Alrighty ya'll, I am super tired, and I literally just threw this snippet together, but it is part of the noted NFL Buck plan. Here is some more Buck perspective before coming to LA. (Everything NFL Buck can be found here!)
Somehow, he and Eddie went almost eight months without having the whole Buck not being out in public discussion. There had been some tossed away comments, 'I'm just your dirty little secret.' and 'What would the fans think if they knew pretty boy Buckley liked to suck cock?' and even 'Apparently you're the schools most eligible bachelor. If they only knew.' But no actual conversations.
To Buck it was a hypocritical unspoken agreement between, him, Eddie, and the handful of people who did know. Let the world see Evan Buckley as the handsome, college football star, bachelor who isn't looking for true commitment with a woman at the moment. Once the door to it all is closed, he is Buck, bi-sexual college student who was deeply in love with a single father paramedic with the most amazing kid. The very man, who used to be so very deep in the closet and was still working through his well ingrained internalized homophobia, that Buck called him out on all those months.
Buck shouted and cried and spewed out every part of his heartbreak. Each lash of pain he felt when Eddie failed to hide his disgust and panic at Buck's physical affection. The misery he pushed away each time the paramedic hesitated to return it. All the extra weight he took in his heart for Eddie because Buck could see how the ex-solider tore himself up by being with him while the internal voices of his upbringing raged within him about the wrongness of it. Then with one last ragged breath, Buck ended their lopsided two month relationship that was hurting them both.
The break up was less than 24 hours, but Eddie came back with the commitment to be with Buck and to be better. Six months later and there Eddie was, still with the college quarterback, sharing his son and his life with him, and making an effort every day to be proud openly gay man. Eddie was being better.
And yet, Eddie never once called Buck out on his unwillingness to be out himself or the effort the younger man puts into keeping their relationship a secret. It had Buck twisted in immense guilt and anxiety. He just kept waiting for the day Eddie would project all his own heartache and anger at Buck for being a hypocritical asshole. So far it hasn't happened and Buck spiraled further each day it didn't.
Eventually, he broke, Buck always did when all the remorse and nerves became too heavy. He just wished the dam of emotional turmoil didn't burst while Eddie's mouth was inches away from Buck's half hard cock. And he really wished the end of his internal spiral didn't present itself with the statement, "I hate this."
Getting the mindset of a man who isn't closeted to those he trusts, but needs to be to the rest of the world. This will also be the set up into the agreement of their secret relationship that's been brought up in the past. Hope you all enjoyed!
Tagging (no pressure): @bekkachaos @diazsdimples @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @eddiebabygirldiaz @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @rainbow-nerdss @spaceprincessem @fortheloveofbuddie @athenagranted @eddiescowboy @evanbegins @elvensorceress @malewifediaz @911onabc @911-on-abc @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @try-set-me-on-fire @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @watchyourbuck @thekristen999 @shortsighted-owl @spagheddiediaz @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @eowon @princessfbi @honestlydarkprincess @vampbuckley @bitchfacediaz @buck-coded @housewifebuck @glorious-spoon @buddierights @prosperdemeter2 @gayedmundodiaz @lemonzestywrites
