#jack the garbage brat

I had waaaaay too much fun writing this.

Also you should know better than to leave me such an open-ended request.

All the times that Sebastian came hometo his and Sam’s shared apartment (shared, finallyhe’d managed to talk his boyfriend of so long into moving in withhim) had never prepared him for what he was faced with this time.

As Sebastian get to his front door hisonly thought is what they might have for supper. They’ve got somevegetables in the freezer and some chicken left over from dinner thenight before. Maybe a stir fry. Put some potatoes on in another panto fry as well, maybe? Would that be too much frying for one meal?Hopefully not because it sounded nice. Maybe some wine with it andice cream for dessert. They’ve got some Rocky Road in the freezer.

His thoughts towards supper are allthrown out the window because as soon as his apartment door opens andlets him see into his and Sam’s living room he’s met with chaos.Utter chaos. And not the kind that usually follows in the wake ofSebastian’s boyfriend – that would have just had the black manwalking past it with a sigh and a reminder to have Sam clean thehouse again and to withhold sex until it was finished.

No, the chaos that is met by Sebastianis one he never really considered having inside his home. It’s thechaos that all children bring in their wake no matter how hard thatchild or it’s parents try.

“Sebastian!” Sam comes out of thekitchen holding a half-empty bottle in one hand and an infant in theother. He’s got a wide grin on his face and the expression alonealmost makes Sebastian want to forgive whatever idiotic scheme thatthe other man has cooked up. Almost.

“Whose baby is that?” Sebastianasks. He tries to keep calm and concentrates on how much he loves hisboyfriend. He knows that Sam has some questionable history when itcomes to his employment before working at Tea-Riffic. It’s inevitablewith a man of Sam’s military-taught skills and the need for money insuch a capitalist nation. But kidnapping isn’t something thatSebastian thinks that Sam has ever done before.

“Before? I dunno,” Sam shrugs, “Nowit’s ours,”

Sebastian can feel a headache forming.He reminds himself that he loves Sam with all his heart. Also thatmurder is illegal in civilized countries. “Sam…” Sebastiansighs, not sure where to begin his quickly lengthening list of thingsthat are wrong with this situation.

He’s cut off though, by Sam. “I foundthe kid in a dumpster on my way to work this morning,” Sam explainswith an expression that is mildly angry. Probably at whoever it wasthat left the baby in the dumpster in the first place. That’sSebastian’s guess, anyway. “We’re gonna keep it, it can’t be thathard to raise a kid,”

There’s so much wrong with what Sam issaying that Sebastian isn’t completely sure where to start at first.The look on Sam’s face, though, is one that’s expecting to be shotdown and is determined to argue things until he’s allowed what hewants. “The government rarely – if ever – lets gay men adoptchildren,” Sebastian says. He quickly continues when Sam opens hismouth to start arguing, “And even if we got a caseworker that waswilling to overlook that, I doubt our living together without beingmarried would help. I’m certain they prefer to foster and adoptchildren out to couples who are legally wed,” Sebastian thinksthat’s a good argument. It’s not that he’s against the two of themhaving children. He’s certain that they’d be excellent parents – ifa little unorthodox in some of their methods.

A light kindles in Sam’s eyes with amatching expression flashing onto the other man’s face. Itimmediately puts a jolt of worry into Sebastian’s stomach becausethat look on his boyfriend normally means that some sort of troubleis about to happen and Sebastian is going to be pulled into itwhether he likes it or not.

“I guess we’re getting married then,”Sam announces. “Call your brother and sister and tell them to gettheir asses down here so they can be our witnesses. We can get itdone at city hall … how soon are you able to get time off? Twoweeks in advance or is it three where you work?”

“Sam I don’t think-”

“Yeah it’s a bad idea. I’llcall your brother and sister. You feed Shitstain for me becausewhenever I put Garbage Brat down he starts crying so I haven’t beenable to since I got home – the damn cat nearly tripped me twice. Twice!” Sam is already heading towards the housephone is located and Sebastian’s heart jumps up into his throat.

“No! I’ll call them!” Sebastianexclaims and quickly jumps forward to block Sam’s path. He can onlyimagine how that kind of call would go between Sam and Julia orAndrew. Also who would survive their next meeting aftersuch a call. “You go and … sit. Somewhere. You’ve done enoughtoday. Go and sit down with … Jack. We’ll call him Jack.”

It almost looks like Sam is going toprotest for a moment, before he shrugs and says “I suppose that’s agood name too,” and turns to sit on one of the couches. Sebastianholds in a sigh of relief. He hadn’t been able to save the cat frombeing given a terrible name but at least the kid wasn’t dubbed withone.