#buff boyfriends

An aesthetic moodboard I’ve made for @pretttydemonboy

Sebastian and Sam are a pair of guys who it took us way too long to figure out were perfect for each other despite their many vast differences.

Any baby? So like, Sebastian breaks into a house and just puts some random person’s child to sleep? You’re weird. Jk, but imagine: one of the babies has colic.

Benjamin was inconsolable. The doctors said it was colic, and Sebastian had never experienced the nightmare that was a baby with colic until they brought Benjamin home. At first the crying had been quiet, more a whimper than anything, but very quickly it had escalated to something Sebastian could only describe as the shriek of a banshee. There was a point where he genuinely checked his ears to see if they were bleeding.

Sebastian had been trying to calm Benjamin down for over an hour now. He was as far away from Gavin and Jack’s bedroom as possible, because the last thing he wanted was more crying children on top of the one he was currently dealing with. He’d tried the pacifier, he’d tried wrapping him up in a blanket, he’d tried turning every single light off and closing the curtains, and nothing seemed to work. Benjamin just kept crying, and Sebastian’s sanity was starting to wear thin.

He paced the length of the living room slowly, bouncing Benjamin and caressing his head while also looking up remedies online. He didn’t have a water bottle to lay on Benjamin’s belly, and he didn’t want to run a bath at this hour. Warmth seemed to be the key as far as the internet said, and as he scrolled Sebastian came across a woman’s “Mommy Blog” that mentioned having her child laying on her chest beneath her shirt.

At that point he was willing to try anything, so Sebastian quickly went to the bedroom where Sam was sleeping (”it’s your turn, I was up with him last night”). Sam awoke almost immediately and before he could protest, Sebastian shot him a glare.

“I’m going to try something, just give me a minute.”

Sebastian unwrapped the blanket that he’d swaddled Benjamin in and dropped it to the floor. He didn’t want his son overheating, after all. Then he carefully maneuvered himself out of his t-shirt and climbed into bed next to Sam. Finally, Sebastian lifted the comforter up and over him and Benjamin.

If Sam made a habit out of this, Seb was going to have to kill him.

The fact that Sam went out to the bar (again) to drink (again) wasn’t what bothered Sebastian. Sam could do whatever he pleased on the nights that Sebastian was too busy to satisfy his husband’s boredom, so long as he didn’t get into trouble. Of course, the one thing that Sam seemed to like doing the most was exactly that.

According to the police report, someone who knew about Sam and Sebastian began making rather rude remarks to Sam. Something implying that the two of them were disgusting abominations who had scat fetishes, though the remarks were far less eloquent. Sam, who did not yet have enough alcohol in his system to render him effectively useless in all forms of confrontation, took it upon himself to smash the man’s face into the bar.

Cue the inevitable phone call at four in the morning where Sam explained the situation (”No he’s not dead the manager pulled me off before I could stab him he’s just in the ICU”) and asked Sebastian when he could come bail him out.

“Why do you just assume that I’m going to get you out of yet another mess that you created for yourself?”

“Because you love me?”

Sebastian hung up and let out an audible groan of frustration. Too audible, because a moment later he heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the bedroom. Then there was a knock at the door and a hesitant voice saying, “Dad?”

“Just a minute,” Sebastian called. He pushed himself out of bed and slipped a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt on before opening the door to let Gavin inside.

“Did I wake you?”

“Um.”

“Gavin, we’ve talked about you staying up this late.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Where’s Sam?”

Sebastian noted with a pointed look that Gavin was changing the subject to avoid being reprimanded. Unfortunately this was one of the situations where it worked.

“He’s at the police station.”

“Did he do something stupid again?”

“In his mind, no. According to the law, yes.”

Gavin nodded. As the eldest child he was familiar with the younger of his adoptive father’s particular outlook and the consequences of said outlook. Sebastian explained the entire situation as he knew it and then proceeded to call the station back so that he could pay Sam’s bail.

“Aren’t you gonna go get him?”

“No. I’m tired of this. If he wants to keep getting in fights then he can find his own way home.”

“But Dad-”

“Gavin, go to bed.”

There was a moment where it looked like Gavin might argue, but eventually he sighed and left the room, hopefully to sleep. Sebastian finished the phone call with a message to be delivered to Sam, which essentially said, “Get your shit together before you step foot in this house again.” Once he finished, he fell back into bed and attempted to sleep for a few more hours before he had to start getting children ready for school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam did not come home that day. Sebastian got the children ready by himself, though with some help from Gavin. He went to work, he went home early in order to be there when the children got home and so that Cass could go to her dinner shift at the diner. Of course she commented on the fact that Sam wasn’t here and of course Sebastian told her nothing other than that Sam was a lovable idiot leaning more towards idiot right now. Cass could speculate on that as she wished.

Sebastian helped the children with their homework, played with the triplets for a bit, and then he ordered an obscene amount of Chinese food because like hell was he cooking tonight. He made sure everyone ate, including the babies, and then it was time for everyone to have a bit of relaxation time before bed. Sebastian wanted desperately to go to bed, but he also didn’t want to go to bed alone. The fact that Sam hadn’t come home yet was vaguely worrying, but Sebastian trusted him to come home when he felt that he had, in fact, gotten his shit together.

So of course when Sam did finally come home, right as the children were laying down for bed, it had to be with one of his grand entrances.

It wasn’t the first time Sam decided to stand outside with a boombox. It was, however, the first time that Sam chose to play a song that Sebastian did not recognize, nor did he think it was something that Sam would genuinely listen to. He was standing on the front lawn with the boombox over his head, and when Sebastian went out to see what the hell his husband had come up with as an apology this time, he was surprised and disturbed to hear a practically pubescent voice singing over bouncy guitar. 

When Gavin appeared beside Sebastian with a grin on his face that was just a little too excited, he understood how Sam had gotten hold of the boombox that was supposed to be in the basement, and where he’d gotten the idea for the song.

“What can I say? I fucked this up again,”

“You can say that again,” Sebastian muttered.

“I run around and make, A mess of everything, I made a big mistake, And now I'm wondering, Would ya, Bail me out if I need it,”

If Sebastian questioned Gavin’s intelligence and wit before, he certainly didn’t now. The better question was how this random “pop punk” band, as the kids called it, had crafted a song that somehow perfectly represented Sam in these situations. He continued listening to the song and found it more and more accurate. Even worse, he found himself tapping his foot along to the beat.

“Pretty great song, right Dad?”

“Go to bed before I ground you for helping your other father out of the doghouse.”

“Love you too.”

Gavin disappeared back into the house as the next chorus came around, and at that point Sebastian strode across the lawn and pressed the stop button.

“I think this might be even more absurd than you getting up to my apartment window and playing Aerosmith.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

You heard it here folks. From the creator’s mouth. Nana Klara - old time bigot sets aside her shitty worldviews because successful black man makes her trash heap of a grandson happy.

I had waaaaay too much fun writing this.

Also you should know better than to leave me such an open-ended request.

All the times that Sebastian came hometo his and Sam’s shared apartment (shared, finallyhe’d managed to talk his boyfriend of so long into moving in withhim) had never prepared him for what he was faced with this time.

As Sebastian get to his front door hisonly thought is what they might have for supper. They’ve got somevegetables in the freezer and some chicken left over from dinner thenight before. Maybe a stir fry. Put some potatoes on in another panto fry as well, maybe? Would that be too much frying for one meal?Hopefully not because it sounded nice. Maybe some wine with it andice cream for dessert. They’ve got some Rocky Road in the freezer.

His thoughts towards supper are allthrown out the window because as soon as his apartment door opens andlets him see into his and Sam’s living room he’s met with chaos.Utter chaos. And not the kind that usually follows in the wake ofSebastian’s boyfriend – that would have just had the black manwalking past it with a sigh and a reminder to have Sam clean thehouse again and to withhold sex until it was finished.

No, the chaos that is met by Sebastianis one he never really considered having inside his home. It’s thechaos that all children bring in their wake no matter how hard thatchild or it’s parents try.

“Sebastian!” Sam comes out of thekitchen holding a half-empty bottle in one hand and an infant in theother. He’s got a wide grin on his face and the expression alonealmost makes Sebastian want to forgive whatever idiotic scheme thatthe other man has cooked up. Almost.

“Whose baby is that?” Sebastianasks. He tries to keep calm and concentrates on how much he loves hisboyfriend. He knows that Sam has some questionable history when itcomes to his employment before working at Tea-Riffic. It’s inevitablewith a man of Sam’s military-taught skills and the need for money insuch a capitalist nation. But kidnapping isn’t something thatSebastian thinks that Sam has ever done before.

“Before? I dunno,” Sam shrugs, “Nowit’s ours,”

Sebastian can feel a headache forming.He reminds himself that he loves Sam with all his heart. Also thatmurder is illegal in civilized countries. “Sam…” Sebastiansighs, not sure where to begin his quickly lengthening list of thingsthat are wrong with this situation.

He’s cut off though, by Sam. “I foundthe kid in a dumpster on my way to work this morning,” Sam explainswith an expression that is mildly angry. Probably at whoever it wasthat left the baby in the dumpster in the first place. That’sSebastian’s guess, anyway. “We’re gonna keep it, it can’t be thathard to raise a kid,”

There’s so much wrong with what Sam issaying that Sebastian isn’t completely sure where to start at first.The look on Sam’s face, though, is one that’s expecting to be shotdown and is determined to argue things until he’s allowed what hewants. “The government rarely – if ever – lets gay men adoptchildren,” Sebastian says. He quickly continues when Sam opens hismouth to start arguing, “And even if we got a caseworker that waswilling to overlook that, I doubt our living together without beingmarried would help. I’m certain they prefer to foster and adoptchildren out to couples who are legally wed,” Sebastian thinksthat’s a good argument. It’s not that he’s against the two of themhaving children. He’s certain that they’d be excellent parents – ifa little unorthodox in some of their methods.

A light kindles in Sam’s eyes with amatching expression flashing onto the other man’s face. Itimmediately puts a jolt of worry into Sebastian’s stomach becausethat look on his boyfriend normally means that some sort of troubleis about to happen and Sebastian is going to be pulled into itwhether he likes it or not.

“I guess we’re getting married then,”Sam announces. “Call your brother and sister and tell them to gettheir asses down here so they can be our witnesses. We can get itdone at city hall … how soon are you able to get time off? Twoweeks in advance or is it three where you work?”

“Sam I don’t think-”

“Yeah it’s a bad idea. I’llcall your brother and sister. You feed Shitstain for me becausewhenever I put Garbage Brat down he starts crying so I haven’t beenable to since I got home – the damn cat nearly tripped me twice. Twice!” Sam is already heading towards the housephone is located and Sebastian’s heart jumps up into his throat.

“No! I’ll call them!” Sebastianexclaims and quickly jumps forward to block Sam’s path. He can onlyimagine how that kind of call would go between Sam and Julia orAndrew. Also who would survive their next meeting aftersuch a call. “You go and … sit. Somewhere. You’ve done enoughtoday. Go and sit down with … Jack. We’ll call him Jack.”

It almost looks like Sam is going toprotest for a moment, before he shrugs and says “I suppose that’s agood name too,” and turns to sit on one of the couches. Sebastianholds in a sigh of relief. He hadn’t been able to save the cat frombeing given a terrible name but at least the kid wasn’t dubbed withone.

I’m doing both because these opportunities are too good to pass up. We’re gonna start with Sam and Cass though and then we’ll get to Sam and Sebastian.

Just a note: these two prompts are taking place in separate universes. First prompt is in the same universe as my drunken fic which is here if you need a refresher. Second prompt is just within the Buff Boyfriends universe.

“Ich liebe dich.”

“What?”

“Ich. Liebe. Dich.”

Cass blinked rapidly at Sam, as though he was a hallucination she was trying to get rid of. She may not be fluent in German, but she knew what those three words meant, and she was too drunk to deal with any of the implications of those words being said by someone that she consistently considered stabbing. Actually, she wasn’t drunk enough. 

“Go to bed, Sam. It’s late.”

“Ich will mit dir schlafen.”

“Jesus christ it’s one in the morning I can barely comprehend English much less German.”

“Nicht sprechen. Nur sex.”

Cass rolled her eyes and gave up on trying to understand her…fuck buddy? Friend with benefits? Whatever Sam was (not her boyfriend, that’s for sure), he was a lost cause when he was drunk.

“Bed, come on.”

What she said seemed to please Sam, because he stood up and pulled her body against his to capture her lips in a kiss that tasted like scotch. Cass kissed back until Sam started to slip his hands into the hem of her skirt, then she grabbed his hands and held them to his sides.

Sam dove for another kiss and Cass turned her head so that his lips collided with her cheek. “Not tonight.”

“Morgen dann,” he slurred against her jaw. 

“Sure, whatever. Only if you go to bed right now.”

Cass had no idea what she’d just agreed to, but Sam was suddenly eager to follow her to the bedroom. He kept his hands to himself, mostly, and he was able to strip down to his boxers without falling. Once he was in bed, Cass turned to leave and return to her own home. She never stayed the night, Sam knew that, but suddenly there was a strong hand on her wrist and she found herself being pulled down into the bed anyways.

“übernachten.”

At first Cass was prepared to bolt, aware that Sam wasn’t always great at taking hints no matter how obvious they were. But he didn’t make anymore attempts to get her undressed once she had fallen into the bed. Instead, he just pulled her against him and draped an arm over her middle.

Oh my god. I’m being cuddled. By Sam. What the fuck.

Cass started to get up, because there was no fucking way that she was going to cuddle with the guy she’d been having casual sex with for the past few months. Sam made an unhappy noise and held her closer, and Cass felt him nuzzling against her neck in what she guessed was an attempt to convince her to stay.

After a moment’s contemplation, Cass relaxed into Sam’s embrace and sighed. She would stay, but she made a promise to herself that she was going to leave before Sam awoke the next morning and stay away from him for good. No sense letting him get attached. No sense leading him on. It wasn’t like she had feelings for him. No matter how much he made her laugh or how great the sex was. Or how his love for chocolate always astounded her because how could someone who was made of more hatred than her like sweets that much? Or how anytime a child or an animal came within ten feet, he transformed into a completely different person with a much higher tolerance for obnoxiousness.

I am so screwed.

Neither of them wanted a big wedding, least of all Sam. He had no one to invite, no one that he felt was deserving of bearing witness to arguably the best day of his life. Maybe he would have invited Nana Klara, if she was still alive. It was entirely likely that she would have disapproved like his father. He would never know, so there wasn’t any point in dwelling on it.

Sebastian was just a private person in general, for no reason other than he found sharing intimate moments with multiple people to be exhausting. His parents also were not terribly excited about the wedding. The fact that his betrothed was a man was almost the least of their concerns. They had plenty to criticize when it came to Sam, whether it was his appearance, his economic class, or the fact that he was more supportive of Sebastian’s transgender brother than they were.

But Sebastian’s siblings loved him and they refused to let him get away with having a small, quiet ceremony. Julia almost had a conniption when he mentioned it. So the wedding was a huge affair with music and catered food and wedding gifts that they really didn’t need. By the end of it, both Sam and Sebastian were itching to get away.

Unbeknownst to Sam, Sebastian had planned something for their honeymoon. It wasn’t the big affair that their wedding was, but it was guaranteed to be far more enjoyable.

Sebastian surprised Sam with the tickets one morning while they were still in bed.

“...You’re serious?”

“Dead serious. We’re going to Germany.”

“For how long?”

“A month.”

Sebastian never expected certain reactions out of Sam that he would expect out of the average person. Sam’s emotional range went from violent rage to mild jerk, and the only time there was any other kind of emotion was when he was drunk or when they were making love. But the wide grin that spread across Sam’s face when Sebastian showed him the tickets was something he had never seen before. It was joy.

“I love you.”