#burnedown

                        ✽՚༹ ˙⌁ warmth bloom in her cheeks, and it spreads into her chest. heart hammering as their gazes met. god, she could drown in those pools of blue. she could remember small bits and pieces of her parents' love for each other. mutual obsession; a devotion so intense that nothing else stood a chance. she had to wonder if what she was feeling now was close to what they felt. she loves him, that much she is aware of. she loves him more than she has loved anything or anyone before. her heart beats for him.

“ why not? ” she questions, lips soft from hard liquor. her fingers touch the rim of her glass to admire, it's not like drinking from straw stuck aluminum. it's odd like living in the city, no farm fields or horses to be found. she prefers the taste of moonshine, of home. suddenly the drink doesn’t taste too much like comfort, taste the city like and sour. she pushes it before her, half drank but already finished. “ i haven’t been here too long, ” she shrugs, looking around as if to take it in again. when she first got here she was overwhelmed by city buildings and traffic. her rural town back home was incomparable. “ it ain’t that bad. ” but there are times where she misses the comfort of the georgia sun and the way it would always set pretty over fields. her white house painted gold till it fades. she imagine if she was stuck here too long maybe she’d feel the same.

The fact that she had even said YES to going to this wedding in the first place felt all the more bizarre. Her mind couldn't seem to let go of the request, a favor for Richie that even NOW felt distinctly out of character for them both; growth and kindness always looked all the more confusing in the light of day.

Either way, she had broken free from the continued small talk of the party for a moment of solace. Peace and quiet from the impending doom of her own mind that rotated through the wellbeing of her father, the new regret of a profound decision, and all the other chaos that seemed to beg for attention in the midst of pleasantries and introductions.

❝ The word haunted doesn't have to be interpreted literally. I'm also a qualified psychologist. ❞

ask him that same question ten years ago and his answer would've been more fruitful , still bullshit , but it wouldn't have been forwarded with as much hesitation and discontent . a younger richie would have shrugged and laughed through it , struck his cousin on the back with an i dunno , man , fuck it , be happy . it's something he wants to jump to again when he has no real answer for something as deep as this . richie plucks the cigarette from his lips that had sat idle for too long , he hadn't been enjoying it , and has to stop himself from offering it out ; @burnedown might think he doesn't notice the improvements he tries to make , stopping smoking for example , but he's always the first to see change . it's why richie reacts the way he does ; he notices change fast and fears it , snaps and lashes out as a means to protect himself .

" not with that attitude. " she half scolds, going back for another bite of her sandwich. where has this thing been all her life ?! he's finding out, jess is hoping, that she is not the right person to talk to about taking risks, professional or otherwise. although, a lot of her lesson plans involve singing original songs in front of a bunch of merciless middle schoolers on a weekly basis – that should earn her some risk taker points ! " you're running things, aren't you ? i'm not telling you to get comfortable, but what's the point of calling the shots if you work yourself to death just to keep everybody on their toes ? " with a mouthful of bread & meat, she lifts her gaze, gently pushing her glasses back into place. " besides, don't knock the playing it safe thing. safe is reliable ! " a beat. " & this is... really good, carm. i don't know what kind of sorcery goes on in your kitchen, but i think i wanna marry this sandwich. "