Imagine half-Incubus! Jaskier, who feeds off of all emotions like food. Except because heâs only half, he has to actively ward himself against any negative emotion that could poison him, at all times, which is EXHAUSTING.
But then Jaskier finds a witcher. And this witcher isâŚdifferent. Because for as much as he insults the bard, threatening to run him through or leave him behind, his emotions do not match his words. So Jaskier just smiles as the months and years pass, because even though Geralt tries to hide it, thereâs no mistaking the fondness that tastes like a warm buttered roll on Jaskierâs tongue every time the witcher acts annoyed at the bardâs antics.
Itâs not the candy sugar-high of lust, nor the strange bitter, strong, earthy scent of what Geralt feels for the witch, but itâs something. Itâs positive, and itâs for him, and thatâs enough. Has to be enough, really, because Jaskier couldnât ask for more. It doesnât work like that, theyâve never worked like that.
And Jaskier takes it, lets down his walls against Geralt, because the man has never once felt an ounce of hate for him, even when the bard screwed up particularly egregiously. Which, really, in the grand scheme of things, is more important than the desire Jaskier has for honey cake-care, syrupy-sweet fritter-devotion, apple-pie filled-loveâ
Jaskier aches, and chides himself daily for being greedy. He takes what is given, and does not ask for more, having long ago chosen to never use what powers he has to feed like that. Itâs not worth it, not for the confusion and pain it leaves in its wake.
But Jaskier will sometimes help take the edge off of negative emotions, can swallow down some of the spoiled meat-fear, mouldy bread-despair, sour, slimy ale-disgust. It leaves him feeling nauseous, his appetite poor for days, but itâs worth it for the relief it brings to those truly in need of it.
So when he notices the rotten egg-hurt coming off of Geralt on the mountain, he reaches out, trying to help the witcher. Open, defenseless, he chokes heavily on the bitter, numbing, burning-hate that Geralt shoves down his throat, the taste unlike anything heâs ever felt before in his life. Dizzy, he falls to the ground, clutching his chest at the way his heart stops breathing quite right, how his lungs donât want to move.
He doesnât notice the familiar beef stew-concern until itâs right next to him, visible in the bright golden eyes. The last thing he thinks before he passes out is how ironic it is, that Geraltâs hatred had taken the form of a buttercup, Wolfâs bane.
That he will die with the taste of his namesake on his lips.
He doesnât expect to wake up, certainly not to the comfort, care, hope, love surrounding him like fog. Heâs almost drunk on the emotions, feeling more full than he has sinceâŚwell, ever. When he notices who theyâre coming from, though, he canât help the wall that flies up, has to force back a flinch at the realization of whose arms he is in.
And Geralt apologizes, verbally, feelings more free than Jaskier has ever seen them before, clearly projected for his sake. Jaskier listens as Geralt explains heâs suspected for years, but never knew for sure untilâŚ
It takes time, as most hurts do, to heal. Jaskier is reluctant at first, to leave himself vulnerable to feed off the witcher. But he is weak, and tired, and thereâs no one else on this forsaken mountain heâs willing to feed off of, so he doesnât have much choice.
For his part, Geralt only lets go of the bard when absolutely necessary, seemingly aware that physical contact makes the process easier on Jaskier. And Jaskier doesnât want to forgive the witcher, wants to hold onto the fear, betrayal, hurt that heâd felt when Geralt force-fed him his emotions. But Jaskier canât control the way his heart softens as the witcher helps him down the mountain, how the golden eyes always on him make him feel safe even when they shouldnât.
It takes them a week to make it back to Roach, at which point Jaskierâs heart has finally stopped skipping beats and the dizziness has faded. Geralt asks Jaskier a silent question, and the bard thinks, really thinks, before stuffing the scant belongings heâd brought with him in his pack atop the witcherâs horse.
Jaskier squeaks when the witcher lifts him into the saddle, and he tells Geralt that heâs feeling all better, really, itâs been nice but he can walk, only for the witcher to join him atop Roach silently. And Jaskier doesnât know what to do with this, this new territory, as Geralt wraps his arms around the bard to grab the reins.
Heâs seconds from panicking when warm spiced milk-contentment envelops him like a hug, so overwhelming he canât help but relax as heâs guided back to rest on an armored chest. The sensation is all-consuming, and Jaskier, more tired than he realized, feels his eyelids drooping.
The last thing he thinks before falling asleep is that maybe, just maybe, itâs okay to want for more. If only this once.
