#buzzfeed standrew

He misses Andrew too.

Whatever’s there must be working on his companion too because he only laughs when Steven responds by saying it must be boring without having someone there to give him the side eye for his puns. They talk about the projects they have been getting into, about the projects that have yet to come, about future Worth It trips and Steven listens to the comforting lull of Andrew’s voice when he fills him in on what’s been happening with Adam and Annie and the rest.

Despite initial reluctance, Andrew gets better acquainted with FaceTime. Without being prompted, Steven initiates contact the moment he heard Andrew’s making more frequent use of it. They set up a schedule….well it’s more of an unspoken agreement that they would FaceTime each other more often. But if casually planning for the next time they do that together isn’t setting up a schedule then he doesn’t know what is. When Andrew accidentally lets slip that he’s probably the only one he contacts more often through FaceTime, with the exclusion of his own family members, Steven allows himself ten minutes to be smug about it. Okay maybe more than ten but who’s counting?

In the course of the few months Steven spent making a home of New York, Andrew gets acquainted with more than just FaceTime alone. To Steven’s delight, he gets an Instagram account. Finally. So as it turns out, it had to take a couple of bets and constant whining from his end to get him to cave. Andrew doesn’t really update or post as much as Steven does. But it’s still kind of reassuring to know that him keeping up with his “cryptid brand” doesn’t extend to their personal group chats. Waking up to short updates from Andrew- quite often regarding the shenanigans of his cat, is something that never failed to give Steven’s day an extra boost of niceness.

A couple weeks later, they start filming the latest season of Worth It and Steven adjusts to being in the presence of Andrew along with the rest of his friends again. He’d anticipated the oddness of having to adjust to his interactions with them again. But though he’s predicted as much, it’s difficult not to have the awkwardness of adapting to what used to be familiar get to him just a smidge. Nevermind the fact that they were experimenting with new formats this season. He makes an earnest effort nonetheless. By the time they wrapped up for the new season, he’s somewhat pleased to note that bumping shoulders with Andrew isn’t an action he overthinks anymore. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.

Fumbling back to familiar territory again isn’t so bad and a part of him thinks that he wouldn’t mind doing it repeatedly, especially when Andrew keeps smiling at him like that. There’s something…so rewarding and almost magical when he slowly warms up to someone. That’s not something Steven would ever get tired of experiencing.

“You want a saw like that? Get here for Christmas.” Andrew says and he temporarily forgets that they were still in the middle of filming an episode until his shoe makes contact with a rock hidden in the tall grass they were walking across. Steven falters and forgets to provide a definite answer, which is probably ideal seeing as Andrew doesn’t seem to be looking for one. He makes suggestions and doesn’t push things. He never pushes unless absolutely necessary. But it’s a request that lingers in the back of his mind anyways because all Steven hears is ‘I want you here.’

Which is sweet. Except that it makes it that much harder to leave and go back to New York. Especially when it’s accompanied by a firm clasp to his shoulder, a tight grin and regretful eyes when Andrew sends him off at the airport. Steven almost wants to turn back. He doesn’t.

What he does is drop the worth it crew a message to let them know he’s landed safely and look at his own budgeting expenses to determine how much he should be saving for a trip during festive seasons. Slowly but surely, Steven hatches a plan. In hindsight, it’s way too dramatic even for his own standards and so much of it might not work. But it’s also one of the best plans he’d come up with in a while and he really really really wants it to work.

Despite the drop in temperature, his palms were sweaty as he held onto the wrapped gift and shifts from foot to foot. Heart in his throat, Steven takes two square breathes before he knocks insistently on Andrew’s apartment door. As he waits for Andrew to answer the door, it occurs to him that for all the planning he’d done, he hadn’t remembered to factor in the inclusion of what the hell he should say. Then again Steven couldn’t find it in him to be too mad at himself because the moment Andrew opens the door, every semblance of coherent thought effectively escaped through a window in his brain because he ends up standing there grinning stupidly at him.

Andrew doesn’t seem to be faring any better either, expression switching from confusion and genuine surprise after recognition sets in.

“Steven?”

“What’s up, Andrew?” His throat unsticks itself eventually. “Merry Christmas…uh well…Merry early christmas. Whatever, you get the point.”

“I didn’t know you were coming back.” Almost on reflex, Andrew shifts back and opens the door wider so that Steven could shuffle inside. Which he wastes no time in doing, a sigh of relief escaping parted lips once warmth rushes to greet him in a gentle embrace. If his cheeks were pink, it’s totally because the weather was chilly.

“Duh. It was meant to be a surprise.” Steven couldn’t help wrinkling his nose at his companion. “Would’ve been a bummer if you caught on way too early.”

He earns himself a snort of amusement from his companion and any bewilderment Andrew had experienced upon his unannounced arrival soon turns into something softer. A good sign. “Did you come early just to collect what you’re owed?”

“You’re making me sound like a debt collector…Wait. Did you really get me that saw for Christmas?” “Of course. I promised, didn’t I?”

“Dude! Where-” His excited rambles were cut short in lieu of Andrew resting warm hands against his shoulders, gently guiding him towards the coffee table in his living room and pointing a wrapped gift out to a beaming Steven. “You’re such an awesome person, did I tell you that?”

“Every other day, yes.” The wry remark is accompanied with a fond eye roll. “Aren’t you going to give me my gift, Steven?” “Oh right!” His gentle reminder has Steven jolting from the recollection of what exactly he’s here for. Before he could chicken out, his own wrapped box is pressed firmly into Andrew’s hands. “So.”

Now that his hands were free and all manners of distraction were gone, his nerves returned thricefold. Fingers plucked at the hem of his sleeves when he finds himself the primary focus of Andrew’s gaze. “Remember how you mentioned that it was a shame not everyone could make it for your family’s Christmas gathering this year?”

“…Yes?”

“I took time off-” Steven forces the rest of his words out. “And I figured if they couldn’t come celebrate with you and your family for Christmas, why don’t I bring them- or uh…their well wishes to you on their behalf, you know? So that way they’re still celebrating with you. And even after that, you’ll still have something to remind you of them when- you know whenever you need it.”

It had been a whole ordeal too. Getting the cooperation of Andrew’s family had been the easiest hurdle so far. Thankfully enough, they’d already knew who he was thanks to the Worth It videos and the occasions where Andrew was actually comfortable enough to chat with them whilst Steven had been around. Honestly the only reason why this all could have worked was the fact that they took it upon themselves to help arrange things together with Steven. Unfortunately, this also came at the slight misunderstanding that Steven is dating Andrew….sorry in advance for the probing questions on Christmas, Andrew. To be fair, he’d also accidentally spilled the beans to his mom and had to endure teasing questions from her. Then she had wanted to chip in too. Then it became a Lim family thing too. What the fuck.

“You got in touch with them?” If Andrew’s brows could rise any higher, they’d probably detach straight off at this point.

“Yup!” He pointedly ignores the shakiness of his fingers when he pats at the rather sizable gift box balanced in Andrew’s arms. “This bad boy right here is a shared gift. There’s something in it from everyone so I guess you’re in luck cuz you’re getting double the presents this year. Oh and uh- my mom wanted to give you something too because she’s biased and I’m starting to think she likes you more, which is rude because I’m supposed to be her favourite son so fuck you- but yeah. I wanted to pass it to you early since you’re seeing your family tomorrow….uh…those who could go anyways.”

The longer the silence stretches between them, the more he wants the ground to cave in from under him so he doesn’t have to endure the mortification. Oh shoot, why the hell did he think this was a good idea? There’s supposed to be boundaries, Steven! And he’s managed to barrel through each and every one with the finesse of a speeding truck. Fuck.

At this point, he doesn’t really know what to expect. But Steven knows he’s not expecting for Andrew to go all silent, staring at the box he has in his hands before asking him in a tone so quiet, so careful, one would have assumed he was holding something made of brittle glass that could shatter if someone were to raise their volume a notch.

“Can I…could I open it?”

“I mean it’s your present so…yea?”

Half of him’s so anxious his chest is literally on fire. But Steven forces himself to take a seat and watch as Andrew takes the time to take apart the wrapping paper. Once he opens up the actual box, out came several tins of snacks from Andrew’s hometown, small knitted jumpers for Andrew’s cat, handwritten letters, a photo album of pictures Steven had taken with the rest of Andrew’s family members, and an USB flash drive.

When plugged in, it’s revealed that there’s only a single video file stored within the flash drive. Said video, when played, turned out to be a recorded compilation of Andrew’s family and Steven’s each wishing Andrew a Merry Christmas. Steven had initially intended to only take recordings of those who weren’t able to make it to Andrew’s family gathering but the more he placed thought into it, the more he switched between ideas.

Unlike Steven, who lived for the experience, Andrew was all about making memories. He’s someone who could draw meaning from simple things. And while the process of doing this had been…admittedly as extra as Steven was, he had wanted something meaningful as well. And what would have been more meaningful than to record heartfelt sentiments? So he decided to get as many people as he could- Andrew’s family, their co-workers, their mutual friends, with a side cameo of his own family and finally himself.

Steven has to look away when the video nears the end and it’s finally his turn. Though he’s been on camera so many times, there’s always something a little embarrassing to see yourself on recording. Especially with the things he’s about to say.

“Hey Andrew!” Video Steven gave a wave. “Oh boy, it’s finally my turn and now I don’t know what to say but bear with me. Okay…first of all, I wanted to say thank you. Since tis the season to be joyful, grateful and everything. Uh…thank you for going with me on all these Worth It adventures. Thank you for just….being a good friend. It’s been fun, it really has. I know we joke about how I’m a fancy boy and everything but…I think a big part of the reason why I love doing Worth It so much is because you’re here, you know? I mean of course there’s Adam, Annie, Rie and the rest. But it wouldn’t have been the same without you too. You’re just…you’re just a really good guy and I mean it. I really do. You’re kind of the best partner anyone could ever ask for.”

Video Steven shuffles his feet and real life Steven’s trying his best not to pass out.

“I think I’m really lucky to have gotten to meet you. I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I wanna do since moving to New York. And I’ve come to the decision that, if you’ll allow it, I want to be a part of your life for as long of a time as possible. I wanna be 90 and still going on food adventures with you. Hey maybe we’ll get you a secret volcano lair by then and you can become the bond villain you’ve always dreamed of. Also uh. It’s also the move here that sorta made me realise that you’re someone who puts in a lot of heart in others you care about. But who’s placing in the same heart in you? Who’s, you know, caring for you and stuff. You don’t always talk about personal stuff and hey that’s totally cool and all. You don’t have to! I guess…what I want to say is…I made this video with everyone so that you’ll have something to remind you that you’re cared for. And that you’re…loved. Okay that’s way too cheesy and emotional so I’m gonna go. I’m not taking back what I said-” Video Steven raised a finger for emphasis. “But I’m gonna go. So yeah. Merry Christmas. Bye. Love you.”

Real life Steven reaches out to gently shut the laptop once the video ends. His gaze darts everywhere and anywhere except on Andrew until he finally musters up the courage to look up at him. And if Steven thought it had been a challenge to find air before, it’s even worse now when he looks up just in time to see a tear fall from Andrew’s eyes, trailing a path down his cheek as it’s owner made eye contact with him.

“Steven.” Andrew’s voice is hoarse when he utters his name. “You’re a madman. You-”  

A loud sniff is heard as Andrew blinks and Steven holds his breath when he blinks rapidly, more tears falling from his eyes in small splashes, clinging to his lashes wetly.

“Andrew. No. I’m- Hey hey no.” Instinct and self-preservation be damned. Steven finds himself scooting away from his end of the couch to get closer to Andrew. Thumb resting against the soft patch of skin under his eyes, he rubs at the tear streaks, brushing droplets away. “No no, Andrew. Don’t cry. It’s- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” And Steven would have pulled his hands away if it weren’t for the fact that Andrew clasps them in his own, keeping them pressed against each side of his face. “Don’t apologise for that. Steven, I. Do you understand what you’ve given me? No one’s ever-”

His voice cracks as Andrew squeezes his eyes shut and inhales a shuddery breath. As if in response, Steven shivers. He’d seen Andrew annoyed. He’d heard the pitch shift in Andrew’s laughter when he’s truly amused by something he’d done. He’d even seen Andrew at his most undignified, taking an impromptu nap on the nearest flat surface when their filming schedule is too strenuous. But he’s never seen him like this.

“Thank you.”

Andrew breathes out and something in Steven sighs. “Thank you.” Andrew says again, this time muffled against the crook of Steven’s shoulders because Steven pulls him flush against himself, anchoring him in his arms.

“It’s no problem.” He murmurs back in response, hand rubbing comforting patterns up and down the length of Andrew’s back. Every inhale feels a little too much and not enough at all because he’s surrounded by the familiar scent of Andrew. His skin prickles with each light scratch from the other’s stubble and Steven has to resist shuddering yet again.

He loses track of how long he sat there holding onto Andrew.

“I still can’t believe you went and did all of that for me. And all I got you was a saw.”

“Hey excuse you, it’s a fantastic saw.” Steven retorts fiercely on instinct, squeezing Andrew a little tighter for that and he feels the reverberations of his laughter against his chest, lighting up his insides like fireworks, setting his nerve endings alight. “Look I didn’t do all of that just to make you feel like you owe me something. I just wanted to- you’re important to me, man. I just wanted you to feel that you are. That’s all. Just…let me care for you in return for once. Okay?”

“Okay.” Andrew exhales against his skin. He’d stopped crying when he lifts his head from Steven’s shoulder, though his eyes were still red rimmed. Andrew rests his forehead against Steven’s and they breathed in tandem.

“Okay.” Andrew repeats. Then he leans in and Steven’s world shifts to a temporary halt. He’s by no means a novice when it comes to kissing and he’s no stranger to first kisses. But this isn’t really how he envisioned his first kiss with Andrew would go. There’s something a little odd about kissing someone who’d been crying a few minutes ago. Yet it’s beautiful all the same.

“Will you stay?” Andrew asks and he doesn’t need time to consider his answer because of course. Of course he’d stay. Nothing at this point would make Steven want to leave if he’s honest. They stay huddled close for the rest of the night. And when Andrew retires to bed, Steven is right there with him. Pressed against the length of his back, an arm slung around his waist to draw him close, fingers interlaced with his in a firm squeeze.

Second drink Steven loves everything. He loves the flickering strobe lights that change flash patterns frequently. He loves jokes- even terrible ones. Especially terrible ones. He loves playing undignified games with friends and making a loud spectacle along with all of them. He just loves love, you know? It’s not uncommon to see him nearly bent in half, slapping the surface of a table as he laughs and laughs and laughs in a manner that echoes in Andrew’s head hours after they part ways.

Third drink Steven always wants to dance and he’s a sight to witness. Tipsy enough to momentarily forget his own self-consciousness, Steven comes alive on the dance floor, feeding off the energy of the crowd. He sings along unabashedly to songs he recognises, flinging his arms around the shoulders of friends old and new, swaying and bouncing along to the beat without restraint. In moments like these, it’s easy to get swept up under the waves of his excitement. To let himself be noticed and pulled along by a pair of warm hands and bright eyes.

Fourth drink Steven is a troublemaker that Andrew knows to never let out of his sight. Fourth drink Steven is a damn pro at vanishing in an instant, wandering off the second Andrew lowers his guard and turns away. Fourth drink Steven stumbles in the streets on unsteady feet but high spirits, still singing along to the snatches of songs he could pick up while he walks. Fourth drink Steven complains when Andrew takes hold of his hand to stop him from balancing on the edges of fountains, climbing up statues for a blurred selfie or sliding down stair railings. But he doesn’t let go or try to squirm away either.

Fifth drink Steven is the very definition of emotional. He kicks at Andrew’s feet when he’s convinced he isn’t paying attention to him. Fifth drink Steven puffs up like a bird with ruffled feathers when Andrew gently turns down his suggestion to visit another bar, whining that Andrew should trust in his capabilities a little more. His petulance never fails to draw up snickers from him and that always seemed enough to distract Steven into giggling along with him, remarking that his chest tickles his ears when he slumps against him. Fifth drink Steven sulks like a child when he trips over his own feet, holding onto his knee even if that wasn’t the spot that’s hurting. He’ll sulk until Andrew placates him with a kiss against the top of his knee. 

Sixth drink Steven kisses his shoulders and quietly whispers to him while they’re in the backseat of the uber they’re sharing. Telling Andrew how much he appreciates him. How much having him as a co-host, as a friend, as a companion means to him. Sixth drink Steven has no qualms making Andrew the center of his focus. To have someone like Steven focus his attention on him and absolutely nothing else is intoxication at it’s finest. And it’s dangerous because he wants. He wants to keep that attention on him.

Then there’s Sixth drink Steven. Quite possibly the deadliest Steven of the bunch- at least to Andrew’s heart anyways. Sixth drink Steven likes curling up against Andrew’s side like a content cat. At times, he murmurs incomprehensible sentences against the crook of Andrew’s neck, hands sliding across the material of Andrew’s shirt so that he could hold him in a loose embrace. Tender and careful despite his inebriation, he treats Andrew with so much consideration it forms a lump in his throat.

Sixth drink Steven kisses his shoulders and quietly whispers to him while they’re in the backseat of the uber they’re sharing. Telling Andrew how much he appreciates him. How much having him as a co-host, as a friend, as a companion means to him. Sixth drink Steven has no qualms making Andrew the center of his focus. To have someone like Steven focus his attention on him and absolutely nothing else is intoxication at it’s finest. And it’s dangerous because he wants. He wants to keep that attention on him.

Sixth drink Steven asks, bargains and persuades him to stay once they’ve stumbled their way into Steven’s apartment. Even though he has to catch a flight back to LA early tomorrow. Even though staying would only make it that much harder to leave, especially when he wakes to the sight of mussed hair and soft snuffling sounds.