do you want?” I asked as I opened the door. Ashton, Michael and Luke were standing infront of me. They were all dressed for the funural which started in two hours. “We’re here to pick you up for the funural.” Luke started and they squeezed past me inside. “I’m not going.” “Why? You have to go!” “I dont have to go anywhere.” I said and rolled my eyes. “(Y/N) dont be like this. You wouldnt forgive yourself if you wouldnt go.” I shook my head. “I cant go. I’m sure I cant handle this.” “We will be right by your side. If you decide you cant go through with this we leave. But please at least try.” Luke begged and I nodded. “Gimme a few minutes.” I sighed and made my way to the bathroom.

The funeral was classy and not as depressing as I thougt. It hurt to hear people talk about him. After the funeral was over the boys and I spent the rest of the day together. We crashed at my place and just talked about our time with Calum. I think it was good for me to have my friends around. It was hard for me to talk about him at the beginning but it was kind of a relieve. It was the first time in ages that I laughed again. “Thank you guys.” I smiled and hugged them all. “For what?” Ashton asked confused. “For being here with me. For trying to cheer me up and most of all thank you for making me go to the funeral.” I admitted and smiled sadly. “Anytime. And please promise us you wont lose yoursel in your grief again. Call us if you need anyone to talk or whatever! We are aways there for you!” “I promise you. I know its not gonna be easy for me but Calum wouldnt want that for me. I will never forget him and I will always be the love of my life but I think its time to let him go now and move on. Its gonna take some time but I can do it. With a little help.” I smiled and the boys pulled me in for another hug. 

Well the ending kinda sucks I was out of ideas, sorry. and I apologize for any grammatical mistakes I was never good at grammar haha