#buzzfeedpolyapril

Shane, Sara, and Ryan.

It was all so new and Ryan wasn’t always confident in his footing in their relationship. As the months passed and he was able to kiss and hold and spend more time with Shane and Sara, his confidence grew. It was like being their best friend still, but different. Which made the whole idea of celebrating a birthday more complicated because Shane and Sara were all about traditions and their traditions were all established after years of being together.

As an outsider, he was enamored by their love, their traditions, their life together. But as an insider? As someone who is now included in this relationship intimately? It was overwhelming. What if what Ryan had planned (or not planned because his overwhelming thoughts wouldn’t allow him to even think about it) interfered with what Sara had planned? What if Sara didn’t want to share Shane with him on his actual birthday?

“What if…? What if…? What if…?” was constantly intruding his thoughts and Ryan couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“Hey Sar?” Ryan whispered early one morning as Shane was puttering around the kitchen and Ryan and Sara hadn’t made it out of bed yet.

“Yeah?” Sara whispered back, rolling over so she was facing Ryan.

Whispering felt ridiculous, but Ryan was feeling anxious and he didn’t want Shane to hear. And Sara was adamant (rightly so) that whenever Ryan was having any kind of feelings, he needed to let them know. 

“I’m having feelings,” he blurted out, wincing and rolling to his back so he could cover his eyes with his forearm. Like this, he was less likely to see Sara react to his ridiculousness. He held his breath for a moment and then exhaled slowly. He did that two more times before he felt Sara nestle her head on his chest. Her wild morning curls tickled his chin, but Ryan didn’t brush them away.

“Take your time.” Sara rubbed his chest soothingly.

“So...Shane’s birthday is coming up.” Sara hummed in the affirmative. “And--and I’ve noticed that you two have a lot of traditions.” Sara hummed again. “I--uhh--I don’t fit in all the time? I don’t know--”

Sara sat up and pulled Ryan’s arm away from his eyes. “You fit in,” she said firmly. “But if you don’t feel like you do, we need to fix that. We, as in Shane and I, not you.”

Ryan exhaled and nodded his head. “Okay.” He knew this might need to be discussed again in the future. He was still so new at this. He didn’t want to mess up. “But,” he began, rolling to his side. Sara slid down and mirrored him. “I--what--what are we doing?”

“For his birthday?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you normally do?”

Ryan couldn’t help the flush that covered his cheeks. “I usually get him coffee with fancy art on the top. And then lunch, his choice. After lunch, I give him a present. Last year I got him that scarf.”

“The green one,” Sara said, tucking an errant curl behind her ear. “He loves that scarf.” Ryan couldn’t help his bashful smile as he glanced at Sara before looking away. He scratched at the bridge of his nose. “What did you get him this year?”

“Remember when we went to the Mystic Museum?”

Sara was grinning broadly and she nodded her head; Ryan was certain she already knew what he bought. “Shane got distracted when they reopened the museum for the public as we were packing up, so I bought those butterflies in the glass. It was a pain in the ass to hide it from him, but Matty did me a solid and hid it in one of the camera bags.” By the time Ryan finished his little story, Sara was hiding her giggles behind her hand.

“He came home so disappointed when the butterflies were gone. He’ll absolutely love it.” Sara leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “It sounds like you have his birthday tradition figured out. What feelings are you having?”

Ryan shrugged. “What about you? I feel like...I can’t--I don’t want to take away Shane from you? I want it to be--I--” Ryan huffed, frustrated with his anxiety, allowing a frown to pull at his mouth. He rubbed at his nose again, wishing he could get his thoughts out.

“You’re allowed to have your traditions with Shane,” Sara said softly. Ryan sighed as Sara slid her fingers into his hair. “Just like when Shane and I go on dates, or you and Shane, or even sometimes me and you? As long as no one is feeling left out, it’s all okay. I wasn’t bothered by it when it was only Shane and I, and I won’t be bothered by it now, I promise.” She played with his hair until he finally relaxed. “And we can do something together. I would like that a lot, actually.”

Ryan nodded his head, “Thank you.” It felt weird thanking her, but Sara smiled and tucked herself against him again. Ryan shifted back to his back, pulling Sara with him. He ran his hand up and down her spine. “What do you usually do for his birthday?” He felt her giggles before he heard them.

“Morning birthday sex so good we’re always late for work, a homemade birthday card, makeout on the Unsolved set after lunch for seven minutes, and then evening birthday sex so good we have to start early and go to bed early so we can work the next day.” Sara sat up and looked down at Ryan. She tapped the middle of his chest as she said, “We’re lucky his birthday is on a Saturday this year, or else we’d have to figure out the logistics of meeting up for Seven Minutes in Heaven during the work day now that you’re not at Buzzfeed anymore.” Her grin grew even wider as she looked at Ryan mischievously and waggled her eyebrows. “This year is going to be...hot.” She fanned herself, and Ryan laughed.

“I cannot wait to get in on that tradition.”

“Oh, you’ll be getting in alright!”

“Sara!”

Ryan tugged Sara back down to him, and he kissed her, swallowing her giggles. Then he kissed her cheek and forehead when he finally needed air. “Thank you,” he said again, his kisses softer and sweeter the second time around.

“Anytime, Ryan.” She nuzzled against his throat and joined their hands together. “Thank you for talking to me about this, for trusting me when you were anxious.”

Ryan didn’t say anything, just kissed the top of her head and squeezed her fingers. They stayed that way for awhile, Ryan not quite drifting back to sleep but floating between being awake and asleep. He was soothed by Sara’s soft breathing and gentle fingers tracing his hands.

Ryan flinched when he felt a hand on his chest. “Everything alright?” 

It was Shane.

There was silence for a moment, and then Ryan felt the bed shift as Shane sat down by his hip. “Yeah, everything is fine.” Ryan blinked his eyes open, and Shane was looking at him, glasses perched on the end of his nose. 

Ryan reached up and pushed them up before tweaking his nose. “Come lay down and take a nap with us.”

“You don’t need to ask me twice.” Shane kissed Ryan and then Sara before getting comfortable on the bed. As someone who was always aware of how his partners were feeling, Shane immediately latched onto Ryan, covering his and Sara’s hands. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Peachy. Promise.” Sara leaned over Ryan to kiss Shane right between his brows reassuringly.