IDK HOW TO USE THE READ MORE BREAK ON MOBILE SORRY
Beetlelands human/college au
“Don’t say shit!” The unholy screech echoed through the library, disturbing the other students there.
Adam was standing over his partners, hands raised in a nonthreatening gesture. Barbra couldn’t help snickering, but she didn’t turn away from the monitor. Beetlejuice, on the other hand was full on glaring. The open word document on his computer was still impressively blank.
“If you say a single goddamn told you so, I’m going to crush your sexy twink throat with my thighs!”
“Alright! Alright! I came to support you not to antagonize you!” Adam reminded as lovingly as he could. Quickly he pressed a kiss to Beetlejuice’s forehead before he could be swatted at.
“Shut the fuck up.” He dramatically spun back to the screen.
Even though Beetlejuice put on an expression of indifference, it was true. He had practically begged Adam and Barbra to spend the night in the library with him. Out of his five classes there was only one he wasn’t failing and that was World History. Beetlejuice had somehow maintained a solid seventy all semester which meant this last essay was the only thing between him failing or passing.
It didn’t matter that much to Beetlejuice. Since third grade there wasn’t a single class he hadn’t had to repeat or at least take summer classes for.
But Adam and Barbra were taking American History next semester. If he passed, that meant they could all sign up for the same course.
They’d be forced to spend an entire hour with him!
And he could copy their homework!
Finally the tapping on his shoulder broke through his thoughts. Beetlejuice spun to face Barbra.
“It’s almost 7, BJ. Start on your rough draft.” Even though it was a command, Barbra made it sound like the gentlest of suggestions.
“Fiiiiine.” His eyes moved back to the screen. He could see Adam’s reflection. The brunette had settled in a chair behind them, typing something on his tablet.
Beetlejuice scrubbed a hand through his crunchy hair. Green flakes rained down in front of his vision.
What the fuck was he supposed to be writing about anyways? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been to that stupid class. October had been a blur of frat parties and drug experimentation. November had been a blur of seasonal depression and long cocaine binges.
God he could really go for a hit of something right now.
Beetlejuice looked over at Barbra. She probably had some weed in her bag somewhere. Then again, she actually knew how to balance her school and party life. She was the type to get high then come to the library, not bring a joint inside.
Barbra tilted her head, “Looks like you’re not thinking about the right thing.”
“I didn’t give you consent to read my mind, babe. You guys are always riding my ass about this kind of stuff so what’s with the double standard, huh?”
“Here.” Adam had stood up. He leaned over BJ to get to the mouse and keyboard.
Beetlejuice ended up with his neck sandwiched between Adam’s arms. The top of his head was brushing against Adam’s chin.
“Let’s start with the heading.”
“Mm actually Adam, while you’re at it, why don’t you type the essay and I’ll proofread it.”
“Afraid I can’t do that, love. I’m here to help, not to do it for you.”
“But you’d be helping by doing it for me-” BJ whined, “Don't put that! My name’s Beetlejuice!”
Adam corrected what he had typed, without arguing, “Okay now what’s this essay about? I can help you with the outline.”
“Good question.” Beetlejuice casually rubbed a hand over Adam's, interlacing their fingers.
“Do you have notes or anything?”
“I’ve got a few notes. I can’t hit the high ones too well anymore on account of my balls dropping.”
Adam took that as a no. He clicked open a different tab, scrolling through BJ's folio account. Eventually he found a link for the essay requirements. It was pretty tame as far as college essays went. Three hundred words over any of the topics listed below. AP format. The works cited page even counted toward the three hundred.
“Alright, so which of these topics do you know the most about?” Adam asked highlighting the list.
Beetlejuice chewed the red nail polish off his ring finger as he forced his eyes to focus on the words.
Blah, blah, blah, empire, blah, blah, blah, crusade, blah, blah, blah, civilization.
Using the hand not in his mouth, Beetlejuice poked a random topic on the screen.
“Alrighty! That was an interesting period of time, especially architecturally.”
Of course Adam knew a lot about boring history stuff. That sexy nerd was majoring in the most boring major there was: architecture.
“You guys hungry? I’m starving!”
He could see Barbra raise a brow out of the corner of his eye. The two of them had already stopped to get food before they got here. Barbra had insisted, since she knew how hard it was to get things done on an empty stomach.
“Don’t give me that look, babe. You know I’m a fucking fatass.”
Her expression shifted, “You’re beautiful, sweetie.”
She pulled a dollar from her pocket, “Here. Go get something from the vending machine.”
Adam moved back as Beetlejuice snatched up the dollar.
“Hold up!” BJ grabbed his backpack and dug out a roll of masking tape.
The couple watched as he carefully taped one side of the dollar then carefully taped the other side. He’d seen it in a video once and was eager to try it.
Beetlejuice jumped up, zooming to the vending machines on the other side of the room.
If this worked he was going to clean out every vending machine on campus.
The dollar disappeared into the slot easily enough. Beetlejuice held on to the tape, waiting for the pulling to stop before he yanked the dollar back out.
A bag of m&ms edged forward before dropping into the slot.
“Fuck yeah!” Beetlejuice yelled.
At least thirteen people glared at him. That didn’t stop him from cramming the dollar back in.
Beetlejuice managed to snag two bags of m&ms and a honey bun. He was waiting for a bag of doritos to fall, when the bag stopped.
“What the fuck? Hello?” He banged on the machine once.
Beetlejuice let his other snacks fall to the carpet. He shoved the dollar in his coat pocket before winding up and kicking the machine. The resulting sound was loud but the chips didn’t budge.
Fine. He could do this the hard way.
He took a small running start, then slammed his shoulder into the machine.
He backed up and did it again.
Someone might have been saying his name, but they’d have to wait.
He slammed into it again.
Suddenly Adam and Barbra were standing in front of him, looking equally concerned.
“Beetlejuice!” Barbra snapped.
“What the heck are you doing?” Adam joined in.
“Chips got stuck. Now move.”
“BJ, sweetie, don’t worry about the chips. We can get someone to open it later.”
“Yeah, look at the snacks you’ve already got.” He hadn’t seen Adam pick up them up, but there they were in his hands.
Barbra wrapped an arm around Beetlejuice’s back, steering him back to the computers, “Come on. If you break another vending machine I don’t think they’ll let you off with another warning.”
“It’s bullshit anyway. We already pay to go here! Why do we also have to pay for food and parking and stupid books we don’t even use!” He was accidentally yelling.
Barbra pressed a kiss to his cheek. Her and Adam managed to wedge him into a chair between their chairs, with a hand on each of his arms.
“We know, BB,” Adam practically purred, “You can’t keep picking fights with vending machines though. We don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m…” It was hard to argue when they ganged up on him with their special brand of gentle affection. Beetlejuice practically melted, “…Fine. Whatever.”
They stayed like that for a little while until Beetlejuice’s attention shifted back to the food. He dug into the honey bun while Barbra asked for critique on her own paper. It was for some literature class and wasn’t due until the next night.
From what Beetlejuice heard as she read aloud, it sounded pretty good. Adam gave suggestions on some sentence structures. Beetlejuice suggested she add stuff about reverse cowgirls.
She put on the final touches, submitted it then turned back around expectantly.
He spit the bit of m&m wrapper he’d been chewing onto the floor, “So Barbra.”
“What time is your paper due?”
“…7AM. I got an extension because I’m stupid.”
“You are not stupid.” The couple spoke in perfect unison.
Beetlejuice waved them off dismissively. It was already 8:57… somehow.
Whatever. He still had like twenty hours.
“Now that I’m finished, we can all focus on getting your paper done!” Barbra chirped.
“Yeah!” Adam pulled BJ and himself back over to the computer, “I was going to suggest writing about the architectural aspects of course, since I could really help you there, but you’re probably not interested in that.”
Beetlejuice bit off another piece of wrapper, chewing on it thoughtfully.
“What about the fall of the empire?” Barbra suggested, “You love dissecting weak societal structures.”
“Okay this is good.” Adam excitedly began typing, “You’ll have an intro, three paragraphs then a conclusion. Your intro can explain the inner workings of the empire…”
Beetlejuice looked back over at the vending machine. His poor chips were still in there, just waiting for someone to free them. Someone, meaning Beetlejuice. If anyone else tried to take those doritos he was going to break their fucking shins. That was a promise.
“Beetlejuice, we pulled up a few links that talk about the fall of the Byzantine empire. All you have to do is sort through the information and use it to support your topic.” Adam explained.
Beetlejuice blinked, “That doesn’t sound difficult to do at all.”
“Of course not. It’ll be fun!” Barbra smiled.
BJ moved the mouse around the screen, clicking through the links they had pulled up. So many words. So much reading. He was getting tired just thinking about reading.
One of the links was a video. Beetlejuice immediately went for that one.
“This is one of my favorite educational channels,” Barbra informed, “It’s certified as academic content and they really get right to the point.”
Beetlejuice checked the video length, “Fifteen minutes! How the fuck do you get right to the point in fifteen minutes?”
“I’m sure it’s possible.” Adam pushed a notebook and pen into BJ's hands, “I want you to write down anything interesting you hear in the video.”
Beetlejuice groaned loudly, “Can we take a break?”
He expected them to say no and call him lazy since he literally hadn’t done anything yet.
“Yup. We can take a break after the video.” Barbra said instead.
That was… fine. A fifteen minute video then a fifteen minute break. Beetlejuice gnawed on the end of his pen as the video began. Vaguely, he realized he had swallowed the wrapper piece.
Adam and Barbra took turns hitting pause whenever they noticed the scratching of pen on paper. They even made the video interesting by making jokes about people in ancient Rome.
By the time it was over, Beetlejuice had accumulated an entire page and a half of semi usable notes. His handwriting was barely legible, but if he stared long enough he’d probably figure it out.
“Break time!” The notebook and pen landed messily on the floor as he jumped to his feet, “You guys wanna make out on the staircase?”
Barbra smirked sideways at a blushing Adam, “We'd get in a lot of trouble if we got caught.”
Obviously Barbra and Adam did. The goody two shoes. Even though they hadn’t admitted it, Beetlejuice knew they’d chosen to meet at the library because every time they did a dorm study night, no one could keep their hands to themselves.
Clearly they had underestimated his love for exhibitionism.
Beetlejuice pulled them both closer as he aggressively smushed a sloppy kiss to Adam’s lips. Adam only resisted a little, shoulders slumping.
He cut Barbra off by immediately turning and connecting his lips to hers'. It always caught her off guard when he was gentle. She gasped lovely and perfectly into his mouth.
“Beetlejuice Shoggoth.” Adam snapped, pulling him from Barbra.
Apparently he had underestimated Adam’s goody two shoe-ness.
“Getting in trouble for public… inappropriateness does not look good on a permanent record!” He hissed.
Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, plucking himself down onto Barbra’s lap, “God Adam calm down. Why you gotta be so sexy.”
Barbra stroked his back while she giggled. She was still a bit dazed from the kiss, “We can have all the fun we want when we get back home.”
Adam shook his head, “I’m setting the break time for ten minutes. That’s not really enough time to walk there and back.”
“We don’t even need to go back to someone’s room! There’s a unisex bathroom right there!”
“Absolutely not!” Adam’s face was a delicious shade of cherry red.
“Beetlejuice, darling, Adam said no.” Barbra stepped in, pressing her face into Beetlejuice’s shoulder.
“Baaaaaabs!” He whined, leaning into her.
“Don't babs me! How about you and I go for a little walk, clear your head, then we can knock out this essay?”
Beetlejuice had already forgotten about the essay. The reminder almost completely extinguished his mood.
“Yeah… okay. Adam, make sure no one steals our shit.”
Adam nodded, face still very red.
Beetlejuice stood up, clutching Barbra’s hand.
He didn’t spend a lot of time in the library. The last time he’d been there, he’d been stoned to the point that his roommate had had to give him a piggyback ride home. The time before that him and Barbra had taken a nap on the floor of the satanic cult book section. They’d been pretty hungover that day.
“Did you know there’s four floors?” Barbra asked as she led him to the staircase.
“Me and the library don’t really hang.”
He mumbled back.
Barbra went on as if she hadn't heard.
“My lab partner told me that the fourth floor is haunted! Apparently there was some sort of smoke problem and a few people didn’t make it out. She said that’s why no one uses the fourth floor.”
“That sounds like the perfect place to make out.”
Barbra gave him an absolutely filthy grin, “Six minutes. I don’t want Adam to worry.”
Beetlejuice hurried his ascent of the stairs, eagerly pulling Barbra with him, “Six minutes is all I need!”
It was weirdly empty on the fourth floor, not that either of them was really paying attention.
They bee lined for one of the walls not lined with windows and Barbra was immediately on top of him.
They may have gotten a little carried away.
Beetlejuice blamed Barbra. She was fucking hot when she dropped the polite exterior and took what she wanted.
Beetlejuice stuffed his underwear in the bathroom trashcan.
He rarely went commando in a suit. The general sweatiness and chaffing made it a little uncomfortable, but today he would take it instead of the other option.
Beetlejuice rejoined Barbra at the top of the stairs. She looked a little embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly as they descended.
“Babe. Baby girl. Babs. I would do it again in a heart beat.” He gripped her hand.
It was a lot easier to think now, he had to give her that.
Adam looked surprised to see them, when they got back to their corner. “Wow. You guys were almost on time. Ready to get back into it, Beetlejuice?” Coming from anyone else it would’ve sounded sarcastic and patronizing, but from Adam it was genuine.
“No, but let’s do it anyway!” BJ snapped with fake enthusiasm, “Byzantine empire and how it fell, huh.”
Like the way vending machines sometimes fell and crushed people. That was one of the many Die-o-ramas from that old Crash Bandicoot game. What was the name of it? Whumpa racing? The villain was that ugly whumpa guy, but there was also that green guy with a German accent that was probably an offensive German stereotype. What was the name of that game? Beetlejuice used to play it at his cousin’s house all the time. Lydia only played it sometimes. Her skills mostly lay in backseat gaming. Was it a one player game? He definitely remembered playing it with her, but he also remembered Crash being the only playable character. That was probably in adventure mode. God that game was great. Next time he was back in his home town he’d have to play it again. What was the name of that game though?
Beetlejuice realized he’d been muttering bits of his thought process out loud. Barbra and Adam were staring at him blankly.
He pulled up a search engine and attempted to spell Bandicoot.
“Let’s let him find it, or else it’ll bother him for the rest of the night.”
Beetlejuice spent the next few minutes typing and scrolling and retyping while Adam and Barbra did their own things on their phones.
There was a reason the seats around them were empty.
“What a stupid fucking name! How’d they go from Twin-sanity to Tag Team Racing?”
“The 2000’s were a simpler time.” Barbra shrugged.
“The only reason Crash died is because he jumped on top of that shit. RIP to Crash, but I’m different.”
“What?” Adam closed the tab, “Wait, no, never mind. BJ, you need to get back to your essay.”
Beetlejuice huffed. It was only…
He looked at the clock. It was already past ten.
“Holy shit! It’s almost midnight! I thought you guys were gonna fucking help me!”
“Wait, no. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. Sometimes I lash out at others when I’m really just disappointed in myself… and by sometimes I mean always.”
“It’s okay, Bee.” Barbra rubbed his back comfortingly.
Adam picked up the abandoned notebook, “Yeah we know school's tough, but you did come to us for help. Acknowledging your problem and accepting help is the first step to improving.”
“Didn’t know this was an AA meeting.”
Adam couldn’t help but smile, “Okay. How about you type up these notes then we can start incorporating the rest of the sources into the body.”
Beetlejuice nodded. Typing in Microsoft word was baby work.
It didn’t take him long to do at all.
All he had to do now was read a bunch of stuff and type three hundred words.
“You finished the notes?” Barbra asked.
“Yeah.” Beetlejuice picked up the pen, clicking it idly.
“Alright so, what I would do is read through some articles and find parts that explain your topic. You can copy and paste them into the word document then we’ll go back in and rewrite a lot of it.” Barbra stared into his eyes as she spoke, ensuring he was listening.
“Find parts, copy and paste. Got it.”
Beetlejuice returned to the internet tabs. All of the articles had looked boring when he first flipped through them so, he picked one randomly. It was a lot of words in tiny font. He sighed, settling his chin in his non occupied hand as he began mentally scanning the page. Every time he began reading a sentence, his eyes would bounce to the bottom of the page and he’d lose his place.
“Would it be easier to read aloud?” Barbra more suggested than asked.
Beetlejuice glanced around at the steadily emptying library. If he spoke at the volume of an average person, only Adam and Barbra would hear him.
He pulled his eyes back to the screen.
“In three-thirty A.D the Byzantine empire was it’s title- dubbed it’s title by empire Con… Con- Constant? Constant. I?” He squinted at the words, “What the fuck.”
“Emperor Constatine the first.” Barbra supplied.
“Yeah. That…. He it- wait, fuck. He declared it New Rome on an Ancient…” Beetlejuice lost his place for a moment.
Refusing to submit to dragging his finger across the screen and forgetting the highlight feature of the mouse, he took a good minute to find his place.
“Ancient Greek colony.” Beetlejuice hated fucking reading. It took him so long to read that one sentence.
He blinked and scrubbed at his tired eyes.
“You’re doing great, bug!” Adam chirped, rubbing his back.
Beetlejuice wanted to call out Adam for lying, but he couldn’t. The compliment and acknowledgement of how hard he was trying, felt good.
He gave his eyes one last hard rub, before resettling in his seat.
This was going to be a long ass night, but at least he knew Barbra and Adam would be there to help him through it.
