#c average

C Average, "The Witch" (2001)

C Average - The Witch

So when I was growing up in elementary school we had field day. It was toward the last day of school and we would all go out and do fun games like tug of war and sack races and stuff like that. Every year they gave out 1st 2nd and 3rd place ribbons to the kids who won. Now I was a little fat kid who spent my free time reading. I didn’t like field day because no matter how hard I tried I never won. Well one year I did win. I won first place in tug of war. I was so happy I was going to go home and show my mom and she would have been so proud. But that’s not what happened because as it turns out that was the year they decided everybody wins. That everybody gets a participation ribbon. No other ribbons were given out just those. And I can understand the idea of not wanting kids to feel left out. But for me, the kid who had never won anything before, I was heartbroken. I finally proved my worth. Finally proved I was the best at something and for a kid who was constantly bullied it would have meant a lot to say “hey these bullies don’t know anything because I’m number one, I’m not some loser.” But no not for me. And that was the moment I knew that I’d never be good enough. That i would never be the hero like in the books I read. I was a straight A honor roll student until the last year when that happened. And for the rest of my time at middle and high school I never had another A. Not because I wasn’t smart but because why should I try? I can get buy easily without doing homework or studying. I still got C’s and I know that’s not good overall but being average without trying is pretty good in retrospect. But the point still stands that it was that one defining let down that made me give up on trying. Because what’s the point? Nothing different will happen if I do

and baby we, too, are running out of time

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2015: the year of lessons that I think I’ve learned coming back for pop quiz.