#buffysatsu

My Heart Keeps Beating Like a Hammer

"But when Spike bit me...” Buffy told Satsu now, as the two of them had girl talk, walking along the beach after one of San Francisco’s most memorable sunsets (as Buffy had decided she wanted to try and be rekindle something with her as friends at least, after Satsu unfortunately seeing her an Angel—Twilight—having sex had destroyed any fuzzy feelings they might have had for each other), “it did me get to that pleasure-filled—help me, I'm turning into a big pile of girly goo—state. And I guess that can be true for most people when they get bitten by a vampire. Because vamp bites go right to the pleasure receptors, but it wasn't like... it wasn't orgasmic... and the kind of wham-bam, thank you ma'am kind of feeling that it was with Angel and me.

“And, oh my god! Satsu, feel free to shut me up right now! Hearing me talk about Angel like that—when you saw me with Angel like that—cannot be fun for you. I know we're friends now, and we're talking relationship advice. But if this is awkward at all, just let me know and I'll shove a stake in my own mouth to shut myself up."

Satsu laughed at that. And the sound was like music to Buffy's ears. She had no idea how her fellow Slayer here could take all of this in stride, when having just heard her own verbal vomit made Buffy want to throw herself into the Pacific to never be heard from again, but she was definitely grateful for it.

"I swear it's 'of the good,' Buffy, like you would say.” Satsu assured her, sending a small smile the blonde’s way, before she seemed to return her attention onto the shop just ahead of them that was selling sea shell ice cream, of all things. “As for how my life’s going… There really isn’t much to tell, other than the fact that Kennedy wanted to hook up with me after you and I broke up, and after Willow decided she and her were better of-

“Wait, Buffy! Hold up: how many times have you been bitten by a vampire?" Satsu demanded, as she suddenly stopped walking; there was a grave look on her face now that Buffy could hardly understand, but that instantly had her blood running cold.

“Four. Why do you ask?”

“Buffy, that is not good!” Satsu had strode forward and grabbed Buffy’s arms now. And she’d done so to let her know the severity of the situation, the Slayer was sure (though Buffy still wasn’t quite sure what that situation was), but she was so shaken by Satsu suddenly touching her like this, she didn’t know how to react.

Ever since Buffy and Satsu’s relationship had crashed and burned, they hadn’t touched at all. They’d barely even talked until today, when Buffy had showed Satsu that she was desperate to make amends. So, for Satsu to suddenly bridge the gasp like this, Buffy imagined there had to be something dire going on here, but she couldn’t imagine what it would be.

“Satsu, what-”

But Satsu interrupted Buffy’s question with a shake of her head and a tough look in her eyes. “No, Buffy. You listen to me now. In Japan, the number four is death. You’ve had four vampires drink from you. Four! I’m afraid that if you don’t get a fifth one to drink from you soon, ironically, you’re going to die.”

Naturally, Buffy wanted to say this was all just silly superstition, of course. And she felt the words on her lips.

But Satsu, as if knowing those words were coming, looked at Buffy with a raised eyebrow and hands on her hips.

And Buffy instantly face-palmed, knowing that Satsu was right. How many times had they proven that most of the stories of the world were true?

“Where the hell am I going to get a fifth vampire to bite me, though, unless we bring Ford back from the dead, and pray he’ll play nice with me, even though I- Oh. Oh. I’m an idiot,” Buffy said now, seeing that destiny had seemed fit to throw her a bone for once.

And Satsu most have noticed it, too, because now they were both staring disbelievingly at a pair, who just happened to be at the ice cream parlor they’d ended up at: Angel and Dawn.

And Angel and Dawn seemed pretty deep in conversation, too, Buffy noticed. Buffy remembered that Dawnie had told her that she and Angel had agreed to hang-out today, in wanting to finally get to know each other, but she hadn’t remembered that this was where they had agreed to meet up at.

As Buffy and Satsu drifted closer to the pair, Buffy could hear bits and pieces of their conversation:

“And I really bit you when you had your arms wrapped around my throat?” Dawn asking Angel, taking a bite of that disgusting looking sea salt ice cream. “That doesn’t seem like something I’d do. Especially since I don’t have sharp teeth like vamps do—or maybe even like Slayers have—so who’s to say it would have even hurt you enough to let me go? Sometimes I feel like these fake memories the monks gave everyone are way off-kilter.”

“Yeah,” Angel agreed, with the small grin on his face that Buffy had once lived for. “I could maybe see you reaching for your binder that was beside us then instead, and trying to bash my face in with it or something.”

Okay, that was really cute, Buffy thought, despite herself. And then kind of hated herself for thinking that, because what kind of girl thought their kind-of-boyfriend and little sister interacting was cute? And yet she did have to appreciate that they were finally bonding.

“I should really let them finally have this, don’t you think, Satsu?” Buffy asked.

But Satsu was firmly shaking her head “no.”

Sighing, Buffy was already trying to think of what she’d have to tell Dawn, as to why she was stealing Angel away (not the truth), but before she got that figured out, Buffy noticed that she and Satsu had already been spotted by the two and were now being stared at.

Knowing the jig was up, Buffy and Satsu began walking over to the vampire and Key. Satsu even had it within her to laugh about the whole situation.

"What's up, Buffy?" Angel winked at her, the moment he saw her. And even now, when Buffy was near having a panic attack, seeing Angel still made her heart beat a mile a minute. She wondered if he could hear it...

But it was Dawn who immediately noticed that something was wrong. "Oh, God, Buffy... you have an expression on your face. Don't tell me we're going to have to deal with apocalypses again."

"Uhh... nothing as grim as that, Dawnie. Do you mind if I borrow Angel for a second? I'm sure Satsu here will love talking all things Pirates Five with you."

Not having to be told twice—because he must have seen something in Buffy's eyes now, as well—Angel got up from the bench he was sitting on and came beside Buffy to put a hand on the small of her back. "Lead away," the vampire encouraged her.

And though Buffy knew that he was only touching her so they could get away faster, she inwardly had to cringe at the gesture. While it was true she had largely hinted to Angel that the two of them might get back together, she hadn't exactly decided that yet. While talking with Satsu, for instance, Buffy had realized she most definitely still had some strong feelings for her.

Buffy wondered what Satsu thought about her handing her off to Dawn like this... no doubt, it wasn't her best look.

But then again, it had been Satsu who had impressed upon Buffy just how important this all was, so hopefully she understood...

"Buffy, what is it?" Angel asked, with a gentle hand on the Slayer's cheek when the two of them were a little ways away from their friends, just as Buffy said, "Angel, this is going to sound crazy... but I need you to bite me again."

It was clear that the vampire with a soul had heard her, even though they had both spoken at the same time, because he looked at Buffy wide-eyed then, and she knew at once that he was going to shut her down. It would be equal parts in hating what he was and thinking he'd lose control, Buffy knew.

And if that was the case... maybe it would just be easier if she just got back with Angel, Buffy thought, so he could accidentally bite her in a moment of passion. Because despite what she'd just thought about Satsu, deep down Buffy knew that Angel was the love of her life and she'd end up with him, some day and some way.

"Buffy, what are you talking abou-" Angel started with anger in his voice. There was malice in his eyes now, and Buffy wondered if he might shake her again like he had on Christmas Eve.

Deciding to try and stop that ball from rolling, Buffy held her hands up and uttered out as fast as she could, "Angel, let me explain! I was just talking to Satsu, and she told me that the number four means death in Japan... Which is weird to me, because why not six or thirteen? Even three I could maybe get. And why do people have to make all these arbitrary rules that just end up hurting people?" Buffy snarled.

For her words, Angel chuckled. And at first, Buffy couldn't help being offended by it, but then she sobered up a little. Angel calming down and seeing her side a little bit was a good thing. It meant he might do what she wanted... maybe.

"You're babbling, Buffy. So, four is an evil number in Japan. Got it... I don't exactly see what that has to do with me biting you, though." And now there was fear laced in his voice and his eyes.

And Buffy aimed to charge forward before it really got a hold on him, because she thought she'd seen a foot hold here. "Because I've been bitten by four different people, Angel! The Master, you—though I think it might have moreso been Angelus then, because I had to call out to your demon, which might be what gives us some wiggle room here—Dracula, and lastly Spike, when I had to give him my blood when we were in internment camps. Because of this, Satsu thinks if I don't get someone else to bite me, I might have signed my death warrant.

"Angel... your soul is bound now. If it really was moreso Angelus who bit me before... if you do so now, it might give me an out, where you as Angel can be considered my fifth person and save me."

Buffy could tell her explanation had done the trick. And while the detective was no doubt thinking away about it all, he also wouldn't risk her life even for a silly superstition.

"Okay, I'll do it, Buffy," Angel relented, with a thousand emotions playing behind his eyes that the Slayer could only guess at. "But definitely not here. Meet me at my place tonight at nine... For now, I have a date with Dawn to finish up. And you probably should get back to Satsu."

And once again, Angel walked out of her life. And Buffy tried to keep her heart from stopping as he did so.

…

Buffy didn’t show up at nine o’clock right on the dot. Because as stupid as it undoubtedly was—or so she told herself—she found herself wondering what she should wear to have her blood sampled by her would-be-lover.

She didn’t want it to be some extravagant dress… or to be wearing dark makeup, and be lending herself towards Harley Quinn style romance novels any more than she already was. But at the same time, Buffy knew that this was some sort of date, so she should surely dress up somewhat.

In the end, the Slayer decided on a light summer-y dress (because she didn’t want history to repeat itself, with Angel almost draining her, were she to wear something like leather pants again. Not that she didn’t trust him), makeup of a medium tone, and a fancy updo.

Then, finally, Buffy was heading out of the apartment she still shared with Willow and towards Angel’s Brownstone house.

Though on the way, of course, she was stopped by one vamp—which was actually a rare sight these days—and she made quick work of it, before she continued on her journey.

Then, finally, Buffy was walking into Angel’s home like she owned the place (even though she’d only been here a few times), and preparing herself to be saved from death’s door, like Satsu had said she should.

Or maybe majorly focusing on Satsu’s warning to her right now, was just an excuse to not take in the beautiful scene that Angel had set up for them in his living room, Buffy thought. It seemed as though he had relocated all of his couches into another area of his home in preparation of this evening, and had moved the deep red mattress of his bed into the center of the floor—and the mattress was so huge that it seemed to make up a huge portion of said floor to Buffy—and on the ground all around it were scented, vanilla candles. And among the rest of the room, on things such as hazelnut wood armoires, were incense (these candles usually an evergreen), draped against the violet color of the dark room.

Angel himself, Buffy saw, was wearing an orangey-red shirt (that made Buffy think that he’d somewhat been going for summer-y himself. As much as Angel would, anyway) and black jeans.

“Angel,” Buffy started, walking to her vampire with her arms already outstretched towards him, very much like the besotted lover she’d thought she wasn’t.

But Angel must have missed what she was feeling, because he stopped just short of Buffy and scratched the back of his neck self-consciously. “I decided we could do this in the living room, so there would be no pressure that this was a romance thing—even though I think I still went over the top with my decorating, and it still looks very romantic—and I’m sorry for pressuring you about us earlier today, Buffy.”

And Buffy could tell that he was remorseful. Even though it was pretty dark in the room, Buffy could tell that her Angel’s eyes were once again shining with the guilt of one too many regrets. And if she could at least take this one off his shoulders, she would do it. So, she quickly waved it away. “Water. Bridge.

“Anyway,” Buffy said, looking towards the floor where Angel’s makeshift bed was, that she knew was about to seal her fate in so many ways. “Should we get this show on the road?”

“We should…” Angel agreed. But there was a catch in his voice, and Buffy knew that he was still worried that he might hurt her.

The Slayer thought that she might have to argue with Angel about this again; but to her shock, Angel gently took one of Buffy’s hands in his own and gently led her to follow him, as he walked over to sit atop the mattress.

He then put a strand of hair that had come from Buffy’s curled high-ponytail behind her ear and leaned into her before saying, “Though I’m not going to do anything before I tell you how beautiful you look tonight, Buffy. And I promise you that I won’t hurt you.”

“Angel…” If Buffy had had a moment, she thought she probably would have been blushing and ducking her head like a schoolgirl. But Buffy didn’t have a moment, for right after he’d spoken and as soon as she had said his name, Angel had changed and sank his fangs into her throat.

There was only a pinprick of pain—for which Buffy reached out and held a hand onto Angel’s shoulder—and then, once again, there was nothing but white, hot pleasure.

And Buffy decided then—the part of her that could still think coherent thoughts, anyway—that even though a foolish of her had been wondering if there could be love again between them, and thus Angel had acted to make this moment between them not as romantic as it could have been, it was a very good thing that he’d chosen to have his bite happen on a mattress. Because once again, they were falling backwards, and it seemed like there was nothing either of them could do to stop it. And at least this time, there was something to cushion their fall.

Angel wasn’t taking as much from her as he was last time. Buffy knew this as well as she knew that the sky was blue—though she imagined that he thought he needed to take enough to be sure that this possible curse wouldn’t find her—but it was enough that all the effects of the last time he had drunken her were definitely finding her.

The dress that Buffy wore hiked up over her legs (and now Buffy realized what a terrible—wonderful?—choice it had been to wear a knee-length dress for something like this), and she wrapped them around Angel’s legs, where she could already feel him hard and thrusting against her core.

The Slayer ran one hand through her beloved’s hair, and dug another into his shoulder while he drank from her. Buffy thought that Angel’s hands might have been somewhere on her waist, and traveling ever lower, and on her shoulder to steady her from falling off the mattress (was she really so lost as to fall,  if she didn’t have her Angel’s careful guidance?). But she really couldn’t be sure of anything, because next Buffy knew, she was seeing stars in the second most powerful orgasm of her life.

And then Angel was rolling off of her—with a look she recognized—that seemed to imply he’d just experienced the same thing.

When Angel came back to himself, he was instantly by Buffy’s side, licking at her neck to seal the bite mark and stop the bleeding. And then he was lying down beside Buffy (oh. Was she lying down on the mattress?) and pulling her into his arms. “Buffy, are you okay?” Angel asked cautiously, running a comforting hand up and down her arm. “You know, as much as I imagined I had thought this through, I could have done much better. I don’t think I even have any juice in the house, but I do think I have some candy, oddly enough, sit tight.”

Angel was making moves to stand up and to leave her there still reeling, but Buffy wasn’t having any of that. She reared up at once and caught Angel’s waist to pull him back down with her.

“Buffy, come on! Let me help you out here. I’m worried about you!” But for all his protests, the vampire had laughed the moment the blonde had grabbed him, so Buffy thought that he couldn’t be too upset with her for delaying her from treats.

“It can wait a second, Angel,” Buffy protested. “Slayer healing, remember? I just… I wanted to thank you. And to let you know that- that there’s no way any ‘number four curse’ could stand up to what you just did, so I think we’re definitely in the clear here. Yep!”

Ugh. Why couldn’t a giant hole just show up and swallow her now? That was not what Buffy had wanted to say. Well, not the main thing. She had wanted to tell Angel that she wanted her life to be with him. Because, ironically, she’d known for a while now that he’d been the one who’d wanted to have a relationship with her and she’d been the one to falter in that. But unfair as it was, she still couldn’t think of those words and their breakup in the sewer without feeling a world of hurt, so she’d been unable to do it.

Angel blinked at Buffy after she’d said what she had. And Buffy turned away from him, getting ready to leave for a whole number of reasons, when he grabbed her arm and stopped her. “And here I thought you were going to say you wanted your life to be with me.” And now he was giving her that somewhat evil smirk that had turned her into butter all those years ago: the one that Buffy imagined always would.

“How did you-” Buffy couldn’t get the words out. She was simply astonished. And maybe she shouldn’t have been. She knew that Angel was her soulmate. And they’d done things such as share dreams before. So maybe It wasn’t that farfetched that he would have been able to figure out what was really in her heart now, but the jaded Buffy was still amazed by it.

“Because we can’t share all that we just shared together, Buffy, and not want to be together. And I know I want to be with you. And I never should have let you doubt that for a second. I love you, Buffy. And I’m sorry for so much of our past.” And now Angel had captured one of Buffy’s hands in his own and was kissing each of her fingertips, which really wasn’t fair in helping with her mental faculties at all!

But Angel was right. He was so very right. And Buffy was done fighting it. Why had she ever fought it at all?

“And I love you, Angel. And this time your mark on me will stay loud and proud.”

Angel chuckled at Buffy’s joke—her trying to tie this all back to the biting thing, that had led to their renewal of their relationship: who would have thought it?—but she also knew she saw a look of pride in his eyes, before he pulled her even closer to him and kissed the crown of her head. Men.

Angel’s mark on her neck had faded some over the years, Buffy knew, but it had always been there. Just like their feelings for each other had been. And now they had a chance to let them grow into something stronger than they had ever been before, without fate getting in the way. And Buffy didn’t think she’d ever been happier. She smiled.

Author's Note: Inspired by the video games Neo The World Ends With You and Kingdom Hearts IV lately making me think about how the number four is associated with death in Japan.