#bwlw

We have fun anywhere we go.

it’s been too long…

.ᐟ aaliyah x black!reader .ᐟ mentions of her death .ᐟ bwlw .ᐟ angst

YOU SAT IN THE DIRECTOR'S CHAIR in all your aged glory, face glowing under the studio lights, showing off the simple glam you sported. the glam team had focused on making sure you were as comfortable as possible while you told your life story for the three-hour-long documentary. 

it was about an hour into the special now; you were animatedly talking about what the industry was like for you back then—a hungry black woman in her early 20s dedicated to making a name for herself as a solo artist.

the production team was using a different approach regarding you talking about yourself now, opting to show clips and read off magazine clippings in the midst of you recalling your life.

you were on the topic of friends and family now. 

“hi guys, i’m getting better with this recording thing…” came your voice tinged in youth.

the light smile you wore faded as you recognized exactly what had begun to play. it was as if someone had thrown a pail of cold water over your head as your demeanor shifted into something more serious, watching the clip without a word. 

“i’m in the studio, and guess what? aaliyah is here too!” you continued, eyes glowing in the camcord footage before you shifted it over to her. 

your breath nearly caught in your throat at the reveal, as if this wasn’t footage you had run back time and time again after her death. 

aaliyah smiled at you, or the camera, and greeted, “hey y’all,” and you couldn’t keep it together, biting your lip as you breathed through your nose to control it. 

the clip continued, showing the laughs you shared, the looks, and the fun as you played the tracks for your sophomore studio album for her. she had been more than excited to listen and give her opinions on the work. you had appreciated her so much then, knowing she had took time out of her busy schedule to support you. 

that had meant everything to you. 

it still did. 

you smiled sadly as the clips continued to play, that brightness in your eyes there in the beginning of filming dimmed as the memories flooded in; meeting her, becoming friends, briefly being more, her talking about the shoot for ‘rock the boat’ and being on the fence to leave.

her death. 

it was almost too much as the camcorder footage finally stopped. 

your nostrils flared before you smiled sadly back at the camera. with watery eyes, you spoke up again, “i said i wouldn’t cry on this. you guys suck,” 

the production team chortled at your words, more than sympathetic. 

“she… uh... she was everything. genuinely. i had never met a peer in the industry that had been as supportive to me as aaliyah was,” you recalled, eyes trailing over to something behind the camera as you remembered.

you bit the inside of your cheek as more thoughts flooded in, “and she was very caring. she remembered the little things.” your eyes brightened then, now looking back into the camera. “it would make you feel special, like; ‘you remembered?’ and she’d just be smiling all cool and nod.” you laughed.

then that smile faded again as reality hit.

“...aaliyah was special, herself. so so special. and i loved her so much,” you uttered. 

that was your truth. you refused to elaborate on just how deep that love went. 

“i still can’t believe she’s gone. ‘feels weird even after all these years,” you pushed one of your braids out of your face as you looked toward production, really trying to control it. 

really. 

but the thoughts were loud, and that hole in your heart was huge. 

aaliyah was your first love, beside music. it was something you had come to terms with years ago in therapy, and a big obstable you had to tackle as you dealt with romantic relationships after her. so many blogs speculated that she was the cause of many of your messy break-ups with other prominent celebrities and athletes, and it was a something you tried not to pay attention to. the tabaloids gave you hell for years, and you refused from the beginning to give them any information about yourself in that sense.

then eventually came out. it was like that was the confirmation they needed about your and her relationship when you were young. 

and still, it wasn’t their business, and you wouldn’t make it theirs all these years later. 

you’d have probably been so happy with her if she was still here. both retired in the in the industry and maybe even married. or something.

your eyes welled with more tears, and they spilled over this time. you shook your head as they fell, closing your eyes as you continued to remember her.

to hell with the soft beat your glam team had given you. 

you snatched a tissue from the box beside you, holding it under one of your eyes to catch the salty tears. it reminded you of when she had comforted you at the party celebrating your second single release back in the day.

more tears fell and you shut your eyes tighter, covering your mouth as if it would silence your pain somewhat. everything felt like it was too much now, the lights were too bright, there were too many cameras, and the hole in your heart was bigger. 

“i’m so sorry,” you apologized shakily to the crew, “i really don’t know what’s come over me.”