"Every Male Profile"
Let me put my own skin in the game.
Back in the '90s, every woman in the polyamory community, locally, was loudly demanding that every man in the community get onto OkCupid. I let myself be peer-pressured into creating a profile. Everybody it matched me with was someone I already knew. And everybody, every single one of them, lied on their profile, and not even subtly. It turned me off of dating apps for good and I haven't been back. But even I couldn't out-satire the following excerpt from Jennie Young's recent book, Burn the Haystack:
Every Male Profile, Written by a Woman by Burned Haystack Facebook group member Leah Haydock You're as comfortable in a tuxedo as you are in baggy cargo shorts on a way-too-cold spring day. You catch fish, all the fish, big fish, little fish, all the time, and you know how to hold them. Your bathroom selfie game is killer, and sometimes you leave the seat up to be more edgy. You have a number of small children and dogs in your life that may or may not belong to you; they may or may not have their faces scribbled over to protect their anonymity. You're looking for long-term commitment and a meaningful soul connection but are also open to one-night stands, threesomes, and butt stuff as long as the only other participants are women. You're a man of mystery, hence "Just Ask," or else you're looking for a partner in crime who has a little black dress stashed in the pocket of her blue jeans. Every relationship has involved screaming matches and maybe the police have been called, but you're totally looking for "no drama" this time around. You're a simple guy who's just looking for an emotionally mature woman who's roughly half your age, so they don't challenge you or hold you accountable for anything.
