#buckyxfem!reader

Your whole body felt like it was being pulled down to the earth, like gravity had increased tenfold just from the walk up to your apartment.

Your feet burned with a horrible vengeance, and all your mind could think about was climbing into bed and pulling the covers over your head. You worked as a waitress in a diner down the street.

Bucky continued to offer for you to move into the tower so you could quit your job and hang out while he was on missions. But you declined, wanting to keep making your own money. Yet sometimes, you wished you had taken him up on it.

As you turned the key in the lock, you immediately dropped your bag to the floor, toeing off your shoes without bothering to put them on the shoe rack Bucky had bought last month.

"Doll?" Bucky walked from behind the wall of the hallway, in a pair of grey sweatpants and his red henley. You attempted a smile, pulling your jacket from your shoulders and throwing it on the countertop in the kitchen.

Bucky noticed the dullness in your eyes, concerned by the way you didn't seem to look at him for long before heading over to the couch and plopping down onto the soft cushions. Usually you greeted him by jumping into his arms and giving him kisses all over.

Granted, Bucky had been gone on a three week mission up until yesterday. He wondered, what the hell happened in three weeks?

He knew you were somewhat struggling when he came back. The kitchen had piles of dishes in the sink, laundry hadn't been done in what looked like over two weeks and your fridge was completely empty. But he knew when you got busy, sometimes you got distracted with things, everyone did.

"Honey? Are you okay?" Walking over to you, he grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, and draped it over your frame. He sat on the coffee table and rested a hand on your arm as you laid on your side, staring at nothing.

"Y/n?" Bucky said a little more urgently, making you finally look up at him. You hummed, not knowing he even asked you anything.

Your boyfriends brows furrowed in even more concern, moving his hand to your jaw, feeling the sweat that dripped from your hairline. "Doll, did something happen?"

You seemed to realize Bucky's worry, straining to sit upright with a couple winces. You had worked a double shift, almost 13 hours and your whole body was on fire. "No, I'm sorry, I'm just so tired Buck."

"I can see that, doll."

You leaned forward, resting your head on his chest as you didn't have much strength to stay sitting up. He could feel the tight muscles in your back as he rubbed his hand up and down it. The heat from your forehead was radiating against his chest.

He placed a kiss on your hair, "How about lets get you in the bath and get you to bed."

You hummed again, "That sounds nice, babe."

"You can even sleep in tomorrow, I'll make you your favor-" You shook your head, cutting him off, "I gotta work tomorrow, Buck."

Bucky leaned back, making you look up at him. "Doll, look at you, you're in pain, I'm pretty sure you have a fever, and you can't even hold yourself up right."

You felt the familiar lump in your throat, making you blink back the tears that threatened to fall. "I can't call in, my boss will kill me and-" "Doll, what happened while I was gone? I thought you were only working part time?"

You rubbed your eyes, shaking your head. "Someone quit so I think the last day off I had was.." Your brows furrow as you think. "When did you leave for the mission with Steve?"

"Three weeks and two days ago, honey."

You nodded, "I haven't had a day off since two days after you left." The silence in the apartment is deafening as Bucky goes through it in his mind. "Doll, you're telling me you haven't had a day off in..twenty one days?" You take a deep breath, leaning your head on your hands as you sway a little bit, Bucky moving his hand to your side when he notices. "That sounds about right."

Bucky feels his stomach drop. He had checked in with you every couple of days on the mission. He wasn't supposed to have any contact at all from it being so classified, however Steve let him sneak it in, knowing he couldn't go that long without talking to you.

He hadn't known you were working every single day, and he didn't notice it was taking this much out of you. He feels horrible for not being there for you, for not taking care of you when he needed you most.

"Y/n," He lifts your head with his hands, stroking your flushed cheeks with his thumbs. "Why didn't you tell me? Why haven't you quit? You know we can move to the tower, you won't have to worry about-" "Buck, you know I love working." You spoke softly, your voice starting to crack.

"Honey, this is too much, you look like you could collapse at any moment." You closed your eyes, feeling his touch and leaning into it. "It's apart of my job, Bucky. I've been there too long to leave."

He knew he wouldn't be able to convince you, letting you fall into his chest before he wrapped you in his arms, carrying you to the bathroom. You winced, feeling your muscles ache with every shift of your weight.

He sat you on the counter, "Lean back, honey, can't have you falling on me." You nodded, closing your eyes and leaning back into the mirror as Bucky started the bath water, putting in some epsom salt and muscle relief foaming bath bubbles.

You must've fallen half asleep because the next time you open your eyes, Bucky is taking off your socks. Then leaning you forward to rest against his chest, he lifts your shirt and pulls it from your frame. Unhooking your bra next.

"Can you stand, doll? I needa' get these jeans off of you."

You nod, letting him help you put your feet on the floor as he kneels down and lets you rest your hands on his shoulders as he pulls down your pants and then panties.

Picking you up, he walks over to the bath and places you down in the water. You immediately feel the warm water soothe your body, moaning as your muscles relax for the first time in weeks.

Bucky fills up a cup, pouring the water over your hair before shampooing and conditioning it. He massages your scalp, making you groan from the tension headache slowly fading away. Next, he squirts some of your favorite body wash onto a rag, dragging it all along your body, rubbing your feet a little extra.

Bucky's hands leave your body once he's done rinsing the suds off. You open your eyes, grabbing his hand. "Where are you going?"

He turns back, kissing your forehead, "Just to get you some pajamas, doll."

You lean over, grabbing a towel before pulling yourself up shakily and wrapping it around yourself. Stepping out of the tub was difficult, but with both of your aching feet on the ground, you walked toward the bedroom, leaving some wet footprints on the way.

Bucky looks up when you enter, "Doll, I could've helped you-" You softly shush him, wrapping your hands around his neck and leaning up, "I forgot this when I came home." Closing your lips against his, you felt even more stress wash away. His mouth moved against yours in a soft yet wanting kiss, before parting.

Bucky smiled down at you, his blue eyes gazing lovingly into yours. "I missed you so much baby. I'm sorry i wasn't here." You shook your head, "You're here now, Buck. That's all that matters my love."

After getting you into a pair of his boxers and an oversized shirt, you and Bucky crawled into bed. He turned on some oldies, both of you soaking in the 40s' music as you laid in each others arms.

"Bucky?"

He looked down, "Yes, doll?" "I think I wanna take you up on your offer. Could we move into the tower, and can I quit my job?" He didn't say anything which made you start rambling, "I promise I can work for Tony, I'll even clean the residential floors for everyone, and I-"

"Doll, shhh," Bucky leaned up on his elbow, looking down at you. "You don't have to worry about any of that. Just focus on feeling better and taking care of yourself. I'll even take off of missions so we can spend a little more time together while you get situated." You placed a hand on Bucky's jaw, "You take such good care of me, love." Bucky let out a small laugh, "I gotta," He leaned down to kiss you, parting softly, "You're my best girl."

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The water moved in soft ruffles around you. Not quite making waves, however, moving from how your anxious legs swayed the water.

Shallow breaths and water hitting the porcelain tub softly were all you could hear. Your body was too overheated, your mind was racing and you could feel your heartbeat in your hands.

You didn't know where this sudden burst of anxiety and panic had risen from. Just that you couldn't get out of the water. Something was keeping you down. Making your body drown.

"Doll?" A sudden tap on the door knocked you out of your trance. You swallowed, your throat feeling like sandpaper against your tongue. "Y-yeah?" Your voice cracked, and you silently cursed knowing Bucky would notice. That super soldier hearing never lets you live anything down.

"You've been in there for a while." You heard him lean against the door, "Is everything alright?" You nodded, remembering as much as Bucky could hear you better than most, he definitely can't see through walls.

"Y-yes. I'm alright, just...uh." You tried to think. Any excuse would work. Bucky might not believe you but he would let the topic go. "Just needed some extra alone time tonight."

"Oh," Bucky mumbled through the door. "Okay, doll." You could feel the hurt in his voice. You didn't need alone time from him. You didn't need to be alone at all right now but he couldn't see you like this.

A sweaty, anxious, mess.

You didn't know how much time had passed. Your nails attempt to dig into the porcelain of the tub, but to no avail, you're only yourself in the process. "Sweetheart?" Bucky taps on the door once more, "Please talk to me." You try to speak, but only a mumble comes out. The bubbles in the bath are gone. Only leaving a white film on top of the now room-temperature water.

"Doll, I'm coming in." You attempt to refuse but nothing comes out as Bucky breaks the lock on the door, softly opening it. You can't look at him. You won't.

You keep your head forward, staring into the wall as you feel Bucky kneel beside you.

He can see how hard your nails are clutching onto the side of the tub, softly lifting your hand as you ball your fist. Your nails now digging into the skin of your palm; drawing blood.

"Hey, hey." Bucky unclenches your fist, letting your nails hurt his metal hand instead.

Using his flesh hand, he softly places a palm on your cheek, bringing your eyes to his. "Doll, what's going on? Talk to me." You shake your head, eyes falling closed as more tears adorn your already-flushed cheeks.

"Okay, that's okay." Bucky whispers, "But I need to get you out of this tub sweetheart." He doesn't need to feel the water to know you've been in the bath for far too long.

"Can I get you out, doll?" You slowly nod, your chin shaking with the sobs you so badly don't want to release.

Bucky mumbles an alright. Moving one of his arms under your legs, the other holding your back as you clutch onto his shirt.

He lifts you up, the water rolling off of your body and soaking his once-dry clothes. "I'm so sorry." You mumble, repeating it over and over as your body starts to shiver from the temperature difference. "Shhh, you're okay, sweetheart."

Bucky wraps a towel around the exposed side of your body, attempting to keep you warm as he brings you into your shared bedroom. "I'm gonna lay you down, doll."

You shake your head violently, clutching onto his henley even harder. "Please, please don't leave me."

Bucky sits down with you still in his arms on the bed, your legs now lying over his as he holds you. "I won't. I promise, sweetheart I'm not leaving."

You both sit there for a moment, tears falling from your eyes, him rocking you back and forth as an old record played from the living room.

You start to feel a weight lift off your chest, your heartbeat calming slightly at the touch of Bucky's arms on yours. You start to speak, wanting to explain yourself when Bucky shushes you. "You don't have to explain sweetheart." He kisses the crown of your head, your hair still wet. "You can talk when you're ready." You nod, continuously wondering how you found someone so caring and endearing. "I just..." You looked up at Bucky, his blue eyes shining down at you with such love. "I felt like I was drowning." He nods, "Sometimes we can't help but drown, doll."