#c;ian

『❆』 Mickey Milkovich

Ian was so fucking done. He couldn’t take it anymore. Being in that house every day, being bombarded by everything. He felt like he was going to explode. All he did was work and come home and work and come home and try and save Lip who was on a downward spiral and try and help Debbie who never fucking listened and now Monica was dead and Fiona was acting like it didn’t matter. And that was fair enough because Monica was never there for any of them. Except that wasn’t true. She left and that was shitty and she wasn’t redeemed in Ian’s eyes. She gave him shitty genes, and that was true.  But she was there when he was scared and running. She was there when he was locked away. She was there for him. She took care of him. Even if she was doing drugs and with a scum of a guy. She was there. She tried. That meant something to Ian. He was mad. Mad because Monica left, mad because she should have tried harder, mad because it was her fault he had this illness, mad because what the fuck was he supposed to do now? Who was going to understand? He was pissed off that she was dead. Pissed off that Fiona was talking so badly about her. Even if he was right. Ian just wanted a fucking mother. He just wanted her to change and to understand him and help him and now she never could because she was dead.

The whole time he had been thinking he didn’t even realize that he had been running. But now he wasn’t running. Now he stopped and he was transported back in time. Back to when he had floppy red messy hair atop his head. When he had a baby face covered in freckles. When he wore plaid shirts too big for him and saggy jeans. When he had ran here because he didn’t know what else to do or where to go and he just wanted to see Mickey. He remembered it was because Monica was back and he was terrified. Now she was gone and he was still terrified. There was the Milkovich house in all it’s glory. Standing empty. Or maybe it wasn’t. And it was stupid. But he’s up the steps and taking shaking breaths. He’s older now. His hair is only long on top and his skin isn’t covered in freckles because he grew out of them. He’s taller and filled out, but he still feels like that scared little boy. He knocks. But no one answers. No one comes out. Not Mickey. Not Mandy. Mandy who had been his best friend for so long. He feels so alone. More alone than he’s ever felt in years and he’s scared. He wants to go inside and find one of Mickey’s shirts and wrap himself up in it and cry but he can’t because he can’t bear it. 

Ian’s legs crumble and he ends up on the top step. His knees bent and on the first step downward. His bottom planted on the top step and his head bent and resting on his kneecaps. His arms wrapped around his knees, shaking. His hands are in fists so tight he’s shaking. Before he knows it a sob rips through him. It exits his mouth so loudly it scares him and before he knows it he’s crying. He’s crying so hard that snot is running out of his nose and he wipes it on his jeans. He cries until he can’t cry anymore. He wants to hit something. He wants to scream, because he should have went with him. He should have went with Mickey and he thought he was doing what was best for both of them and he hadn’t been.

Leaving Mickey scared him and he thought that meant it was the right thing to do and Fiona made him think that to be true and he had built a life and gotten stable. But he had been so wrong. Mickey kept him stable and right now he was anything but stable and he should have went. He stopped crying at some point, but he sat with his head in his knees. His tall body folded into a small ball of harsh breathing and rushing thoughts. He sat like that for hours. Leaning against the side of the house. He thought about Mandy a little, but mostly about Mickey. About everything they did together. All the times he laughed and waking up in each other’s arms. The more he thought about it the sicker he felt. He fucked up, bad. And now he was lost and he didn’t know what to do.

@milkovichsmickey closed starter!!

Have all the fluff <3 (Maybe some sort of AU where Mickey never went to jail?)

Ian was sitting on his couch, surprised none of his siblings were home yet. He hadn’t meant to bring the cat inside, but it had been so irresistibly adorable sitting on the step outside. One time Lip had a dog, he didn’t see how this was any different. Besides, he wanted to get out of here soon anyway, and he would need a roommate! Of course, he wanted Mickey to move in with him but he knew the other male could be moody sometimes and he didn’t exactly know how to ask him. He hears the door open and his ears perk up. He expected instant ridicule to start if it was one of his siblings, but green eyes meet blue and he grins proudly. Holding the cat up and petting it simultaneously he waits for the other to say something.

@milkovichsmickey

Ian had been with Monica for a little over a week off of any sort of medication, off of a normal diet, off of stability, off the RAILS. His phone had rung at first, every day, messages were left that he couldn’t bring himself to listen to. Not at first, days after he would play them and listen to the voice he would probably never HEAR again. Monica had made it very clear that Mickey wasn’t for him, that he would leave in the end just like everyone else would. He would want Ian to change, but this is who he was now. 

His legs were stiff from sitting on the ground outside of the trailer that he had finally arrived at with his lunatic of a mother. It was okay now, he was a LUNATIC too. He would never be the same as he once was, and this is who he was now. Content to sit against a dirty RV tire, so lost that he doesn’t notice the car pulling up to the lot. Eyes closing as his head turns up to the sky. The RV rocking steadily to the tune of Monica’s boyfriend’s thrusts. 

Ian was insane, so it only made sense that this is the life he should live. Monica was the only one not trying to cram medication down his throat, not trying to change him into something he didn’t know how to be. She had told him she was the only one who would care, the only one that wanted to love him how he was. He believed her. This is how it had to be. The redhead’s eyes stay closed, despite the sound of a car door closing. 

@mindlessnovamuses

Ian was so fucking done. He couldn’t take it anymore. Being in that house everyday, being bombarded by everything. He missed Trevor, but not in a romantic way. But because Trevor had been a friend too and he had gotten him out of his house. He felt like he was going to explode. All he did was work and come home and work and come home and try and save Lip who was on a downward spiral and try and help Debbie who never fucking listened and now Monica was dead and Fiona was acting like it didn’t matter. And that was fair enough because Monica was never there for any of them. Except that wasn’t true. She left and that was shitty and she wasn’t redeemed in Ian’s eyes. She gave him shitty genes, and that was true. But she cleaned up after them. She was there when he was scared and running. She was there when he was locked away. She was there for him. She took care of him. Even if she was doing drugs and with a scum of a guy. She was there. She tried. That meant something to Ian. He was mad. Mad because Monica left, mad because she should have tried harder, mad because it was her fault he had this illness, mad because what the fuck was he supposed to do now? Who was going to understand? He was pissed off that she was dead. Pissed off that Fiona was talking to badly of her. Even if she was right. He knew she was but Ian just wanted a fucking mother. He just wanted her to change and to understand him and help him and now she never could because she was dead.

The whole time he had been thinking he didn’t even realize that he had been running. But now he wasn’t running. Now he stopped and he was transported back in time. Back to when he had floppy red messy hair a top his head. When he had a baby face covered in freckles. When he wore plaid shirts too big for him and saggy jeans. When he had ran here because he didn’t know what else to do or where to go and he just wanted to see Mickey. He remembered it was because Monica was back and he was terrified. Now she was gone and he was still terrified. There was the Milkovich house in all it’s glory. Standing empty. Or maybe it wasn’t. And it was stupid. But he’s up the steps and taking shaking breaths. He’s older now. His hair is only long on top and his skin isn’t covered in freckles because he grew out of them. He’s taller and filled out, but he still feels like that scared little boy. He knocks. But no one answers. No one comes out. Not Mickey. Not Mandy. Mandy who had been his best friend for so long. He feels so alone. More alone than he’s ever felt in years and he’s scared. He wants to go inside and find one of Mickey’s shirts and wrap himself up in it and cry but he can’t because he can’t bear it.

His legs crumble and he ends up on the top step. His knees bent and on the first step down. His bottom planted on the top step and his head bent and resting on his knee caps. His arms wrapped around his knees, shaking. His hands are in fists so tight he’s shaking. Before he knows it a sob rips through him. It exits his mouth so loudly it scares him and before he knows it he’s crying. He’s crying so hard that snot is running out of his nose and he wipes it on his jeans. He cries until he can’t cry anymore. He wants to hit something. He wants to scream, because he should have went with him. He should have went with Mickey and he thought he was doing what was best for both of them and he hadn’t been.

Angel had intended on staying at the shop longer as a way to distract himself over all the feelings that had threatened to overwhelm him, but Ian gave him an opportunity to focus on something else. He should have probably turned down the man but also knew it was in their agreement that he needed to come when the man asked,l. Knocking on the mans door, Angel tucked his hands away into his pockets and waited for the man to answer.

Ian was in his lab when Angel knocked. His tablet popped the submissive onto the screen. He took his glasses off and shut the door, making his way to the door. He opened it and gestured for the man to come in. He could tell something was off with him. "Shoes off. Kneel by the couch now." He said without any hesitation in his voice.

Angel said nothing as he came into the room, doing as he was asked and pulling off his shoes and leaving them at the door. He moved over to the couch and kneeled down, not using a pillow in the hopes that the pain would help to focus him a little better on the dominant than on what was going on in his head. He settled his hands in his laps and waited patiently for Ian’s orders.

Ian went and sat down on the couch. He looked at Angel, took in the way he was carrying himself. "What's wrong?" He asked, wanting the submissive to explain. "You're acting different. I can tell, you know. You might not think I pick up on things, but I do."

Angel didn’t really want to talk about it because he didn’t feel like he had the right to be upset about it at all. It wasn’t like Nox was anything but a casual friend to him. “I’m okay, sir. Just in a weird mood.” He said, not wanting Ian to laugh if he found out that Angel was simply upset because a man that wasn’t even his dominant had left without saying a word to him. Even thinking about it was ridiculous.

Ian sighed, standing up and in front of Angel. "Look up at me." He ordered.

Angel looked up at the order, eyes meeting his for a moment before he felt awkward and couldn’t help but look slightly away so he didn’t have to keep his eyes fully on the man.

"Angel." Ian's deep voice bellowed in the living space. "We have rules for a reason. One is that you're honest with me. Now. Tell me what the matter is?" He asked once again.

Angel cringed at the sudden raise of the mans voice, feeling his heart pick up suddenly at the idea that he was probably in trouble now. “I...” He hesitated. “Someone left is all... it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

"And it's okay to be upset about it. I know how you feel if left alone in a scene. I'm sure it translates to day to day relationships as well. It's not okay to not answer my questions fully. Also, don't think it's been lost on me that you've been calling me Sir." Ian said and then sat back down on the couch.

Angel was feeling horrid in that moment, he should not have come at all. He wasn’t being a good submissive right then and it was obvious. “I’m sorry, master...” he said just loud enough so the man could hear him. His behavior wasn’t acceptable at all and that was clear.

“Angel, I think you need a punishment. For not answering me fully and for not using the correct title. Do you agree?” Ian asked the man.

Angel looked up at the man when he suggested a punishment and the submissive slowly nodded his head. “Yes, master.” He was a little nervous about receiving a punishment but he hoped that maybe it would help him think a little more straight.

“Good. Up. Go to my room. I want you naked and facing the wall closest to the closet. Hands will be up, shoulder width apart as will your feet. I will be there soon. I’ll have a paddle with dull studs on it. You’ll get 20 paddles. Go on.”

Angel bit his lower lip and nodded his head. He hadn’t received a punishment in so long and they were always highly nerve wracking to him because he’d had many bad experiences. He undressed when he got to the room. He moved to the wall and allowed his hands to rest flatly on the wall with his feet in position. He was feeling the humiliation and closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the wall.

Ian walked in and took his shirt off. He opened his closet and pulled out the paddle and then moved close to Angel. “Count each one.” He said simply before moving his hand back and coming in with a solid slap of the paddle.

Angel gritted his teeth as the first hit came down. He kept his forehead up against the wall, using the solid surface to ground himself during the punishment. “One...” he counted the first one aloud for the man to hear.

Ian didn’t react to Angel’s voice. He simply kept the hits coming, unrelenting until he reached 20. “Good. Now turn around and wall sit for the next 5 minutes. I’m going to the en suite, but you’ll still be able to see me.”(edited)

Angel kept counting, each number coming out more pained that the last. Then the last came and Angel was shaking slightly. He kept as still as he could manage before the next order came. He nodded his head before turning gingerly and sliding down until he was uncomfortably sitting in a wall sit position.

Ian didn’t say anything as he went to the bathroom. He started the shower and then grabbed the cream from his cupboard and set it on the quartz counter. He looked out at Angel every once in a while until the minutes were up. He came out and pulled him up. He kissed Angel gently. “Good boy. All is forgiven. You did very well.”

Angel felt the release of all the tension and felt tears building up in his eyes before streaming down his face. They weren’t intense but they wetted his cheeks and when the man returned he was feeling slightly spent already. “Thank you, master.”

Ian brought a hand up and wiped the tears off Angel’s face. “Come now.” He took his hand and led the submissive to the shower. He made quick work of taking his pants and underwear off. He then moved inside and crowded up against Angel so they were both under the luxury of the hot water. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Angel followed after the man though he wondered why the man was doing what he was doing. He knew he had messed up in that moment and that was his own damn fault. He cleared his throat once they were in the shower, “I keep screwing up... or saying the wrong thing... I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Ian listened, his face never showing his feelings. He was good at keeping neutral. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Punishment is only for minor corrections. To make you feel better and me as well. I told you all was forgiven and it is. Do you hear me? If I was still upset, you’d know. I’d tell you. You’re a good boy, Angel. I need you to believe that.”

Angel nodded his head, trying his best and letting himself believe that the man wasn’t upset with him any longer. “Thank you, master.” He said softly. “I just don’t like upsetting you... I never want you upset with me.”

“I know you don’t, baby.” Ian said the endearment, then kissing Angel and deepening it slightly. “Put your arms around me.” He told him, knowing that it was a big move on his part.

Angel was surprised when the man told him to do that, especially because they hadn’t crossed that line yet. He did as he was told though and turned around more so that he could fully wrap his arms around the dominant, his head burying into his neck without thought.

Ian was surprised to feel that he liked having Angel clinging to him. He hadn’t done this kind of thing in years, but he also hadn’t had a regular arrangement with a submissive in years. And trust. It was hard for him, but Angel had earned it. He wrapped his arms around the sub as well and raked his fingers softly up and down his back.

Angel let out a deep sigh, his eyes firmly shut as he just enjoyed the feeling of being held by a dominant, especially with the hot water soothing anything that hurt from the punishment. He hadn’t been held by a dominant like this since Nox last had done it and he found himself beginning to cry.

Ian didn’t bring attention to Angel’s cries. He didn’t know how to comfort this kind of thing. He knew he’d learn if they continued on the way they were, but at this moment, he knew all he could do is keep hold onto the submissive.

Angel shouldn't be crying like this, he knew that it wasn't Ian's job to comfort him over him feeling upset over another dominant. After a while, he cleared his throat and did his best to cease his crying, "I'm sorry... I know this isn't why you call me over, master."

"Don't apologize. I'll tell you when and if you need to." Ian said, keeping his hold on Angel. "I call you over for both of our benefits. If getting this out is to your benefit, then it's okay."

Angel let out a soft breath, just letting himself be held there by the man, "I don't have a reason to feel like this. I know better than to feel like this."

Angel's words confused Ian. "What do you mean? Feel like what?" He knew he could make most people feel like they were wrong for their feelings, but he didn't do it with people he trusted.

Angel cleared his throat and pulled back slightly so he could look at the man, "So upset... about someone who wasn't anything more than a friend to me." He responded before clearing his throat, "Someone I let myself fall for when I knew better."

Ian nodded. He understood, but he never let himself do that kind of thing. Fall for someone. "It's okay to be upset about someone you care about deeply, Angel." He said quietly. "You can't always help who you fall for."

Angel supposed he was right, but he still felt like she could be able to control his feelings and not fall for someone who could never feel that way about him. "I just... I know that... That I'm not someone people want like that, so I shouldn't let myself feel like that."

"Who gives a fuck what other people think?" Ian never let anyone's opinion get the better of him. He did know it was easier said than done, though. "There will be someone who comes along and will want you just the way you are. You can feel however you want to, Angel. It'll all come in due time."

"I've never been very good at not listening to what people think." He responded softly. He wished he could say he was a person who just didn't give a fuck, but that wouldn't be true. He said nothing to the next statement, not wanting to argue with the man about it. Everyone wanted him to change, and he knew why.

Ian nodded. He understood. He decided to stop the conversation all together, leaning back in and capturing Angel's lips with his own.

Angel let out a soft hum as the man captured his lips and leaned into the kiss. The kiss was nice, and he was willing to let it continue on for as long as the dominant decided it would.

Ian was thankful for a large water heater. It had been something he'd had installed after he moved. He liked long showers and especially now with a handsome sub in his arms under the spray. He broke the kiss, moving down Angel's jaw and to his neck where he could suck a mark into the flesh over his pulse point.

Ian so easily distracted him from what was going on in his head just with his lips. He let out a soft sound as the man moved down to his neck, sucking a mark there. He'd probably regret letting the man leave a mark in the morning, but for now he just enjoyed the attention that was being given.

Ian's possessiveness was going to get the best of him, he knew. He pulled back to look at the mark on Angel's neck and thankfully held back any terms of endearment that wanted to break through. He looked into the sub's eyes and then turned him around. "Hands against the tile and spread your legs."

The submissive nearly whined at the loss as the man pulled back before obliging just what he wanted and turning around. His breathing picked up slightly and he pressed his palms flat against the tile of the shower. His legs spread then, forming the exact position ordered.

Ian trailed his fingers down Angel's back and then slipped one between his cheeks and rubbing over his pucker. "Tell me what you want, Angel. You want me here?" He teased over the sub's hole again before pulling away.

Angel let out a sudden gasp at the feeling of the man's fingers moving down between his cheeks, his ass still incredibly sore from the paddling he had just taken as his punishment. "Yes, master. I want you inside me."

"Good boy, Angel. I want that too. Give me one minute. I'm going to get a condom." Ian kissed Angel's shoulder and then moved out of the shower. He grabbed a condom from his travel pack and grabbed lube as well before getting back in the shower. "You miss me, baby?" He said, a hint of teasing in his voice before he slide up against Angel's back, his hard cock rubbing in between the sub's sore ass.

Angel wanted the man back in the shower as soon as he left it, but was relieved when he came back so quickly. He looked over his shoulder at the man, "I... I'm clean, master. You don't have to use a condom if you don't want-- I haven't been with anyone else recently." He responded as the man came back in, feeling the man's cock up against his ass.

There was nothing more that Ian wanted in that moment than to slide into Angel bare, but he couldn't. He'd had sex with Posey over a month ago and while he was almost certain she didn't have anything, he wouldn't put Angel at that risk. He'd get tested tomorrow. "Next time, baby." He promised, kissing behind his ear. "And then I'll fill that tight hole of yours and plug you up, okay?" He promised.

Angel nodded his head, though he didn't care either way, he just wanted Ian to know that he wasn't scared of the man not using a condom. "Yes,  master." He nodded, "I just want you to fuck me how you want."

"I know." Ian replied as he put the condom on. They were slightly outside of the stream of water now that they were closer to the side of the shower. Ian grabbed the lube and made quick work of slathering it over Angel's hole and dipping into it with one finger. "Not going to take too long with this." He murmured, adding another finger.

Angel held his breath for a moment, his heart picking up slightly as he heard the man prepping behind him. He groaned as he felt the man push a finger inside of him followed by a second not too long after. "Fuck me hard, master."

“I’m going to, Angel. Don’t rush me or you’ll be a very disappointed sub.” Ian said as he pulled out of Angel and replaced his fingers with the head of his cock. “Beg for my cock, good boy.” He told him with a growl.

Angel let out a low whine, desperate for the man to be inside of him. He took in a deep breath when the fingers were removed, his head falling back slightly. "I need your cock, master. Please push it inside of me. Please."

Ian did as Angel so prettily begged. He pushed in, not letting up until he was fully seated inside of the submissive. "Fuck, so tight for me. Always." He groaned. He brought one hand to Angel's hip and the other to his shoulder, making sure he had a good hold on the other. He pulled out until just the tip of him was inside of Angel and then pushed long and hard back inside of him, starting a steady, but rough pace.

Angel let out a load groan when the man pushed himself fully inside of him, his eyes falling shut. He bit his lip to keep himself from cussing, his hips moving to meet each of the mans thrusts. “So good, master...” he gasped out as the man began to fuck into him repeatedly.

Ian  kept up his thrusts, the sounds of slapping skin against skin filling the acoustics of the bathroom. He looked down and groaned at the sight of Angel's bright red ass being hit against even more with his hips. "Think you can come without being touched? Tell me. I want you to come all over the shower wall; make it dirty with your come." He leaned his head in and kissed behind Angel's ear. "You wanna come for me, good boy?"

Angel let out a loud groan as the man continued his thrusts, each bringing a flicker and pain in equal amounts. "I don't know, master." He managed to bite out, his eyes closing tight as he leaned into the kiss the man was gracious enough to give him, "I want to come for you, master."

“You don’t know?” Ian practically growled the words as he fucked Angel even deeper. He wanted the sub to feel him for days. He was close to exploding and he wanted Angel to go with him. “Fine. You have 30 seconds to touch yourself and come or else you don’t get to come and I’ll cage that pretty cock of yours for 10 days.” He promised before placing another hungry kiss behind Angel’s ear.

Angel groaned when the man growled out the words, each thrust bringing him another wave of pleasure. “Fuck...” he cussed out as the man continued to fuck into him. He reached down to grip his member and began to stroke it, working quickly to reach his orgasm before he was denied it fully. He was sure he was towards the end of the thirty seconds when his organs built and his cum splashed on the wall in front of him and on his chest. “Master!”

"Good boy, Angel." Ian moaned as he began to fill the condom inside of the submissive. He pumped a few more times into him before he pressed his chest against Angel's back and pushed him against the cool tile. He pulled out slowly after a bit and then tied the condom off and threw it toward the other end of the shower. "Wash up and then come to the bedroom." He told Angel with a kiss to his shoulder and then left the shower, grabbing a towel and going into his room.

Angel groaned as he came down from his high, feeling weak as the man finished himself. He rested against the cool tile for a while longer, even after the man had left the room, before finally straightening out and washing himself off. Once he was fully clean, he stepped out of the shower and toweling himself off. He didn't even think about redressing as he left the bathroom to go find the man.

Ian dried off quickly and threw on some loose joggers before sitting at the end of his bed to wait for Angel. When the man came out, he schooled his expression. He didn’t need to care about someone. It never worked out. “Sleep. You need to rest. I’m going to my lab, but I’ll check on you periodically.” He told him, moving to stand up.

Angel walked into the room and furrowed his brow. "Right." He said before moving to the bed. He suddenly felt like a stranger in the man's home. The affection he'd received while they were in the shower gone. He sat down on the bed and felt the urge that he wanted to leave. To get out of there. Ian was obviously done with him.

Ian stopped and looked at Angel fully. “Right? I don’t like that response. Try again.” He prompted, wondering if Angel was going to test him. He knew the man had sadness over another person leaving his life and he also knew how angel could act when upset.

Angel swallowed roughly, "Yes, master." He said instead, closing his eyes for a moment. He'd already had one punishment from Ian and wasn't sure he had the physical or mental energy to do another one. He ran a hand across the back of his neck. He'd take a nap, rest for an hour or so, and then he'd go home.

Ian waited for Angel to lay down. “I’ll be back in once you’re more relaxed and I’ll put some salve on your ass. I don’t want it to keep you up tonight.” He said and then left the room. He ran a hand through his hair once he was out of sight, the only indicator that he didn’t have himself as together as he presented. He moved into his lab and shut the door, cursing at himself.

&&Open Starter; Ian Gallagher

He tried to tell himself that he didn’t know why it bothered him so much. He tried to pretend that it didn’t. That he was disconnected like all his siblings seemed to be, that he didn’t CARE that she was DEAD. Tried to act like he was TOUGH and it didn’t MATTER that she was GONE. He had abandoned them, missed everything, never been there through anything in their lives. She hadn’t been there when he tested out of English, hadn’t been there when he fell in love, hadn’t been there for his first love, she wasn’t there to see him rank up in ROTC. She was AWAL, tried to get him into the army when he was too young to enlist. A class A fuck up. She was a piss-poor excuse for a mother. But if that was true, then why were tears pooling in his eyes as he thought about the fact that she. was six feet under? Why did it piss him off that no one else seemed to give a shit? Why did his knuckles ache from being slammed into the side of the house when he hadn’t been able to turn his brain off?

Ian fumbled over his words as he looked at the person in front of him, eyes falling to his knuckle that was bleeding. They weren’t supposed to see that, they weren’t supposed to see any of it. He was supposed to be fine, this was all supposed to be fine? And it wasn’t-he wasn’t. She was THERE for him. Even if it was in a fucked up way that had caused more harm than good, she understood him. She took him away and tried to help him understand his bipolar, made him feel accepted when he was off his meds. Even if he realized in the end that being with her wasn’t good for him. and in turn, made him more unstable than just being off his meds did. Even if he figured out that she was BAD for him, she had been THERE. She had GOT it. She understood him in ways that none of his siblings ever would, even if he tried. He loved them for trying, loved everyone who had helped him, but she was his MOTHER and now she was gone. She had come back, in the end, talked to Trevor, TRIED. She had wanted to form a relationship in the end when she knew she was sick. Now she was just gone and it was eating away at Ian’s insides. It was making him crazier than he already was

. When he began to speak he felt his voice crack, and he hated being weak in front of people. He heard how it trembled in his own ears. After he said the first sentence a tear left his left eye.